*trigger* beware need advice

[Confused]

This thread is doing me so much good. Thanks everyone, especially you, Monica, for sharing some of the deeper and darker matters in your family for facilitating the healing of those interested. That, I call, a real brilliant act of service to others. Thanks once again to everyone for liberally sharing your thoughts. It is helping me face my own inner demons. I have been an abuser for quite sometime in my life, too. For last few years now, I would go into fits of rage with my mother due to my own inner pain. Probably, that is what is called being fractured. This thread brings healing to both the abuser and the abused. Of course, there is absolutely no justification for the pain I have caused. I choose to turn over into a new leaf and ask my mother one more last time sincerely, for forgiveness. I have asked forgiveness many times before and have relapsed into shouting rants and display of fits of anger, aimed to cause fear. I now feel sad for what I have done. I will change for the better. That is the choice I make. I hope my mother accepts my apologies