The Choice

[Ankh]

Dang! I have some problems now, with faith...

I made this Choice about 4 weeks now, and then I experienced this Archetype in my own, unique way. (I've been meaning to write about it, but it hasn't happened yet.)

Anyways, when I experienced this Archetype after I've made this Choice, there was no "faith" about anything, there was a knowingness, while experiencing this Archetype. Now, 4 weeks later, I'm back in "reality" so to speak, and I have problems with faith. To complicate things a little bit, I made this same Choice about 3 years ago now, just before finding Ra. The same thing happened back then - there was a knowingness in that moment - but then... I didn't keep walking down that road, because of the doubts, and no faith in what I decided. I didn't have any conscious understanding of what was happening back then either, and so... I was back at the same "crossroad" 3 years later, which happened 4 weeks ago as I said.

I was born and lived in an opened heart for the first of my 7 years, and then my life changed. Due to the traumatic changes that followed after these first seven years, I don't trust the Creator in the aspect of love and service to others. And I have difficulties because of this right now, after making this choice.

I realized today, that faith is not just a little aspect of one Archetype, but really needs my full attention for the moment.

I don't have problems with faith in many other aspects, like invoking Higher Self, talking to unseen friends, family and teachers, or evoking great force of Light, or whatever you want to call it, but in this little, tiny aspect of this greater All, I have problems... When Ra says "moment contains love", my reaction is - really?? Are you sure?? Where?? Can you show me??

Well, now I decided that I will give a lot of attention/focus to this aspect of this Archetype, and one way of doing this is to use my will. So from now on, I decided to say this little prayer, every day, as often as I can:

I put my Faith in Love and Service to All.

I put my Faith in Love and Service to All.

I put my Faith in Love and Service to All.

And yet, even the opening of the heart requires some faith, though perhaps microcosmic: we must learn to trust each other without absolute evidence that the other-self is trustworthy. This is the raw beginnings of the perception that All are One.

I have been thinking more and more about what you said here. And I think you're right. Because of my traumatic past, I do have issues with trusting others. How do I know they won't hurt me? How do I know they won't take advantage of me? etc. etc. Opening the heart and putting your life in hands of service to others, is all about faith for me right now...