*This may have been better suited for the Spiritual Development section, sorry!
I have long had issues concerning sexuality, being quite reserved repressed in many ways. This manifested in many distorted ways: sexual insecurity, judgment of sex and sexuality, extremely critical views of both women and men even in seemingly non-sexual contexts, porn addiction, and self-destruction. This is to present a picture of some of the patterns that I proceed from. Sex and sexuality were thus often taboo and unexplored subjects. Were I to consider even posting this two months ago, I perhaps would have died of fright nor have had much to say at all.
I’m hoping to hear if others have experienced this in a similar manner.
I have recently been aiming the ‘See the Creator’ lens towards sexuality, both within myself and others. As I have done this, I have found that my sense of sexuality feels to extend beyond the standard framework presented by my culture. What began as accepting and loving the lustful and physical aspects of sexuality became a broadening of sexuality itself.
In trying to see Her form underneath the seductive garments, I was able to see also Her movements. When turning my gaze to the rest of the world and to my daily life, I would also seek Her face beneath the many veils. And yet I found that the sexuality She and I shared was present not only in those conformly sexual things, but amidst the mundane life I lived. The intimacy once tightly constrained now flowing openly.
I wash the dishes as I always have, but feel Her movements in the working of my hands. Her touch in the plates and water.
I speak to a friend and hear Her siren melody warm in my ear.
I rub my eyes to remove the sleep from them, and I am caressing Her face while feeling Her touch on my own.
If the Beloved has worn veils and endless garments in all my previous attempts to see Her, then in these moments She has lifted Her veil and admired Her own eyes and Her own touch.
Moving on from poetics, I am reminded of this section from Ra (49.6), which I find congruous with my own experiences in this:
What I am trying to get at is that with the embracing of sexuality and opening up to it, I feel a sense of sexuality with the world at large. Following Ra’s statement above, I see the movement of sexuality from “base” survival instincts and into the acceptance of sexuality in regards to myself and then as well to others. I intuit that it’s at the heart where sexuality seems to redefine itself seemingly infinitely. There is the sense that each experience has that sexuality which provides an eagerness for life, for its Self, for Others, and for simply being what it is.
Sexuality (and, of course, all other experiences) is illuminated within the temple of the heart. Here in the heart’s light there is the shedding of garments to reveal that this, too, is but one facet of love. From the heart’s temple, there is then movement towards a great altar where this gift/sacrifice is then both offered and received as sacrifice/gift. In this lens, the intimate experiences of my own Self are laid naked and bare upon Her altar, where She too lies in offering; both given without any reservation.
Since this process and these experiences, I have found so many of the distorted expressions of sexuality that I mentioned at the top of the post to have largely melted away. Not that they will not recur, of course. Yet it is still surprising how effortlessly and almost without notice they have slipped away when they were such a strong source of shame, anger, and pain.
Forgive the floweriness of my presentation, as I find intellectualizing is often akin to putting remarkable treasures behind thick glass in a museum.
I've also found Alan Watt's lecture on the Spectrum of Love to be fitting to this subject as well.
I have long had issues concerning sexuality, being quite reserved repressed in many ways. This manifested in many distorted ways: sexual insecurity, judgment of sex and sexuality, extremely critical views of both women and men even in seemingly non-sexual contexts, porn addiction, and self-destruction. This is to present a picture of some of the patterns that I proceed from. Sex and sexuality were thus often taboo and unexplored subjects. Were I to consider even posting this two months ago, I perhaps would have died of fright nor have had much to say at all.
I’m hoping to hear if others have experienced this in a similar manner.
I have recently been aiming the ‘See the Creator’ lens towards sexuality, both within myself and others. As I have done this, I have found that my sense of sexuality feels to extend beyond the standard framework presented by my culture. What began as accepting and loving the lustful and physical aspects of sexuality became a broadening of sexuality itself.
In trying to see Her form underneath the seductive garments, I was able to see also Her movements. When turning my gaze to the rest of the world and to my daily life, I would also seek Her face beneath the many veils. And yet I found that the sexuality She and I shared was present not only in those conformly sexual things, but amidst the mundane life I lived. The intimacy once tightly constrained now flowing openly.
I wash the dishes as I always have, but feel Her movements in the working of my hands. Her touch in the plates and water.
I speak to a friend and hear Her siren melody warm in my ear.
I rub my eyes to remove the sleep from them, and I am caressing Her face while feeling Her touch on my own.
If the Beloved has worn veils and endless garments in all my previous attempts to see Her, then in these moments She has lifted Her veil and admired Her own eyes and Her own touch.
Moving on from poetics, I am reminded of this section from Ra (49.6), which I find congruous with my own experiences in this:
Quote:Ra: I am Ra. The metaphor of the coiled serpent being called upwards is vastly appropriate for consideration by your peoples. This is what you are attempting when you seek. There are, as we have stated, great misapprehensions concerning this metaphor and the nature of pursuing its goal. We must generalize and ask that you grasp the fact that this in effect renders far less useful that which we share. However, as each entity is unique, generalities are our lot when communicating for your possible edification.
We have two types of energy. We are attempting then, as entities in any true color of this octave, to move the meeting place of inner and outer natures further and further along or upward along the energy centers. The two methods of approaching this with sensible method are first, the seating within one’s self of those experiences which are attracted to the entity through the south pole. Each experience will need to be observed, experienced, balanced, accepted, and seated within the individual. As the entity grows in self-acceptance and awareness of catalyst the location of the comfortable seating of these experiences will rise to the new true-color entity. The experience, whatever it may be, will be seated in red ray and considered as to its survival content and so forth.
Each experience will be sequentially understood by the growing and seeking mind/body/spirit complex in terms of survival, then in terms of personal identity, then in terms of social relations, then in terms of universal love, then in terms of how the experience may beget free communication, then in terms of how the experience may be linked to universal energies, and finally in terms of the sacramental nature of each experience.
Meanwhile the Creator lies within. In the north pole the crown is already upon the head and the entity is potentially a god. This energy is brought into being by the humble and trusting acceptance of this energy through meditation and contemplation of the self and of the Creator.
What I am trying to get at is that with the embracing of sexuality and opening up to it, I feel a sense of sexuality with the world at large. Following Ra’s statement above, I see the movement of sexuality from “base” survival instincts and into the acceptance of sexuality in regards to myself and then as well to others. I intuit that it’s at the heart where sexuality seems to redefine itself seemingly infinitely. There is the sense that each experience has that sexuality which provides an eagerness for life, for its Self, for Others, and for simply being what it is.
Sexuality (and, of course, all other experiences) is illuminated within the temple of the heart. Here in the heart’s light there is the shedding of garments to reveal that this, too, is but one facet of love. From the heart’s temple, there is then movement towards a great altar where this gift/sacrifice is then both offered and received as sacrifice/gift. In this lens, the intimate experiences of my own Self are laid naked and bare upon Her altar, where She too lies in offering; both given without any reservation.
Since this process and these experiences, I have found so many of the distorted expressions of sexuality that I mentioned at the top of the post to have largely melted away. Not that they will not recur, of course. Yet it is still surprising how effortlessly and almost without notice they have slipped away when they were such a strong source of shame, anger, and pain.
Forgive the floweriness of my presentation, as I find intellectualizing is often akin to putting remarkable treasures behind thick glass in a museum.
I've also found Alan Watt's lecture on the Spectrum of Love to be fitting to this subject as well.
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