01-01-2011, 11:56 PM
Greetings all.
It's as if my stumbling upon this community was no accident. No, I was brought here by divine guidance, and I am sure of it now. If I may, I would like to tell you my story. To give you an idea of the timeframe, I am twenty-two year old male. Please be understanding in that I have gaps in my memory as to exactly when things happened while I was growing up, and these discontinuities seem to be growing.
It must have been 2006 or 2007 when it all started. I cannot recall exactly how the process effected itself, but I think it started when I discovered David Wilcock's website after looking for information on the Mayan Calendar. Some of the data I was encountering were beyond my comprehension; the entire subjects of consciousness and evolution were quite foreign to me. I am not one to have xenophobia, so I spent a few days reading about everything, after which I bookmarked the site for later. I never used that bookmark after that and it was lost soon after in a reformat.
About a year later, I was browsing YouTube for a video of some sort, but I had nothing very pressing going on at the time and got distracted as many do. I followed the never-ending chain of related videos out of curiosity, watching each one, and ran into David again. I did not remember who he was until mentioned his website during the video. I visited his website more thoroughly this time and ran across the Law of One mentioned, but did not investigate further. And yet again, I intended to return, but did not.
The third time is a charm as the adage goes, and about a year and a half ago, I was brought to another YouTube video of David via StumbleUpon. This time I bookmarked his site and visited it every month or so to see what was changing, but honestly never ventured very deep into what he was offering. Then, in July of 2010, something happened. This rendered itself to be the biggest transition point of my life.
I never had more than one or two friends while growing up, and large groups of people made me nervous. I got along well with most adults who were willing to talk to me and had an open mind, but rarely with people my own age. I felt isolated because I never felt as if I really had a family, like we were metaphorically on different wavelengths or using different modulation schemes. All of these traits are still true today. I do not enjoy parties of any nature and I find drugs or the consumption of alcohol repulsive, and herein lies yet another barrier to communication with the average person.
When I was thirteen I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. The disorder is an interesting beast in that not much is known about it. I had an atypical, rapid-cycling, treatment-resistant variety, which was essentially undocumented at the time. For seven years I struggled with erratic behaviors, irritability, and mood swings by the hour, completely baffling doctors. I have been prescribed sixteen (I counted) different psychiatric medications during this time in an attempt to help, and of course none really worked. Side effects such as arrhythmia, renal failure, liver damage, and anemia were the norm with these, much less drowsiness or upset stomach. Only one of these medications seemed to actually help, but it caused me to gain weight at a rate of about 5 pounds a week. Seriously. The FDA eventually required the manufacturer to list Type II Diabetes as a side effect.
Because of the oddities, I went through eight different doctors, and all but one completely gave up on me. One even insisted the ridiculous weight gain for the previously mentioned medication was "completely normal" and that it was the "best he could do". Even people who weren't paid to help me gave up on me. I could count the friends I had on half a hand as I previously alluded to, if they could be called that. Throughout my extended up periods I somehow managed to be in two committed relationships, three years apart, both lasting for more than a year. My mood swings played a large role in what eventually drove us apart in the first instance, and her desire to imbibe in the second.
In my sophomore year of high school, I was committed to a mental institution during the school year for wanting to commit suicide. I had struggled with this issue for a while before I told someone, and I now know that telling anyone that is incredibly foolish. Nobody truly cares about you; they're asking so they can cover themselves out of fear of getting sued should anything happen. I fell for it, and for over two weeks I had first-hand experience of what it felt like to be a prisoner without rights. We were only allowed to go outside for a half hour every day, we were locked in our rooms alone at night, and we had to sit through "support groups" where people talked about their problems. If you started acting out of line to their standards, they would come give you an injection and strap you to a chair. Reflecting back, it was analogous to a police state.
That event, and everything associated with it, was by far the worst to have occurred in my life. I would not wish the situation upon anybody. Dealing with the negative emotions was the most taxing, but the humiliation at school, the bullying, and the isolation were not pleasant either. In fact, six years elapsed after I moved here from where I grew up before I met somebody I could even call a friend. Just thinking about the situation is difficult for me because I am a VERY emotional person, and these thoughts lead me to remember how I was feeling, a roller coaster ranging from the high positive summits and very deep nadirs.
Not everything was terrible, however. I developed a love for faeries, interestingly about the same time this all started. I've always felt there was something more to life that people weren't seeing, and I equated this sort of hidden realm beyond the veil to one that faeries inhabited. At times I would feel like I had disappeared from the room and been taken somewhere though I had not physically moved and could not remember where it was. The only thing I knew after those times was I was always in a good mood afterwards, and I felt a love for forests. This in itself was strange because I live in a desert. I was ridiculed by nearly every guy who somehow found out (I interpret that they viewed this as unnatural), but this never bothered me. It was as if I kept hearing the small feminine voice in my head saying, "they just don't know", and I was content with that.
I have been blessed with many positive things. Despite all the issues with emotion and isolation, I have always been good at whatever I do. I obtained my Bachelor's degree in Mathematics in 3 years, and I was hired for my current job when I was a sophomore in college, a job that pays well and that I truly enjoy doing, which from empirical observation seems to be rare. Anything involving math or computers I just seem to understand, and I can play most pieces of music without much time spent learning them.
Time continued to travel forward in its customary linear fashion until July 2010, which I previously mentioned was a transition point. I have spent hours thinking exactly how this started happening and, for the life of me, I cannot remember. It is like it was not done by me at all, or my memory has been erased. All I know is that this is a time when I began noticing many synchronicities in my life. A major one took place for me at a book store, actually. I was discussing economics with a friend of mine and she had given me the name of a particular book to go purchase. I walked into the store and found they had the exact (uncommon) book I was looking for in the center of the Buy-one-get-one-free table in front of the store entrance. The only other book that looked even remotely interesting, in the middle of the other side of the table, was about curing depression without medication. I read this book in about 2 days and stopped taking my anti-depressants. After discovering that everything was fine, I took a few weeks to taper off my mood stabilizers. To this day I am taking no medication and I have never felt better.
I thought what had happened was a bit odd, however, and began a large research effort to understand what was going on. I now spent time going through every bit of David's material, and I purchased all five books of the Law of One, which eventually led me here. I only made it halfway through book two because I started feeling a bit depressed again. It was not as bad as I remember feeling, just significant enough that it alarmed me. Through another magical synchronicity right after then, I discovered Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Law of Attraction, so I bought several books on those. I found Abraham's information on the Law of Attraction immediately more useful to me and elected to read those before I finished the Law of One. Since discovering this book and truly putting it to use, I can feel I have raised my vibration level. Since then I have not once ever had a feeling of depression. This makes me feel truly ecstatic.
I got the wake-up call and it took me a few months, but I would finally consider myself in a good position. I used to suffer from all sorts of self-esteem issues and find being alone extremely uncomfortable. I now understand that all the emotional trauma was a result of my being very emotional and not knowing how to understand, control, or use this gift. I discovered I could feel somebody else's emotions and what type of person they were just by thinking about them. I'm sure I had this to some degree all along and didn't realize it, allowing myself to be put into poisonous situations.
I am truly grateful for all of this to have happened. I think it was a bit extreme, but I definitely got the message. I have been able to figure out exactly who I am, what I like, and what makes me operate, and while I have never said this to anyone before, I actually like being me. I like being able to create my own reality and just by thinking more positively, my life has become more wondrous. I feel as if I have progressed tenfold in just the past five months. It is my hope that this continues building through a sort of positive feedback loop, similar to how my negative emotions grew in a negatively-oriented system.
I am here because I was told to seek help. I get random messages or, more usually, bursts of emotion. A common theme seems to be messages like, "You were meant to lead. You must not give up. You must remember.", or "Continue raising your vibration and we will contact you when you are ready. You will then know who you are and where you are from.". I feel these are intrinsically very important and wish to develop this further. What usually occurs is I'll try sending something back to no avail and get discouraged. So, coming from such an analytical background of numbers and a world of instant gratification, I have trouble.
All in all, I get a very warm feeling from most members of this community and truly hope that you will accept me. I look forward to teach/learning [from] each other.
In Light and Love,
faerea
It's as if my stumbling upon this community was no accident. No, I was brought here by divine guidance, and I am sure of it now. If I may, I would like to tell you my story. To give you an idea of the timeframe, I am twenty-two year old male. Please be understanding in that I have gaps in my memory as to exactly when things happened while I was growing up, and these discontinuities seem to be growing.
It must have been 2006 or 2007 when it all started. I cannot recall exactly how the process effected itself, but I think it started when I discovered David Wilcock's website after looking for information on the Mayan Calendar. Some of the data I was encountering were beyond my comprehension; the entire subjects of consciousness and evolution were quite foreign to me. I am not one to have xenophobia, so I spent a few days reading about everything, after which I bookmarked the site for later. I never used that bookmark after that and it was lost soon after in a reformat.
About a year later, I was browsing YouTube for a video of some sort, but I had nothing very pressing going on at the time and got distracted as many do. I followed the never-ending chain of related videos out of curiosity, watching each one, and ran into David again. I did not remember who he was until mentioned his website during the video. I visited his website more thoroughly this time and ran across the Law of One mentioned, but did not investigate further. And yet again, I intended to return, but did not.
The third time is a charm as the adage goes, and about a year and a half ago, I was brought to another YouTube video of David via StumbleUpon. This time I bookmarked his site and visited it every month or so to see what was changing, but honestly never ventured very deep into what he was offering. Then, in July of 2010, something happened. This rendered itself to be the biggest transition point of my life.
I never had more than one or two friends while growing up, and large groups of people made me nervous. I got along well with most adults who were willing to talk to me and had an open mind, but rarely with people my own age. I felt isolated because I never felt as if I really had a family, like we were metaphorically on different wavelengths or using different modulation schemes. All of these traits are still true today. I do not enjoy parties of any nature and I find drugs or the consumption of alcohol repulsive, and herein lies yet another barrier to communication with the average person.
When I was thirteen I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. The disorder is an interesting beast in that not much is known about it. I had an atypical, rapid-cycling, treatment-resistant variety, which was essentially undocumented at the time. For seven years I struggled with erratic behaviors, irritability, and mood swings by the hour, completely baffling doctors. I have been prescribed sixteen (I counted) different psychiatric medications during this time in an attempt to help, and of course none really worked. Side effects such as arrhythmia, renal failure, liver damage, and anemia were the norm with these, much less drowsiness or upset stomach. Only one of these medications seemed to actually help, but it caused me to gain weight at a rate of about 5 pounds a week. Seriously. The FDA eventually required the manufacturer to list Type II Diabetes as a side effect.
Because of the oddities, I went through eight different doctors, and all but one completely gave up on me. One even insisted the ridiculous weight gain for the previously mentioned medication was "completely normal" and that it was the "best he could do". Even people who weren't paid to help me gave up on me. I could count the friends I had on half a hand as I previously alluded to, if they could be called that. Throughout my extended up periods I somehow managed to be in two committed relationships, three years apart, both lasting for more than a year. My mood swings played a large role in what eventually drove us apart in the first instance, and her desire to imbibe in the second.
In my sophomore year of high school, I was committed to a mental institution during the school year for wanting to commit suicide. I had struggled with this issue for a while before I told someone, and I now know that telling anyone that is incredibly foolish. Nobody truly cares about you; they're asking so they can cover themselves out of fear of getting sued should anything happen. I fell for it, and for over two weeks I had first-hand experience of what it felt like to be a prisoner without rights. We were only allowed to go outside for a half hour every day, we were locked in our rooms alone at night, and we had to sit through "support groups" where people talked about their problems. If you started acting out of line to their standards, they would come give you an injection and strap you to a chair. Reflecting back, it was analogous to a police state.
That event, and everything associated with it, was by far the worst to have occurred in my life. I would not wish the situation upon anybody. Dealing with the negative emotions was the most taxing, but the humiliation at school, the bullying, and the isolation were not pleasant either. In fact, six years elapsed after I moved here from where I grew up before I met somebody I could even call a friend. Just thinking about the situation is difficult for me because I am a VERY emotional person, and these thoughts lead me to remember how I was feeling, a roller coaster ranging from the high positive summits and very deep nadirs.
Not everything was terrible, however. I developed a love for faeries, interestingly about the same time this all started. I've always felt there was something more to life that people weren't seeing, and I equated this sort of hidden realm beyond the veil to one that faeries inhabited. At times I would feel like I had disappeared from the room and been taken somewhere though I had not physically moved and could not remember where it was. The only thing I knew after those times was I was always in a good mood afterwards, and I felt a love for forests. This in itself was strange because I live in a desert. I was ridiculed by nearly every guy who somehow found out (I interpret that they viewed this as unnatural), but this never bothered me. It was as if I kept hearing the small feminine voice in my head saying, "they just don't know", and I was content with that.
I have been blessed with many positive things. Despite all the issues with emotion and isolation, I have always been good at whatever I do. I obtained my Bachelor's degree in Mathematics in 3 years, and I was hired for my current job when I was a sophomore in college, a job that pays well and that I truly enjoy doing, which from empirical observation seems to be rare. Anything involving math or computers I just seem to understand, and I can play most pieces of music without much time spent learning them.
Time continued to travel forward in its customary linear fashion until July 2010, which I previously mentioned was a transition point. I have spent hours thinking exactly how this started happening and, for the life of me, I cannot remember. It is like it was not done by me at all, or my memory has been erased. All I know is that this is a time when I began noticing many synchronicities in my life. A major one took place for me at a book store, actually. I was discussing economics with a friend of mine and she had given me the name of a particular book to go purchase. I walked into the store and found they had the exact (uncommon) book I was looking for in the center of the Buy-one-get-one-free table in front of the store entrance. The only other book that looked even remotely interesting, in the middle of the other side of the table, was about curing depression without medication. I read this book in about 2 days and stopped taking my anti-depressants. After discovering that everything was fine, I took a few weeks to taper off my mood stabilizers. To this day I am taking no medication and I have never felt better.
I thought what had happened was a bit odd, however, and began a large research effort to understand what was going on. I now spent time going through every bit of David's material, and I purchased all five books of the Law of One, which eventually led me here. I only made it halfway through book two because I started feeling a bit depressed again. It was not as bad as I remember feeling, just significant enough that it alarmed me. Through another magical synchronicity right after then, I discovered Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Law of Attraction, so I bought several books on those. I found Abraham's information on the Law of Attraction immediately more useful to me and elected to read those before I finished the Law of One. Since discovering this book and truly putting it to use, I can feel I have raised my vibration level. Since then I have not once ever had a feeling of depression. This makes me feel truly ecstatic.
I got the wake-up call and it took me a few months, but I would finally consider myself in a good position. I used to suffer from all sorts of self-esteem issues and find being alone extremely uncomfortable. I now understand that all the emotional trauma was a result of my being very emotional and not knowing how to understand, control, or use this gift. I discovered I could feel somebody else's emotions and what type of person they were just by thinking about them. I'm sure I had this to some degree all along and didn't realize it, allowing myself to be put into poisonous situations.
I am truly grateful for all of this to have happened. I think it was a bit extreme, but I definitely got the message. I have been able to figure out exactly who I am, what I like, and what makes me operate, and while I have never said this to anyone before, I actually like being me. I like being able to create my own reality and just by thinking more positively, my life has become more wondrous. I feel as if I have progressed tenfold in just the past five months. It is my hope that this continues building through a sort of positive feedback loop, similar to how my negative emotions grew in a negatively-oriented system.
I am here because I was told to seek help. I get random messages or, more usually, bursts of emotion. A common theme seems to be messages like, "You were meant to lead. You must not give up. You must remember.", or "Continue raising your vibration and we will contact you when you are ready. You will then know who you are and where you are from.". I feel these are intrinsically very important and wish to develop this further. What usually occurs is I'll try sending something back to no avail and get discouraged. So, coming from such an analytical background of numbers and a world of instant gratification, I have trouble.
All in all, I get a very warm feeling from most members of this community and truly hope that you will accept me. I look forward to teach/learning [from] each other.
In Light and Love,
faerea
