Polarising process?

[Ankh]

My mother is a bit of a STS oriented entity. Before I proceed to the problem I want to make it clear that personally I have no problems if someone wants to graduate into 4D- and I can be of service within limits, ie polarising STO myself and if it doesn't hurt any other self.

She is married to a wonderful man whom I don't know that much, but he seems like a good hearted person. He is invited to a party at his work this weekend but she doesn't allow him to go to that party if I am not available. I now looked it up and I am available at that day, so I will do it, I will go out with her though I don't have any desire. But I have questions that you maybe can help me with - if I don't go out with her, he will not be allowed to go to the party. I will do this because I have a desire to help. She is controling us now and we are allowing her to do that in this perticular situation. Is this how it is done? She now polarising negatively and we are polarising positively? What do you think?

[3DMonkey]

Well, this seems pretty light weight on polarity percentages.
The only thing I am moved to say is that feelings of being controlled are as equal to STS polarization as feelings of wanting to control. The two go hand in hand explicitly.

[Ankh]

Well, this seems pretty light weight on polarity percentages.

I don't understand this sentence.

The only thing I am moved to say is that feelings of being controlled are as equal to STS polarization as feelings of wanting to control. The two go hand in hand explicitly.

I have always had aversion to being controlled by her. In my childhood I however never had any choice and I despited her for that. Now I am trying to see it differently and to learn to love her unconditionally and also how to stand up for myself and show my streangth without fear. It is very difficult.

In this perticular situation I am allowing her to feel that she is in control because of my desire to help her husband to go to that party.

[3DMonkey]

I didn't mean anything negative saying it is light. I didn't mean insignificant. I meant it doesn't seem to be something that would noticeable move the dial on the polarity-meter.

Hmmm "allowing her to feel". You don't have a choice in that matter. We are all allowed to feel.

You are obviously trying to come to terms with how you feel about it all. It's why you posted.

Some things to remember: to feel obligated by some sort of control mechanism on her part is leaning toward STS. To feel justified by obtaining power over self through the dellusion that you "allow her" is leaning toward STS. To give yourself to provide comfort for her is leaning toward STO. Even to not go with her could result in STO.

What is it that she possesses that gives you a sense of control over you? Her affection? Her finances? Her approval? Her support? We generally fear losing something when we feel controlled.

[unity100]

animalistic/childish orange ray control is not the same as yellow ray polarization.

[Ankh]

Hmmm "allowing her to feel". You don't have a choice in that matter. We are all allowed to feel.

That was a bad choice of words by me. English is not my native language. Of course I can't "allow" her to feel or not to feel anything.

You are obviously trying to come to terms with how you feel about it all. It's why you posted.

The reason to this post was if this a process of polarising. As my question was - I am doing it because I desire to help her husband. She is trying to control me by saying that she is going to prohibit him to go to the party if I am not available. I am doing it not because I have the desire to go out with her, but because I want to help. It might be STS or STO or nothing at all.

What is it that she possesses that gives you a sense of control over you? Her affection? Her finances? Her approval? Her support? We generally fear losing something when we feel controlled.

History.

[Namaste]

I will do this because I have a desire to help. She is controling us now and we are allowing her to do that in this perticular situation. Is this how it is done? She now polarising negatively and we are polarising positively? What do you think?

Hello sister.

Yes, she is polarising negatively as she is using her power to control others (you), for her own benefit. You are polarising positively as your actions are for the benefit of another.

For clarification, if you're partly choosing to go because you'd feel a bit selfish if you didn't, that's also polarising STS, and will reduce the polarisation negatively (although it will still remain on the positive side).

[Ankh]

Hello sister.

Yes, she is polarising negatively as she is using her power to control others (you), for her own benefit. You are polarising positively as your actions are for the benefit of another.

For clarification, if you're partly choosing to go because you'd feel a bit selfish if you didn't, that's also polarising STS, and will reduce the polarisation negatively (although it will still remain on the positive side).

Thank you, brother.

No, not selfish. But I get aversion shivers in my spine by being threatened to do that otherwise she won't let her husband go to the party. She is giving me feeling of guilt and trying to force me into this situation. I would like to do it in order to help her, but have difficulties with this presented situation. Now, if she would simply tell me the situation and then kindly ask me to be her company that evening because she would hate to be alone, I would be glad to help her, but in this situation I am doing it because I want to help her husband as her approach gives me aversion for being in help to her. This is interesting also because of the approach one takes. If someone ask me for help I am glad to offer the help, but if someone approaches me with giving me guilt and threat me I am not inclined to help. Hmmm

[3DMonkey]

Lol "history". Fair enough.

So, you are doing it for his benefit yet she thinks you are doing it because she threatened she wouldn't allow him to go? Sounds like it's exactly what her plan was.

I'd say you are a pawn in their relationship. I'd let them sort it out without getting in the middle. That's me though.

[Ankh]

So, you are doing it for his benefit yet she thinks you are doing it because she threatened she wouldn't allow him to go? Sounds like it's exactly what her plan was.

I'd say you are a pawn in their relationship. I'd let them sort it out without getting in the middle. That's me though.

Lol!!! So now I am the fool who can be scammed.

Gee I mean why it have to be so complicated here? Why not simply ask - listen, my husband is going to a party and I don't want to be alone, would you, please, keep me the company on that evening? Of course!
Why it has to be difficult???

[Namaste]

Thank you, brother.

No, not selfish. But I get aversion shivers in my spine by being threatened to do that otherwise she won't let her husband go to the party. She is giving me feeling of guilt and trying to force me into this situation. I would like to do it in order to help her, but have difficulties with this presented situation. Now, if she would simply tell me the situation and then kindly ask me to be her company that evening because she would hate to be alone, I would be glad to help her, but in this situation I am doing it because I want to help her husband as her approach gives me aversion for being in help to her. This is interesting also because of the approach one takes. If someone ask me for help I am glad to offer the help, but if someone approaches me with giving me guilt and threat me I am not inclined to help. Hmmm

The key here is that you're aware of her drama. Unlike the unconscious controlled, you have an awakened/enlightened view over the situation, which means you still have the choice to not get caught up in it, although still attend. Much easier said than done, but the opportunity still remains.

Think of it like this; regardless of whether your mother asked you in an STS or STO context, the outcome is the same; you're being of service to both parents.

The choices/polarisation they choose themselves is of their own consequence.

What do you think would help them more?

Whether you choose to go, or opt for tough love, i.e. 3DM's recommendation, as long as you choose what you think is best for them, that's the best you can do :¬)

[3DMonkey]

So, you are doing it for his benefit yet she thinks you are doing it because she threatened she wouldn't allow him to go? Sounds like it's exactly what her plan was.

I'd say you are a pawn in their relationship. I'd let them sort it out without getting in the middle. That's me though.

Lol!!! So now I am the fool who can be scammed.

Gee I mean why it have to be so complicated here? Why not simply ask - listen, my husband is going to a party and I don't want to be alone, would you, please, keep me the company on that evening? Of course!
Why it has to be difficult???

Moms. History. Lol. That's the way moms are I think. Difficult. Maybe I'm biased because I have a mother .

My mom wants everything to be sooo dramaatic and meeeeaningful. I asked her recently about getting info on my deceased father's background. She says "do you want to know about that? There is a way to get info on that, if you want to know about it." it's been 32 years and she wants a soap opera response from me. Just the info please. 'Why!' hahaha.

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Actually, I'm pretty good at steering clear of mom. Mom has always been one to make sure I'm never good enough- always with the "you need to", never with the "let me help you."

I get the shivers too. I comply with special events. I go with the flow, make her happy, then I get out fast and am free for another 6-8 weeks. What really helps me is that my wife gets along with her better than I.

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animalistic/childish orange ray control is not the same as yellow ray polarization.

True statement. It gives me a visual of a dog snapping at another over food rights.