01-28-2022, 06:53 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-29-2022, 12:28 PM by loverising.)
Hello friends,
Writing this makes my heart feel open and I am glad to share my personal experience with you. I believe many here reading have struggled in communicating these ideas. This forum is a blessing. I want to show thanks and appreciation to everyone here for their openness, kindness, and love.
My youth was energetic, fun, and playful. I am still this way. As a small infant I am told I came into the world crying and nothing could make me stop. I do not remember that trauma, but the strong dissatisfaction of this place has never gone away. My mother had me very young and I do not come from a “traditional” family structure. I went to Sunday school as a child and church on holidays sometimes Sunday’s but reigion was not enforced. My mother, lives and breathes by the law of free will (almost to a perfect fault) and I now believe it is the reason I chose her to thrive in an environment of free will and choice.
Life goes by … through self-destructive tendencies I tried to escape the feelings of not belonging and trying to numb the pain starting as a teenager. I have felt many betrayals and experienced many emotions that acted as experience catalysts in my life. I could never understand why love wasn’t given more freely or why people did bad things.
The destructive tendencies reached a point of indefinite make or break in my early 20’s. I did what was the only thing I knew how to do. I prayed. Deeply and lovingly. When I prayed I felt I could reach a perspective of forgivenesses for myself that alleviated the pain. My spirituality was with astronomy and practicing yoga. Sometimes when I practiced yoga my entire body would tingle and felt orgasmic that made it a very pleasurable experience. I wasn’t aware of it then, but these were footsteps along my journey that started years before just like every other catalyst that set in motion my own experiences.
Astrology taught me(self) about my(self). Wow. This is neat. My basic chart for those wondering is leo sun[11th house], scorpio moon[2nd house], libra rising with Mars in first house of libra. I could talk for hours about astrology! The 2016 presidential campaign (Bernie Sanders fan here) was a shock to my system about large scale injustice and in turn lack of trust of so-called science and anything that is so sure about anything. I became increasingly skeptical about the world around me. Sometimes in unhealthier doses, but it’s all about balance.
This was the perfect storm.
Enough build up lol ..
My kundalini/spiritual awakening happened at a younger age. I was 23, it was 2018. I was outside on my apartment’s porch and something prompted me out of nowhere to start meditating. It wasn’t an audible voice, but a thought suggestion that came to me that felt strong. Ok. I sat down on my porch and faced the sun with my eyes shut. Something happened. I didn’t feel alone, and the only way I can really describe it is by saying I felt connected to the light. It was such a beautiful feeling of pure love. There was a transference of information and something wanted to connect with me. This light was telling me everything would be okay. I was not afraid or worried in the slightest but overwhelmed with joy. It told me to think of God as the “Divine Creator” and not an overbearing God in the way I had believed it to be from my Christian upbringing. This “God” was the creator of the universe and it was powerful. I asked why bad things happen to good people, and it told me (through thought) because of the free will we have in this place. I began thinking of Jesus and was enlightened that he did exist in the way I knew. I started to cry with how powerful it felt. I was told I would never be alone, even though I had felt so alone and almost useless in the world prior to this. My feelings of helplessness and misery washed away, not immediately, but this connection felt so deep. It felt like I was being supported by light beings as guides. In the weeks prior to this happening I took psychedelic mushrooms and had a powerful trip that I believe set in motion my spiritual awakening experience. I was enlightened with feelings of the connectedness of everything that felt deep, I experienced immense feelings of independence that I was comfortable with for the first time. I have never liked being alone and had co-dependent tendencies. I do not like taking LSD as I feel it is man-made and not as pure while on it. It makes me feel dirty. I struggled for awhile to make sense of everything as it was happening. I had extremely vivid lucid dreams after, most of them I was flying and could fly wherever I wanted on a whim, over oceans, and for a brief moment around the pyramid of Giza. I feel a strong inclination to Egypt and it is my favorite topic of ancient history. I spent many weeks online trying to find any information about what I experienced. Was I going crazy? I couldn’t even fathom I was crazy because I knew in my soul it was pure and real. It took me down many rabbit holes, ancient stories about the creation of the universe, astrology, starseeds, aliens, Maldek, and everything in between. It felt familiar but still out of order and not quite right, but very, very, close. I still had many questions and no one to talk to. It was not an easy experience and my life shifted upside down. When people talk about spiritual awakenings as being hard it is because you are forced to shed all things that no longer serve your spiritual growth. It becomes unconscious as you no longer have a tolerance for things that do not serve your life’s purpose anymore. I lived like a hermit for over a year and continued expanding my knowledge of everything divine. I was alone and forced to confront my demons. I felt like I couldn’t relate to anyone anymore, I didn’t want to bring other people down with my confused energy while I was going through it. And I didn’t want to be perceived crazy for talking about it. My concepts of spirituality are fluid and I am constantly learning and delving into occult knowledge to expand my ideas of the world. Whenever I have the (free) time.
3 years later. 2021. I am now longer prone to destructive tendencies and have very loving relationships with those who I am close with. My circle is smaller but not in Love. I am not perfect and have made mistakes along the way to get to this point of peace. Now that I have the time to reflect on my previous experiences I have feelings of guilt/shame/and lack of forgiveness for myself and my choices. I have regrets and can feel the gaps in my knowledge and growth getting larger as depression creeps in from working at a job I don’t like and feeling just completely dissatisfied with the way things are.
2 weeks ago. I stumbled upon the Law of One. I was trying to find old reading materials from my first spiritual awakening experience and found the sessions. Immediate connection and joy. Every word. I am almost through all the sessions and plan on ordering every book. I am devoted and it feels like I am home. This beautiful evolution I call my life has made every experience worth it to get to here. I am looking forward to every experience hereafter. I am meditating on healing and eventually how I can properly, at the right time, be of proper service to others in the most meaningful ways.
Thank you for hearing my story. I know I’m not alone but sometimes it feels that way. I am so grateful to be able to reach out to you and share love.
I want to add for whoever wants to read (I hope this is allowed) I had a psychedelic mushroom experience 5 months after the spiritual awakening. It was a profound experience that felt connected to my spiritual awakening, or say the same source. Maybe someone can relate as Ra says psychedelic experiences can open holes for connection.
1/22/19 The experience started out as a normal and familiar one. The anticipation of what was to come. That heavy body feeling that appears when it starts sinking in. Reality was adjusting to my new normal and I could feel it. We left abruptly and headed for the beach. Laugher the entire car ride to our destination. It was raining but we didn’t mind. When we stepped out of the car I felt the effects of gravity shifting. I stumbled over something but my reflexes were sharp and I caught myself. Awareness became heightened. Confusion and struggle to do simple things like find the steps down into the beach. We reached the water where waves crash on the beach. I felt the unforgiving tides of the ocean and was intimidated by its magnitude and pure indifference. The ocean appeared evil and malicious. Chaotic. I pushed those feelings aside and focused on the sand instead. Ripples of sand in the ground holding perfect shape and mold. We pondered on it’s shape and form for what seemed like hours. From the shore I watched a friend dancing in the distance by the water. Her body seemed to blend into the colors of her environment. We laughed at it’s beauty. It was a cold and rainy night but we didn’t care. The beach was foggy and grey, no stars were visible. I began hearing things far away. I heard a train five miles away going by. I heard dump trucks when no cars were in sight. Auditory hallucinations were unfamiliar to me and I felt alarmed but kept those thoughts to myself. During the peak we all aimlessly walked around the beach in our own thoughts. I approached my cousin who was standing by the water. I approached her and felt the weight of the trip taken away from me when my feet touched the water. The ocean seemed calmer and more graceful. We looked into the sky and for a mere moment it cleared above our heads and we saw stars. I was undeniably sure it was a message “everything is going to be okay” I smiled and laughed as the weight was lifted. I felt a rush of euphoria that caused me to spin around with joy. This feeling set the stage for proper loving open connection about to happen. When I turned around to face the water again the experience took on a new direction. Suddenly everything within sight was latticed with a geometric pattern. It was everywhere. Grey outlines of geometric shapes filled my view. I shook my head and turned my head expecting it to go away. But it was still there. What is this? Everything before me was in perfect symmetry and alignment with the diamond shapes. I was stunned. I showed my cousin the shape by drawing it in the sand. She, who had taken a much lower dose, listened intently but didn’t see what I was seeing. What is going on? Everywhere I looked this pattern was imprinted in my view. I couldn’t escape it. I closed my eyes and saw a figure in perfect meditation encapsulated by a purple aura. Surrounded by an energy field. I walked back up to the beach where my friends were. We all laid on the beach in a row facing the sky. The overwhelmingness of it all was just beginning. In the sky I saw a geometric spiral. The one mathematicians use for perfect symmetry. More auditory hallucinations began. A male and female voice singing different tones. I was convinced it had to be my friend singing but when I looked at her it was complete silence. I turned my head away again, overwhelmed with what I was experiencing. My ego trying to take control. I felt like I couldn’t handle the magnitude of what I was experiencing. But it continued, I decided I would proceed with it. In the sky at the center of the spiral, 3-D boxes popped out of thin air. Each a different color representing a different tone I was hearing. The yellow box I heard “Faaaa” the green box, a females voice I heard “Meeee”. The blue box a different tone and so on. I abruptly sat up from the sand and shook my head again, I questioned my sanity. I shook my head violently. This is when I experienced something completely foreign to me. A moment when I couldn’t differentiate if my eyes were opened or closed. Alas, before me I was inside of a yellow vortex propelling me forward. I never reached the end, my ego wouldn’t allow it. I gained my senses back and saw the beach again. With the same flower of life pattern everywhere. The peak was fading and I was becoming accustomed to the shapes around me. I just starred in awe. It began to rain harder. We continued to sit and take everything in. We decided to head back. It had been hours since we first entered the beach. We walked to the car. When we first arrived I was wearing shoes. When we left I was proudly barefoot, covered in sand and soaking wet but didn’t mind. My hair was matted from the wind. We got inside and began playing music “electric feel” made us all sing along carefree. As we drove past neon lights everything seemed so bright and alive compared to the murky grey scene of the dark beach. The trip was ending, I could feel it. Saddened it was subsiding, I tried to hold onto it for longer. Letting the full force of it engulf me. When we arrived back home we talked about our experiences. My dog, who could sense our heightened serotonin levels, eagerly played and cuddled beside us. He was overjoyed with our mental state, and energy we were giving off. When I began talking about the shapes I was seeing it was apparent I had been the only one experiencing it. I felt confused and wanted to make sense of it all. I scanned the internet for similar shapes. I then realized what I was seeing was indeed the flower of life pattern. I didn’t know why or how or who but I knew it had to mean something. All trips are profound in their own way. Each shedding some kind of light or truth, coming from an unfamiliar source. But this time it felt like some entity wanted to show me something beyond my grasp. Something I would never be able to fully understand but something that had to be acknowledged.
Update: 6/19/19 After the months following my last psychedelic experience I have come to form a concept of what it all means. This point of view is subjective and completely unique to my individual experience and the events that followed. I have pondered that journey everyday since it happened. The sense of “knowing” and complete confusion at the same time. Inside of me I knew what the patterns meant, it was very much there, but I couldn’t bring it into my conscious thoughts. My spiritual evolution started with astrology and it always brings me back there. Patterns. The cosmos demands a universal balance. The order outside of the chaos. Karmic debt and universal laws maintain this balance. Balance must, at all costs, be attained inside of the patterns and symmetry. We can try as much as we’d like to find this balance, if we don’t, we must try again, and again, and again, until we find peace. As above, so below.
Thank you for reading my story. I hope we can connect and rejoice in our experiences that brought us here in perfect divinity. Love is all.
Writing this makes my heart feel open and I am glad to share my personal experience with you. I believe many here reading have struggled in communicating these ideas. This forum is a blessing. I want to show thanks and appreciation to everyone here for their openness, kindness, and love.
My youth was energetic, fun, and playful. I am still this way. As a small infant I am told I came into the world crying and nothing could make me stop. I do not remember that trauma, but the strong dissatisfaction of this place has never gone away. My mother had me very young and I do not come from a “traditional” family structure. I went to Sunday school as a child and church on holidays sometimes Sunday’s but reigion was not enforced. My mother, lives and breathes by the law of free will (almost to a perfect fault) and I now believe it is the reason I chose her to thrive in an environment of free will and choice.
Life goes by … through self-destructive tendencies I tried to escape the feelings of not belonging and trying to numb the pain starting as a teenager. I have felt many betrayals and experienced many emotions that acted as experience catalysts in my life. I could never understand why love wasn’t given more freely or why people did bad things.
The destructive tendencies reached a point of indefinite make or break in my early 20’s. I did what was the only thing I knew how to do. I prayed. Deeply and lovingly. When I prayed I felt I could reach a perspective of forgivenesses for myself that alleviated the pain. My spirituality was with astronomy and practicing yoga. Sometimes when I practiced yoga my entire body would tingle and felt orgasmic that made it a very pleasurable experience. I wasn’t aware of it then, but these were footsteps along my journey that started years before just like every other catalyst that set in motion my own experiences.
Astrology taught me(self) about my(self). Wow. This is neat. My basic chart for those wondering is leo sun[11th house], scorpio moon[2nd house], libra rising with Mars in first house of libra. I could talk for hours about astrology! The 2016 presidential campaign (Bernie Sanders fan here) was a shock to my system about large scale injustice and in turn lack of trust of so-called science and anything that is so sure about anything. I became increasingly skeptical about the world around me. Sometimes in unhealthier doses, but it’s all about balance.
This was the perfect storm.
Enough build up lol ..
My kundalini/spiritual awakening happened at a younger age. I was 23, it was 2018. I was outside on my apartment’s porch and something prompted me out of nowhere to start meditating. It wasn’t an audible voice, but a thought suggestion that came to me that felt strong. Ok. I sat down on my porch and faced the sun with my eyes shut. Something happened. I didn’t feel alone, and the only way I can really describe it is by saying I felt connected to the light. It was such a beautiful feeling of pure love. There was a transference of information and something wanted to connect with me. This light was telling me everything would be okay. I was not afraid or worried in the slightest but overwhelmed with joy. It told me to think of God as the “Divine Creator” and not an overbearing God in the way I had believed it to be from my Christian upbringing. This “God” was the creator of the universe and it was powerful. I asked why bad things happen to good people, and it told me (through thought) because of the free will we have in this place. I began thinking of Jesus and was enlightened that he did exist in the way I knew. I started to cry with how powerful it felt. I was told I would never be alone, even though I had felt so alone and almost useless in the world prior to this. My feelings of helplessness and misery washed away, not immediately, but this connection felt so deep. It felt like I was being supported by light beings as guides. In the weeks prior to this happening I took psychedelic mushrooms and had a powerful trip that I believe set in motion my spiritual awakening experience. I was enlightened with feelings of the connectedness of everything that felt deep, I experienced immense feelings of independence that I was comfortable with for the first time. I have never liked being alone and had co-dependent tendencies. I do not like taking LSD as I feel it is man-made and not as pure while on it. It makes me feel dirty. I struggled for awhile to make sense of everything as it was happening. I had extremely vivid lucid dreams after, most of them I was flying and could fly wherever I wanted on a whim, over oceans, and for a brief moment around the pyramid of Giza. I feel a strong inclination to Egypt and it is my favorite topic of ancient history. I spent many weeks online trying to find any information about what I experienced. Was I going crazy? I couldn’t even fathom I was crazy because I knew in my soul it was pure and real. It took me down many rabbit holes, ancient stories about the creation of the universe, astrology, starseeds, aliens, Maldek, and everything in between. It felt familiar but still out of order and not quite right, but very, very, close. I still had many questions and no one to talk to. It was not an easy experience and my life shifted upside down. When people talk about spiritual awakenings as being hard it is because you are forced to shed all things that no longer serve your spiritual growth. It becomes unconscious as you no longer have a tolerance for things that do not serve your life’s purpose anymore. I lived like a hermit for over a year and continued expanding my knowledge of everything divine. I was alone and forced to confront my demons. I felt like I couldn’t relate to anyone anymore, I didn’t want to bring other people down with my confused energy while I was going through it. And I didn’t want to be perceived crazy for talking about it. My concepts of spirituality are fluid and I am constantly learning and delving into occult knowledge to expand my ideas of the world. Whenever I have the (free) time.
3 years later. 2021. I am now longer prone to destructive tendencies and have very loving relationships with those who I am close with. My circle is smaller but not in Love. I am not perfect and have made mistakes along the way to get to this point of peace. Now that I have the time to reflect on my previous experiences I have feelings of guilt/shame/and lack of forgiveness for myself and my choices. I have regrets and can feel the gaps in my knowledge and growth getting larger as depression creeps in from working at a job I don’t like and feeling just completely dissatisfied with the way things are.
2 weeks ago. I stumbled upon the Law of One. I was trying to find old reading materials from my first spiritual awakening experience and found the sessions. Immediate connection and joy. Every word. I am almost through all the sessions and plan on ordering every book. I am devoted and it feels like I am home. This beautiful evolution I call my life has made every experience worth it to get to here. I am looking forward to every experience hereafter. I am meditating on healing and eventually how I can properly, at the right time, be of proper service to others in the most meaningful ways.
Thank you for hearing my story. I know I’m not alone but sometimes it feels that way. I am so grateful to be able to reach out to you and share love.
I want to add for whoever wants to read (I hope this is allowed) I had a psychedelic mushroom experience 5 months after the spiritual awakening. It was a profound experience that felt connected to my spiritual awakening, or say the same source. Maybe someone can relate as Ra says psychedelic experiences can open holes for connection.
1/22/19 The experience started out as a normal and familiar one. The anticipation of what was to come. That heavy body feeling that appears when it starts sinking in. Reality was adjusting to my new normal and I could feel it. We left abruptly and headed for the beach. Laugher the entire car ride to our destination. It was raining but we didn’t mind. When we stepped out of the car I felt the effects of gravity shifting. I stumbled over something but my reflexes were sharp and I caught myself. Awareness became heightened. Confusion and struggle to do simple things like find the steps down into the beach. We reached the water where waves crash on the beach. I felt the unforgiving tides of the ocean and was intimidated by its magnitude and pure indifference. The ocean appeared evil and malicious. Chaotic. I pushed those feelings aside and focused on the sand instead. Ripples of sand in the ground holding perfect shape and mold. We pondered on it’s shape and form for what seemed like hours. From the shore I watched a friend dancing in the distance by the water. Her body seemed to blend into the colors of her environment. We laughed at it’s beauty. It was a cold and rainy night but we didn’t care. The beach was foggy and grey, no stars were visible. I began hearing things far away. I heard a train five miles away going by. I heard dump trucks when no cars were in sight. Auditory hallucinations were unfamiliar to me and I felt alarmed but kept those thoughts to myself. During the peak we all aimlessly walked around the beach in our own thoughts. I approached my cousin who was standing by the water. I approached her and felt the weight of the trip taken away from me when my feet touched the water. The ocean seemed calmer and more graceful. We looked into the sky and for a mere moment it cleared above our heads and we saw stars. I was undeniably sure it was a message “everything is going to be okay” I smiled and laughed as the weight was lifted. I felt a rush of euphoria that caused me to spin around with joy. This feeling set the stage for proper loving open connection about to happen. When I turned around to face the water again the experience took on a new direction. Suddenly everything within sight was latticed with a geometric pattern. It was everywhere. Grey outlines of geometric shapes filled my view. I shook my head and turned my head expecting it to go away. But it was still there. What is this? Everything before me was in perfect symmetry and alignment with the diamond shapes. I was stunned. I showed my cousin the shape by drawing it in the sand. She, who had taken a much lower dose, listened intently but didn’t see what I was seeing. What is going on? Everywhere I looked this pattern was imprinted in my view. I couldn’t escape it. I closed my eyes and saw a figure in perfect meditation encapsulated by a purple aura. Surrounded by an energy field. I walked back up to the beach where my friends were. We all laid on the beach in a row facing the sky. The overwhelmingness of it all was just beginning. In the sky I saw a geometric spiral. The one mathematicians use for perfect symmetry. More auditory hallucinations began. A male and female voice singing different tones. I was convinced it had to be my friend singing but when I looked at her it was complete silence. I turned my head away again, overwhelmed with what I was experiencing. My ego trying to take control. I felt like I couldn’t handle the magnitude of what I was experiencing. But it continued, I decided I would proceed with it. In the sky at the center of the spiral, 3-D boxes popped out of thin air. Each a different color representing a different tone I was hearing. The yellow box I heard “Faaaa” the green box, a females voice I heard “Meeee”. The blue box a different tone and so on. I abruptly sat up from the sand and shook my head again, I questioned my sanity. I shook my head violently. This is when I experienced something completely foreign to me. A moment when I couldn’t differentiate if my eyes were opened or closed. Alas, before me I was inside of a yellow vortex propelling me forward. I never reached the end, my ego wouldn’t allow it. I gained my senses back and saw the beach again. With the same flower of life pattern everywhere. The peak was fading and I was becoming accustomed to the shapes around me. I just starred in awe. It began to rain harder. We continued to sit and take everything in. We decided to head back. It had been hours since we first entered the beach. We walked to the car. When we first arrived I was wearing shoes. When we left I was proudly barefoot, covered in sand and soaking wet but didn’t mind. My hair was matted from the wind. We got inside and began playing music “electric feel” made us all sing along carefree. As we drove past neon lights everything seemed so bright and alive compared to the murky grey scene of the dark beach. The trip was ending, I could feel it. Saddened it was subsiding, I tried to hold onto it for longer. Letting the full force of it engulf me. When we arrived back home we talked about our experiences. My dog, who could sense our heightened serotonin levels, eagerly played and cuddled beside us. He was overjoyed with our mental state, and energy we were giving off. When I began talking about the shapes I was seeing it was apparent I had been the only one experiencing it. I felt confused and wanted to make sense of it all. I scanned the internet for similar shapes. I then realized what I was seeing was indeed the flower of life pattern. I didn’t know why or how or who but I knew it had to mean something. All trips are profound in their own way. Each shedding some kind of light or truth, coming from an unfamiliar source. But this time it felt like some entity wanted to show me something beyond my grasp. Something I would never be able to fully understand but something that had to be acknowledged.
Update: 6/19/19 After the months following my last psychedelic experience I have come to form a concept of what it all means. This point of view is subjective and completely unique to my individual experience and the events that followed. I have pondered that journey everyday since it happened. The sense of “knowing” and complete confusion at the same time. Inside of me I knew what the patterns meant, it was very much there, but I couldn’t bring it into my conscious thoughts. My spiritual evolution started with astrology and it always brings me back there. Patterns. The cosmos demands a universal balance. The order outside of the chaos. Karmic debt and universal laws maintain this balance. Balance must, at all costs, be attained inside of the patterns and symmetry. We can try as much as we’d like to find this balance, if we don’t, we must try again, and again, and again, until we find peace. As above, so below.
Thank you for reading my story. I hope we can connect and rejoice in our experiences that brought us here in perfect divinity. Love is all.
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)
