Crying over humanity

[Plenum]

I have found myself depressed, almost to the point of tears, and far beyond that point in the last 3 months or so. The truth is that I know why, but I don't know how to deal with it. The feeling (and conscious/unconscious decision) is that I'm taking in the suffering around me, in order to relieve it from others. However, I worry that it's actually starting to affect my ability to serve, at work and at home, such that I start to feel like I'm being lazy and letting others serve me where I want to serve them.

So my little rant is actually more about how other wanderers deal with it. I know I'm not the only passive radiator that was incarnated to be bogged down by taking on suffering.

How have you learned to recognize when you have taken too much? How have you learned when your armor has been weakened? How have you learned to hold back the psychic attacks that are preventing you from doing more (I'm actually not sure if the psychic attacks or the taking on of suffering is draining more energy)? Is this all about learning to balance compassion and wisdom, and I'm just not fully there yet? Is it time yet that I can shed this chemical body and do more (I'm so tired; beyond all I have known up to this point)? How can I continue when I'm so tired, but have so much youth left to use?

on the surface, it doesn't feel like anything makes sense, does it?

all the wars, all the hunger, all the poverty

and closer to home, all the domestic violence, all the bullying in schools, all the exploitations in the workplace.

and yet ... is there meaning behind all this?

did the Creator choose these various experiences for itself so that it learn certain lessons?

I mean, if you look at your own life, does it make any sense? is there pattern, is there a structure to the way your life has unfolded? have you met various people at the 'right time', had various experiences at 'the right time', had your life move 'forward' in different shifts?

if you can take it on faith that your own life has an unfolding, a catalytic process to it, then maybe you can reach the point where you can extend this faith to others' live's; and that what you see as surface events in their life, the pain and the difficulties, that this too, is driven by a self-chosen catalytic process.

yes, this is capital f 'Faith'; faith in a benevolent universe, faith in the second distortion of an All Encompassing Love that moves and turns all the light in the cosmos.

no-one can ever convince or demonstrate this faith to another. This is the type of faith that occurs when one looks up into the night sky, sees the same abundance of stars that everyone else sees, and yet ... and yet, one seems brighter than another. One draws the attention more than another. And that one star, my friend, is your personal Star of Hope. If you can find that, you will never be lost on this human journey again. It will lead you, unerringly, to the places you need to go inside to re-align the powerful light inside.

and that light is what you are here to shine

peace,

brother plenum