please help

[Light]

Hello Light and Aaron.

My fear was that the negative fractal was all that there is. My mind was obsessed with that One is All, and thus I thought it was all there is - Only Complete Despair! Dreadful to the max. This is now altered.

I say "was." Yesterday, I had quite a profound experience. I saw my fellow negative fractal, in it's ultimate feariness, my stomach cramped up and I tore my hair and all that but then for the first time I saw the LOVE in it. For there is love in all things. The moment always contains love and so it is. The love overpowers ALL things and it is endless and free for everyone. I transformed the negative fractal into a brilliant golden light which I now hold in my heart. I saw a positive fractal for the first time. It was endlessly spirialing love, always creating something new and fundamentally profound and exciting. Oh what joy to have it!!! Things would quickly get boring without the fractal. When I think about the negative fractal I am not filled with happiness, but I am not filled with terror either. It's there as a neutral reminder of the worse this existence can do and thus there is no more fearful. I am not locked by a biased polarity (negative). It just is, exactly what I make of it myself. It is proper. It is well.

Light; I don't really know what the ego is. My consciousness does not operate much on what many would classify as the ego-level though, but I do care about my mental state, survival, enjoying myself etc. I do realise the paradox of where you let go of everything - you gain everything. This shall come in due and proper time I'm sure. As for now, I am myself.
I will never do LSD or any psychedelica again, even though your idea of a positive experience sounds very tempting. It is not for me, for I wish to be human in this life, that which is after can come after. I have a human brain which has set limitations which are proper for this existence. I do not want to mess with it more. If others gets positive experiences from it though, then fine. I am not against it, I'm sure it can be a complete life changer in any direction.. for me it was, for a time, to the completely negative though.
It's like Ram Dass' friend Emanuel said when Ram Dass asked what he should do in his life when he was tripping on LSD: "Well, Ram Dass... why don't you try to be human for once and stop escaping?"

Thank you so much for your reminders.. this helped me tremendously.
I was angry at you yesterday Aaron. You were a real moron to me for saying that "the fractal IS all of creation". Then I realized that you were true.. I am sorry.
I will alter your statement though: The fractal is part of all that there is, but it's not everything. Look around you.. were are not fractals, but it's a proper part of the world. As stated before, my fear was that One is All meant the negative fractal exclusively. Only despair. Then I forgot that All is One... and complete despair is definitely not all that there is!

Hopefully my stomach will stop hurting now. I'm sure it will take some time to stabilize my physical system though, it took quite a beating these last 10 days of terror. I don't know how many times I contemplated suicide. "Why not just end it all.. so easy." That does make you very stressful, and stress is about the worst you can do to your body.

I am now filled with peace. Joy. To think that yesterday I could give everything to go back in time before I took that LSD. And now I do not.
The Creator sure likes happy endings.

It kind of just... makes you want to break into song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BxymuiAxQ

Very wise words! I am glad you found love! As the Confederation has said, taking hallucinatory drugs is an experiment, a test. And as we know, tests are only needed when you doubt! I have changed the way I look at things since my last post and encourage others to take the natural path.