What if I am further down on the STS-path?/need help

[rinzler]

Hey there,
for the past year I've really been trying to figure out who I really am.
I thought about it a lot and tried to reflect and so  I've come here to ask for help figuring this out.

Here Ra says:
19.15 ▶ Questioner: Then the newest third-density beings who’ve just made the transition from second are still strongly biased towards self-service. There must be many other mechanisms to create an awareness of the possibility of service to others.

I am wondering, first— two things. I’m wondering about the mechanism and I am wondering when the split takes place where the entity is able to continue on the road towards service to self that will eventually take him to fourth or fifth density.

I would assume that an entity can continue— can start, say, in second density with service totally to self and continue right on through and just stay on what we would call the path of service to self and never ever be pulled over. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect. The second-density concept of serving self includes the serving of those associated with tribe or pack. This is not seen in second density as separation of self and other-self. All is seen as self since in some forms of second-density entities, if the tribe or pack becomes weakened, so does the entity within the tribe or pack.

The new or initial third-density entity has this innocent, shall we say, bias or distortion towards viewing those in the family, the society, as you would call, perhaps, country, as self. Thus though a distortion not helpful for progress in third density, it is without polarity.

The break becomes apparent when the entity perceives other-selves as other-selves and consciously determines to manipulate other-selves for the benefit of the self. This is the beginning of the road of which you speak.

19.16 ▶ Questioner: Then, through free will, some time in the third-density experience, the path splits and an entity consciously— probably does not consciously choose. Does an entity consciously choose this path at the initial splitting point?

Ra: I am Ra. We speak in generalities which is dangerous for always inaccurate. However, we realize you look for the overview; so we will eliminate anomalies and speak of majorities.

The majority of third-density beings is far along the chosen path before realization of that path is conscious.

So if after the second or third incarnation the decision has been made how does one find out where one is?

I'm just going to add something here about myself.
My whole life I've been the good guy and people still hate me. I always tried to do the right thing and I never tried to intentionally harm anyone. And yet I always lost. Always. Here I am broken and shattered. I'm a shadow of my former self and the world and it's people took everything from me. I do everything for people but get nothing back.
I've always been the outcast, the weirdo etc....I got rejected by society and I also had a childhood trauma and some other stuff and that pretty much left me to become a destroyed person I guess.
Trough all of that I became very sad and depressed but troughout the years the anger and the hatred started to built up and no matter what I do nothing changes. My life doesn't get any better. I'm still trapped with the people that have used and abused me for years and I can't get out. I don't have anyone or anything. No real friends, no nothing.
I try to meditate but can you imagine what that's like in an environment like this with mental illness?
I guess now you can draw a line from my other posts.
Then I read this from the LawofOne:
54.22 ▶ Questioner: Would a negatively oriented entity do anything like this? Could you give me an example?

Ra: I am Ra. A negatively oriented individual mind/body/spirit complex will ordinarily program for wealth, ease of existence, and the utmost opportunity for power. Thus many negative entities burst with the physical complex distortion you call health.

However, a negatively oriented entity may choose a painful condition in order to improve the distortion toward the so-called negative emotive mentations such as anger, hatred, and frustration. Such an entity may use an entire incarnative experience honing a blunt edge of hatred or anger so that it may polarize more towards the negative or separated pole.

This resonated with me.  Honestly I find more purpose and reason to be STS than STO but I haven't gone down that path because I am afraid. Afraid of pain and suffering. I read about the conditions in 4D STS-Society and they seem horrible.  
I don't want to suffer. I do want to polarize towards the positive pole but I keep having dreams about being STS. In my dreams beings visit me and they tell me I'm STS and that my destiny is already set. One of them even said that even if I tried to become STO that I could do that but it wouldn't change anything. He said I would simply stall the inevitable. Then he showed me how I've been in a bond with them ever since I was a child and that I won't get rid of it in this life except if I die.
I think I should mention that as a young kid I prayed to God asking for magical powers. I did that every single day for months, some days I did it close to an hour. Just sitting there and desperatly praying for magical powers...
Maybe it was that action that unintentionally gave these entities access to my life. I've had strange things happen in my life and sometimes they say I can punish other people for doing me wrong. They even showed me a couple of times in real life that is. They also gave me possible visions of the future and all the other kinds of temptations... I've even been to the void a couple of times..
I'm lost here and I've been stuck in this unending nightmare for years. I keep trying to change things and it won't work. So that's why I thought about intentionally calling these entities and seeing what they have to offer...so far I've been able to not do it.
I did ask my higher self to help me and I do get warnings if an psychic/hyperdimensional attack is coming. I can see them coming but honestly most of the time I can't do anything about it because I am so weak and nobody is here to help me.

I do resonate with the philosophy of STS a lot. I've been in the dark for so long that the light has been nothing but blinding me. But at the same time I can't help but think that somehow I must make use of this catalyst to further polarize towards STO. But what good does that do without my chakras being balanced? I've been trying to meditate for years now and the reasons why it won't work is because of the tremendous stress my environment and my mental illness are causing me. Maybe it's time to try something different and see how it goes?

I think it's safe to say that they exercise a lot of control in my life and they are trying to back me into a corner. Should I just give up and let go? Sometimes I think it's the better option.
I don't know what good it would do to go to the afterlife only to be dissapointed in the life that I lived. Just imagine. Me, the loser coming up. Yay so much suffering endured. For what?  Mentally I'm completely destroyed. My chakras are out of balance and I can't see a way out other than that. I could just go on like this but I can't be miserable anymore. I simply can't. I'm too weak and tired for that.

I'm hoping someone here can give me good advice.

[kristina]

Hey there,
for the past year I've really been trying to figure out who I really am.
I thought about it a lot and tried to reflect and so  I've come here to ask for help figuring this out.

Here Ra says:
19.15 ▶ Questioner: Then the newest third-density beings who’ve just made the transition from second are still strongly biased towards self-service. There must be many other mechanisms to create an awareness of the possibility of service to others.

I am wondering, first— two things. I’m wondering about the mechanism and I am wondering when the split takes place where the entity is able to continue on the road towards service to self that will eventually take him to fourth or fifth density.

I would assume that an entity can continue— can start, say, in second density with service totally to self and continue right on through and just stay on what we would call the path of service to self and never ever be pulled over. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect. The second-density concept of serving self includes the serving of those associated with tribe or pack. This is not seen in second density as separation of self and other-self. All is seen as self since in some forms of second-density entities, if the tribe or pack becomes weakened, so does the entity within the tribe or pack.

The new or initial third-density entity has this innocent, shall we say, bias or distortion towards viewing those in the family, the society, as you would call, perhaps, country, as self. Thus though a distortion not helpful for progress in third density, it is without polarity.

The break becomes apparent when the entity perceives other-selves as other-selves and consciously determines to manipulate other-selves for the benefit of the self. This is the beginning of the road of which you speak.

19.16 ▶ Questioner: Then, through free will, some time in the third-density experience, the path splits and an entity consciously— probably does not consciously choose. Does an entity consciously choose this path at the initial splitting point?

Ra: I am Ra. We speak in generalities which is dangerous for always inaccurate. However, we realize you look for the overview; so we will eliminate anomalies and speak of majorities.

The majority of third-density beings is far along the chosen path before realization of that path is conscious.

So if after the second or third incarnation the decision has been made how does one find out where one is?

I'm just going to add something here about myself.
My whole life I've been the good guy and people still hate me. I always tried to do the right thing and I never tried to intentionally harm anyone. And yet I always lost. Always. Here I am broken and shattered. I'm a shadow of my former self and the world and it's people took everything from me. I do everything for people but get nothing back.
I've always been the outcast, the weirdo etc....I got rejected by society and I also had a childhood trauma and some other stuff and that pretty much left me to become a destroyed person I guess.
Trough all of that I became very sad and depressed but troughout the years the anger and the hatred started to built up and no matter what I do nothing changes. My life doesn't get any better. I'm still trapped with the people that have used and abused me for years and I can't get out. I don't have anyone or anything. No real friends, no nothing.
I try to meditate but can you imagine what that's like in an environment like this with mental illness?
I guess now you can draw a line from my other posts.
Then I read this from the LawofOne:
54.22 ▶ Questioner: Would a negatively oriented entity do anything like this? Could you give me an example?

Ra: I am Ra. A negatively oriented individual mind/body/spirit complex will ordinarily program for wealth, ease of existence, and the utmost opportunity for power. Thus many negative entities burst with the physical complex distortion you call health.

However, a negatively oriented entity may choose a painful condition in order to improve the distortion toward the so-called negative emotive mentations such as anger, hatred, and frustration. Such an entity may use an entire incarnative experience honing a blunt edge of hatred or anger so that it may polarize more towards the negative or separated pole.

This resonated with me.  Honestly I find more purpose and reason to be STS than STO but I haven't gone down that path because I am afraid. Afraid of pain and suffering. I read about the conditions in 4D STS-Society and they seem horrible.  
I don't want to suffer. I do want to polarize towards the positive pole but I keep having dreams about being STS. In my dreams beings visit me and they tell me I'm STS and that my destiny is already set. One of them even said that even if I tried to become STO that I could do that but it wouldn't change anything. He said I would simply stall the inevitable. Then he showed me how I've been in a bond with them ever since I was a child and that I won't get rid of it in this life except if I die.
I think I should mention that as a young kid I prayed to God asking for magical powers. I did that every single day for months, some days I did it close to an hour. Just sitting there and desperatly praying for magical powers...
Maybe it was that action that unintentionally gave these entities access to my life. I've had strange things happen in my life and sometimes they say I can punish other people for doing me wrong. They even showed me a couple of times in real life that is. They also gave me possible visions of the future and all the other kinds of temptations... I've even been to the void a couple of times..
I'm lost here and I've been stuck in this unending nightmare for years. I keep trying to change things and it won't work. So that's why I thought about intentionally calling these entities and seeing what they have to offer...so far I've been able to not do it.
I did ask my higher self to help me and I do get warnings if an psychic/hyperdimensional attack is coming. I can see them coming but honestly most of the time I can't do anything about it because I am so weak and nobody is here to help me.

I do resonate with the philosophy of STS a lot. I've been in the dark for so long that the light has been nothing but blinding me. But at the same time I can't help but think that somehow I must make use of this catalyst to further polarize towards STO. But what good does that do without my chakras being balanced? I've been trying to meditate for years now and the reasons why it won't work is because of the tremendous stress my environment and my mental illness are causing me. Maybe it's time to try something different and see how it goes?

I think it's safe to say that they exercise a lot of control in my life and they are trying to back me into a corner. Should I just give up and let go? Sometimes I think it's the better option.
I don't know what good it would do to go to the afterlife only to be dissapointed in the life that I lived. Just imagine. Me, the loser coming up. Yay so much suffering endured. For what?  Mentally I'm completely destroyed. My chakras are out of balance and I can't see a way out other than that. I could just go on like this but I can't be miserable anymore. I simply can't. I'm too weak and tired for that.

I'm hoping someone here can give me good advice.

Ra: I am Ra. A negatively oriented individual mind/body/spirit complex will ordinarily program for wealth, ease of existence, and the utmost opportunity for power. Thus many negative entities burst with the physical complex distortion you call health.

However, a negatively oriented entity may choose a painful condition in order to improve the distortion toward the so-called negative emotive mentations such as anger, hatred, and frustration. Such an entity may use an entire incarnative experience honing a blunt edge of hatred or anger so that it may polarize more towards the negative or separated pole.

Are you using this incarnative experience to hone a blunt edge of hatred or anger?
These are the questions I feel are very important IMPO. Part of (a part of the whole), is to know yourself and to be able to ask yourself questions that can be answered. The true self will over speak those who you feel are trying to coherse you into thinking that you could be different than you are truly at the core of your heart.
Futhermore, those of us who are polarizing as STO, are often not liked, ridiculed and singled out. It can be a lonely life but does not have to be. We are a product of our mind. If we think we are lonely, we create an environment of lonliness. And how does one not manifest it's fears outside of itself? Meditation does help but is not the end all. You can try walking in nature or try affirmations to oneself in the mirror. If you are with some type of mental illness you must consider, if your are being treated by a physician, are your medications properly adjusted?
If it is any help, we all experience negative emotions at one point in our journey. This does not mean that we are polarizing negative. Now, to experience negative emotions and acting out revenge or hateful acts may mean something else. If you "enjoy" hating others, hurting others and watching people suffer, it may mean something else. I think our polarization is a personal process and only we know who we are besides The Creator because you are in union with The Creator whether it is that you can realize this or not. And all will be reconciled within the mid 6th density so you will have the opportunity once again to learn the ways of union with The One, with the Whole despite how you choose now in the 3rd density. It sounds like to me you are wondering who you really are at the heart. I would suggest at this time to exercise a type of loving kindness to yourself and give yourself room to contemplate all things and do not place judgements on any of your contemplations. I am polarizing STO, so I cannot begin to offer suggestions for a STS polarizing individual would go about furthering his/her path. It's impossible to say.
Best to you

[Signifyz]

Your story was very vivid and touching to me.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you, but I appreciate your will to share your experience.

I will acknowledge your feelings in my next meditation.

[Infinite]

Let's start with some questions about your daily conditions. Answer, if you will:

- Do you use any drugs?
- Do you have any diagnosed mental disease?
- Have you ever practiced black magic?

[Moonfox]

First off, anyone telling you that you don't have a choice is lying to you. For their own purposes, perhaps, but it's a lie all the same. Secondly, if you need help, please seek it. I personally am on medication for mental illness and recommend therapy. There is no shame to it. I'm also a product of childhood abuse and neglect. I survived and while I have elements of negativity embedded in my personality, I work around them. My choice is to be positive. It can be yours, too.

Seek the one creator. Live as a child of light. Seek to change your own perspective.

[john11:11]

Hey there,
for the past year I've really been trying to figure out who I really am.
I thought about it a lot and tried to reflect and so  I've come here to ask for help figuring this out.

Here Ra says:
19.15 ▶ Questioner: Then the newest third-density beings who’ve just made the transition from second are still strongly biased towards self-service. There must be many other mechanisms to create an awareness of the possibility of service to others.

I am wondering, first— two things. I’m wondering about the mechanism and I am wondering when the split takes place where the entity is able to continue on the road towards service to self that will eventually take him to fourth or fifth density.

I would assume that an entity can continue— can start, say, in second density with service totally to self and continue right on through and just stay on what we would call the path of service to self and never ever be pulled over. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect. The second-density concept of serving self includes the serving of those associated with tribe or pack. This is not seen in second density as separation of self and other-self. All is seen as self since in some forms of second-density entities, if the tribe or pack becomes weakened, so does the entity within the tribe or pack.

The new or initial third-density entity has this innocent, shall we say, bias or distortion towards viewing those in the family, the society, as you would call, perhaps, country, as self. Thus though a distortion not helpful for progress in third density, it is without polarity.

The break becomes apparent when the entity perceives other-selves as other-selves and consciously determines to manipulate other-selves for the benefit of the self. This is the beginning of the road of which you speak.

19.16 ▶ Questioner: Then, through free will, some time in the third-density experience, the path splits and an entity consciously— probably does not consciously choose. Does an entity consciously choose this path at the initial splitting point?

Ra: I am Ra. We speak in generalities which is dangerous for always inaccurate. However, we realize you look for the overview; so we will eliminate anomalies and speak of majorities.

The majority of third-density beings is far along the chosen path before realization of that path is conscious.

So if after the second or third incarnation the decision has been made how does one find out where one is?

I'm just going to add something here about myself.
My whole life I've been the good guy and people still hate me. I always tried to do the right thing and I never tried to intentionally harm anyone. And yet I always lost. Always. Here I am broken and shattered. I'm a shadow of my former self and the world and it's people took everything from me. I do everything for people but get nothing back.
I've always been the outcast, the weirdo etc....I got rejected by society and I also had a childhood trauma and some other stuff and that pretty much left me to become a destroyed person I guess.
Trough all of that I became very sad and depressed but troughout the years the anger and the hatred started to built up and no matter what I do nothing changes. My life doesn't get any better. I'm still trapped with the people that have used and abused me for years and I can't get out. I don't have anyone or anything. No real friends, no nothing.
I try to meditate but can you imagine what that's like in an environment like this with mental illness?
I guess now you can draw a line from my other posts.
Then I read this from the LawofOne:
54.22 ▶ Questioner: Would a negatively oriented entity do anything like this? Could you give me an example?

Ra: I am Ra. A negatively oriented individual mind/body/spirit complex will ordinarily program for wealth, ease of existence, and the utmost opportunity for power. Thus many negative entities burst with the physical complex distortion you call health.

However, a negatively oriented entity may choose a painful condition in order to improve the distortion toward the so-called negative emotive mentations such as anger, hatred, and frustration. Such an entity may use an entire incarnative experience honing a blunt edge of hatred or anger so that it may polarize more towards the negative or separated pole.

This resonated with me.  Honestly I find more purpose and reason to be STS than STO but I haven't gone down that path because I am afraid. Afraid of pain and suffering. I read about the conditions in 4D STS-Society and they seem horrible.  
I don't want to suffer. I do want to polarize towards the positive pole but I keep having dreams about being STS. In my dreams beings visit me and they tell me I'm STS and that my destiny is already set. One of them even said that even if I tried to become STO that I could do that but it wouldn't change anything. He said I would simply stall the inevitable. Then he showed me how I've been in a bond with them ever since I was a child and that I won't get rid of it in this life except if I die.
I think I should mention that as a young kid I prayed to God asking for magical powers. I did that every single day for months, some days I did it close to an hour. Just sitting there and desperatly praying for magical powers...
Maybe it was that action that unintentionally gave these entities access to my life. I've had strange things happen in my life and sometimes they say I can punish other people for doing me wrong. They even showed me a couple of times in real life that is. They also gave me possible visions of the future and all the other kinds of temptations... I've even been to the void a couple of times..
I'm lost here and I've been stuck in this unending nightmare for years. I keep trying to change things and it won't work. So that's why I thought about intentionally calling these entities and seeing what they have to offer...so far I've been able to not do it.
I did ask my higher self to help me and I do get warnings if an psychic/hyperdimensional attack is coming. I can see them coming but honestly most of the time I can't do anything about it because I am so weak and nobody is here to help me.

I do resonate with the philosophy of STS a lot. I've been in the dark for so long that the light has been nothing but blinding me. But at the same time I can't help but think that somehow I must make use of this catalyst to further polarize towards STO. But what good does that do without my chakras being balanced? I've been trying to meditate for years now and the reasons why it won't work is because of the tremendous stress my environment and my mental illness are causing me. Maybe it's time to try something different and see how it goes?

I think it's safe to say that they exercise a lot of control in my life and they are trying to back me into a corner. Should I just give up and let go? Sometimes I think it's the better option.
I don't know what good it would do to go to the afterlife only to be dissapointed in the life that I lived. Just imagine. Me, the loser coming up. Yay so much suffering endured. For what?  Mentally I'm completely destroyed. My chakras are out of balance and I can't see a way out other than that. I could just go on like this but I can't be miserable anymore. I simply can't. I'm too weak and tired for that.

I'm hoping someone here can give me good advice.

Regardless of the things you've done, I love you for being so honest. Self-honesty is a rare thing in this world. You're going to be okay kid (I'm 38).

[ada]

I also think that your honesty and the willingness to become vulnerable and share with others is a positive trait.

I'm sorry that you struggle and have a difficult environment, I don't know how it's like with mental illness.
But if I may also offer, to seek help and opinion from others. Just to be listened to and not go through alone, even talking here right now is a form of help I think.
But if your mental issues are a real problem right now you could possibly seek medication for now, I don't really understand much about it.
I don't know what kind of things may be telling you who and what you are but it certainly isn't that simple or conclusive, else it wouldn't be called a mystery.
So then find and practice on grounding yourself in yourself, the simple third density person that you are like everyone else.
You going through these hardships and obstacles is a direct help to the collective whole to understand, and to not be afraid to walk through darknees and unknowing.
Whatever choice you choose is your choice, don't let thoughts of the past or the what could be "missed" to hold you back from walking your own path, you are your own creator.
Remember that even the higher-self only observes and does not steer and just like other guides that only await for the right and appropriate type of service.
Stay strong and cling faith that all is truly well.

[Diana]

I would suggest a few things:

1. Take some valerian root (infusion or extract) before bed so you get good sleep.

2. Exercise every day (if you don't).

3. Walk in nature around trees, wildlife, plant life if you can. Look at the sky and clouds.

4. Forget about STO and STS. You are who you are right now, and that is okay. Don't think about "what ifs," rather, decide who you want to be. Then keep working toward that. It sounds as though you have already done this, but I say don't quit. You are a unique entity and there is no one else like you—you are an important and irreplaceable part of the whole.

5. Try keeping a dream journal—you may be surprised. When you see repeated patterns in dreams it sometimes enlightens you as to what they mean, and what they mean may be very different than what you are thinking now.

6. If you are able, try doing a little volunteer work. Sometimes when we shift focus from our own plights, a better perspective is gained.

7. If you really feel you have a mental illness, then a professional opinion might be wise. 

[RitaJC]

I would suggest a few things:

1. Take some valerian root (infusion or extract) before bed so you get good sleep.

2. Exercise every day (if you don't).

3. Walk in nature around trees, wildlife, plant life if you can. Look at the sky and clouds.

4. Forget about STO and STS. You are who you are right now, and that is okay. Don't think about "what ifs," rather, decide who you want to be. Then keep working toward that. It sounds as though you have already done this, but I say don't quit. You are a unique entity and there is no one else like you—you are an important and irreplaceable part of the whole.

5. Try keeping a dream journal—you may be surprised. When you see repeated patterns in dreams it sometimes enlightens you as to what they mean, and what they mean may be very different than what you are thinking now.

6. If you are able, try doing a little volunteer work. Sometimes when we shift focus from our own plights, a better perspective is gained.

7. If you really feel you have a mental illness, then a professional opinion might be wise. 

Great advice! Only valerian root is not for everybody. My body has the opposite reaction to it, e.g.

[Cainite]

The negative path will probably make you suffer more. you don't need that. you need healing.

Invoke all the power/love(forgiveness)/wisdom that you can, to be the master of your life. not being the victim of ignorant children (our little brothers/sisters) who ''know not what they do''

[Nau7ik]

From what I read from you, it sounds like your a positive seeker and that you’ve been polarizing positive. There will inevitability be STS actions. We need a certain amount of STS to function and live in this world/life. Remember it is required that positive entities have 51%+ STO and the rest is STS. Polarity will be refined in higher densities, but this density is the realization of the Choice and the making of the Choice.

Your seeking has lead you to the Ra Material and to this forum. You’d be in quite a different place if you had been on the Left Hand Path. An example of a negative seeker who hasn’t yet realized his polarity is that he has a habit of using people’s desires against them. He’s looking always on how to get ahead of those around him. He wants power and/or money because it’s seen to be a power over others and a means of elevation in this world.

Realizing The Choice we can accelerate our polarization. Accelerate our spiritual evolution. Because we know who we are and what we desire. It’s a focusing.

Anyway, it really seems to me that you’re positive and have been. We all have some STS within us. Some of it’s necessary some of it’s not. We can refine our polarity when we are aware of our Choice. And you wouldn’t consciously know your Choice to be positive if you hadn’t been walking that path all along.

No one on earth is perfect nor are we expected to be. If we can be honest about our distortions and weak spots, we are in a better position to improve them.

All is well, my friend~
L/L

[unity100]

An entity further down the STS path wouldnt be having such existential crises, leave aside losing time in a forum like this.

He or she would be working in gaining power and wealth in one of the myriad ways that exist in current society. Look at Wall Street. Look at rich Evangelist preachers.