01-10-2013, 07:09 PM
I have not had time to update this thread with everything that's been happening. There are so many things that have fallen into place, it would take pages to fill, so I will try to condense it down to the bare essentials.
After two days of getting nowhere and no new insight, I did have a rather disturbing image during my form of meditation (I call it a nap, although I rarely actually sleep). I will not relate the details, as it deals with some touchy issues, but the meaning was clear. The urge to protect the innocents in the world is a tricky issue for me, and one that must be handled with careful discretion and a calm disposition. Justice with mercy is righteous and much needed, but vengeance with anger will only multiply sorrow on the earth. Somehow I know now this is a lesson I've failed before. Although I've no conscious recollection of them, at least two previous incarnations have emerged four times under rare conditions, in which I had passed out from drinking way too much whiskey, and someone would wake me up, only the person that got up was clearly not me. I have no memory of these events, but from what I've been told of them, they were both soldiers from world war II and vietnam. Both were driven insane to different degrees by the experiences, which is probably why they are so deeply repressed. I really don't want to remember any past incarnations if it involves reliving that kind of horror. Needless to say, I do not overindulge in alcohol anymore, although I still drink moderately on rare occasion. At the time I wrote it off as just some crazy drunken sleepwalking while dreaming of a war movie I had seen, but the theme would recur again with the same violent consistency. This is not an easy thing for me to share, it has caused me to question my own sanity, and given the degree of difficulty I've endured in this life I would say I've made some substantial payments on a large karmic debt. Imagine the conversation you would have with your girlfriend after having awakened from plunging headlong into a snowbank, after jumping through a second story window in an effort to "escape" your apartment. Try explaining why every stick of furniture is broken or overturned, or why there are large holes in the drywall when you have absolutely no recollection of what the hell just happened. I wish I could tell you tales of love and light and blissful happiness but the truth is both light and dark and if you serve it, you must acknowlege all of it, not just the parts you think everyone else will admire. There is much more I have to relate, but I've the feeling this is enough to you all to contemplate for now. Maybe I am running the risk of being judged harshly, but the results will let me know if I am indeed in good company or not.
After two days of getting nowhere and no new insight, I did have a rather disturbing image during my form of meditation (I call it a nap, although I rarely actually sleep). I will not relate the details, as it deals with some touchy issues, but the meaning was clear. The urge to protect the innocents in the world is a tricky issue for me, and one that must be handled with careful discretion and a calm disposition. Justice with mercy is righteous and much needed, but vengeance with anger will only multiply sorrow on the earth. Somehow I know now this is a lesson I've failed before. Although I've no conscious recollection of them, at least two previous incarnations have emerged four times under rare conditions, in which I had passed out from drinking way too much whiskey, and someone would wake me up, only the person that got up was clearly not me. I have no memory of these events, but from what I've been told of them, they were both soldiers from world war II and vietnam. Both were driven insane to different degrees by the experiences, which is probably why they are so deeply repressed. I really don't want to remember any past incarnations if it involves reliving that kind of horror. Needless to say, I do not overindulge in alcohol anymore, although I still drink moderately on rare occasion. At the time I wrote it off as just some crazy drunken sleepwalking while dreaming of a war movie I had seen, but the theme would recur again with the same violent consistency. This is not an easy thing for me to share, it has caused me to question my own sanity, and given the degree of difficulty I've endured in this life I would say I've made some substantial payments on a large karmic debt. Imagine the conversation you would have with your girlfriend after having awakened from plunging headlong into a snowbank, after jumping through a second story window in an effort to "escape" your apartment. Try explaining why every stick of furniture is broken or overturned, or why there are large holes in the drywall when you have absolutely no recollection of what the hell just happened. I wish I could tell you tales of love and light and blissful happiness but the truth is both light and dark and if you serve it, you must acknowlege all of it, not just the parts you think everyone else will admire. There is much more I have to relate, but I've the feeling this is enough to you all to contemplate for now. Maybe I am running the risk of being judged harshly, but the results will let me know if I am indeed in good company or not.