my mental illness and medication are ruining my life

[im_not_me]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help

[AnthroHeart]

See if you can sit for 2-5 seconds at a time, and empty your mind. When a distracting thought comes up, tell yourself "beyond this",
and see what thoughts are beyond that, and beyond that. Keep doing that, and just observe. You don't have to do it for very long.

Just one technique I learned about finding inner peace.

[isis]

if you think you can manage alright w/o the meds i think you should quit taking them. BUT i think it's important that you don't tell your family & let them think you're still taking them.

beginning of this month i had to go to dr & was told i had sinus/ear infection & was prescribed a powerful antibiotic + sudafed + probiotics...

the pressure from my SO & parents to take the meds was unreal. so to make them happy & stfu i got the prescriptions filled...but i didn't take a single pill. i pretended to take them, every morning & night.

then when i went to dr a week later for follow-up he was all like, "OH your ears look SO much better!"...

time heals, if you're meant to heal. f*** medicines, imo.

[Minyatur]

7 tips


1. I think you gotta set in stone within yourself that you don't have the right to expect understanding from others. It is unreasonable and you will hurt yourself because of this over and over again. Just understanding oneself is a near-never ending task within one's lifetime, and understanding others is always done through a lack of the whole picture of who the person is. Most people really don't understand in how many dimensions we can be different from one another, they don't perceive the struggles of others even when it's in their face. They don't feel the pain of others, know what it'd do them.

2. If you really wanna be understood then you also gotta show yourself a will to understand others. There's probably a lot of things you'd want others to understand why you acted the way you did, but the same applies with them also, they got their own things that gets to them and stir turmoil and makes them act certain ways that are hard to understand. This will help you harmonize yourself with others, however that goes. Don't blame yourself, don't blame others, don't blame anyone, just seek to understand why and see where that leads regarding the way you feel about life.

3. Always give yourself the right to do what feels right. Whatever it is, you'll often be drawn to do what you need, like there's a flow of some sort. Even if it comes off as "bad", sometimes you gotta have a release else it would get worse and worse. If you feel tired, that's because there's a part of yourself that needs rest and that's not to be ignored. If rest does not help anymore, then it's likely because it's not what you need anymore and you should seek what can help you be better.

4. You are the prime actor of your reality, so if you want to be well then you are surely the main factor making that happen. You are fundamentally a being of love and light, that is your true nature and if you are in dis-alignment with that then there's the work of aligning yourself with being well.

5. It's okay to want to avoid negative emotions in our daily lives but it could be unwise to completely ignore them. You create blockages that amass heavy negative energy if you don't let yourself feel your emotions. So when you're alone you should do some work of clearing your emotional body through meditations or physical activity. Also, in meditation move across your field and feel things and work on them to resolve emotional nodes that are stuck there. Release what's heavy and absorb what's lighter while breathing, think about old situations to find a better mental configuration to interpret the events and feel better.. It works and it's important and at some point you'll see clearly that it made a big different with time.

6. Change doesn't happen overnight and catalysts happen in cycles. Don't be depressed because you seem to have lows that break your highs, things work in cycles and there's cycles to uplift you and cycles to test you. Each time a situation repeats, it happens to allow you to interpret it differently and learn something about both yourself and others.

7. Have faith that there will be a moment when you will gaze at your own soul and think there is nothing more beautiful in the whole of infinity. In meditation try to connect to that moment in time and crystalize this perception unto yourself. Later, see others through this gaze also, to unconditionally understand the infinite love underneath who they are. See the Creator.

[ada]

fragile soul, your sorrow has touch our heart, we in this current density that which are incarnate upon, are very, very limited in healing power, i wish, truly wish we could be by your side to calm you with unconditional love, but as of now all i can offer in service are words from the depth of my heart. whatever catalyst that stands in your way may either break or evolve you, see the gift of awakening to your true being that have been bestowed, dont give up on this opportunity, the end of this cycle is ever closer, complete your mission and return home with us. focus on the moment, not a second before or after, but right NOW, close your eyes, empty your thought, nothing matters, you are not of the material, visualize your heart/chest, feel the heart muscle, consciously breath in and out into your heart, do only this until you can feel the chest/heart materialize, this will open a gateway for earths newly 4th density vibration, by consciously breathing in and out of the heart you draw energy that heals you, us, and this planet, this is your only mission, i send my love and light to you, merge with the creators energy.

[Manjushri]

You do not HAVE bipolar or schizo anything. You have been TOLD you "have" these things. It is wise to stop believing you have any disorder(s).

And as someone else said - get off the meds. Good luck - it gets better.

[Nicholas]

Hey sister. My wife has Paranoid Shizophrenia and she has been taking clozaril for nearly 10 years now. It is the best of the bunch out there in her circumstances. 

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

I learned the hard way when I encouraged furry rabbit (My wife's bring 4th username) to stop taking respiradone years ago. She became so psychotic she tried to kill me while I was sleeping. She sneaked a wood chopping axe under our bed and attacked me with it!

If you are unready to deal with the mental catalyst without medication then please, I urge you to stick with it for now.

It is a shame, but our culture remains in the dark about what schizophrenia actually is. This is why your family react the way they do. It is not there fault, neither is it yours. Unfortunately they do not realise that the most important thing you need is to sleep. Neither do they realise that the best way to support you is to allow you sleep.

Honestly, they know not what they are doing.

There is no scientific data whatsoever that supports the idea that you are lazy, or that you are taking advantage of your situation. Your family, who love you by the way, are acting subjectively. The best way in my view to get them back on your side is to get educated, and then educate them. They are naturally responding in accordance to the threshold of their own understanding. 

Trust me on this one. I have been at the deep end here. What you experience is a gift and a blessing because you are existing in 2 world's at the same time. The problem is that we have been programmed to believe that their is only one world! 

You are certainly not alone, sister!

 My first recommendation is to watch Eleanor's talk on TED Talk. It is available on YouTube and worth watching over and over. I did! I also recommend that you pm me so we can chat some more, because what you need more than ever right now is some emotional support. Now how did I know that!? ?

I cannot reply until Sunday if you want to chat privately because I have family duties tomorrow, but if you do, I promise to dedicate several hours to this circumstance. 

Here is an insight to my life...

Heidi (my wife) sais: "oi no i don't" while brushing her teeth in the bathroom.
I reply with "no you don't what?"

Heidi replies with "the voices said I brush my teeth like my dad"

Loooooòooool!

I am not Claire audience like she is and so I find it fascinating and insightful. I rely on thought projections ( Claire intelligence ), which is more abstract. She also knows when I am in a good mood because she tells me "your shining in my colours" in an envious tone. So I send her love/light (loving attention), and she smiles, blushes and plays with her hair!

You are gifted!!!



Oh and by the way, check out 'Robyn' Hang With Me on you tube. 

Angels are allowed to incarnate if they wish to you know 

[WanderingOZ]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help

Hi I.N.M, sounds tough dude, I wouldn't dare advise you to drop your meds, but I known a few people on seroquel and it's not very nice. I don't think it's to help problem it seems to just numb you and leaves you so drained you can't function. Maybe you can ask your doc to modify them for you. Prosac can give you suicide tendencies as well.
My love and thoughts go out you.

WanderingOZ

[isis]

when i was around 18yrs old, i went thru some crazy stuff. if i would have gone to dr i'm certain i would have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder & schizophrenia.

emotions were either rly high or rly low, i thought everyone in the whole world was in on something that i wasn't & out to get me, i started talking to myself out loud, i thought i was invisible one day, i thought i was moving thru matter one day, i thought i was an android one day, i thought i was Ra one day, i thought ppl on tv were talking to me, i thought i was being spied on all the time, i thought my thoughts were being listened to all the time, & the list goes on & on.

although this went on about a year or more, i didn't go to dr & seek medication. instead, i eventually tried eating better & getting direct sunlight every day & exercising & then eventually every batsh!t crazy delusion i had went away. i became able to tell what thoughts were detached from reality & i haven't experienced any symptoms (that i'm aware of) in about a decade.

[AnthroHeart]

I once thought I was talking to Ra, and that 4 billion people had been harvested and I was in heaven. I also was in heaven sitting on my neighbor's porch.
But I've been through hell too, so I'm on something that balances my bipolar.

It's strange when you begin to think that you're responsible for harvesting the world.

[Reaper]

I flunked out of college because I was on Seroquel (and a bunch of other pills) and couldn't get myself out of bed to attend class. If I did make it to class, I would just fall asleep there, sometimes sitting up with my eyes open. I also found that not a single person was understanding of my situation and generally got hate on all sides.

I know that what I did about it is not for everyone. I quit all the pills and threw my entire life into gaining the self-honesty and self-discipline needed to manage my symptoms without chemical aid. In time I learned new, abstract ways of thinking that allow me to maintain my functionality. Basically, I am able to go to work, stay out of the mental hospital and present myself as a relatively normal person. People who meet me have no idea I struggle with constant mood swings, crippling anxiety and occasional hallucinations and delusional/paranoid thinking. It is a battle I get up and fight every day, and every day those efforts are usually challenged in some way. There are still times that I feel like it is too much, that I am going to fail and lose my mind entirely, and worst of all is the crushing guilt I feel over being this way, as if dealing with these issues makes me wrong or less somehow. It's not easy, and I'm not cured, but to me putting on the boxing gloves every morning was a better alternative to taking pills that were ruining my life in every way imaginable.

I don't know nearly enough about your situation to tell you what you should do. Ultimately it is your choice what you can and cannot sacrifice on the road toward mental health. In my experience, the world generally looks cruelly upon the mentally ill. Some people get lucky and find an excellent therapist or family member willing to give 110% to help them out, but in general the path to healing in this area winds up a solitary effort. You have to want it for yourself, and be willing to face the possibility of no one else understanding your situation. If your experience is anything like mine, there will be many days when there is no one there to pick you up when you fall down, and that's when you have to be your own best friend and pick yourself up. Learning to love and respect yourself and making your own well being and health a priority in your life is probably the best thing you can do overall.

My words might seem cold, but this mode of thinking is what's kept me alive for this long.

***I suppose I should add the disclaimer that quitting your meds, especially quitting them cold turkey, can be very dangerous. I got horrible withdrawals when I did it. I'm not telling you to quit your meds, but I'm also not telling you to forget the possibility of quitting them. Ultimately it is a personal decision.

[Billy]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

I think the fact that you want to love your sisters really shows where your heart is and the contents of it. It is one of the most frustrating things having all this love in your heart but feeling as though you are unable to express it. The love IS there though and I am willing to bet that you understate the love that you DO show your sisters. We are often our harshest critics.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help

Medication sucks, I'll be honest. I have been diagnosed with 'depression' and have been on medication in the past, but am currently not taking any. I do strongly recommend though that you do not come off of your medication just yet, considering your current state. You have to be really very careful when it comes to medications such as these as coming off of them can be unpleasant (to put it mildly). There are people on this board who have had similar experiences and think listening to them is wise.

Meditation, even just a few minutes a day, may prove to be helpful for you. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just lying down for a few minutes with a focus on the breath. Trying to remain present throughout your day and focusing on what is right, even if its just something small like a beautiful flower or delicious food, can offer you some relief. Another thing I have been trying is to imagine myself having conquered all of my problems, learnt my lessons and being where I wish to be, and then feeling the relief and joy that would come with that. If you struggle with visualising (like myself), then try to just feel the feelings. Every little bit counts.

I wish you well I'm_not_me. I'll be thinking about and keep you in my prayers. Love and light and blessings to you my friend. Hang in there.

[isis]

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

i said "i think" he/she should quit them if he/she thinks he/she can manage alright w/o...no need for grring at me. i didn't order him/her to do anything. :P

[sjel]

if you think you can manage alright w/o the meds i think you should quit taking them.

...


time heals, if you're meant to heal. f*** medicines, imo.

hahahaaaaa man i totally agree with you, but right when i read this i saw the other side interpreting this as well: "holy s***!! that is criminally negligent!!! Dangerous advice!! based on nothing but blind faith!"

and the thing with opinions is that you can choose which one is right, the above opinion really has no refutation, i DO disagree with medication based on blind faith in the unknown... haha!! what a paradox

[Jade]

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

i said "i think" he/she should quit them if he/she thinks he/she can manage alright w/o...no need for grring at me. i didn't order him/her to do anything.

Well, to be fair, I think he was grrring from his experience of having done that putting him in the position to get attacked by an axe!


INM, it was very brave of you to reach out for help. I wish I had more to offer than just words. The Ra material is about self healing, and while being without medication is an obtainable goal to have, the healing lessons in the LOO are also about gradual, sequential transformations that build upon each other. I think it might be better to seek a medication adjustment, first - exhaust your ability to see other doctors. Find one who understands that you don't want to be a zombie, and you want to get better. Seroquel is hardly a modern drug.

One small thing I do that takes 20 minutes out of my day is that I meditate and set my intentions every morning. I burn some sage/incense, and set my intentions to harmonize with my environment and heal myself (micro and macrocosm "self"), ask for help from my guides, etc. Then I meditate. Sometimes it's a great meditation, most of the time it's so-so, but the daily ritual builds upon itself into something powerful. Ask and you shall receive. We just ask for lots of messed up stuff without realizing it.

[Billy]

One small thing I do that takes 20 minutes out of my day is that I meditate and set my intentions every morning. I burn some sage/incense, and set my intentions to harmonize with my environment and heal myself (micro and macrocosm "self"), ask for help from my guides, etc. Then I meditate. Sometimes it's a great meditation, most of the time it's so-so, but the daily ritual builds upon itself into something powerful. Ask and you shall receive. We just ask for lots of messed up stuff without realizing it.

This is really awesome advice.  I know that when I am feeling low, complex philosophy and lots of words sometimes just make me feel worse.  I think that the simple intention of wanting to heal, if sincerely asked with regularity, can perform miracles and bring the necessary insights.  I really need to start meditating again. 

[Jade]

I believe in you, Billy! I believe in all of us. We can do this.

[isis]

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

i said "i think" he/she should quit them if he/she thinks he/she can manage alright w/o...no need for grring at me. i didn't order him/her to do anything. :P

Well, to be fair, I think he was grrring from his experience of having done that putting him in the position to get attacked by an axe!

well, i just know that if i told someone i thought they should try quitting their meds (after they told me the meds were ruining their life) & then they did & then a few weeks later they attacked me with a chain saw & an axe, i still wouldn't think it's ok to grr at anyone for sharing their opinion that they think someone should try quitting their meds. i'm sure i'd even still be ok with the person that attacked me giving quitting a 2nd try, a 3rd try, as many tries as desired. no matter what, i'd never think it's ok to say to someone, "DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!" like nic said to inm. i wouldn't even say that to someone if marijuana was the medication they were on. ;)

[GreatSpirit]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help

Sounds like living with your family is a trigger. I'm sorry to hear that.

However, most grown adults wouldn't like living with their family and clashes will occur even amongst best friends when living together.

I can't give advise about meds, but since you did mention disability, do you think you can move out of there and into a building where you have to be on disability or retirement? You could live by yourself. My dad lived in one of those for a few years until his end. It's not like the low income crime ridden projects either.

But once a reaction turns into a physical altercation, it's time to go no matter what kind of illness you have. Don't take this the wrong way, but this is precisely why we have mental hospitals. I'd seriously look into getting your own place.

[Billy]

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

i said "i think" he/she should quit them if he/she thinks he/she can manage alright w/o...no need for grring at me. i didn't order him/her to do anything.

Well, to be fair, I think he was grrring from his experience of having done that putting him in the position to get attacked by an axe!

well, i just know that if i told someone i thought they should try quitting their meds (after they told me the meds were ruining their life) & then they did & then a few weeks later they attacked me with a chain saw & an axe, i still wouldn't think it's ok to grr at anyone for sharing their opinion that they think someone should try quitting their meds. i'm sure i'd even still be ok with the person that attacked me giving quitting a 2nd try, a 3rd try, as many tries as desired. no matter what, i'd never think it's ok to say to someone, "DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!" like nic said to inm. i wouldn't even say that to someone if marijuana was the medication they were on.

I don't know ISIS, I think that if ceasing medication results in you attacking someone with an axe, that is a pretty clear indicator that stopping medication is not the best move at that particular point in time.  I don't know much Inm's illness but I think it is better to err on the side of caution when dealing with things as complex and sensitive as this.  Ultimately, it is the persons decision though and each situation is unique.  I stopped taking antidepressant medication and I am glad that I did, but getting off of them was horrible.  I felt even worse than I did before I started taking them.  

Yet, I think that medications can save peoples lives and serve a purpose.  I do think they are over prescribed though and that other forms of therapy should be recommended first.  There are young kids taking these medications and that just doesn't sit well with me.   

From what I understand, this is a topic that is near to Nick's heart and is something he has quite a lot of experience with, hence the passion. 

[AnthroHeart]

My meds prevent indigo ray work, or anything using my pineal gland. So that's really all I miss. But there was so much I could do with that.

[isis]

I don't know ISIS,

[GentleWanderer]

___________

[Reaper]

In addition to my above comments, I would strongly recommend finding a way to express your feelings artistically, if you don't already. It doesn't have to look/sound good, but there is something about "getting it out" that has been extremely helpful in my experience. Drawing out my feelings every day for a few months has helped me a thousand times more than anything else I've tried in regards to healing.

[Manjushri]

DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!

At least not for now (grrrrrr Isis! )

i said "i think" he/she should quit them if he/she thinks he/she can manage alright w/o...no need for grring at me. i didn't order him/her to do anything.

Well, to be fair, I think he was grrring from his experience of having done that putting him in the position to get attacked by an axe!

well, i just know that if i told someone i thought they should try quitting their meds (after they told me the meds were ruining their life) & then they did & then a few weeks later they attacked me with a chain saw & an axe, i still wouldn't think it's ok to grr at anyone for sharing their opinion that they think someone should try quitting their meds. i'm sure i'd even still be ok with the person that attacked me giving quitting a 2nd try, a 3rd try, as many tries as desired. no matter what, i'd never think it's ok to say to someone, "DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION!" like nic said to inm. i wouldn't even say that to someone if marijuana was the medication they were on.

When They gave me a diagnosis of bipolar schizo and told me to take a combination of meds I wanted so badly to get off of them asap. I found a supposed natural path person and when I told her I was working to get off of my meds she said DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDS!!!!!!!- I won't help you if you stop your meds!!!!!!!!

I stopped my meds with difficulty, but no violence. I didn't try to kill anyone.

It's possible, and everyone is different.

The mentality that it's a RULE that once you've been told you're a psycho and start on Their mind-altering drugs that if you stop you can't be trusted - that's bullshit and proof that even the most open-minded people on the planet are still under total control of Their influence.

[Minyatur]

About medications, I think what matters most is that you do it with conviction. If you keep taking them, then have faith you feel called to do this for a reason, that they have the ability to bring you something useful that you need at this moment and that you will use to work on yourself. If you take them daily while telling yourself they aren't truly good and all, you're likely empowering this aspect of the medicine instead of empowering what's useful to you in it. If you stop taking them, empower your faith in yourself and do it with conviction that you have everything you need within already, this being so through highs and lows.

Good luck to you, you probably feel alone in this but you are clearly not the only person dealing with these kinds of things. One day you will be in a better place and in a better state, and you will look back with pride and love at your past self and how it went through all it did.

[AnthroHeart]

This may help INM.

[Ashim]

GeminiWolf my friend, would this not be the right time to remind the forum that medication, combined with the knowledge and wisdom of qualified medical practitioners, can be a life-saving and most valuable contribution?

Many are quick to offer advice without having had the benefit of experience in these matters.
Not to condemn them for their lack of insight - more to offer a 'patients' perspective on these discussions.

[AnthroHeart]

I can't list all the meds I'm not, but they do close me down psychically, make me lazy, and a slob, and not caring about that.
It also made me gain over 100 pounds. But then again I've had no spiritual experience since I started them.

[Ashim]

I can't list all the meds I'm not, but they do close me down psychically, make me lazy, and a slob, and not caring about that.
It also made me gain over 100 pounds. But then again I've had no spiritual experience since I started them.

How about the way that they have maybe helped you in avoiding 'episodes' that might not have turned out so well without them?