Fallen wanderer?!?!

[loveallbeings]

This is bad, I was born with massive compassion, wisdom and all kinds of unusual positive traits. Somehow I went into denial early on. And all the bad choices that come with being in that state. After a massive heart awaking, everything fell into place but I realised I had built up negative karma, and a year later I fell hard, its like I lost my positivity. If this assessment is correct, then it means I'm f***ed. Somehow got tangled with STS vibrations. It started when I was a little kid, I remember the negative presence and sense of terror. A soulmate attempted to save me, but I messed it up which has really bad net karmic results, to the point I can barely breathe with self rejection. Before I read any of this Ra material, I had a vision of me slipping below some 50/50 threshold, and the signs said this is bad, it involves something about a long path.

[Infinite Unity]

This is bad, I was born with massive compassion, wisdom and all kinds of unusual positive traits. Somehow I went into denial early on. And all the bad choices that come with being in that state. After a massive heart awaking, everything fell into place but I realised I had built up negative karma, and a year later I fell hard, its like I lost my positivity. If this assessment is correct, then it means I'm f***ed. Somehow got tangled with STS vibrations. It started when I was a little kid, I remember the negative presence and sense of terror. A soulmate attempted to save me, but I messed it up which has really bad net karmic results, to the point I can barely breathe with self rejection. Before I read any of this Ra material, I had a vision of me slipping below some 50/50 threshold, and the signs said this is bad, it involves something about a long path.

Take a deep breath. I never believe it is to late, or to early. To change ones mind, change ones energy, and to grow. I know exactly how you feel. I was born positive, I remember from a small stature loving all animals, and caring for all life. When I was around eleven my mother left my father. Got with a new man, and it was the worst years of my life. I hated everything. I became very negative. I have experienced the spiritual heat that Ra discusses, and exacerbated my being with negativity. I lived like this until I was twenty two years old. I remember pain almost like heart attacks, which brought me to my knees. I always thought I had a heart problem. I was only closing my heart. Turning that energy back toward the lower triad. When I was twenty two I began reading Ra, and what I knew my whole life came back to me, and that was love. It was not over night, nor am I completely healed today. It took many years for me to start generation positive energy, and for the negative to fall away. Forgive yourself, look into those moments, see how you felt. Forgive yourself. It may take awhile. There are no errors even what we see as error is in perfect synch.

[loveallbeings]

Thanks, I really appreciate the support, and you sharing your experience. This happened with me over the course of 15 years that I went into denial. Its only the past 6 months that I became negative. This downfall and mistakes has wiped out unacknowledged STS tendencies in me. Repressing emotions is how all this happened. At least I can dedicate the rest of my life to loving kindness and these mistakes have given me wisdom that I can share with others.

[AnthroHeart]

I don't know if I started positive or negative, but I have done bad stuff too. I was always afraid of things. Fear was big in my life.
Afraid of getting harvested negative even with a positive disposition. Afraid they'd make a mistake.

Now I just love others. Even when it's hard. But overall my life isn't too bad. At least I have food, shelter and internet.

I'm glad you're doing better.

[Infinite Unity]

Thanks, I really appreciate the support, and you sharing your experience. This happened with me over the course of 15 years that I went into denial. Its only the past 6 months that I became negative. This downfall and mistakes has wiped out unacknowledged STS tendencies in me. Repressing emotions is how all this happened. At least I can dedicate the rest of my life to loving kindness and these mistakes have given me wisdom that I can share with others.

Bam! Pulling out of the skydive. You are the pilot. The only one that can fly that ship.

[Cainite]

I too have done terrible things. such as killing a very cute hamster... my friends were shocked when I did that and I felt nothing... just laughed. now the memory haunts me... but the guilt made me care about animals. I buy them food when I get a chance. and I'm upset because of eating meat.

my own negativity has made me very accepting. when I see violent people I still see myself even though I stopped being violent completely and haven't felt much anger for some time. I stopped carrying weapons too.
now when I see a murderer, instead of blaming or disliking the person, I see myself.

and Loveallbeings, welcome to the forum!

[APeacefulWarrior]

Don't sweat it, Loveallbeings. The 50/50 threshold is for 3D natives graduating for the first time. Even if it's possible for Wanderers to end up trapped in a new karmic loop, they have a lot more freedom in exploring themselves and their energies. Awakening and/or remembering your purpose, then getting back in touch with the other side, are as far as I know the most important things in terms of ensuring you can return to your native density when this incarnation is over. Those who end up back in the cycle of planetary energies would be those who never reawaken at all and also behave in very selfish or unenlightened ways.

Otherwise like others said, focus on self forgiveness and learning from the mistakes you made earlier in life. They don't define you or your level of polarity. They're just catalyst. If you choose to dwell on that catalyst in a negative manner, then it can turn into a spiral of negative catalyst. But you can just as easily use that catalyst in a positive manner, inspiring you to grow and behave more like the person you want to be. You're only defined by your past mistakes if you allow yourself to be.

Look forwards, rather than backwards. Like Pumbaa said, ya gotta put your behind in your past.

[Infinite]

In truth there is no right or wrong. There is no polarity for all will be, as you would say, reconciled at some point in your dance through the mind/body/spirit complex which you amuse yourself by distorting in various ways at this time.

Everything is good my brother.

Peace, love and light.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

This is bad, I was born with massive compassion, wisdom and all kinds of unusual positive traits. Somehow I went into denial early on. And all the bad choices that come with being in that state. After a massive heart awaking, everything fell into place but I realised I had built up negative karma, and a year later I fell hard, its like I lost my positivity. If this assessment is correct, then it means I'm f***ed. Somehow got tangled with STS vibrations. It started when I was a little kid, I remember the negative presence and sense of terror. A soulmate attempted to save me, but I messed it up which has really bad net karmic results, to the point I can barely breathe with self rejection. Before I read any of this Ra material, I had a vision of me slipping below some 50/50 threshold, and the signs said this is bad, it involves something about a long path.

Aww.  I see myself in this post...

You know...everything you do in life can be forgiven.

Forgiveness is the greatest stopper of the wheel of karma.  Not just that but its a necessity in unlocking yellow ray blockages.

You did bad things.  So did Hitler and that guy spent 40+ years in the astral plane healing.  Genocidal monster, only a couple decades of healing.

I'm sure whatever you've done, is wholly and utterly forgiveable.  You just need to find that forgiveness for your self.

I self identify as a monster along side many other names.   The worst thing I've ever done is unintentionally kill a gold fish and accidentally hit a cat with my car. (Almost said hit a car with my cat, lol)

...and failed to be a father to my son...

I lost the love of my life, and pretty much destroyed my own life.

I think if there's room for forgiveness for someone like me or, say, Hitler, then there's room for you too.

Room for everyone.

Why do you suffer so?  Why do you feel so miserable for these experiences?
(I ask myself that question now and then...)