02-10-2010, 10:35 PM
This post may be off topic a little as I did not read all the posts in this thread, just wanted to comment
"I can't sleep this night. When I close my eyes, negative feelings arise, so I keep myself busy in front of the computer. My whole stomach cramps up, a yellow/orange chakra domination, and I just want it all to end swiftly, by any means necessary. Any means. Have you felt completely hopelessness? Death being the only escape. It is completely irrational, as if brought from an outside source, which it likely is, and any positive thoughts I visualize become twisted and turned against me. I am away from my partner right now. I see her face, but it turns into a monster. Thus my light is fading and only my willpower sustains me. I feebly try to keep my little head together.
Can you imagine a fractal of endless despair? You think about one resolution of it, but it is part of a deeper despair, and thus you think about that, and on it goes that way until insanity. That is an attempt to describe this psychic attack. I don't want to describe too much due to it's power of self-suggestion."
Wow, this is very much like an experience I had prior to my awaking last year... I had the infinite hopelessness, stomach cramps, and didn't sleep all night.. except I was on LSD for the first time when this happened so this was not random(btw- all trips since then have been 100% positive). The hopelessness was so deep and pure- an infinite fractal as you said. It was by far THE most difficult experience of my life, but for this reason it was one of the best. I had experienced the very worst, so I was no longer afraid of anything(well at least not in the 3D world I guess). This experience was my ego's last stand because ego needs fear to survive. The important part was to recognize that I was experiencing myself.
"I can't sleep this night. When I close my eyes, negative feelings arise, so I keep myself busy in front of the computer. My whole stomach cramps up, a yellow/orange chakra domination, and I just want it all to end swiftly, by any means necessary. Any means. Have you felt completely hopelessness? Death being the only escape. It is completely irrational, as if brought from an outside source, which it likely is, and any positive thoughts I visualize become twisted and turned against me. I am away from my partner right now. I see her face, but it turns into a monster. Thus my light is fading and only my willpower sustains me. I feebly try to keep my little head together.
Can you imagine a fractal of endless despair? You think about one resolution of it, but it is part of a deeper despair, and thus you think about that, and on it goes that way until insanity. That is an attempt to describe this psychic attack. I don't want to describe too much due to it's power of self-suggestion."
Wow, this is very much like an experience I had prior to my awaking last year... I had the infinite hopelessness, stomach cramps, and didn't sleep all night.. except I was on LSD for the first time when this happened so this was not random(btw- all trips since then have been 100% positive). The hopelessness was so deep and pure- an infinite fractal as you said. It was by far THE most difficult experience of my life, but for this reason it was one of the best. I had experienced the very worst, so I was no longer afraid of anything(well at least not in the 3D world I guess). This experience was my ego's last stand because ego needs fear to survive. The important part was to recognize that I was experiencing myself.