An experience I had while getting high.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So I recently got high. And while I was high I had an experience. It wasn't any strange supernatural experience or psychedelic trip experience. It was more like an experience of thought, if that makes any sense. It was like, I was thinking about my friend and trying to come to terms with things and I had this thought where I remembered what Lester Levenson said about how loving always makes you happy while being loved only temporarily makes you happy, because it relies on external validation which always needs to be given. It's not enough they say they love you, you're going to need them to keep saying it.

So I was facing my feelings over the friendship breakup by being as loving as I possibly could, like: "Yeah you hurt me when you did/said that, and yeah, it hurts that you don't want anything to do with me or view me as you do, but that's okay I still love you" and I meant that to both her and her husband. And our mutual friend, who also decided she wanted nothing to do with me. And basically to every broken bridge I had involved with the friendship breakup. And I thought about them, and their lives, and just kept appreciating and cheering on how good their lives were. And how much they all enriched each other's lives together. And I decided that if nothing else, my sincere love is of value and always on offer, because we are infinite beings. We do not die. Not really. And if she rejects everything else, about me that one aspect of me (that love) is the only part of me that really matters. And since we are infinite beings, that love is infinitely available and of infinite worth.

And I know her. I have faith in her. I know she'll eventually get (if not in this lifetime then in another) to a point where she is ready to accept all the love being offered to her, which is infinite. And she will accept that love, which is the one part of me that truly matters. All other things are like Ra says: they're "the grass that blooms, withers and dies in its season only to grow once again due to the infinite love and light of the One Creator" which we all are. So that stuff doesn't matter, but the love that was at the heart of everything, no matter how painful it got, that love will still be there, and it will still be of infinite worth and it will still be available.

That love is all there is, and all roads lead back to love eventually. So even if it takes her eons worth of lifetimes (which is highly unlikely) she and everyone else, will get to a point where they accept all the infinite love which is offered and is at the core of all things. That love of the one and infinite creator. We are that creator and we are that love.


And then I thought "Now, to take that same love for her and apply it to everybody, that's the key to happiness right there"
And to know that love is to know God (Or Source or the One Infinite Creator, or whatever.)
Oh, and I also came to the realization that the thing that killed the friendship was insecurity, and all else I offered was of value, so why not just let go of all that insecurity and just be free of having to care what she thinks of me? Because THAT'S ultimately what she was rejecting. All that toxic ego crap? That's not me. That LOVE... that infinite love of infinite worth, THAT'S who and what I really am.
And so I'm feeling better after coming to those realizations.
Weed's a hell of a drug.


So hopefully, after that, I'll be feeling a lot better about and won't be so depressed as I've been in these past months.fbthy

[RitaJC]

My heart sings reading this!

But remember one thing: "So hopefully, after that, I'll be feeling a lot better about and won't be so depressed as I've been in these past months." This is not how it works. Whatever you are feeling is happening NOW. You can live from those revelations only NOW. You will feel crappy when you will let the old imagining patterns and beliefs take over again. Those feelings will be like a wake up call. So, you will learn to appreciate them but live more and more as Who You Really Are. I know you will

[RitaJC]

I believe this might help you

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Rita

[hounsic]

That sounds like some beautiful realizations, thanks for sharing my friend.

[AnthroHeart]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

This was a justified decision if you knew the history. I just wish she'd forgive me and let me have another shot.

Anyway, a lotta good those beautiful realizations did me. Now that I'm sober, it's hard to really appreciate those realizations. Like yeah, Iunderstand them cognitively, but I'm having a hard time really FEELING that way. I was worried this might happen.

Oh well. Looks like I'ma have to try to integrate that understanding better.

[Foha]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

Hahaha. What a rollercoaster!

[RitaJC]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

This was a justified decision if you knew the history. I just wish she'd forgive me and let me have another shot.

Anyway, a lotta good those beautiful realizations did me. Now that I'm sober, it's hard to really appreciate those realizations. Like yeah, Iunderstand them cognitively, but I'm having a hard time really FEELING that way. I was worried this might happen.

Oh well. Looks like I'ma have to try to integrate that understanding better.

This is exactly what I help people with. Interested?

[JJCarsonian]

Very cool. I find that i'm more telepathic when i'm high. Like if i have questions, info just pops into my mind. It was nice, but i started getting messages from the universe that getting high all the time contributed to some health problems, so i decided to stop. I guess anything in abundance is bad for you.

So I recently got high. And while I was high I had an experience. It wasn't any strange supernatural experience or psychedelic trip experience. It was more like an experience of thought, if that makes any sense. It was like, I was thinking about my friend and trying to come to terms with things and I had this thought where I remembered what Lester Levenson said about how loving always makes you happy while being loved only temporarily makes you happy, because it relies on external validation which always needs to be given. It's not enough they say they love you, you're going to need them to keep saying it.

So I was facing my feelings over the friendship breakup by being as loving as I possibly could, like: "Yeah you hurt me when you did/said that, and yeah, it hurts that you don't want anything to do with me or view me as you do, but that's okay I still love you" and I meant that to both her and her husband. And our mutual friend, who also decided she wanted nothing to do with me. And basically to every broken bridge I had involved with the friendship breakup. And I thought about them, and their lives, and just kept appreciating and cheering on how good their lives were. And how much they all enriched each other's lives together. And I decided that if nothing else, my sincere love is of value and always on offer, because we are infinite beings. We do not die. Not really. And if she rejects everything else, about me that one aspect of me (that love) is the only part of me that really matters. And since we are infinite beings, that love is infinitely available and of infinite worth.

And I know her. I have faith in her. I know she'll eventually get (if not in this lifetime then in another) to a point where she is ready to accept all the love being offered to her, which is infinite. And she will accept that love, which is the one part of me that truly matters. All other things are like Ra says: they're "the grass that blooms, withers and dies in its season only to grow once again due to the infinite love and light of the One Creator" which we all are. So that stuff doesn't matter, but the love that was at the heart of everything, no matter how painful it got, that love will still be there, and it will still be of infinite worth and it will still be available.

That love is all there is, and all roads lead back to love eventually. So even if it takes her eons worth of lifetimes (which is highly unlikely) she and everyone else, will get to a point where they accept all the infinite love which is offered and is at the core of all things. That love of the one and infinite creator. We are that creator and we are that love.


And then I thought "Now, to take that same love for her and apply it to everybody, that's the key to happiness right there"
And to know that love is to know God (Or Source or the One Infinite Creator, or whatever.)
Oh, and I also came to the realization that the thing that killed the friendship was insecurity, and all else I offered was of value, so why not just let go of all that insecurity and just be free of having to care what she thinks of me? Because THAT'S ultimately what she was rejecting. All that toxic ego crap? That's not me. That LOVE... that infinite love of infinite worth, THAT'S who and what I really am.
And so I'm feeling better after coming to those realizations.
Weed's a hell of a drug.


So hopefully, after that, I'll be feeling a lot better about and won't be so depressed as I've been in these past months.fbthy

[JJCarsonian]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

she told you to take her off her friends list? Can't she just do that own her own? Women are sometimes emotional

[AnthroHeart]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

she told you to take her off her friends list? Can't she just do that own her own?   Women are sometimes emotional

No, she told me to take her off my friend's list. It was on LiveJournal.
She didn't want me friending her any longer because I was truthful about something one time.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

This was a justified decision if you knew the history. I just wish she'd forgive me and let me have another shot.

Anyway, a lotta good those beautiful realizations did me. Now that I'm sober, it's hard to really appreciate those realizations. Like yeah, Iunderstand them cognitively, but I'm having a hard time really FEELING that way. I was worried this might happen.

Oh well. Looks like I'ma have to try to integrate that understanding better.

This is exactly what I help people with. Interested?

Sure! I'd love some help in that area

[RitaJC]

I was once told by a woman that she adored me.
Then I said something wrong, and she told me to take her off my friend's list and never talked to me again.
I wasn't in love with her, but people get emotional sometimes, and make rash decisions.

This was a justified decision if you knew the history. I just wish she'd forgive me and let me have another shot.

Anyway, a lotta good those beautiful realizations did me. Now that I'm sober, it's hard to really appreciate those realizations. Like yeah, Iunderstand them cognitively, but I'm having a hard time really FEELING that way. I was worried this might happen.

Oh well. Looks like I'ma have to try to integrate that understanding better.

This is exactly what I help people with. Interested?

Sure! I'd love some help in that area

OK. Let's start working then