Breaking out of shame with the help of the Law of One, Michael Teachings, and the Enn

[seagrass]

I used to know the Universe was on my side. In fact I actually used it as logic to people who are much more "grounded in reality" to my detriment. And it seems they are getting a good show out of me. Proof I am insane.
As a MT (Artisan) I am I suppose more intellectually creative than I should be, because my intentions for (growth) making a better truer life for myself have been on the brink of an abyss for way too long. Causing the fear... in amounts I don't know if I can take. Although I am still here...searching for answers.
My pride..omg.
My self sufficiency almost naught.
My foundations...crumbling left and right.
And yet.... I KNOW the universe has been on my side in the past...
I had a dream the other night where I was very rude to people who were "in charge" of what was going on. I was rudely cussing at small children and everyone I spoke to. When I woke up I felt ashamed. I know my anger isn't appropriate. But I still feel it because I can't make sense of it all. It's difficult to make decisions when you are terrified.

[seagrass]

Ok.. I think I have calmed down now.
I read the old soul description in the Michael Teachings and it made me tired to see and read it all on one page.
And at the same time comforted me.
I think I just want to retire on my island with my twin flame (in a mature way) and enjoy the fruits of the Earth in peace and quiet. I guess I was feeling guilty that I just don't care any more.

[seagrass]

The description of Gods being big enough and fair enough is strange to me.
It's not a perimeter I use in my constructs of God. But as a self determined 6 I can relate to "to provide worthy opportunities for one's vigorously loyal contributions." As an (Artisan/MT) that is my intent. My intent should somehow reflect my God's intent.

[Deekun]

Wow
I came up with type 1,5,9 1 and 9 being maxed out and 5 at 5.
After reading it I agree with 1 The Perfectionist - but have been slacking lately so I think I am on a lower spectrum of 1.
9 The Peacemaker - Due to recent changes in my job, for the past 4 years I have been holding the role of a peacemaker so I guess that was correct.
And 5 The Observer - Well that just summarizes my life to a T. Even when I watch "Fringe" one of my favorite characters in the series are the Observers because I feel like that is what I have been doing all my life. Just watching and recording everything around me, and when people ask me "what are you looking at?" I explain... well see... A over there is doing B and will soon do C because of X. And sure enough...poof, like clockwork.