How do you forgive yourself?

[LastBreath]

I found the Ra Material some 2 years back and some nights I find myself projecting feelings of gratefulness and thanks to Ra and the channeling team for bringing this information to the public domain and all of the good it has done for me. It has helped me better to understand my situation and life experience greatly. I am now starting think I am on a crash course lesson in learning about love. My early childhood and teen experiences were that of intense loneliness, anger, alienation, deprivation and profound sadness which has left me with a lot of inner pain and a strong desire for love and to have harmonious relationships with others. I know now that I deal with an intense orange ray blockage that has left me powerless in virtually every aspect of my life. At the core of this blockage seems to be my 2 parents and my experiences with them, which is a sob story of it's own that I will not go into here for the readers sake.

I realized that I need to learn to forgive myself and eventually others, and release all of the shame and guilt that I carry around with me. It seems like such a scary thing to do, to even look at and face, but I know that if I don't deal with it that I will live the rest of my life miserable and powerless, being unable to create the experience that I want. The question is exactly how do you deal with it? I believe perhaps only a catalyzing event between me and my father can clear this mess up, and that is a scary proposition to me, given our terribly disharmonious history together. Sometimes when we have good days I feel the orange ray center opening and my interactions with others are more enjoyable, less awkward and flow easily until the next cruel exchange between parents.


January 19, 2007
QíUO: Those issues of red ray, orange ray, and yellow ray are neatly designed and
most tidily packaged to maximize your confusion and to limit the power that you may
bring and allow up to the heart center, the next one after red, orange and yellow.
Each time that you put yourself down, each time that you are harsh, each time that
you feel so isolated and alienated that you deny your brotherhood with all that is, you
close down a little bit of that channel which is bringing in infinite creative energy to
your body, and each time that occurs there is less energy into the heart.
So, basically, those who have not worked through the issues that confront them at
these three levels - self, self with another, and self with its groups - each time that you
allow these issues to come and to be feared you have shut off some of the power that
you need in your heart in order to live the life that you wish to live.