The influences of Lucifer and Ahriman

[Avocado]

Well I kinda "checked" myself today through contemplating this thread. I realize that everyone who reads the LOO is working with a different internal model of it. Thus we are separate in that regard, but the same in our interest. I was playing the game of being in the role of "Oh, I'm done with the Ra Material", Bullpucky! That was a defense mechanism. I'm still interested in it.

As it stands, the greatest difference between my current model and my model I built off the LOO is that I don't use STS/STO. It just doesn't work for me.

I see now that much of my current model fits right in with the LOO. An example is how I now work with freewill. I am now a determined being without freewill. In this mode, I still have choice, but I recognize choice as illusion. In my former model (that I associated with the LOO) freewill was the first distortion, and so I was a being with freewill. But wait! Freewill is a distortion, thus being a determined being is still congruent with the LOO. See, they are just different planes that we can experience things from. Being a determined being has freed me so much, my heart tells me to use this model. I am extricating myself from roles in consciousness. Maybe at some point, having freewill will be more appropriate, but for now I chose to not have freewill. har har har funny thing to choose.

Another thing was densities. I don't use them anymore. I just divide nature into physical, astral, causal. And behind nature is the void. It's just a different map. I like it more because I like smaller numbers.

For me I felt unbalanced by reading this forum and so I took a break. Saying I'm going to participate less is not being present. That was another role that I can do away with "I'm going to participate less because this website and the LOO makes me feel unbalanced" Bullpucky! Defense mechanisms! I know my limits, no need for these extra games.

all this information is the same as the LOO or any other information out there

there is an STS and STO, light and dark polarity in all of you, and it is represented by the masculine or the feminine, caduceus vs oroboros, push and pull, love and light

i honestly think with all of my heart that all of these distortions teaching the one truth are really pointless, why do they have to make these dumb analogies to make it easy to misinterpret. and this whole world can get so complicated, when it is really just about being in peace. and learning what you can when you are not in peace. i call it left brain or the pull side, or right brain the push side, it's all the same crap.

how did it all get so complicated? we are one. why is that so hard. why? I don't get it anymore. i am getting completely lost to duality thinking now. i think.

The influences of Lucifer and Ahriman is not a spectrum as I originally said and so it's not a polar thing. It's a balance thing, it's a scale. Instead of being at either end of a magnet, you are working with a scale that is either tipped in one way or the other, or balanced on it's fulcrum. As TheEternal said, where the fulcrum is placed varies from individual to individual.

At least, that's how I'm using it.

I'm glad I could reword it to accurately describe it. That's just more practice using left brain consciousness. English is not my strongest subject.

Blatz, I can appreciate your frustration. I've felt lost in the soup that is my consciousness more times than I can count. But that's what map making is about. Building internal structure so you can have a platform to stand on. From there you can dip your feet in the soup bowl or dive right in.