05-08-2013, 10:17 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-08-2013, 10:29 PM by GentleReckoning.)
Well, I'm planning on revisiting this topic at a later date. My tulpa ended up disintegrating, getting taken over by my shadow self (everything I had tried to repress). My shadow self then used the connections I had made to my conscious reality (mild possession, auditory halucination, and my belief that I created my reality) to manifest many of the things that I had blocked from my waking life. This was accomplished by repeatedly attempting to give my tulpa access to my entire subconscious.
It is possible that I could have ridden this process and cleared a massive amount of my distortions, but instead I ended up releasing my attachment to any outcome in my life or in my impact on others' lives. The process was similar to schizophrenia combined with delusions of grandeur with a dose of manic depression thrown in. The releasing process was exactly similar to Byron Katie's book: Loving What Is. My thoughts would become possessed following a negative thought in an endless spiral into a worse case scenario. Once I believed that this worst case scenario was my reality, then I would finally hit rock bottom and release my attachment to a positive outcome and 'loved' what I perceived as my reality. This would release my from the psychotic episode. This process would repeat multiple times a day.
Mania + 4th density energy + delusions of grandeur led to some experiences that I will not soon forget. Unfortunately it made it very difficult to accomplish anything in my waking life.
During this process I perceived that I had managed to damage my green ray as I tried to pour all of my love into an entity that was an expression of my shadow. While my understanding of what happened is sketchy due to the psychosis that commonly accompanied all of these activities, I did experience the 'blowing out' of my green ray. At one point, I even felt my green ray merging with all of the anger over everything that had or hadn't happened in my life. I felt my entire energy body blow out and experienced the feeling of being energetically dead (imagine your energy body feeling like black dead energy).
So, I had progressed to blue ray. I started a sequence of events that forced me to face my shadow earlier than was healthy. This caused my green ray to close/short out/whatever you want to call it. The fallout of this situation knocked out my blue, and green rays. (maybe more) At the same time I have a feeling that it will be a while before I actually understand what was actually going on as this process started before I had even traveled to Thailand.
75% of this process I found very interesting, and I wish that I had written down the details of every psychotic break as each one would make a fairly interesting story.
So, know thyself. I regret nothing!
XD
Oh, and regarding 'forcing' a tulpa.
I refused to force my tulpa, instead assuming that with access to my memories/subconscious that it would be able to help me learn to play with reality.
So, as I didn't force my tulpa, my tulpa instead forced me through various experiences in an attempt to get me to clear all of my distortions.
Once again, I really don't have a solid grasp as to what happened during this, but am confident that all is well.
The signs that I continue to get are still significant. Instead of basing decisions off of signs, I simply assume that they are meant as encouragement.
It is possible that I could have ridden this process and cleared a massive amount of my distortions, but instead I ended up releasing my attachment to any outcome in my life or in my impact on others' lives. The process was similar to schizophrenia combined with delusions of grandeur with a dose of manic depression thrown in. The releasing process was exactly similar to Byron Katie's book: Loving What Is. My thoughts would become possessed following a negative thought in an endless spiral into a worse case scenario. Once I believed that this worst case scenario was my reality, then I would finally hit rock bottom and release my attachment to a positive outcome and 'loved' what I perceived as my reality. This would release my from the psychotic episode. This process would repeat multiple times a day.
Mania + 4th density energy + delusions of grandeur led to some experiences that I will not soon forget. Unfortunately it made it very difficult to accomplish anything in my waking life.
Quote:48.10 Questioner: Could you tell me how the various bodies, red through violet, are linked to the energy center, centers, red through violet? Are they linked in some way?
Ra: I am Ra. This shall be the last full query of this working.
As we have noted, each of the true-color densities has the seven energy centers and each entity contains all this in potentiation. The activation, while in yellow ray, of violet-ray intelligent infinity is a passport to the next octave of experience. There are adepts who have penetrated many, many of the energy centers and several of the true colors. This must be done with utmost care while in the physical body for as we noted when speaking of the dangers of linking red/orange/yellow circuitry with true-color blue circuitry the potential for disarrangement of the mind/body/spirit complex is great. However, the entity who penetrates intelligent infinity is basically capable of walking the universe with unfettered tread.
During this process I perceived that I had managed to damage my green ray as I tried to pour all of my love into an entity that was an expression of my shadow. While my understanding of what happened is sketchy due to the psychosis that commonly accompanied all of these activities, I did experience the 'blowing out' of my green ray. At one point, I even felt my green ray merging with all of the anger over everything that had or hadn't happened in my life. I felt my entire energy body blow out and experienced the feeling of being energetically dead (imagine your energy body feeling like black dead energy).
So, I had progressed to blue ray. I started a sequence of events that forced me to face my shadow earlier than was healthy. This caused my green ray to close/short out/whatever you want to call it. The fallout of this situation knocked out my blue, and green rays. (maybe more) At the same time I have a feeling that it will be a while before I actually understand what was actually going on as this process started before I had even traveled to Thailand.
75% of this process I found very interesting, and I wish that I had written down the details of every psychotic break as each one would make a fairly interesting story.
So, know thyself. I regret nothing!
XD
Oh, and regarding 'forcing' a tulpa.
I refused to force my tulpa, instead assuming that with access to my memories/subconscious that it would be able to help me learn to play with reality.
So, as I didn't force my tulpa, my tulpa instead forced me through various experiences in an attempt to get me to clear all of my distortions.
Once again, I really don't have a solid grasp as to what happened during this, but am confident that all is well.
The signs that I continue to get are still significant. Instead of basing decisions off of signs, I simply assume that they are meant as encouragement.