11-02-2012, 12:56 PM
(11-01-2012, 08:08 PM)lightworker Wrote: Part of me wants to let him just die. And the other part of me feels like I need to send him a letter or do ANYTHING just to let him know he was wrong, and that I remember VIVIDLY what he did (many, many times)
What would you do? Would you let him rot? Or would you take possibly the last opportunity you may have to confront him?
I feel like I want to confront him but at the same time - That is not an act of love. That would be outwardly displaying hate & I am very much against that. I usually regret when I act on negativity. I am just so deeply confused - as it has been with me literally as long as I can remember..
So part of the problem that you're facing right now is the ambivalence you feel between 2 seemingly opposing forces:
On the one hand you want to confront him, and on the other, to not do anything. You want grandfather to know that what he did was so painful and so wrong. Perhaps you want to express your feelings about this to your family, who seemed to have avoided doing anything about it?
And there's another part of you that wishes to go with the path of forgiveness.
By confronting him you feel that you are "displaying hate," thus it goes against the core of your being, which understands that forgiveness is healing.
That pained/angry side of you needs to have a voice, an opportunity to let it out because perhaps it's not fully on board yet with the idea (to forgive grandfather). It's an act of love to listen to this side of you, and to be compassionate to its experience. Forgiveness starts with the self.
Self-forgiveness... paramount to healing trauma.