The Quest for a Soulmate

[Plenum]

this is not necessarily my Quest, but there are some individuals on these forums that are 'seeking' for that One True Love that will complete their lives.

they would seek some advice on this.

I know there are many here who have found their life partner. 3DMonkey talks about his joyous marriage. Monica too. Even Carla, after some time, won over the 'reluctant' Jim after many years (they eventually clicked after Carla saved Jim's life when they were out swimming and were caught in a riptide).

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here are some thoughts from an existening thread: http://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=948

Hi. It is my understanding that when a Soul is created by its "parent" social memory complex this Soul is indeed a pair or twins. Usually Incarnations will be so as to allow each aspect to grow and learn separately; however with the Harvest approaching many will have written into their life "blueprints" a reunion with their Twin Flame.
This, I believe is what you are referring to as "Soulmate" or one true love.

Love & Light

so beautifully said Ashim!

and:

A lot of people think my husband and I are soul mates, because we fell in love the instant we saw each other. It was like we'd already known each other for years. Things naturally progressed to marriage and we've been married nearly two years now and still act like kids in love. Still, I have a hard time imagining that two people would be destined to be together, unless they'd decided to be together before incarnation. Seems like that's kind of throwing away free will. I think finding someone you resonate with and sharing love with them is a wondeful thing, but not necessarily brought about because they are the only other being in the universe you would be compatible with.

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so if you have any advice, these 'other people' would be glad to hear it!

[Plenum]

definition of a SOULMATE:

from that most reliable of sources, The Urban Dictionary:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soulmate

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A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.

Finding my soulmate is the best thing that has ever happened to me; I have never felt this kind of love and understanding. We connect in so many ways, it astounds me.

[Ankh]

Here is another co-related thread:

Twin Flames

And a quote from Q'uo in regards to this topic, from another thread:

The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues, Session 25
24 Sep 94

So the wanderer who comes to the third density to aid brings through the veil of forgetting unrealistic expectation, both in the areas of relationship with others and relationship with the Creator.

I am not sure that I understand your question in the first post though. Who will give advice to whom about what?

[Plenum]

I am not sure that I understand your question in the first post though. Who will give advice to whom about what?

lol. it's all sort of got tangled, and is a fine example of what happens when INTENTION is not set properly. TO BE CLEAR: the question was not for me, and was posted because of reluctance to open the topic by another member.

I can see now that as Ra said: "one cannot do the learning for another" and it is folly for the Hierophant to attempt to do so.

I withdraw my blade and now go shopping for some groceries.

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thank you Ankh for bringing this to my attention. My wisdom ray needs some tuning

[Gribbons]

I have read that soulmates that meet each other might not come together right way despite an initial attraction due to one or both of them not being ready spiritually for the deeper lessons.

[Oceania]

i dunno if anyone i love could love me back like that. or if i could let them. but i am trying to love myself.

[Shawnna]

I've been waiting all my 58 years to find an intimate soul mate companion. The father of my children certainly can't fit into this category, and the subsequent 3 long term relationships (since 1989) can't either.

I'm always hopeful, but I've also come to accept that it may simply not happen.

[TheFifty9Sound]

We waste time trying to find the perfect lover, instead of trying to create the perfect love.

[BlatzAdict]

when we think of a soulmate we always think we are going to meet that person who is going to make every aspect of our lives perfect or whole in some way. but this is not the case, nor will it ever be. It's just wishful thinking.

Soulmates are the ones who we make the contract with pre incarnationally so that we will be able to inspire the greatest amounts of catalyst for learning than we would with anyone else.

So unfortunately to break it to you, sometimes this is the one person in your life who you love so much sometimes, and other times you wanna just get the hell away. But to understand is to realize the test is what you do in the stress. What actions will you take, how much will you trust in yourself to come through each moment of agonizing catalyst and come out okay. Or rather how well can you trust yourself to be okay, your soul mates will put you through the test.

From what you've said shawnna, it seems those 3 long term relationships definately struck some chords with you. Learning to reconcile is definately more important in the long run, or you might find yourself having had multiple lives with those partners just trying to resolve the same karmic issues.

fifty9sound has the right idea.. how to create the perfect love.. how to love that baby even tho he's mashing his little tiny fingers in your face, how to love yourself enough to love those that stumble and help em back up. So many things. So much to study.. so much to learn, so much to love.

[Oceania]

twin flames are NOT soul mates. soul mate is a person of one incarnation. twin flames, when meeting, can be amazing, they can be difficult.

[Monica]

My advice would be to not look for the 'perfect' partner. Do not have a set of criteria. Be open to meeting someone quite different than what you had expected.

The 'perfect' partner isn't someone with a certain color hair or who likes the same activities you do. The 'perfect' partner is one who brings out the best in you, and you in them. The 'perfect' partner is one who is complementary to you; ie. you each have the qualities needed by the other for balance.

For example, when my husband and I first met, I was too sensitive and he wasn't sensitive enough. At first glance, it may have looked like a recipe for disaster! At first glance, it may have looked like a man who lacked sensitivity wouldn't be able to give me what I needed. But in fact, what I really needed was someone who would strengthen me, and what he needed was someone who would draw out the sensitivity in him. So we each helped the other to grow in profound ways. We balanced out each other's rough edges.

This is but one of many, many ways in which we have been the 'perfect' partner for each other.

The 'perfect' partner is one who brings out the best in the other person. Compatibility has very little to do with whether you both like to, say, go skiing, and much more to do with whether your vision of life is congruent.

The 2 people are different enough to provide interest and stimulation without getting bored, yet alike enough in their values that they are able to look forward together and work on the same spiritual goals.

One might be, say, Buddhist and the other Pagan, but such differences won't be an issue if both are open-minded and respectful, and willing to learn from the other.

I would advise putting expectations aside and just be open to meeting someone who stirs the soul as well as the heart, regardless of what they look like, what race they are, etc.

A successful marriage is one that grows stronger with each passing year. It might not be all peachy. There might be rough times and even some intense emotions. But the commitment to the relationship never wavers. A marriage isn't deemed successful based on how light and fluffy and happy they are, because sometimes people can seem all cheery on the outside and barely know each other, and then suddenly one partner dumps the other unexpectedly. Rather, a marriage is deemed successful, in my definition, if both partners are growing spiritually as a result of working together. They are both committed to the relationship and care about the other as much as they care about themselves. There is no distinction. They are ONE.

I think there needs to also be balance. If one is much stronger than the other, then that might be a sign that the relationship is based on need rather than a healthy love, and once the needy person gets stronger, will the other person still love them?

But if both are more equally matched, then they won't be as likely to 'outgrow' the other person.

Their strengths might be totally different. One might seem strong and assertive while the other quiet and gentle. But the seemingly 'strong' one might be very vulnerable in certain ways, and the seemingly 'weak' one might actually be the strong one! So it's not always easy to see on the surface. If they help each other to balance, then they are evenly matched, regardless of how it might seem at first glance.

Be best friends. No matter how good the sex is, the couple must actually like each other for the relationship to last.

And, above all, be honest with each other. The foundation of a committed relationship is an open heart. It has to be based on love, not just lust. But after that, comes blue ray: open and honest communication. This, in my experience, has been crucially important.

Love is seeing the flaws of your beloved and still loving and accepting them anyway. Love is wishing improvement for your partner because it's what's good for them, not because you want them to live up to some standards that you have.

Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100/100.

Both people have to give 100%.

Love isn't 2 people looking at each other; it's 2 people looking together in the same direction.

Here's my favorite book on the marriage relationship:

Shared Heart: Relationship Initiations and Celebrations by Barry Vissell & Joyce Vissel

It's an amazing book! I highly recommend it to get an idea of what a successful marriage looks like. It wasn't all peachy for the Vissells. This is a profound book. I give it as a wedding gift all the time.

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A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before.

Sometimes karmic connections are like that, and they fade. So that first attraction might not necessarily be a good indicator.

My favorite movie of all time, What Dreams May Come, depicts the kind of committed love that makes a marriage last. Profound stuff!

[Sagittarius]

I don't think everyone has a soulmate, sexual relationships are purely a 3d catalyst imo. In 4th or 5th or w/e you want to call it there is no such thing you feel that connection with everyone in your social complex perhaps with everything around you.

It is perhaps one of the best tools to bring you closer to love and the creator. This is why sex is required to continue the species so that we do a lot of it and it causes males and females to interact and share a close bond.

I have always had that craving for a soul mate, I always have numerous dreams a about girls that leave me completely infatuated by them, sometimes the girl in the dream is one I know. For example I had a dream about a girl at work, 3 in a row actually that left me basically thinking about her constantly. At a work party I talked to her all night and was able to seal the deal if I wanted to. I found that I did not get that feeling from her in person.

This left me to analyse all the previous experiences of these dreams and what I realized was that the feeling was the same no matter what form the girl came in my dream. I realized it was just a metaphor for bringing in the new earth. The divine feminine and the love that will bring. This was the joy and feelings I got from the dreams. I'am not discounting me finding a soul mate I'am just not holding my breath so to say.

[Oceania]

i don't think you feel that connection with everyone. 4D may be a social memory complex but people have preferences.

[Monica]

I don't think everyone has a soulmate, sexual relationships are purely a 3d catalyst imo.

Ra seems to indicate that it's more than that. A great deal was said about sexual energy transfer.

In 4th or 5th or w/e you want to call it there is no such thing you feel that connection with everyone in your social complex perhaps with everything around you.

Well this is just speculation (or maybe memory?) but I agree with Oceania; I think there are still relationships in 4D and maybe even in 5D.

It is perhaps one of the best tools to bring you closer to love and the creator.

Yes, it can be, when it's at the level of the higher chakras and not just stuck at the lower levels.

This is why sex is required to continue the species so that we do a lot of it and it causes males and females to interact and share a close bond.

Ra (or was it Q'uo?) stated that they gave it to us as a gift, to remind us of our true nature. Can you imagine living in orgasmic bliss every minute of every day? That is what awaits us in the higher densities. They gave us a taste of it to help propel us in our spiritual evolution.

I have always had that craving for a soul mate, I always have numerous dreams a about girls that leave me completely infatuated by them, sometimes the girl in the dream is one I know. For example I had a dream about a girl at work, 3 in a row actually that left me basically thinking about her constantly. At a work party I talked to her all night and was able to seal the deal if I wanted to. I found that I did not get that feeling from her in person.

I've had that experience. Sometimes I've had dreams about people and they were nothing like that in person. I think, in those cases, the person just represented something to us in the dream.

[Diana]

3D humans have an instinct to nest. Until we evolve past our primal brains, we will continue to crave a mate. We also have catalyst to grow. Strong initial attractions may be the resonance of catalyst. Each individual attracting the other for specific lessons.

My advice is to stay focused on self, and by that I mean the evolution of self, whatever your specific path is. If you need, you will attract need. You can succumb to the need and work out lessons with various "mates." The other way to deal with need is to work on the self, evolve self by focusing on inner growth.

In the meantime, with respect and gratitude and politeness, you can have affairs with whomever you hook up with to satisfy the needs of closeness and sexuality and kind exchanges of energy. A true mate will appear at the right time, but don't focus on that, don't lose sight of the true goal--evolution of self. Perhaps a soul mate, or twin flame, is out there waiting for you to evolve a little so that you resonate. I don't think our first purpose would be to find a soul mate--that would seem like icing on the cake. The cake is to fulfill a mission or blue print.

Kahlil Gibran said in response to marriage: The pillars of the temple stand apart. So, become a pillar; work on yourself. A soul mate (another pillar) will come.

[kycahi]

After reading two of Michael Newton's books, I conclude that people are part of "soul groups" who tend to incarnate among themselves, or at least various subsets thereof. IF you and another group member agree to bond in the next life in some fashion, you almost certainly will. At least one of you will have a feeling of recognition toward the other.

Whether this also applies to Wanderers is not perfectly clear, as Newton didn't acknowledge such beings. For this reason, I suggest doing a little adventuring with other selves in order to gain experience this time around. Even if none of those is the one, each time you will learn a little more about yourself and about dealing intimately with others. Nothing bad about that.

[Oceania]

we come here in groups.

[Ankh]

I have always had that craving for a soul mate, I always have numerous dreams a about girls that leave me completely infatuated by them, sometimes the girl in the dream is one I know. For example I had a dream about a girl at work, 3 in a row actually that left me basically thinking about her constantly. At a work party I talked to her all night and was able to seal the deal if I wanted to. I found that I did not get that feeling from her in person.

I've had that experience. Sometimes I've had dreams about people and they were nothing like that in person. I think, in those cases, the person just represented something to us in the dream.

Or maybe, just *maybe*, you actually met that person's real self as s/he is in time/space, and that dream suggests to you to see beyond, of what is "obvious" in space/time.

[Plenum]

Or maybe, just *maybe*, you actually met that person's real self as s/he is in time/space, and that dream suggests to you to see beyond, of what is "obvious" in space/time.

good point

[Ruth]

In my experience there is a difference between a "soul mate" and a "twin flame" - at least that is how I would sort out different relationships I have experienced in this incarnation.

To me a "soul mate" does not need to be a sexual partner or marriage partner. I would define a soul mate more along the lines of a classmate. I have been married to three "soul mates" in this incarnation. The current one for 22 years.

But I have also met my "twin flame" (for lack of a better description). When we met it was like jumping into a lake of molten lava - even though we did not act on any sexual attraction because he was married when we met. But we recognized each other instantly, and we had (have) an almost physical connection, even when we had absolutely zero contact for many, many years. I can know what he is thinking at any given moment, can sometimes see what he is doing as if through his eyes. There are not words to describe the relationship except to say that we recognized each other as being part of the same whole.

[Monica]

Or maybe, just *maybe*, you actually met that person's real self as s/he is in time/space, and that dream suggests to you to see beyond, of what is "obvious" in space/time.

There are multiple levels of meanings in dreams. The first action I take in deciphering my dreams is to see what those dream characters are mirroring to me.

In my belief, there is also an aspect of the 'other' person inhabiting Dreamscape, but that aspect is but a sliver. I would call it an aspect of the other-self, but I wouldn't call it the person's 'real' self because that implies that their waking self is somehow 'not real' and I think all the aspects are just as real as the others.

Their Dream Self may be perceiving my Dream Self in Dreamscape, as well. They will see the aspects of me they need for their own self-reflection. Those aspects are but a part of me and not the whole 'real' me any more than what you are seeing right now is the whole 'real' me.

What's really interesting is when we encounter very vivid characters in Dreamscape, that we don't know in waking life. Especially when those characters appear on a recurring basis.

[Oceania]

a parent or sister can be a soulmate. if you spend a long time with them. a friend can be a soulmate. like Will and Grace.

Ruth do you think there's any doubt when you meet your twin flame? maybe not everyone feels it that strongly.

if you meet your twin flame and you're ready, what happens?

[Shemaya]

I met my twin flame, it was just like Ruth said. I didn't know anything about " twin flame" at the time, so it was a major catalyst for spiritual growth.

It was a pre- incarnational plan, so many synchronicities , so as much as I wanted to not believe/ and believe at the same time, I couldn't deny the impact it had on me and what the universe was showing me.

I have many soulmates, my husband is the closest and has also given me much catalyst for growth. But in a sweeter and normal way.

[Monica]

a parent or sister can be a soulmate. if you spend a long time with them. a friend can be a soulmate. like Will and Grace.

Sometimes people use the terms soulmate and twin flame interchangeably, while others differentiate, as you described. So when discussing, we can keep in mind that some people may be using the terms in a different way than we are.

Ruth do you think there's any doubt when you meet your twin flame? maybe not everyone feels it that strongly.

if you meet your twin flame and you're ready, what happens?

There was no doubt for us, but I can't say I saw the world thru my husband's eyes! That's pretty amazing, Ruth. So apparently it varies.

Out of curiosity: Have you ever been able to see the world thru anyone else's eyes? A psychic friend once told me she could do that with anyone.

[@ndy]

In my experience there is a difference between a "soul mate" and a "twin flame" - at least that is how I would sort out different relationships I have experienced in this incarnation.

To me a "soul mate" does not need to be a sexual partner or marriage partner. I would define a soul mate more along the lines of a classmate. I have been married to three "soul mates" in this incarnation. The current one for 22 years.

But I have also met my "twin flame" (for lack of a better description). When we met it was like jumping into a lake of molten lava - even though we did not act on any sexual attraction because he was married when we met. But we recognized each other instantly, and we had (have) an almost physical connection, even when we had absolutely zero contact for many, many years. I can know what he is thinking at any given moment, can sometimes see what he is doing as if through his eyes. There are not words to describe the relationship except to say that we recognized each other as being part of the same whole.

I can relate to this 2 Ruth, but I met my twin flame threw a serious of dreams spanning a month or 2. It was like you describe, meeting the rest of me.
I think they eventually joined with me (I had a really wired experience of a golden lazer beam into my head) after that I no longer dreamt about them. If I was a planet they were the sun.

Soul mates I have met at least 3, one meeting was with another female it was very intense I was trembling with the energy between we both remembered each other, It was an odd meeting. I'd saw her pic on the internet and had to call her, turned out she had been watching me for years and had wanted to talk to me. I only spent a couple of hrs with her..... I think we just needed to connect at that time.

The other 2 were guys I got to know. With the first I was young, I felt so at home with him but what I saw in him scared me so much I ran 300 miles away.(He's now in a psych hospital on suicide watch)
The 2nd was intense, we could meet in dreams. It was really powerful growth catalyst - we stopped communication as it was getting 'too' much.
In my experience when I meet my soul mates they are very 'like' me, so that we connect and reflect each other very powerfully and magically - I start to see 'god' in everything and really wired stuff starts to happen that makes it hard to function on a day to day level.

[3DMonkey]

I think 'soul mate' is a romanticized idea.


As all threads tie together, we spoke of this in "examples of manifesting".

First, commit self to accepting other.
Second, find other with mutual attraction.
Then, discover if other is willing to commit to accepting self.
Next, share a bond of commitance toward one another.
Finally, go through life's ups and downs together, always staying true to whatever bonds were created.

P.S. The bonds created are of infinite possibilities.

[Ankh]

I think 'soul mate' is a romanticized idea.

I don't think that it is though. Ra said that the seeking of the Creator done in a mated relationship is a bias created by our Logos. Then that above all, in higher densities like 4 and 5D, a mated relationship is prefered. And Q'uo said that each entity is an oddity, there is no one alike in the whole of the creation. Each has an unique essence, and that's why we develop a preference to specific essences so to speak.

[3DMonkey]

I think 'soul mate' is a romanticized idea.

I don't think that it is though. Ra said that the seeking of the Creator done in a mated relationship is a bias created by our Logos. Then that above all, in higher densities like 4 and 5D, a mated relationship is prefered. And Q'uo said that each entity is an oddity, there is no one alike in the whole of the creation. Each has an unique essence, and that's why we develop a preference to specific essences so to speak.

That supports my perspective.

The bias- how we live as a race.

The 4D/5D vibrations- imagining an ethereal purpose behind our bias.

It's a romantic idea, and it doesn't happen by dreaming about it.

[Ruth]

a parent or sister can be a soulmate. if you spend a long time with them. a friend can be a soulmate. like Will and Grace.

Ruth do you think there's any doubt when you meet your twin flame? maybe not everyone feels it that strongly.

if you meet your twin flame and you're ready, what happens?

I had a friend who was a soul mate and we didn't have to spend any time together at all to figure that out. The sad thing is that we became decidedly STS when we were together and eventually agreed to sever the relationship.

I'd love to find out what happens if I'd meet my "twin flame" and we're both ready. Or maybe not. I've been thinking about this a great deal since I accidentally ran into him last year and we had a very brief handshake/hug exchange. So many thoughts, so little space and time to express them. Basically, I think perhaps in this incarnation it is best to keep this relationship as "spiritual-only". At least for me, rather than deal with the limitations of this density. Besides, I'm not currently available!

As for what others experience, I can't speak to that. I can only tell you my own experiences. I don't even personally know anyone else who has ever had an experience like this so I can't even repeat what they told me.

I met my twin flame, it was just like Ruth said. I didn't know anything about " twin flame" at the time, so it was a major catalyst for spiritual growth.

It was a pre- incarnational plan, so many synchronicities , so as much as I wanted to not believe/ and believe at the same time, I couldn't deny the impact it had on me and what the universe was showing me.

I have many soulmates, my husband is the closest and has also given me much catalyst for growth. But in a sweeter and normal way.

Yes! Shemaya, well said! My current husband is my soulmate in a very sweet, fairly normal way. We do both have very specific memories of past lives together. In one of those I was a white settler adopted by a native american tribe, he was a trader of some sort. About 8 years ago we were looking for land in SE Oklahoma and as we walked down a path through some trees 2 bobcats ran across the path in front of us (I need to look up bobcats and see if they mean something). We both felt "at home" on this land and bought it. And we have both had flashbacks and dreams about our meeting and previous life together there.

We both agree that we had "issues" to work out, and now that we've been together for awhile things are very sweet indeed!

In my experience there is a difference between a "soul mate" and a "twin flame" - at least that is how I would sort out different relationships I have experienced in this incarnation.

To me a "soul mate" does not need to be a sexual partner or marriage partner. I would define a soul mate more along the lines of a classmate. I have been married to three "soul mates" in this incarnation. The current one for 22 years.

But I have also met my "twin flame" (for lack of a better description). When we met it was like jumping into a lake of molten lava - even though we did not act on any sexual attraction because he was married when we met. But we recognized each other instantly, and we had (have) an almost physical connection, even when we had absolutely zero contact for many, many years. I can know what he is thinking at any given moment, can sometimes see what he is doing as if through his eyes. There are not words to describe the relationship except to say that we recognized each other as being part of the same whole.

I can relate to this 2 Ruth, but I met my twin flame threw a serious of dreams spanning a month or 2. It was like you describe, meeting the rest of me.
I think they eventually joined with me (I had a really wired experience of a golden lazer beam into my head) after that I no longer dreamt about them. If I was a planet they were the sun.

Soul mates I have met at least 3, one meeting was with another female it was very intense I was trembling with the energy between we both remembered each other, It was an odd meeting. I'd saw her pic on the internet and had to call her, turned out she had been watching me for years and had wanted to talk to me. I only spent a couple of hrs with her..... I think we just needed to connect at that time.

The other 2 were guys I got to know. With the first I was young, I felt so at home with him but what I saw in him scared me so much I ran 300 miles away.(He's now in a psych hospital on suicide watch)
The 2nd was intense, we could meet in dreams. It was really powerful growth catalyst - we stopped communication as it was getting 'too' much.
In my experience when I meet my soul mates they are very 'like' me, so that we connect and reflect each other very powerfully and magically - I start to see 'god' in everything and really wired stuff starts to happen that makes it hard to function on a day to day level.

I totally understand what you mean about "makes it hard to function on a day to day level." That was true for me when I met the twin flame - it was like trying to function with only part of myself. I had to pray for relief/help, and thankfully I was able to close that door and move on.

But I believe that the experience helped me learn to do exactly that - continue to function in this world while remembering that this is all only a holographic classroom.

Love and light!

[3DMonkey]

"I had a friend who was a soul mate and we didn't have to spend any time together at all to figure that out. The sad thing is that we became decidedly STS when we were together and eventually agreed to sever the relationship."

I have a "best friend" soul mate like this. We keep in touch. We have a few times out of year when we sit and talk for hours. But when it comes to living in the world, we go our separate ways. Lol, we annoy each other so much at the same time we work together so well. Sometimes I think it's because we know one another so well, it's difficult to put on our IRL hats.