(03-10-2010, 04:23 PM)origin Wrote: What I should reveal is that our relationship, in a larger sense, has evolved in many ways since we've been together (going on 6 years now). In our first two years together, we worked through some huge blockages---I could barely even have sex with him---everything felt shameful, dirty and guilt-ridden. Luckily, we got over this hurdle, but back then we could barely make love without me being brought to tears (and not in a positive way). We have positively had breakthroughs and I suppose that it is always, as you mentioned, a process.
Then you are doing great! To overcome the shame association with sex, and get to the point where it is enjoyable at all, in just 6 years is quite an accomplishment! That is HUGE! Many people (more commonly women, I would presume) live their entire lives struggling with this issue.
In many cases, the women were either abused as children, or brought up in a religious environment in which sex was viewed as 'dirty' or brought in some past life baggage (from puritanical times or some other religious stigma) or a combination of all of the above. This is some heavy stuff! Religious programming can be very deep, so if you have already cleared a lot of that in just 6 years, I think you should give yourself (and your mate) a hug of appreciation! Congratulations!
To go from guilt-ridden sex to open, free lovemaking is a beautiful transformation indeed. Be patient with yourself as you heal from whatever it was that caused you to feel guilt/shame about something so free and beautiful.
Suggestion: If you do happen to know the root of it, actively choose to forgive whoever negatively affected your views/feelings about sex. While that(those) person(s) might not seem at all connected to your present concerns, and you may even feel that the past issues of shame/guilt are long resolved, there may still be a connection there that could be rippling out to your present concerns.
For example, the ex-boyfriend I mentioned (the one who was addicted to porn) affected me (how could he not?) and actively forgiving him had a huge impact on the relationship that came afterwards.
Miraculously, I somehow escaped shame issues even though I was brought up Catholic, but I know some of my sisters weren't so lucky, (Must have been that my Pagan past lives prevailed, ha!) But the battles with a porn-addicted boyfriend was a major catalyst in my case.
Whatever the reason, the solution is always the same: Forgiveness of self and other-self. And, if I may suggest, gratitude and appreciation for how much you and your mate have accomplished thus far!
(03-10-2010, 04:23 PM)origin Wrote: I have to admit that I've been going through a more intense period of self-discovery since the year began. I've been strengthening myself and actually learning to love myself more.
Wonderful!
(03-10-2010, 04:23 PM)origin Wrote: This has really been the biggest blockage that I've been going through for many years; I continue to work through this every day.
Loving and nurturing myself has been a huge issue for me as well!