08-22-2013, 02:24 PM
What does guilt mean to you?
I agree that there are 2 kinds of guilt: justified (healthy) and unjustified (unhealthy).
Healthy guilt is that which comes from inside. It is our conscience letting us know that we did something that's not in alignment with our highest values.
Healthy guilt should be listened to, not suppressed or ignored. It's our conscience trying to tell us something. It's an opportunity to learn from our 'mistakes' and make better choices next time. It's also an opportunity for self-reflection, healing, making amends, and forgiveness of self and other-self.
Unhealthy guilt, on the other hand, is imposed by others, and might be entirely misplaced. A good example is a religious parent telling their adolescent son that he should be ashamed for exploring his own body. The young boy then experiences shame and guilt that is entirely unnecessary and therefore damaging, all because of his parents' religious hangups. Exploring his own body is natural and should never evoke feelings of shame or guilt.
If that same boy steals something and feels a pang of guilt, that is healthy. Big difference!
When do you find yourself feeling guilty?
If I inadvertently hurt someone.
What do you do with those feelings of guilt?
I try to make amends...communicate...apologize, etc. It's not enough to just feel remorse. It's important to correct our mistakes if possible, or at least communicate our remorse to the person we hurt, and try to make amends as best we can.
THEN, after those steps are taken, it's time to forgive ourselves and let it go.
Many people skip the making amends step and try to go straight to forgiveness, but if they do that, they aren't very effective at forgiving because the catalyst was wasted...they didn't learn whatever the experience was trying to teach them. By reflecting on our mistake, we can learn from it and then release the catalyst through forgiveness along with resolve to do better next time. That's the whole point. If we just try to suppress our natural feelings of remorse, nothing is accomplished.
How useful has guilt been in your journey?
Very useful. However, there have been times when I had a difficult time forgiving myself, even after the lesson was learned and amends made. This had to do with lack of self-love.
I agree that there are 2 kinds of guilt: justified (healthy) and unjustified (unhealthy).
Healthy guilt is that which comes from inside. It is our conscience letting us know that we did something that's not in alignment with our highest values.
Healthy guilt should be listened to, not suppressed or ignored. It's our conscience trying to tell us something. It's an opportunity to learn from our 'mistakes' and make better choices next time. It's also an opportunity for self-reflection, healing, making amends, and forgiveness of self and other-self.
Unhealthy guilt, on the other hand, is imposed by others, and might be entirely misplaced. A good example is a religious parent telling their adolescent son that he should be ashamed for exploring his own body. The young boy then experiences shame and guilt that is entirely unnecessary and therefore damaging, all because of his parents' religious hangups. Exploring his own body is natural and should never evoke feelings of shame or guilt.
If that same boy steals something and feels a pang of guilt, that is healthy. Big difference!
When do you find yourself feeling guilty?
If I inadvertently hurt someone.
What do you do with those feelings of guilt?
I try to make amends...communicate...apologize, etc. It's not enough to just feel remorse. It's important to correct our mistakes if possible, or at least communicate our remorse to the person we hurt, and try to make amends as best we can.
THEN, after those steps are taken, it's time to forgive ourselves and let it go.
Many people skip the making amends step and try to go straight to forgiveness, but if they do that, they aren't very effective at forgiving because the catalyst was wasted...they didn't learn whatever the experience was trying to teach them. By reflecting on our mistake, we can learn from it and then release the catalyst through forgiveness along with resolve to do better next time. That's the whole point. If we just try to suppress our natural feelings of remorse, nothing is accomplished.
How useful has guilt been in your journey?
Very useful. However, there have been times when I had a difficult time forgiving myself, even after the lesson was learned and amends made. This had to do with lack of self-love.