Forcing yourself to love

[Billy]

Does anyone ever feel as though their love is forced? Almost as if love is a 'should'. I've recently realised that I have been doing this and believe that this is a part of my resentment towards others/myself. For example, my family. A positive being must certainly love their family with all their heart, no? Well I've come to the conclusion that my resentment towards my family (and others) is actually a mirroring effect of the resentment i have towards myself for not loving them enough. So in actuality, according to what I believe love to be, I don't particularly love my family or anyone else for that matter. I do not wish harm towards anyone and wish all nothing but joy, but saying that I don't love xyz almost feels as though a weight has come off my shoulder. What do you guys think?

[xise]

There are no "shoulds" or "musts". A key part of the journey is discovering how these concepts of love toward yourself and others begin to flow freely in the vast majority of situations, without effort.

It's not about actions, it's about beingness. Actions are a reflection of your beingness, except when they are forced in the way you describe.

A big part of the journey is being honest with yourself when you don't feel loving. You can force yourself to act lovingly if you want, but it's really much more important to dig deep and figure out why you feel that way and address the root distortions that block the flow of energy and love into and out of your being.

[Billy]

Does there have to be a reason for not loving someone?

[Adonai One]

Love is simply being aware of another given a best effort. If it is something more than this, you're trying something very odd.

[Billy]

Love is simply being aware of another given a best effort. If it is something more than this, you're trying something very odd.

What do you mean?

[Adonai One]

Love is dead as a word if it compels one to act against their genuine desires. If all the love that can be given is an acknowledgement and a reason given for dissatisfaction with what was acknowledged, then I believe a best effort has been given and love was shared. More than this in a undesired situation is a sacrifice.

---

To say fake contrived words and a molding of the self is what "true love" demands is to say we are all headed to self-destruction. Love entails a desire for the other, not self-debasement. Sometimes the most we can give is looking at a person, giving our honest feelings and trying to work from there: Not lying to ourselves.

[Billy]

Do you think there is something to be said about pushing yourself to do something you don't desire for the sake of growth and understanding? I'm looking over my life and realise that if i only did things that i desired I wouldn't be where I am today. But maybe sometimes it's good to take a step back and put something on the back burner for the time being. Or something like that, I dunno.

[Adonai One]

I feel there is no "pushing" that is truly justified nor provides growth.

I've seen many people in my life who have "pushed" themselves in school, jobs and relationships and they have merely spent decades becoming unconscious of their emotions through a blockage of the yellow-ray inpourings of the soul.

Once the soul has been made very unconscious to the person, it's often very difficult to find compassionate emotion for the self and others: One becomes emotionally dead. One doesn't know what they want anymore and when they try to say they are something, they are saying what they raped themselves into being, which inevitably must be accepted as a valid part of one's soul in a long-term healing capacity. It's not fun. This is the type of resistance that forms the majority of the distortion of the soul and can be said to be not needed when one realizes the hardships of this density are no longer desired nor needed. Once this step of realization is done, one steps into green-ray in love for others and self as one being, one social memory complex.

Pushing oneself: I don't feel this is growth. I feel this is self-denial and attempting to form oneself into a persona and not a person.

[Billy]

Pushing oneself: I don't feel this is growth. I feel this is self-denial and attempting to form oneself into a persona and not a person.

Very interesting. Thank you.
Also, what about pushing yourself to face your fears? Isn't this a necessary part of growing. No one feels comfortable facing their fears but they do it anyway for the sake of growth. Ahhh Adonai, stay cool, haha.

[Jade]

I think we should always strive to choose the option that excites us most. Following whims is the pure definition of living in the moment, is it not?

And to be able to love without effort is the end-goal, but most of us here have a pretty long time left before we graduate from this class, so don't be too hard on yourself.

[Adonai One]

Pushing oneself: I don't feel this is growth. I feel this is self-denial and attempting to form oneself into a persona and not a person.

Very interesting. Thank you.
Also, what about pushing yourself to face your fears? Isn't this a necessary part of growing. No one feels comfortable facing their fears but they do it anyway for the sake of growth. Ahhh Adonai, stay cool, haha.

I can only say that when one attempts to be unconscious of the self that seeks comfort in the face of fear, one is left to only face constant pain and fear, and becoming attached to this pain and fear for better or most likely worse. Becoming so attached to facing fears can cause one to be very eccentric in the will and potentially self-destructive.

There's no rush. All fears will naturally be faced. I encourage facing catalyst in peace, in joy and in love for the self and others. There is nothing beyond the present self and moment that makes it not worth enjoying.

[Billy]

You can be both conscious of the desire for comfort as well as see the point or purpose in facing fears, no? Im quite unhappy with my current state of being and dont feel like doing things which make me comfortable are going to change that. But I agree there are times when rest is required, which im currently learning.

[Adonai One]

I believe the only point in facing fears is to enable a more joyful, peaceful and celebrative present moment in the joy that is the One Infinite Creator. I believe the only point in doing anything is only that. Otherwise, what are you living for?

To attach oneself to goals in this way is to be pretty much denying more and more of the present without any consideration of the happiness of the self. And, trust me, it doesn't get any happier in the long-term pursuit of higher causes, greater obstacles. It just gets more tense. There needs to be a equal balance between satisfaction in the present moment and satisfaction in the future. A compromise of the former inevitably leads to the lack of fulfillment of the latter.

[Billy]

Whilst I fully agree that you shouldn't deter your happiness and place its manifestation on outcomes, I feel like there are things that can be done, which may be uncomfortable, for the purposes of more and more happiness as you move through life. Anyways, im not keeping you up am i? It's quite late in Canada isn't it? What is a growing boy like you doing up at this hour? Adonai, please get some rest.

[Adonai One]

Some discomfort is acceptable I find... I, myself, attempt to minimize it as much as possible due to my desire to know the entirety of my existence as one present moment that sees all things as one. However, in a world of yellow, it is quite well to embrace distortion as needed as long as it doesn't lead to complete instability.

I am nocturnal. When I've worked a job, I took the nightshift.

[ScottK]

Does anyone ever feel as though their love is forced? Almost as if love is a 'should'. I've recently realised that I have been doing this and believe that this is a part of my resentment towards others/myself. For example, my family. A positive being must certainly love their family with all their heart, no? Well I've come to the conclusion that my resentment towards my family (and others) is actually a mirroring effect of the resentment i have towards myself for not loving them enough. So in actuality, according to what I believe love to be, I don't particularly love my family or anyone else for that matter. I do not wish harm towards anyone and wish all nothing but joy, but saying that I don't love xyz almost feels as though a weight has come off my shoulder. What do you guys think?

I don't think we have a proper definition for the word "love" in this context. It would be absolutely impossible for someone to "love" all others by the human definition.

I think "love" means a spiritual acceptance of others - an acceptance of their unique and vital place within the creation, and perhaps an acceptance and thanks for the lessons they provide you.

If anyone else has a better definition, I'd love to hear it.

[Adonai One]

Love = Belief in the expressions of a person or thing

[Jeremy]

Does anyone ever feel as though their love is forced? Almost as if love is a 'should'. I've recently realised that I have been doing this and believe that this is a part of my resentment towards others/myself. For example, my family. A positive being must certainly love their family with all their heart, no? Well I've come to the conclusion that my resentment towards my family (and others) is actually a mirroring effect of the resentment i have towards myself for not loving them enough. So in actuality, according to what I believe love to be, I don't particularly love my family or anyone else for that matter. I do not wish harm towards anyone and wish all nothing but joy, but saying that I don't love xyz almost feels as though a weight has come off my shoulder. What do you guys think?

I don't think we have a proper definition for the word "love" in this context. It would be absolutely impossible for someone to "love" all others by the human definition.

I think "love" means a spiritual acceptance of others - an acceptance of their unique and vital place within the creation, and perhaps an acceptance and thanks for the lessons they provide you.

If anyone else has a better definition, I'd love to hear it.

Yea I've often wondered if confederation entities intertwined love and acceptance. Many within this density also confuse romantic love with the concept of unconditional love also where it's often difficult to love someone because they are thinkng of love as they would love a mate.

What I've tried doing when it comes to loving a stranger is akin to saying namaste to them. Saying to yourself "I see you not for who you appear to be but who you really are. An infinite being within this creation who's path may differ yet united we are". This way I can see through whatever biases they contain or actions that they may take that may seem to be counterproductive in a seekers mind, it's nonetheless their path and their lessons therefore I accept and love them regardless.

[xise]

Does anyone ever feel as though their love is forced? Almost as if love is a 'should'. I've recently realised that I have been doing this and believe that this is a part of my resentment towards others/myself. For example, my family. A positive being must certainly love their family with all their heart, no? Well I've come to the conclusion that my resentment towards my family (and others) is actually a mirroring effect of the resentment i have towards myself for not loving them enough.

Theory aside, as a practical matter, you probably want to focus on resolving those red/orange/yellow distortions (must/should about anything is a distorted orange belief for example). Most of us have already substantially made the positive choice, and I think if you start showing yourself some unconditioned love and acceptance and start to really love life and believe in your power to create, your heart is going to be overflowing with energy.

At least, that's how its worked for me.

p.s. As an aside, I think the primary means of acceptance of anything is basically through understanding (even partial) and faith. Understanding is usually easier worked upon as it's the primary means we used to accept things even before becoming spiritual. Throw in forgiveness as needed. So maybe really dig deep and begin to understand why you feel the way you feel - what experiences, perspectives, and past beliefs created the feelings you have within you, and through that you can understand and begin to accept them. Understanding is so key in my personal journey it's not even funny.

[Adonai One]

There is only romantic love in this universe and it will be romantic love that builds a social memory complex.

[manniz]

Does anyone ever feel as though their love is forced? Almost as if love is a 'should'. I've recently realised that I have been doing this and believe that this is a part of my resentment towards others/myself. For example, my family. A positive being must certainly love their family with all their heart, no? Well I've come to the conclusion that my resentment towards my family (and others) is actually a mirroring effect of the resentment i have towards myself for not loving them enough. So in actuality, according to what I believe love to be, I don't particularly love my family or anyone else for that matter. I do not wish harm towards anyone and wish all nothing but joy, but saying that I don't love xyz almost feels as though a weight has come off my shoulder. What do you guys think?

Folk-love, love what you can. Leave the rest for laters. We have all the time we need in this creation for love. Honest love is better than forced love.

Also, haven't you noticed already, so many of the spiritual people are self-absorbed anyways. Yet, they are filled with love. So, maybe you do have loads of love for the creation, and you are just trying to put labels on itm or force it into boxes (like loving some specific person). I have thought just like you, wondering, if I do have enough love for specific people, and lots of that was unnecessary stress (thought-forms from reading too much love based spiritual material).

---

You can be both conscious of the desire for comfort as well as see the point or purpose in facing fears, no? Im quite unhappy with my current state of being and dont feel like doing things which make me comfortable are going to change that. But I agree there are times when rest is required, which im currently learning.

Rest, relaxation, laughs, sarcasm should be essential requirements of spiritual seeking. I don't know why, quite often it turns so serious.

Folk-love, I used to be stressed about these things. Still do. Now only issue is watching porn, and imagining your higher self, all other spiritual entities besides you.

[AnthroHeart]

I don't know if I have enough love for my job. And for my mother. I am overbalanced by having so much love for my dog.

My job likes me, they gave me more responsibility. So it is job security. And at least I can do the work. For one project I am a project manager, so that's going to be a new experience.

[Stranger]

Does anyone ever feel as though their love is forced? Almost as if love is a 'should'. I've recently realised that I have been doing this and believe that this is a part of my resentment towards others/myself. For example, my family. A positive being must certainly love their family with all their heart, no? Well I've come to the conclusion that my resentment towards my family (and others) is actually a mirroring effect of the resentment i have towards myself for not loving them enough. So in actuality, according to what I believe love to be, I don't particularly love my family or anyone else for that matter. I do not wish harm towards anyone and wish all nothing but joy, but saying that I don't love xyz almost feels as though a weight has come off my shoulder. What do you guys think?

I think it may be helpful to distinguish between the various meanings of the word "love" in our language, only one of which is the love-energy of the heart.

Love: appreciation or enjoyment. "I love raspberries and chocolate. And sunsets."
Love: physical desire, attraction or infatuation. "I'm in love with you."
Love: goodwill and kindness. "Playing with this silly puppy makes me feel love"

Only one of these will produce a warm glowing sensation in the middle of your chest when felt to a strong degree. That is the love that makes us polarize. Buddhists call it loving-kindness, which I think is a much more lucid term.

This is actually good news. You don't have to appreciate or enjoy your family. All you're asked to do is wish them well on their journeys, as Ra says. Not hate them or hold grudges or malice toward them. To do that regardless of what they are doing or have done to you in the past is the great work of this lifetime, the work of polarization. It is very tough, but Jesus showed us that it's possible to do it while dying with nails through your limbs, so what's our excuse?

And yes, the first step to that is acceptance of the other as they are. Also to recognize that however they are now, in their totality of being they are already also in 6th density, having mastered perfect love and become holier than saints. If you can't love them as you see them now, love them for their potential of becoming lights of pure love of great beauty. There are many ways to find compassion and forgiveness for those who have hurt us, so I won't get into them all. But the point is that the more love you can radiate out from your heart, the more joyful and miraculous your life will become, in direct proportion to your success at this. that's how this game is set up. The journey is hard, but it's so worth it!

[Adonai One]

I really don't see how those three loves are not the same thing. I mean, it's all an expression of awareness of the creator?

[Billy]

My resentment towards others has greatly lessened over the last few years as I've gotten to know that all my resentment towards others, is actually a reflection of the resentment I hold towards myself. Of course I still have resentment but it is not as sharp and burdensome as it once was.

The thing is, is that I've been questioning how much I truly care about other selves, if I do care at all. I feel as though I've simply been feigning compassion towards others because that is what im 'supposed' to do in order to polarise positively.

I don't want to repeat third density, nor do I want to follow the negative path. What else is there? I don't know who I am.

[xise]

What else is there? I don't know who I am.

Self-discovery: the origin of all seeking.

---

Love: appreciation or enjoyment. "I love raspberries and chocolate. And sunsets."
Love: physical desire, attraction or infatuation. "I'm in love with you."
Love: goodwill and kindness. "Playing with this silly puppy makes me feel love"

I really don't see how those three loves are not the same thing. I mean, it's all an expression of awareness of the creator?

They are not all the exact same thing. You lose descriptive value anytime you try to reduce specific concepts to generalities.

I do agree that they are all an expression of awareness of the Creator, and are all a type of love.

To Stranger: I disagree in that all of the three examples can help us polarize positively though they affect different rays: positivity is about all types of love, though certainly green-based love is key for third density polarization, red/orange/yellow love can often naturally generate more energy in the green ray. If you have an open heart, and you're loving raspberries and chocolate that surround you, and you're loving physically the people around you, your heart is going to be overcharged with energy unless you actively practice beliefs that shut the flow of energy to that area down (assuming no blocks in the lower rays as well). So I think all forms of love are very important to embrace for those on the positive path. It's in our nature. We love everything, unconditionally, without judgment. It's actually a pretty kickass place to be.

[Adonai One]

Everything is the same exact thing under The Law of One especially when one of the prime distortions of the universe is love. All love is equal under The Law of One.

Let's face it: The love we have for one thing is the same type of love we have for any other. It's only a matter of intensity and universality of acceptance.

[Phoenix]

p.s. As an aside, I think the primary means of acceptance of anything is basically through understanding (even partial) and faith. Understanding is usually easier worked upon as it's the primary means we used to accept things even before becoming spiritual. Throw in forgiveness as needed. So maybe really dig deep and begin to understand why you feel the way you feel - what experiences, perspectives, and past beliefs created the feelings you have within you, and through that you can understand and begin to accept them. Understanding is so key in my personal journey it's not even funny.

Xise. I've enjoyed a lot of your perspectives.

In respect of the main thread I do think that when you are in position of being loving like that it is because you have not relied on a more 'elite' view of yourself. It is that part of you is humble. So I think that it is in fact a statement of how far along you are on the path.

[AnthroHeart]

Not to mention Xise is quite eloquent in his words.