How do you tell people their work is of poor quality?

[Adonai One]

Here's what I sent:

"First off: I love what you stand for. Your editing philosophy and your philosophy on service has my admiration. In fact, it comes with some remorse when I heavily revise your contributions because I see you are trying add a lot of detail.

Let me explain why I heavily revise, reduce and simplify your edits on Redacted: They are often very verbose and technical especially for the lead. As per the Manual of Style, the lead should be a brief summary and easily digested by most readers. In fact, you added information that was already stated in the same paragraph. The detail should be left for the rest of the article and it is mostly already there especially in the protocol section.

An encyclopedia isn't just technical documentation but a general reference that can be easily read by anyone. I appreciate your work but keep in mind that Wikipedia isn't only about putting information on a page but making it accessible for everyone.

Thank you for your service!"