Sexual addiction! and Male-Female energy roles/energies

[Monica]

Being single, I masturbate.

I'd like to clarify here that my comments were about my feelings when the boyfriend indulged in porn while in a relationship with me. I would have had no problem with it had he been single! In my view, there is a huge difference.

Also, I was offering the comments from my perspective only, as another point of view to be considered. I intended no judgement towards anyone!

And, in my view, porn is an entirely different issue from masturbation. Although they obviously often overlap, they don't necessarily have to overlap. Masturbation can be done in a sacred, sacramental way, activating the higher chakras, especially in the case of those who are single. (Self-love or self-lust?)

I don't think I ever would have minded a boyfriend masturbating when I wasn't around to pleasure him. It was the use of the porn that bothered me. In my view, he was introducing another element, 2-dimensional people, into what I saw as an intimate relationship between us. Because I did feel love for him, my heart chakra was open. I felt that his use of porn (and going to strip clubs) was somehow taking advantage of my openness and robbing my energy. It felt like a violation. I would not have felt that way had he just masturbated but without props.

He told me it was nothing personal and that 'all' men see it that way. I disagreed and still do. I had to work thru my feelings of resentment towards him and even towards the women who feed this industry.

This was many years ago and I've matured in my views since then, but I remember the hurt very clearly and just wanted to offer an account of it, to show how something so seemingly benign might affect one's partner. Reading Ra's explanation of sexual energy transfer helped me tremendously to reconcile my past hurt and forgive that ex-boyfriend, as well as have more compassion for men in general.

(I don't want to sound sexist here - I'm sure there are undoubtedly women who struggle with these issues too - I just don't know any so can't comment on that. It's obviously more predominate among men, and the Law of One explains why.)

Believe me, I would much prefer a monogamous loving mated relationship, but that is not where I am at right now (None seem to want a 44 year old man with nothing but a beautiful daughter).

You just haven't found her yet! You just might be surprised and meet her when the time is right! Have faith in the goodness of other-selves who will see beyond the superficial. Just as you have changed, why wouldn't some woman also change? (Just a suggestion to be open to the possibility! )

I have tried the abstaining thing, but then I heard Wayne Dyer or someone comment on "horny monk syndrome" which I seemed to be becoming, and since abstinence wasn't really helping me on my spiritual path, I resumed being less tense.

I think the whole idea of abstinence was perpetuated by religious leaders to control and manipulate their priests. Sexually frustrated men (and women!) are easier to humiliate and guilt-trip, and thus to control. I see absolutely no value in such denial of natural urges. Remember, Q'uo has stated that the orgasmic experience was given to us as a gift, in order to give us a taste of divine bliss while separated by the veil. It can be a purely physical release, or it can be a momentary (or longer) piercing of the veil and thus a glimpse into the divine, whether alone or with a partner.

There aren't just 2 options here. It needn't be a choice between 'jerking off to smut' or total abstinence! There is a 3rd option for those who are single! I invite you to explore Taoist sexual practices. Whereas Christian priests were expected to remain celibate but were not given any tools to help them accomplish that, resulting in frustration, denial, and often perversion, Taoist monks were often taught the art of circulating their sexual energies when they didn't have the benefit of a partner. Their choice of celibacy meant having no partner, not necessarily having no sex! Furthermore, having sex didn't necessarily mean being fixated on the genitals! There are ways to circulate that energy, thus providing blissful experience and divine bliss, that do not involve genital release.

There are many books and resources available which are reintroducing these ancient practices. One of my husband's very dear friends is a teacher of these practices. (He's in Mexico but if anyone would like his contact info, please let me know.) Some of the teachers, like Mantek Chia, go a bit far in the structured, systematic approach. I'm a married female so I really cannot give any opinion about the different approaches, other than to say that, in my opinion, they aren't necessary. All that is necessary is your intention. If your intention is to make the experience a sacramental one based on love rather than objectification of someone you don't know and will never meet, and you focus on exploration of your own body in a reverent manner, remembering that it is the temple of your soul, that is sufficient to raise the energy to the heart and thus clear chakra blockages. Certainly those who have a partner have an advantage, but much spiritual work can be done sexually by those who are single.

If one is in a honest loving relationship, porn is simply not required.

Agreed!!! Nice to hear that from a man!

Of course, not every relationship is perfect. I ended up using porn while in my last relationship. There were many sexual problems as well as her mental health and addiction problems. She was unable to emanate and connect green ray (except for the one time my daughter was conceived, and it almost destroyed her mentally). I was the first man to ever give her an orgasm she told me and she took a very intense liking to having it NOW. She desired orgasm so much it would happen for her in about three minutes, and then she was done, leaving me unfulfilled. It was simply a pleasurable experience to her, without love and intimacy. She simply would not have sex except at a time specified by her, and I eventually ceased trying to initiate. Times required perfect circumstances, and sex was only "allowed" about every three days. This is but a handful of the sexual problems. I say sex, because I made love to her, but she had sex with me. Eventually, I just began satisfying myself.

Wow, she clearly had some blockages! I commend you for your efforts! But it's difficult to make love to someone who is seeking only to serve herself/himself. Be good to yourself. Forgive yourself. There is no reason to feel any guilt over your use of porn during that difficult time. From your description, it sounds like you were both working out some karmic issues. It's entirely different when green ray is activated and both partners are serving and giving to the other, and want their partner to be pleasured instead of just themselves. I think people are attracted to mere lustful release in an effort to find what they are seeking: sexual energy exchange as an expression of love and service to the other-self.

I think there is "better" porn to watch, and it is my moral choice to watch that. I don't know if a woman can understand that or not, in my circumstances, but that is my take on this.

Well here is one woman who does!

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Part of how all this happened, was that, she was very lustful, and I just wanted love, and she just wanted sex.

Contrary to stereotypes, this shows that it's not always the man who is the one stuck in the lust mode!

not that it's her fault, that's all she knew!

Exactly.

and even if it wasn't, you want what you want, and I am responsible for my own choices. Alas, I felt pushed away and hurt, to be honest, my emotional state is very fragile, I warned her in the beggining that I was weak, that it was unwise for me to fall in love, she has hurt me to the core of my being quite a few times, and I still hold a fair amount of resentment towards her

As we near Harvest, more and more 4D light is penetrating our 3D reality, and this is bringing up many old karmic issues so that we can resolve them. According to the Law of One, forgiveness is the key to neutralizing karma. I know it's difficult to forgive when someone has hurt you. Just making the choice to forgive her, even if you don't yet feel it, is an important first step! A cornerstone tenet of the Law of One is to find the love in the present moment. Each time you consciously choose love and forgiveness, you are reinforcing your choice, and eventually the resentment will be replaced by love and compassion.

It might help to realize how much joy and fulfillment she is missing out on. Perhaps she is suffering too, but in a different way that might not be apparent to you. Obsession with lower-chakra sex indicates an emptiness inside, a yearning for love and cosmic union. It might be easier to forgive her when you realize just how empty and unfulfilling this may actually be for her. She might not be conscious of it. This is where she's at.

and she knows all of this of course, I have painstakingly expressed these things a thousand times, and she never seemed to really care until about 3-4 days ago oddly enough.

That happened with that ex-boyfriend of mine, the one who was addicted to porn and strip clubs. After dumping me, and then I finally became strong and didn't need him anymore, he wanted me back. I think he was attracted to my newfound awareness.

Likewise, this woman might be sensing in you the changes you are experiencing, and part of her yearns for it.

(Needless to say, I didn't take the guy back.)

love all these wonderful varied perspectives, I am very glad I came here. This is definitely my home.

We are happy to have you! Thank you for sharing such personal issues. Undoubtedly this thread will be helpful to many!

I invite you to explore the Law of One and the other Confederation channeled sessions. There is much there regarding sexuality.