The elephant in the room.

[Unbound]

"The Abyss is guarded by the demon Choronzon, who manifests during the third, ceremonial method of crossing this gulf. He represents those parts of one's consciousness and unconsciousness -- "a momentary unity capable of sensation and of expression," in Crowley's terms[9] -- that are unwilling or unable to enter the Divine. "

"Choronzon - is Existential Self at the last gasp...Beyond Choronzon we are no longer our Self. The "personality" on the brink of the Abyss will do anything, say anything and find any excuse to avoid taking this disintegrating step into "non-being.""

One who fails to cross the abyss becomes a black brother, obsessed with the idea that their own ego is the highest state of being.

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Look at your own words and you tell me. I don't believe anyone can determine another's polarity, Ra has said this.

However, this one part says much - "I will defy the universe if I have to if my will is made forbidden."

Why would obedience be a requirement in a supposedly unconditionally loving universe? Why would resistance be put down like a government against its own people?

Aha! A wall will stop a force because that is its nature as a wall. There is no obedience required, and there is nothing truly to resist against except the self.

There is an order to the universe, and the nature of that order does what it does in accordance with its nature.

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"Why should one be obligated to some supposed journey set out in one universe?"

Why did you choose to come here to take the journey? Why did you choose to incarnate? Why did you choose to play a role in this universe?

Why did you choose to play the polarity game?

All your questions are answered when you remember why you made the choices you have.