why did you come to planet Earth?

[Unbound]

Hmm, Im not sure that question can be answered in terms of ease.

The dark path was endless struggle, and endless uphill battle against one's own truest nature, and thus one suffers continously. I have died many times, in many horrific ways, and killed others in perhaps worse ways. I have waged war, walked the battlefields of blood, destruction and power and had endless flingings of curses (many of which I have had to work to unbind myself from in this life). I have gained and lost power time and time again and tried in every manner to achieve my own absolute power with futile effort.

When I was on the dark path, I did not recognize these things. I was so obsessed with my visions, my ambitions, myself that nothing else except my own existence was meaningless, and even my own existence was but a tool for my ultimate desire for ceasing, to return all to nothingness and end what I saw as a purposeless existence. I destroyed both light and dark alike, nothing was all that was sacred.

This path began in pain, began with my own mortal tortures, and the fragmentation of my consciousnes. The path of darkness begins with a severence of the self from all others, to the extent that all others are seen only as pawns to be moved in to place within the self. It began with the LOSS OF LOVE. I did not walk the dark path always, but I fell and descended in to the very pits of the Abyss through my own rejection. I was deeply in love, but then I drank the waters of forgetfulness for the first time and lost myself, and forgot my love, and became the Beast of Beasts.

Then, as I began to remember, as I came back to my senses over many lives, I grew in sorrow, I grew in shame and guilt, and eventually desired my own ceasing so much that I sank lower and lower until all there was was Nothingness. Yet, even there, I did not cease to be, for though I rejected myself, the love that ever remembered me called to me, called and called until suddenly... I awoke in this body.

At first, I clung to my old ways, to the seeds of darkness in my mind, but that was no longer my true path, and slowly the fantasies and delusions slipped away to reveal pristine truth. I had followed the negative path and gone to its end, realize absolute Creatorhood and used it to end my existence, to become Nothing, to cease, and yet, I still AM.

This was the dissolution of the ultimate illusion of self, that was the illusion of my own power. The illusion of control.

I realized that I am not the Infinite Creator in its entirety, but a portion. That I am the Infinite Creator, but so is everything and everyone else, and therefore, I am not the greatest power in existence. That there is a nature that accomodates my every selfish desire without judging me, without hating me or stopping me, and I does this with everyone.

I stopped being jealous of the Creators love for others, and stopped hiding from its love for me. It could no longer be justified by power. I could no longer reject the part of myself that is the "other".

So, what is the difficulty of the path of light I now strive to walk (for it is always a striving)? The release of myself, my ego and everything I thought I am. I have to face the enourmous shadow I have cast and reintegrate it in to my being. I have had to let go of my desires, my lusts, my fascinations and fantasies which are in denial of the eternal truth. I have had to let go of my very identity, my very individual existence and make the ultimate self sacrifice to awaken myself to the Truth. I had to let myself die, that I may be reborn in the Light, and the death of my ego opened up a field of infinite potential that I had long since forgotten.

My task now is to remember so fully that I shall never forget again, that I may once again experience the love that I forgot time and time again. I am doing so, and it is both wonderful and more terrifying than any darkness I have ever faced. I can handle the darkness and the despair, but this love and light excites and inspires me in a way that I have only just begun to comprehend once again.

I was lost, and now I am found, and it was Love that found me.