12-24-2012, 12:36 PM
(12-24-2012, 12:35 PM)Brittany Lynn Wrote: I spent about a decade being passively suicidal, and to be honest, it still crosses my mind from time to time. However, I acknowledge these thoughts as just that. My will to live and learn what I set out to learn is stronger. What a privilege it is to be here, and would I just throw that away? To me, committing suicide is just saying "I give up" and throwing in the towel, and if anything I'm just too stubborn to do that. The thoughts manifest as an old defense mechanism...and I acknowledge them and choose to think about something else.well said
Having one of my best friends commit suicide only strengthened that resolve. I saw the tremendous pain he caused his family and friends, and I myself felt the greatest pain my heart has ever known when I heard of his death. No way could I do that to the many wonderful people who care about me.Recently I've found the pain I know so well sliding away, and after all those years of wanting to kill myself, I'm glad I didn't. I finally found the joy that was buried there the whole time.