*trigger* beware need advice

[Monica]

Forgiving involves an understanding of your grandfather's twisted mind illness.

I think understanding is helpful, but not necessary for forgiveness. We don't always understand. Many don't have the tools to understand. But we can accept, even if we don't understand. It might even be more powerful to accept (which leads to forgiveness) despite not understanding. It's easier to forgive an abusive grandfather when we learn that he was abused too as a child. Not so easy if we are missing that bit of information.

To accept without understanding, we have to make a conscious choice to accept that which we abhor, find reprehensible, and cannot understand. We choose to accept that the person got that way somehow that might never be revealed to us, and choose to forgive them anyway.

Charming sociopaths never really give a damn about others feelings. They need a way to express hostility through domination, and abusing a child would be a release.

Lying is very easy for them, while shame or embarrassment may be impossible.

Very true! I learned this the hard way. This person was very, very charming. She had us all fooled. What stunned me the most was the ease with which she could lie, complete with tears and elaborate embellishments.

It was a very valuable lesson, and I thank her for that. She unwittingly offered a service.

In their universe they are powerful and always right, but perhaps somewhere in that twisted mind, is an unrecognized spark that maybe their universe isn't true

They might not allow themselves to recognize that spark until 4D, 5D, or even early 6D. If they have truly chosen the STS path, the further they traverse that path, the most deeply the spark will be buried, until they finally realize they cannot go any farther on that path and make the switch.

and this would create rage and fury. A child victim would release such tension. And there would be zero thought or concern for the human heart devastation they leave behind.

Yes, quite likely. And, sociopaths tend to scoff at any gestures of kindness. Remember that extending love to an STS entity is the equivalent of an STS entity extending hatred to an STO. Just as we reject the service of an STS, so too do they reject our STO service.

However, that only applies to the STS polarized entity. My guess is that a true sociopath is more likely to be polarized STS. It seems logical to me that the definition of sociopath fits the definition of STS: heart chakra blocked, seeks control over others, cares only for self, etc.

But, many abusers, as well as murderers, rapists, etc., haven't necessarily polarized STS. Despite being guilty of heinous crimes which, on the surface, seem to indicate STS polarity, most of them are probably just really messed up and of mixed polarity. It is these tortured souls who DO respond to love, kindness and compassion!

The thing is, we just can't tell by looking at someone what their polarity is. Even if we perceive their heart chakra as being blocked, we still don't know what their choice is. Unbeknownst to us, they might have made the choice to unblock it, and are looking for someone to help them.

Therefore, I think the response should always be love and service, BUT with boundaries! We can forgive from a distance! We can offer love to them, but NOT let them hurt us!

I offered love and kindness to the little sociopath I encountered recently. She rejected it. Her choice was quite clear, so as soon as I realized that, I accepted her choice and backed off. To continue to offer love when it is clearly not wanted, would be a violation of her free will. So the best thing to do in that case is to just wish them well and be on your way, away from them. But if they inflicted hurt, it's important to forgive, if even from a distance. They might not receive it or ever care about it. That is not our concern. We can break the cycle of karma between us and them. If they choose to continue, they'll have to find someone else to engage in that pattern, but it won't be us.

But I did need to forgive and release my mother, and understanding her weaknesses and her needs, helped me get there. It may help you too.

My father was a rageaholic tyrant. He terrorized the whole family. I was the youngest of 10 kids. There was NO joy in that house! It was a dark, creepy place.

When I was 16, my father had open-heart surgery. I saw him in ICU, naked, exposed, weak and vulnerable. When he came home, he was even more of a tyrant, because he was on meds. But I no longer feared him, because I had seen him in his weakened state.

I left home as soon as I could, as did all my sisters. After all the kids were gone, he mellowed a bit, and was a lot nicer to the grandkids (who only came to visit). It's odd now for me to read my niece's facebook posts about missing her grandparents. Very bizarre to see that she actually has pleasant memories of them.

My father had open-heart surgery a 2nd time, a few years later, but this time it killed him. I never shed any tears for him, but was happy to see him go. Over the next few years, I processed what had happened and did a lot of healing work to forgive him. It's been about 25 years since I ever felt any emotional charge about him whatsoever. I've moved on with my life. I only wish my sisters could have done the same, but 3 of them had it worse than I did. They were physically abused as well as emotionally. I was only emotionally abused, though I witnessed the physical abuse inflicted on them, and that alone was very traumatic, to live in fear of that being done to me too.

It never occurred to me to confront him. My older sisters had already done that, to no avail.

My mother was just a doormat for the tyrant. She tried to protect me in my teen years, and I appreciated that. So I never hated her. But neither did I love her, because she was incapable of showing any love. I never got a single hug my entire childhood. So when she died, I didn't feel much. Mostly relief that that chapter of my life was over.

My mother did get an opportunity do process what had happened, and showed remorse for her part in it. But she died in a state of anguish that the 1 daughter who hated her the most refused to reconcile. That was very tragic.

To this day, 2 of my sisters still have extreme hatred towards both our parents.

This is probably why I feel so strongly that, if you have a chance to confront the person, do it! You have no way of knowing how much they might want that opportunity to reconcile. They might refuse your efforts, but at least you did your part. Or, they might embrace your efforts. But you won't know unless you try.

The only thing that still creeps me out is the house. It's been completely restored and looks totally different. I've thought about how I might feel if I ever went inside that house, and shudder at the thought.

Last I heard, no one lives there. It was used as a summer retreat. I wonder if the guests ever see ghosts. There was a lot of pain in that house.

And there is also, always, a soul contract question.

Very true! It's all catalyst. I had a friend involved in a love triangle. In a moment of clarity, she told me she realized that the 3 of them had agree pre-incarnatively to help one another grow spiritually, and she loved them both for that, despite major conflicts with their personalities. I found that very profound!

I am no longer a victim, I am now a survivor. I am no longer terrified, I am now living easier.

Wonderful! Yes, it's important to get out of the victim mentality. Realizing that we took this on, can help. Understanding about catalyst can help.

Forgiving is a wonderful release, and is really an entirely selfish act.

I'd have to disagree with this part. I can see how, if someone 'forgives' only to heal themselves, it could be a selfish act. Though we certainly wouldn't want to judge them for it, since they are doing what they must, to survive and heal.

But, is it really forgiveness, in that case? I think not. I think that, in order to truly break the bonds of karma, there must be acceptance, love, and genuine compassion for the abuser. It is this that would be classified as true forgiveness, from a spiritual perspective, and it is an STO act, which has the fringe benefit of healing the forgiver as well.

I'm a hypnotherapist, and I do Life Between Lives (LBL) work.

That sounds very interesting! I will definitely check out the website. I hope there is a practitioner in my area. Thanks for sharing all this!