*trigger* beware need advice

[Monica]

This is the sort of inconsiderate self indulgence that i warn of.

Do the lives of innocent others have no meaning to you in your quest to please your own doubts

I didn't get any impression whatsoever from lightworker that he wished to act selfishly, self-indulgently, or hatefully. In fact, s/he stated that s/he didn't want to act out of hate, and was confused.

I know it might seem self-indulgent to someone who has never experienced abuse, but as someone who has, I can attest that such childhood traumas aren't easily healed. The pain runs deep.

If done with the intention of forgiveness, the confrontation could be very healing. Intention can make all the difference.

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There are many people who experience sexual trauma, who have never confronted their perpetrators, and have able to come to a place of peace. I actually know very few who chose the path of confrontation w/perpetrator. Just an observation... it seemed as though they became conflicted about the fact that they confronted the other (guilt, more anger towards self) because they were conflicted about it to begin with (self-fulfilling prophecy).

It can go either way. My sister was advised by a therapist to confront our parents, so she sent them a series of long, nasty, hateful letters which did absolutely nothing to heal anyone, and just sent our mother into a tailspin of guilt and anguish. Writing the letters could have been therapeutic, by getting her feelings out, but sending them just caused more damage. My sister never followed up with any forgiveness, even when asked to on my mother's deathbed. My mother died with the karma between them unresolved. That was just tragic, because my mother wanted so much to have an opportunity to apologize to my sister. But my sister's hate denied her that opportunity.

The way my sister did it isn't the type of confrontation that I am suggesting.

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Lightworker, there is a website that offers support to victims of sexual abuse called Pandora's Project (http://www.pandys.org/index.html) I found the article below there. I hope it can help you at least pose some important questions.

Confronting Your Abuser
(in your life and in your mind)

Good find! That is some excellent, sound advice! I would just add to that, the spiritual dimension of forgiveness.

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Confrontation is not necessarily bad. There are many Q'uo readings about how the best way to process catalyst of one who has wronged you is to confront them from a place of love. Even if you cannot do this, I think the mere act of attempting to confront him in order to further love and forgiveness is a good thing.

Agreed! Q'uo also gave a technique for bringing the negative emotion up into the heart, where it can be transmuted into love. (I sure wish I could find that session! Does anyone remember it? I've been looking for it for awhile now.)

When I have been confronted with similar (but much less intense) situations, I often find that I am best able to confront with love when I personally do the following:
(1) internally process the catalyst, with love, forgiveness and acceptance for the entity that caused it before seeing that entity
(2) understanding that many people's minds fracture when they do something horrible, to such an extent that they are in denial, and as such, I understand and I realize that I may never get the acknowledgement that I desire (my career that puts me in contact with criminals has helped me tremendously understand the criminal mind)
(3) and release the karmic bonds simply vibrating with forgiveness, or attempting to, one final time around that person who has wronged me. I might not prefer to interact with them again, but I try to say or do one significantly good thing to them to vibrate the knowledge that I have forgiven them. Often, if this is a person who I believe will be in denial if I just say something like "I forgive you" (some are in such denial they will say "for what - get out of here I did nothing!!" but its important to have compassion for those people whose mind has fractured, for they do really live an tortured internal existence), and so instead a simple moment where I prep them food, or put my hand on theirs with a warm smile. I'm not suggesting you be at their side 24/7, but a simple moment like that, and ending your interaction with them with loving smile, has done wonders for me.

I have often had discussions with religious/spiritually inclined friends about the fact that true evil exists in this world increases our ability to love.
For is it not true that:
nearly all people can love the saints among us;
many can love those individuals who are good at heart but have hurt others in error;
some can love those who were completely selfish in that past but have recently turned from that path;
but it is few indeed who can love and appreciate the truly monstrous among us.

Our souls here on the Earth plane are forged in fire. The fire that touched you was particularly scorching. May the flames one day die down so that you can radiate your pristine inner spiritual beauty for all to see, for all to share in, and for all those who have wronged you. If not today, maybe another day; but it is a day that is surely to come.

Peace and love my friend.
xise

Excellent advice and beautifully stated! That is a very good point about abusers being fractured. I recently had a most unpleasant experience with someone who seemed very nice on the outside, but later exhibited all the classic signs of a sociopath. It was very difficult to understand because she really seemed like 2 different people. I knew this person had been horribly abused as a child. I did some research and learned that when child are abused at a very young age, they often fracture, in order to lock away the pain. I concluded that this person likely had Dissociative Personality Disorder, which is very common in people who were severely abused as children. It explained how she could do reprehensible things; the 'nice' personality was cut off from what the sociopath personality was doing.

It might help the forgiveness process to remember that the grandfather was once an abused child too, and may be similarly dissociated. So if he is in denial, or presents a sweet persona, it may be that the 'nice' part of him truly has no clue about what his other personality did.