*trigger* beware need advice

[Monica]

Those advisers who expect you visit him, and to calmly comfort him,

I just did a search for the word comfort and found only 1 reference to comforting a dying man. I'm wondering if you might have misread confront as comfort.

I read the advice given to you . . . to go to see him without rage or blame, and with a gentle smile, because "your goal is first to assist him, and second to forgive."

You seem to imply that there was some sort of consensus, but actually that is a single opinion from one person. There has been an assortment of opinions offered.

Going there with zero anger, and with a calm smile, BEFORE Doing Your Internal Work, will not help him at all, and may well add to the weight you carry, because uncontrolled hysteria may be stronger than your calm and loving false smile.

I agree, which is why I suggested s/he do some inner work first, to get to that state of calm and forgiveness, before confronting him. But in all fairness, I don't think anyone suggested that s/he go with a "loving false smile."

The likelihood of his denying your claim and ignoring your pain is great.

Very true!

The likelihood of this confrontation clearing or calming things For You is small.

This really depends on the person. Personally, I like to get things out in the open, and I would much rather face the aggressor in the here and now. And yes, this is coming from someone who was abused. An advantage is that the aggressor is no longer strong and scary. He's a decrepit, weak, frail, dying, probably miserable, old man.

What better time to confront him than now? What better time for the victim to feel empowered, than to see his tormentor weakened?

If the grandfather was still strong, or Lightworker still a child, then I'd agree with you that it might be too traumatizing to attempt a confrontation.

But the abuser is no longer strong. He is weak and dying. Sooner or later, the karma will have to be resolved. Are we not at the end of a major cycle? Is it not Harvest time? My understanding that it is our task to resolve as much of our karma as we can, during this important nexus. If we don't, we will surely have to face it later.

What better time to resolve it, than now, with full awareness that this was all catalyst, and full understanding that forgiveness stops the pattern of karma.

Compassion is necessary to forgive. I contend that it would much easier to get to a state of compassion for a dying old man. It seems to me that a golden opportunity has been offered.

But of course, only Lightworker can decide that. I'm just offering another perspective to your comments.

You can still reach him after he's died, you can talk to him, you can send him Light, and you can forgive him. Or, you may prefer to just lovingly leave him with the Wisdom of his Enlightened Elders and Teachers.

Without going to see him in his weakened state, the grandfather will live on in the victim's mind, in the fullness of his strength and control. He will live on as a monster, and be much harder to forgive.

See him as a frail old man, pathetic and pitiful, and he will be easier to work with.

I lived 18 years in the house of a tyrant. But guess which is the more lasting memory? The memory of an old, dying man, hooked up to needles and hoses, naked, with his private parts exposed, zero dignity, weak, sick, pathetic. And then, the mouth agape as he took his last breath, only to be filled with vomit after the air stopped moving, that I wish I had never seen. I wish I could erase that memory. But it was worth it, because I realized he could no longer hurt me.

I'm glad I saw him like that. It helped me to no longer fear him. It helped me to forgive him and have compassion for him. The raging monster had been reduced to scared, pathetic creature.

-------->> Darkness