Depression and Accepting or Resisting Futility

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

[RitaJC]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

How many of those suggestions have you actually started to implement? And for how long have you been doing it?

Edit: forget it. As long as you are mis-identifying yourself with the small separate self = person, you will never feel better. Because the body can't stop giving you those signals through that discomfort that it's time for you to wake up to who you really are = the One Infinite Creator.

[Minyatur]

Nothing is inherently futile. Everything is love and light, whether you see futility or meaning is your choice of perception that your entertain. Depression is having deeply rooted in your mind negative and pessimistic thought patterns that are fired up at any and every occasion in your life (beware of negative thinking before sleep). Stepping out of depression is making the conscious choice, again and again, to see each thing in a better light.

If you can't enjoy the small things, no amount of having more will really bring you joy. You will just stop having an excuse to escape yourself and will be brought back to how you feel empty and unwhole with yourself.

[kristina]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

Sounds like to me someone is going through the dark night of the soul.
Endings, endings and more endings. This is a turning point for you. As you must see all the things that I would consider "passing away". So, can you make this big decision? Can you walk this path? Is this possible for you? Can you take the emptiness and are you able to surrender to what is? What is in front of you!
You are passing through the fire of refinement my friend. There's no need to say, "maybe to die would be better!" Do you want to be refined? If so, you will have to pass through the fire. If not, you can pick up unconscious habits to delay your progress and delay the pain in which you are feeling right now. It will not get worse I promise but you are being asked to now do the work. But can you? Only you can answer that question. If what is laid out before you could not be obtained by you, it would not be before you. This is you calling you not some other outside force of another world or a form of torture to see you suffer. This is your cross road, your crux. Now, what will you do?
These things are merely catalyst and we can either rise to the occassion or dismiss it. If we dismiss it, it will be back. I tell my Stepson, this is where you will be working from; from this point. I can't tell you anything more than that. You will be working on your loneliness, from separation, from forgiveness of the self and of the other who have left you in a vunerable spot. Phoenix, this is your journey. Do not be down trodden because you have been called to be of service to yourself and the other. Don't lose spiritual vitality because this road of which you have chosen before this incarnation is in full swing. let me give you a prescription of sorts Phoenix.
1.Wake every morning and look in the mirror and tell that person you love them. Even if at first it seems "futile".
2. Meditate at least every other day for as long as you can stand it
3. In your mind tell your Mother you love her anyway and also your friend whom you miss
4. Tell yourself that you forgive any shortcomings you percieve you may have and forgive every wrong doing that the two people who you are currently dealing with
5. Buy white sage and burn it before and during your meditations to make your area a neutral place for your meditations. And ask to be guarded by the four directions or the four Archangels during your meditations.
Do these things every day.
If you feel sad, cry and cry as much as you feel but do not forget to love, nuture and forgive yourself as you are like a vunerable child. So protect and nuture the vunerable child.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

How many of those suggestions have you actually started to implement? And for how long have you been doing it?

Edit: forget it. As long as you are mis-identifying yourself with the small separate self = person, you will never feel better. Because the body can't stop giving you those signals through that discomfort that it's time for you to wake up to who you really are = the One Infinite Creator.

I literally just found this video last night. Right now, I'm working to face and accepf the futility. I intend to rewatch the video to impleme g the rest of her advice, although I cannot afford to buy her book.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

Sounds like to me someone is going through the dark night of the soul.
Endings, endings and more endings. This is a turning point for you. As you must see all the things that I would consider "passing away". So, can you make this big decision? Can you walk this path? Is this possible for you? Can you take the emptiness and are you able to surrender to what is? What is in front of you!
You are passing through the fire of refinement my friend. There's no need to say, "maybe to die would be better!" Do you want to be refined? If so, you will have to pass through the fire. If not, you can pick up unconscious habits to delay your progress and delay the pain in which you are feeling right now. It will not get worse I promise but you are being asked to now do the work. But can you? Only you can answer that question. If what is laid out before you could not be obtained by you, it would not be before you. This is you calling you not some other outside force of another world or a form of torture to see you suffer. This is your cross road, your crux. Now, what will you do?
These things are merely catalyst and we can either rise to the occassion or dismiss it. If we dismiss it, it will be back. I tell my Stepson, this is where you will be working from; from this point. I can't tell you anything more than that. You will be working on your loneliness, from separation, from forgiveness of the self and of the other who have left you in a vunerable spot. Phoenix, this is your journey. Do not be down trodden because you have been called to be of service to yourself and the other. Don't lose spiritual vitality because this road of which you have chosen before this incarnation is in full swing. let me give you a prescription of sorts Phoenix.
1.Wake every morning and look in the mirror and tell that person you love them. Even if at first it seems "futile".
2. Meditate at least every other day for as long as you can stand it
3. In your mind tell your Mother you love her anyway and also your friend whom you miss
4. Tell yourself that you forgive any shortcomings you percieve you may have and forgive every wrong doing that the two people who you are currently dealing with
5. Buy white sage and burn it before and during your meditations to make your area a neutral place for your meditations. And ask to be guarded by the four directions or the four Archangels during your meditations.
Do these things every day.
If you feel sad, cry and cry as much as you feel but do not forget to love, nuture and forgive yourself as you are like a vunerable child. So protect and nuture the vunerable child.

"If what is laid out before you could not be obtained by you, it would not be before you."

What's being laid out before me? I can't contact my friend and my mom has made it painfully clear she will not change.

1. I shall do that. Thanks.
2. I meditate as best I can although I'm not very good at it.
3. I do this.
4. I do this as well.
5. I can't afford white sage and if I burned it, mom would probably complain, but I can to the lesser banishing pentagram ritual.

Anyway, thanks for the tips. I shall endeavor to implement them as best I can.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Nothing is inherently futile. Everything is love and light, whether you see futility or meaning is your choice of perception that your entertain. Depression is having deeply rooted in your mind negative and pessimistic thought patterns that are fired up at any and every occasion in your life (beware of negative thinking before sleep). Stepping out of depression is making the conscious choice, again and again, to see each thing in a better light.

If you can't enjoy the small things, no amount of having more will really bring you joy. You will just stop having an excuse to escape yourself and will be brought back to how you feel empty and unwhole with yourself.

No, Teal Swan was right. Depression comes from resisting futility. And "nothing is inherently futile" you go ahead and tell me how I can get my friend back or get my mom to change then. Because I am all out of answers. As long as free will exists, any hopes I have for getting my friend back or having a real relationship with my mom are futile because their free will choice is what it is. My friend chooses by her own free will that she wants nothing to do with me and doesnt want to change her mind. My mom chooses of her own free will that she will seperate herself from others, although her decision is less conscious, it's still her decision.

Trying to get them to make another decision is futile. They choose by their own free will not to have a relationship with me. And it doesn't matter to either one of them how painful that is to me.

[Minyatur]

Nothing is inherently futile. Everything is love and light, whether you see futility or meaning is your choice of perception that your entertain. Depression is having deeply rooted in your mind negative and pessimistic thought patterns that are fired up at any and every occasion in your life (beware of negative thinking before sleep). Stepping out of depression is making the conscious choice, again and again, to see each thing in a better light.

If you can't enjoy the small things, no amount of having more will really bring you joy. You will just stop having an excuse to escape yourself and will be brought back to how you feel empty and unwhole with yourself.

No, Teal Swan was right. Depression comes from resisting futility. And "nothing is inherently futile" you go ahead and tell me how I can get my friend back or get my mom to change then. Because I am all out of answers. As long as free will exists, any hopes I have for getting my friend back or having a real relationship with my mom are futile because their free will choice is what it is. My friend chooses by her own free will that she wants nothing to do with me and doesnt want to change her mind. My mom chooses of her own free will that she will seperate herself from others, although her decision is less conscious, it's still her decision.

Trying to get them to make another decision is futile. They choose by their own free will not to have a relationship with me. And it doesn't matter to either one of them how painful that is to me.

I think depression is closer to being stuck in the past, this creates wanting things to be different or to have been otherwise, instead of being grounded in the present and accepting how they are.
That is a bit why things rise up in meditation, you see why you can't just sit with yourself in the present moment and move through the part of yourself that is a creature of memories and beliefs into realigning with the deeper part of you that is closer to infinity.

I don't like the word futility because I often see a lack of honesty in its usage. It's a bit like how when people say they don't care about something, they are really just polarizing the fact that they care negatively as they create separation in their heart. It is trying to overcome and that is not all that much helpful. So I think calling something futile is attempting to toss away the part of you that you need to nurture yourself with love. There is a real need to be addressed, but not through yourself found in others and instead really sitting alone with it. While you can blame others to inflict emotional pain or be uncaring about it, it really is always your mind that keeps the wound open and does not turn to seek to be well with it.

Respecting and honoring another's free will is a requisite to positively love someone. That's the difference between loving and needing someone, between positive and negative love, between a love that radiates freely or draws and absorbs to itself. The part of you that wants to force yourself on someone is not the part of you that loves them. Our needs are rooted in our instincts and it is of the nature of catalysts to shake us off from that template into realizing what we really are. In acceptance we transcend them and reach heart-found love, in rejection we crystallize them as blockages and cut ourselves from heart-found love.

If you love someone sincerely and they want to be without you, you should tell them that you wish them well and that you will be there if they come to need you.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Nothing is inherently futile. Everything is love and light, whether you see futility or meaning is your choice of perception that your entertain. Depression is having deeply rooted in your mind negative and pessimistic thought patterns that are fired up at any and every occasion in your life (beware of negative thinking before sleep). Stepping out of depression is making the conscious choice, again and again, to see each thing in a better light.

If you can't enjoy the small things, no amount of having more will really bring you joy. You will just stop having an excuse to escape yourself and will be brought back to how you feel empty and unwhole with yourself.

No, Teal Swan was right. Depression comes from resisting futility. And "nothing is inherently futile" you go ahead and tell me how I can get my friend back or get my mom to change then. Because I am all out of answers. As long as free will exists, any hopes I have for getting my friend back or having a real relationship with my mom are futile because their free will choice is what it is. My friend chooses by her own free will that she wants nothing to do with me and doesnt want to change her mind. My mom chooses of her own free will that she will seperate herself from others, although her decision is less conscious, it's still her decision.

Trying to get them to make another decision is futile. They choose by their own free will not to have a relationship with me. And it doesn't matter to either one of them how painful that is to me.

I think depression is closer to being stuck in the past, this creates wanting things to be different or to have been otherwise, instead of being grounded in the present and accepting how they are.

Oh, you mean like accepting the FUTILITY of wanting them to be different? Sounds like you're telling me to stop resisting futility.

You literally just took the SAME CONCEPT and re-worded it.

That is a bit why things rise up in meditation, you see why you can't just sit with yourself in the present moment and move through the part of yourself that is a creature of memories and beliefs into realigning with the deeper part of you that is closer to infinity.

I don't like the word futility because I often see a lack of honesty in its usage. It's a bit like how when people say they don't care about something, they are really just polarizing the fact that they care negatively as they create separation in their heart. It is trying to overcome and that is not all that much helpful. So I think calling something futile is attempting to toss away the part of you that you need to nurture yourself with love. There is a real need to be addressed, but not through yourself found in others and instead really sitting alone with it. While you can blame others to inflict emotional pain or be uncaring about it, it really is always your mind that keeps the wound open and does not turn to seek to be well with it.  

Respecting and honoring another's free will is a requisite to positively love someone. That's the difference between loving and needing someone, between positive and negative love, between a love that radiates freely or draws and absorbs to itself. The part of you that wants to force yourself on someone is not the part of you that loves them. Our needs are rooted in our instincts and it is of the nature of catalysts to shake us off from that template into realizing what we really are. In acceptance we transcend them and reach heart-found love, in rejection we crystallize them as blockages and cut ourselves from heart-found love.

If you love someone sincerely and they want to be without you, you should tell them that you wish them well and that you will be there if they come to need you.

I never said I wanted to force myself on someone. Just to convince them to change their mind. And I realize that by their own free will they choose to close themselves off and have nothing to do with me, and now I'm trying to deal with the pain and move forward. I realize nothing I can say or do will convince them and that is the futility. Hoping I can convince my friend otherwise someway somehow at some point in time to give me another chance. I'm not looking to violate her free will or I'd be doing black magick. You seem to fundamentally misunderstand that about me: I AM NOT LOOKING TO INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S FREE WILL. If I didn't respect their free will, I would be trying to infringe upon it. NAME ONE WAY I have tried to violate my friend's free will. NAME ONE. I haven't because I'm not looking to violate anyone's free will. But because they HAVE free will and have made it abundantly clear that they choose of their own free will to have nothing to do with me and that's that, I say, quite rightly, that hoping to change their mind is to resist futility. Now by "hoping to change their mind" I feel I must clarify to you, because you obviously have proven in numerous posts not to get this, I DO NOT MEAN TO "FORCE" them to change their mind. I mean to convince them. You say "Nothing's inherently futile" So tell me what isn't futile about wanting to convince this exfriend of mine to give me another chance? Seems futile to me, because there's free will. I'm not looking to "Force myself" on this person and infringe their free will. You just ASSUMED that about me. Wrongly.

Now if nothing's inherently futile, you go ahead and tell me what can convince this person to give me another chance, otherwise, you are wrong. Some things are inherently futile, like trying to convince someone who wants nothing to do with you to give you another chance.

You not liking the word "futile" changes nothing about the reality of it. Unless you can think of a way to convince this person to accept me back (convincing is NOT the same as forcing, btw) stop telling me the situation isn't futile, because it objectively, empirically is.

[Minyatur]

Like I said, it is not so much about the word but the manner in which it is used. Before saying that it is futile to attempt to change someone that does not want to, I would say it is futile to ignore what the moment is bringing to your attention so that you can change, but its not worthless either and instead there's meaning to it.

I never spoke so much of infringing actions and more of the nature of human emotions. You've stated that you want to heal, a healed state is not a state of need but a state of wholeness with yourself. Respecting and honoring free will in the deep sense is not just to not act against it, but to actually love someone for every choice they make. Not despite them, for them. It is not that you want to force their mind to change, just wanting it to be to be different means wanting someone to be who they are not.

I think you are pained because you see your attempts as worthless, when they are not. It is beautiful that someone meant so much to you, one day you'll probably see a gift in it that you will be thankful for whether you've had more or not, but it isn't true to say that you cannot be whole without them.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Like I said, it is not so much about the word but the manner in which it is used. Before saying that it is futile to attempt to change someone that does not want to, I would say it is futile to ignore what the moment is bringing to your attention so that you can change, but its not worthless either and instead there's meaning to it.

I never spoke so much of infringing actions and more of the nature of human emotions. You've stated that you want to heal, a healed state is not a state of need but a state of wholeness with yourself. Respecting and honoring free will in the deep sense is not just to not act against it, but to actually love someone for every choice they make. Not despite them, for them. It is not that you want to force their mind to change, just wanting it to be to be different means wanting someone to be who they are not.

I think you are pained because you see your attempts as worthless, when they are not. It is beautiful that someone meant so much to you, one day you'll probably see a gift in it that you will be thankful for whether you've had more or not, but it isn't true to say that you cannot be whole without them.

I'm pained because I see my attempts as futile. Whether or not there's any worth to them, it does not change the fact that the "village gate" will not open for me, to use Teal Swan's metaphor. Added pain comes from the fact that I don't know where or how to find another village that WILL open it's gates for me, and suicide will not get me out of this situation. It seems like I just can't win.

[xise]

You've touched upon thinking upon the deeper distortions these situations trigger within you, and it can be helpful to the view your situation as a result of the deeper inner distortions & your situation as having primarily internal causes, rather than the trigger/surface level distortion frustration/pain with your friend or mom's choices.

I found that as long as I have perceived/continued to focus my problems as real life/external/intermediate things that bother me, without really seeing the situation in terms of the the inner/internal energetic level concepts as the true cause of internal turmoil, my path to healing has been longer. ymmv.

[kristina]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

Sunday Meditation

June 23, 1985

(Carla channeling)

I am Hatonn, and I greet you and bless you in the love and the light of our infinite Creator. We come this evening with great joy to welcome those who are new to this group as well as those who are old in membership, to thank you most humbly for allowing us to be of what small service we can by sharing our thoughts with you. We ask you to remember at all times that we are as you, seekers along a path, seekers who have not found the ending of that path. We are fallible and foolish and know little more than you. That which we know that you do not we are most happy to share. But we ask you to remember at all times that beyond any knowledge that we can share with words, you have within you a discernment, and to that discernment certain things will speak and certain things will not.

We ask you to take those things which are helpful and, without a backward glance, forget anything we have said that is not helpful to you at this particular moment, for we wish to be of service, not to be a stumbling block like so many other spiritual stumbling blocks that ask you to believe this or think that. We offer to you ideals and opinions and we hope that we may be of aid. We are eternally grateful for the opportunity. We are attempting to use this instrument’s voice in order to make each word audible to the room, therefore this instrument will be speaking more loudly than usual, and we apologize to those closest to the instrument.

This evening we would tell you a short story about a young man who was seeking and had been seeking for many years to find out what the truth was about himself and about the Creator. Who was he? Where did he fit into the plan, into the scheme that kept the planets and galaxies in place?

This he sought, and at this time he was on a ship which was temporarily harbored off a rocky coast. A terrible storm came up and the young man threw himself into the sea, for it appeared that his ship was breaking up around him. Portions of wood lay all about him in the white and frothy water, and although the water was not deep, as the young man clambered toward the rocky shore, yet it was perhaps the most physically difficult thing he had ever done to climb out of the stormy waters and onto the rocks of land. As he gazed at the land, he found that there was something mysteriously entrancing and magical about it. There were few trees, but there were dark rocky hills which seemed to climb ever upward and which ended in a magnificent castle. Somehow the young man knew that within that castle was the answer to the questions that he had been seeking. The young man studied the mountain very carefully. It seemed almost impossible to achieve the climb and indeed it took him three days and two nights. He was able to find good water but was not knowing enough of plants to find food, and when he finally clambered to the top of what was almost a sheer cliff, he was starving and exhausted.

Now he was faced with more water, water over which a bridge could be put down but there was no bridge; he was not expected. He called out and called out again and no one heard him. And so he plunged into the moat, swam to the other side and again carved his way up the steep bank until he stood at the gate of the castle itself. The front door opened easily. There was no one to welcome him. There were, however, many, many closed doors. Each had a different lock, and so he began to try the doors, knowing somehow that behind one of them lay the answers to the questions that he had been asking for so many years.

He could not get any doors open, not with a battering ram which he made of his shoulder, not with his amateur lock-picking, but he found that a simple knocking at the door would open each one. And so he began knocking upon the doors. The doors opened, one after the other. Some rooms held great gold and silver, some rooms were veritable treasure houses of precious stones, and many rooms held one person or a small group who turned and looked into the eyes of the young man who sought entrance.

The young man attempted to speak with these beings. He had for years worked on the most clever and intellectually precise set of questions that he could formulate about the nature of his being and the nature of his Creator. Each entity or group of entities in each room gazed in love and said nothing in return. The young man mounted the stairs, trying doors, finding no thing that answered his questions, becoming more and more agitated.

Finally, in what appeared to be a kind of dungeon, he came across a double door of beaten copper. He requested entrance from it, and the doors swung outward to greet him. He began to explain to this room which was empty exactly what it was he wished to know. He was interrupted by a voice belonging to someone he could not see.

“Have you been in each room of this dwelling place of the spirit?”

“Yes I have; this is the last,” he said desperately.

“Do you still wish to seek the answers to the questions that you have, regardless of the cost?”

The young man looked about him. He did not see implements of torture, he could not imagine the implied threat of what it might mean, but he was quite sincere in his seeking. “Yes,” he said, “I wish these answers more than anything in this life which I live.”

“Very well, then,” came the unseen presence, speaking to him in [a] voice of gold.

Suddenly the room was filled with the same storm-tossed water which he had left at sea. He was caught up in the maelstrom. Somehow, he did not have trouble breathing, but he was moving very quickly and in directions of which he was not at all sure. Darkness had descended upon the face of the ocean and there was no moon, so it came to him after several minutes had passed that he was out at sea being tossed to and fro in the stormy ocean. A sense of despair came over him. He could not see land and he said to no one in particular, as far as he knew, “I surrender. I give my life. I welcome the deep. If there are no answers, that is well. I surrender.”

Suddenly, the storm ceased to rage about him, and he was basked in a peculiarly effulgent golden glow. It seemed to take the place of a boat, for he was now dry and he could now rest. So he lay back his head and began to try to come to grips with what had happened to him. He could not. After what seemed to be an infinity of time thinking to himself, he spoke to the light about him.

“Who are you or what power do you represent?” he asked the light. Into his mind came a concept: “I am love,” it said.

“Who is ‘I’?” asked the young man. Suddenly, the young man was again in the stormy waters.

“Love, come back,” he called. And again he was safe.

The young man was dumbfounded. He did not know what to ask; he could not formulate any questions any longer. And so he simply spoke to the light that was around him.

“I have sought long to know the truth about myself and about the Creator. I do not understand what has happened to me, what the meaning was of my shipwreck and of this craft of light that keeps me from the storm.” He was back in the water immediately, the storm raging about him.

“Love, come back,” he called, and again he was in the craft, safe and dry.

Love then spoke to him, briefly. “My child,” spoke the glowing light, “I am love. You are love and all is love. This is the truth about who you are, this is the truth about who the Creator is, and this is the truth about your connection with the Creator. If you wish the storm, so you may learn of the Creator; if you wish peace, so better you may learn of the Creator. But love speaks only to love and tempest to tempest.”

Each of you may make that choice at any time—the tempest or the peace. Both are equally full of love; one is intellectually distorted, the other distorted by the biases of compassion and unity. If you accept tempest into your mind or your heart, then you shall learn by the tempest, and it shall be a good learning, though hectic. If you accept the calm within the storm, then love shall speak to you plain and clear. We urge you, my friends, to seek the calm within through the quiet of meditation and contemplation. What inspires you may not inspire another, what aids you in meditation may not aid another. Each is unique, and it does not matter how you attain those few moments each day of quiet. What matters is that you intend to rest in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator.

All of you move across the face of the deep. All of you are ocean voyagers, and a long, long way from home. We bid you a fair voyage and a craft built with love. And when you are in the midst of tempest, we bid you rejoice that you learn from the storm.

We shall leave this instrument, again thanking you for allowing us to blend our vibrations with you and to share these few moments. We are those known to you as Hatonn. We leave you in deep waters and golden light. We leave you in the creation—where else is there to go, my friends? How far can you search to find one thing? We leave you in the love and the light of the one infinite Creator. And if you should wish us to be with you to aid you in deepening your meditation at any time, please mentally request our presence and we shall be glad to be with you. Adonai, my friends. Adonai vasu borragus.

[RitaJC]

So I was watching this video and it resonated HARD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGorABGw418

I've been fighting so much futility in my life: Romantic futility, social futility, familial futility. So much futility. And I've been holding out hope against all hope that I can change my situations for the better.

Some things I've given up on and accepted the futility of, like the fact that I'll never have a REAL relationship with my mother. Some things, I struggle to accept, like the fact that I will never reconcile with my ex-friend. I've been hoping against all hope that some way, somehow I could change things with that friend for some time now.

Some things just FEEL futile, like getting my social and romantic needs met. I feel so much futility in my life, and I have never been one to accept defeat. Except with my mom ever changing. I gave up on that a long time ago.

I dunno what to do. Even after all the tips she gave, I still feel like there's not much I can do to create the life I want. And what's sad is suicide is futile too. I honestly believe if I commit suicide, I'll just have to reincarnate and my life will be programmed to deal with the same issues, without the benefit of any of the knowledge or tools I've acquired in this lifetime.I feel so stuck. And I don't know how to get out.

Sunday Meditation

June 23, 1985

(Carla channeling)

I am Hatonn, and I greet you and bless you in the love and the light of our infinite Creator. We come this evening with great joy to welcome those who are new to this group as well as those who are old in membership, to thank you most humbly for allowing us to be of what small service we can by sharing our thoughts with you. We ask you to remember at all times that we are as you, seekers along a path, seekers who have not found the ending of that path. We are fallible and foolish and know little more than you. That which we know that you do not we are most happy to share. But we ask you to remember at all times that beyond any knowledge that we can share with words, you have within you a discernment, and to that discernment certain things will speak and certain things will not.

We ask you to take those things which are helpful and, without a backward glance, forget anything we have said that is not helpful to you at this particular moment, for we wish to be of service, not to be a stumbling block like so many other spiritual stumbling blocks that ask you to believe this or think that. We offer to you ideals and opinions and we hope that we may be of aid. We are eternally grateful for the opportunity. We are attempting to use this instrument’s voice in order to make each word audible to the room, therefore this instrument will be speaking more loudly than usual, and we apologize to those closest to the instrument.

This evening we would tell you a short story about a young man who was seeking and had been seeking for many years to find out what the truth was about himself and about the Creator. Who was he? Where did he fit into the plan, into the scheme that kept the planets and galaxies in place?

This he sought, and at this time he was on a ship which was temporarily harbored off a rocky coast. A terrible storm came up and the young man threw himself into the sea, for it appeared that his ship was breaking up around him. Portions of wood lay all about him in the white and frothy water, and although the water was not deep, as the young man clambered toward the rocky shore, yet it was perhaps the most physically difficult thing he had ever done to climb out of the stormy waters and onto the rocks of land. As he gazed at the land, he found that there was something mysteriously entrancing and magical about it. There were few trees, but there were dark rocky hills which seemed to climb ever upward and which ended in a magnificent castle. Somehow the young man knew that within that castle was the answer to the questions that he had been seeking. The young man studied the mountain very carefully. It seemed almost impossible to achieve the climb and indeed it took him three days and two nights. He was able to find good water but was not knowing enough of plants to find food, and when he finally clambered to the top of what was almost a sheer cliff, he was starving and exhausted.

Now he was faced with more water, water over which a bridge could be put down but there was no bridge; he was not expected. He called out and called out again and no one heard him. And so he plunged into the moat, swam to the other side and again carved his way up the steep bank until he stood at the gate of the castle itself. The front door opened easily. There was no one to welcome him. There were, however, many, many closed doors. Each had a different lock, and so he began to try the doors, knowing somehow that behind one of them lay the answers to the questions that he had been asking for so many years.

He could not get any doors open, not with a battering ram which he made of his shoulder, not with his amateur lock-picking, but he found that a simple knocking at the door would open each one. And so he began knocking upon the doors. The doors opened, one after the other. Some rooms held great gold and silver, some rooms were veritable treasure houses of precious stones, and many rooms held one person or a small group who turned and looked into the eyes of the young man who sought entrance.

The young man attempted to speak with these beings. He had for years worked on the most clever and intellectually precise set of questions that he could formulate about the nature of his being and the nature of his Creator. Each entity or group of entities in each room gazed in love and said nothing in return. The young man mounted the stairs, trying doors, finding no thing that answered his questions, becoming more and more agitated.

Finally, in what appeared to be a kind of dungeon, he came across a double door of beaten copper. He requested entrance from it, and the doors swung outward to greet him. He began to explain to this room which was empty exactly what it was he wished to know. He was interrupted by a voice belonging to someone he could not see.

“Have you been in each room of this dwelling place of the spirit?”

“Yes I have; this is the last,” he said desperately.

“Do you still wish to seek the answers to the questions that you have, regardless of the cost?”

The young man looked about him. He did not see implements of torture, he could not imagine the implied threat of what it might mean, but he was quite sincere in his seeking. “Yes,” he said, “I wish these answers more than anything in this life which I live.”

“Very well, then,” came the unseen presence, speaking to him in [a] voice of gold.

Suddenly the room was filled with the same storm-tossed water which he had left at sea. He was caught up in the maelstrom. Somehow, he did not have trouble breathing, but he was moving very quickly and in directions of which he was not at all sure. Darkness had descended upon the face of the ocean and there was no moon, so it came to him after several minutes had passed that he was out at sea being tossed to and fro in the stormy ocean. A sense of despair came over him. He could not see land and he said to no one in particular, as far as he knew, “I surrender. I give my life. I welcome the deep. If there are no answers, that is well. I surrender.”

Suddenly, the storm ceased to rage about him, and he was basked in a peculiarly effulgent golden glow. It seemed to take the place of a boat, for he was now dry and he could now rest. So he lay back his head and began to try to come to grips with what had happened to him. He could not. After what seemed to be an infinity of time thinking to himself, he spoke to the light about him.

“Who are you or what power do you represent?” he asked the light. Into his mind came a concept: “I am love,” it said.

“Who is ‘I’?” asked the young man. Suddenly, the young man was again in the stormy waters.

“Love, come back,” he called. And again he was safe.

The young man was dumbfounded. He did not know what to ask; he could not formulate any questions any longer. And so he simply spoke to the light that was around him.

“I have sought long to know the truth about myself and about the Creator. I do not understand what has happened to me, what the meaning was of my shipwreck and of this craft of light that keeps me from the storm.” He was back in the water immediately, the storm raging about him.

“Love, come back,” he called, and again he was in the craft, safe and dry.

Love then spoke to him, briefly. “My child,” spoke the glowing light, “I am love. You are love and all is love. This is the truth about who you are, this is the truth about who the Creator is, and this is the truth about your connection with the Creator. If you wish the storm, so you may learn of the Creator; if you wish peace, so better you may learn of the Creator. But love speaks only to love and tempest to tempest.”

Each of you may make that choice at any time—the tempest or the peace. Both are equally full of love; one is intellectually distorted, the other distorted by the biases of compassion and unity. If you accept tempest into your mind or your heart, then you shall learn by the tempest, and it shall be a good learning, though hectic. If you accept the calm within the storm, then love shall speak to you plain and clear. We urge you, my friends, to seek the calm within through the quiet of meditation and contemplation. What inspires you may not inspire another, what aids you in meditation may not aid another. Each is unique, and it does not matter how you attain those few moments each day of quiet. What matters is that you intend to rest in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator.

All of you move across the face of the deep. All of you are ocean voyagers, and a long, long way from home. We bid you a fair voyage and a craft built with love. And when you are in the midst of tempest, we bid you rejoice that you learn from the storm.

We shall leave this instrument, again thanking you for allowing us to blend our vibrations with you and to share these few moments. We are those known to you as Hatonn. We leave you in deep waters and golden light. We leave you in the creation—where else is there to go, my friends? How far can you search to find one thing? We leave you in the love and the light of the one infinite Creator. And if you should wish us to be with you to aid you in deepening your meditation at any time, please mentally request our presence and we shall be glad to be with you. Adonai, my friends. Adonai vasu borragus.

Brilliant!!!

[RitaJC]

What if the key is to realize that "your life" never was about "you"?

[Ixchel]

This is your chance to really do what you want in life, what you were called out to, you align with your self, and getting higher when you do everything falls away as they've not in your range frequency any more. This is the sign to align with your authentic self and your life mission. It's not a small thing so the purification happens. You have to realise everything happens for a reason, no person comes in or out of your life without cause and when the deeds done many of them walk. It is as it should be. More, and even better if you will friends are waiting. More in tune with your new.
That's how the universe does it.
And even more so when you're awake.
Don't focus on what you don't have. Focus on what you as a soul from your highest needs to do.
You'll be amazed. They will surely come back to you by the attraction of your new light, and life, when you align with your core and highest you. But you might find that your relationship is over.
Or they might just stepped aside waiting. Well at least this is how soul groups work.
Don't forget too sit down with it until you get to the core.
Depression is because there's a core root to look at, and a life lived in imbalance with your higher self your authentic self. Believe me, I'm about to crack it. I've been exactly where you are. I got a completely new life. Everything changed. I run from my path. I had good reasons, because life was throwing me balls to prevent me from getting there. Now, with such chaos you're going through, the roads clear funny enough. And it's never what you think.
So if you take it to the core, hang tough, control your thoughts whatever you do! Each fith minute. Work cleaning out. Do what you really know you have to do.
You see the world is against this they don't know it. The cleansing of impurities. The alignment. They either think it's easy or don't exist. This is how it really is, when you either gone low or have stuff to clean. And you never know as its layered. It's only coming when ready.
This is a sign your on the right way.

[xise]

I also want to add that some people, especially the older generations, cannot step outside their distortions and beliefs to have a genuine relationship with someone who doesn't fit into their beliefs or they don't accept or disagree with.

For the vast majority of my life - for more than 30 years my parents did not have a true relationship with me, but more of a relationship of an image of me in their head and interacting with them was very painful as they would ignore me and my wishes and continue to talk to me as if i was a child off track who needed to be guided back to their image/their construct of what my life should entail.

Things changed quite a bit in the last few years, but both my parents became more spiritual and I made greater efforts in understanding and accepting them which ended up being mirrored in how they accept me.

But I don't think necessarily ever parental relationship can be salvaged, and frankly I had given up hope of it and did not expect to do so for most of my adult life. At some point though, it seemed all parties involved were ready for growth, and it happened.

[Ixchel]

Well the test is to love them in that state as well, but you are going to feel like no connection as they choose to cut it. Even though, we know its not really. It's just how they chose and we have to respect their choices. Try my family, narcissist to the point they tried to murder me. I'm very lucky to be alive. They pretend like nothing happened, especially my mother. The instigator. I haven't changed my ways either, regardless. So it's become very superficial. I know she can't be trusted as she still tries to hurt me every chance she gets. She doesn't know what to do with me now. She is like she's lost. So, that's where the game ends. That's where she chose to be. I don't. I still show love. That's the ultimate horror scenario, how you become, when you force yourself into separation.
But it's her learning.
It's very hard to be around and find no ear with 3D. They don't want to be your friend as soon as you say something out of the box. But then there are those more open.
Look for them. Otherwise when you align with you you attract your tribe. That's what it comes down to. But the other price is be like the rest. It is a high price. I can almost understand some don't want to pay it. But freedom is even better.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Wow, your family tried to kill you?! That's f***** up! I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I also want to add that some people, especially the older generations, cannot step outside their distortions and beliefs to have a genuine relationship with someone who doesn't fit into their beliefs or they don't accept or disagree with.

For the vast majority of my life - for more than 30 years my parents did not have a true relationship with me, but more of a relationship of an image of me in their head and interacting with them was very painful as they would ignore me and my wishes and continue to talk to me as if i was a child off track who needed to be guided back to their image/their construct of what my life should entail.

Things changed quite a bit in the last few years, but both my parents became more spiritual and I made greater efforts in understanding and accepting them which ended up being mirrored in how they accept me.

But I don't think necessarily ever parental relationship can be salvaged, and frankly I had given up hope of it and did not expect to do so for most of my adult life. At some point though, it seemed all parties involved were ready for growth, and it happened.

I'm really glad for you xise. My relationship with my father has improved, but my relationship to my mother will most likely stay as it is. She has shown she does not wish to change or even see where change is needed. I'm happy for you though.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

What if the key is to realize that "your life" never was about "you"?

Thanks Rita. That was a good video. I don't know when I'll get a chance to give more of what I want in life. It feels like I lack anything worthwhile to give, or my friend wouldn't have left me, but I've got to get over that thinking. I'll see how I can best give what I want in life to others. although the truth is, I'm not sure exactly what to do or for whome I should do it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

-----------------

[EvolvingPhoenix]

----------------------------

[Ixchel]

Wow, your family tried to kill you?! That's f***** up! I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Yes, unfortunately. My mother stood watching while my brother strangled me. It was only one inch away.. One move by his fingers. I had to run away. Fortunately I had good help. He was using me as a boxing ball since I was three years old. Ended in heavy abuse from all my family. I found out as adult that I broke a rib. Luckily it grew together. The doctor was shocked. Asked me if I had an accident. Yes I was having an examination as I was so bruised but it apparently didn't show. They got prison but the laws and attitude towards younger adults was lax so my brother who was nineteen years old got away with nothing. My father got three months, got out after one. My mother got nothing and took my reimbursement.
That's just evil to me. I was only twelve years old.
Through all my childhood they bullied and abused me. Same time I had the same in school.
I never budged.
I had friends, and a middle class upbringing.
My mother tried even today to hurt me. So I keep it casual. Now she doesn't know what to do with me.
In my teens she met a builder berger. One of the evils. He was there to see wether I've regained memories but he was fooled I played it well so he disappeared again. Then I knew what was going on.
They never got me. And now I give the... And do my own walk.
Worse than ever. Lol
I knew they were fckd.
When I was just a few months, she had me in a large bath together with my brothers who were like five and six years old. Asked them to hold me. I mean what do you think happened. She must've known. One sec later and I'd been dead.
As a result of that and atlantis where I fell in the water and only my soul brother jumped after me dragging me up on yucatan shore pumping water out, I got the fears. But its not as it has been as things are coming to the end. I'm dealing and are will deal with it all.
So well you either make yourself a tool of evil or light it's really that simple. And the battle goes on in the mind most.

[Diana]

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Wow, your family tried to kill you?! That's f***** up! I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Yes, unfortunately.  My mother stood watching while my brother strangled me. It was only one inch away.. One move by his fingers. I had to run away. Fortunately I had good help. He was using me as a boxing ball since I was three years old. Ended in heavy abuse from all my family. I found out as adult that I broke a rib. Luckily it grew together. The doctor was shocked. Asked me if I had an accident. Yes I was having an examination as I was so bruised but it apparently didn't show. They got prison but the laws and attitude towards younger adults was lax so my brother who was nineteen years old got away with nothing. My father got three months, got out after one. My mother got nothing and took my reimbursement.
That's just evil to me. I was only twelve years old.
Through all my childhood they bullied and abused me. Same time I had the same in school.
I never budged.
I had friends, and a middle class upbringing.
My mother tried even today to hurt me. So I keep it casual. Now she doesn't know what to do with me.
In my teens she met a builder berger. One of the evils. He was there to see wether I've regained memories but he was fooled I played it well so he disappeared again. Then I knew what was going on.
They never got me. And now I give the... And do my own walk.
Worse than ever. Lol
I knew they were fckd.
When I was just a few months, she had me in a large bath together with my brothers who were like five and six years old. Asked them to hold me. I mean what do you think happened. She must've known. One sec later and I'd been dead.
As a result of that and atlantis where I fell in the water and only my soul brother jumped after me dragging me up on yucatan shore pumping water out, I got the fears. But its not as it has been as things are coming to the end. I'm dealing and are will deal with it all.
So well you either make yourself a tool of evil or light it's really that simple. And the battle goes on in the mind most.

That's terrible Ixchel! I'm so sorry youre havibg to deal with that. I'd give my family a wide berth if that were my case!

[Ixchel]

Wow, your family tried to kill you?! That's f***** up! I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Yes, unfortunately.  My mother stood watching while my brother strangled me. It was only one inch away.. One move by his fingers. I had to run away. Fortunately I had good help. He was using me as a boxing ball since I was three years old. Ended in heavy abuse from all my family. I found out as adult that I broke a rib. Luckily it grew together. The doctor was shocked. Asked me if I had an accident. Yes I was having an examination as I was so bruised but it apparently didn't show. They got prison but the laws and attitude towards younger adults was lax so my brother who was nineteen years old got away with nothing. My father got three months, got out after one. My mother got nothing and took my reimbursement.
That's just evil to me. I was only twelve years old.
Through all my childhood they bullied and abused me. Same time I had the same in school.
I never budged.
I had friends, and a middle class upbringing.
My mother tried even today to hurt me. So I keep it casual. Now she doesn't know what to do with me.
In my teens she met a builder berger. One of the evils. He was there to see wether I've regained memories but he was fooled I played it well so he disappeared again. Then I knew what was going on.
They never got me. And now I give the... And do my own walk.
Worse than ever. Lol
I knew they were fckd.
When I was just a few months, she had me in a large bath together with my brothers who were like five and six years old. Asked them to hold me. I mean what do you think happened. She must've known. One sec later and I'd been dead.
As a result of that and atlantis where I fell in the water and only my soul brother jumped after me dragging me up on yucatan shore pumping water out, I got the fears. But its not as it has been as things are coming to the end. I'm dealing and are will deal with it all.
So well you either make yourself a tool of evil or light it's really that simple. And the battle goes on in the mind most.

That's terrible Ixchel! I'm so sorry youre havibg to deal with that. I'd give my family a wide berth if that were my case!

Well it was their final chance to change from evil and it goes like it usually goes, the light eminating from a righteous being filled with light they have to crush, as they can't stand it naturally it must have pissed them off like itch powder. I know exactly why and that's why. Unfortunate, if you don't make it, but I'm one in fourth that did I don't even have any problems from it but on the other hand I got help. Others like some in my soul family weren't that lucky. In the end, it served my purpose as now I don't break for anything and I'm not dependent on what people usually are dependent on like friends or family or not knowing about their potential. They tried to take me from me of course that never worked as I am what I am but they only helped strengthen it. I'm like, if I want to do I do whatever is and if I don't have the way I create. I'm incredibly free and close to source. They on the other hand are stuck in programming and how to be like and don't dare anything. So they just made me worse in fact I have heard I scare many as I'm myself and authentic. You asked you get the truth nothing to be ashamed. Etc. I won. They lost. Again. But yes it's sad.

[Ixchel]

Exactly, we're at war in many ways so we don't have time for bs. And in the end its so much more fun to be cocreator even if you get trouble. And who else do the world have were needed. There are so many things that you can do.

[loostudent]

How do we judge our condition? Already this labeling sucess/futility is black and white. It doesn't take into account small steps and alternatives. And can we really compare with others? Everyone is unique after all.

Phoenix, maybe life is full of oppurtunities, possibilities, joys ... just in front of you ... but we are blind to them because our sight is focused on something, filtered through our beliefs ... Everything else is blurred or hidden. That's how our brain functions. This on itself is not a problem. It's how it should be but if we are not aware of this "blindness" (or narrow-sightness) we can get stuck.

My example: it took me about ten years of studies and ten years of job in one field to realize it's not for me and started thinking: this is not the only thing I can do in life, let's see what else I could do ... And something more: I am not so fond about my job but this is not the only thing I can enjoy and get better in life. I have a family, there is nature, music etc. etc.

I've got some encouragement from 12 Rules For Life. This is rule no. 4:

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks for your input loostudent. When I say "Futility" I'm talking about some things you can never change. Maybe it's not futile to have my romantic and social needs met, but I'm having to accept the futility of ever getting my friend back. Call it black and white, but what shade of gray is there? There doesn't seem to be any hope she'll ever come around in the future, and that's painful, but maybe I won't be so depressed if I can come to terms with it and learn to accept it, rather than telling myself "I have to be able to convince my friend! I need reconciliation! I need to believe there's still hope!" you know what I mean?

Still, comparing myself to myself yesterday and not people doing better than me is probably really good advice.