The Frustration of not being able to Serve

[AnthroHeart]

Is it not enough to be of service through mere being, a passive radiator? There is good will, then there is a desire to control the environment.. the latter I would categorize as negative. Not only that, the pain it causes benefits neither you nor your brethren/sistren.

This rings true for me. I don't feel especially called to serve in any outward way. If life takes a course where I am obligated to serve, I shall do so without hesitation. But I do serve in my own way, by helping my mother carry her wheelchair to places when she needs it to go out. That's about the extent of my service. But I feel fine at this point in my life. My life feels fulfilled, even if I haven't done much. Sure I have lessons I can always learn, but I don't feel like my guide is prodding me to do more. I don't really feel my guide's presence. So hard to say how he or she is helping me. So I don't feel pain for not serving more, because I don't feel like my guide is calling me to do so. Perhaps this life is for one of relaxing more. Albeit I will have to work soon again. But I've had 6 months of relaxing from any work. Kind of an extended vacation. Haven't done much at home during this time. Served my mom when the need arises.