Death

[AnthroHeart]

I've had my grandma and great grandma die. Though I wasn't really close to them, so it didn't upset me. There were a number of times I thought I was dying, and I welcomed it as it was peaceful. But that was my mind and my schizophrenia lying to me. There were times where I longed for death. But I don't want to die violently or painfully. I had even pondered suicide a few times in my life. But I realized it would be a bad idea. One time it was because I was ashamed of what I had done. Another time I pondered it because I was afraid that I was being dragged to hell and wanted to stop that process. But I survived through the experience. I haven't had a lot of trauma in my life fortunately, but I often get random thoughts of suicide.