Pain more desirable than pleasure.

[sjel]

Pain is more desirable than pleasure. at the bottom of pain one may be conscious in it and love that upon its passing one will not be sorrowful. pleasure is the greatest evil. pleasure sucks you in you are sorry to see it go. pain is love in its highest form because you only desire more of it to love. pain pain pain i love pain. please pain come to more of me, because then i can see more pleasure. pain is payment for pleasure.

hey look the pain lifts. but i am sorry to see it go, as once i was sorry for pleasure to go. pain, please come back. I greatly desire more pain. but is the self-inflicted pain the same as gaining karmic pain? i think not, i need more pain though, so do i pursue more pleasure? because then as balancing works, the pain will come following enjoyment of pleasure.

hey friends i dont know you at all. i know nothing of you. i speak and do not speak from myself. i never speak from myself i speak from a mask of falsehood. not speaking,

YES more pain is arising in me, perfect for my purposes, please pain come to me. I must see the dark visions that i am learning to cherish. i dont fucking understand what this is teaching me.

rage that then there is absence of pain or pleasure, but then i was attached to both pain and pleasur? it seems i have no aversion in this state, only attachment to both things which must be balanced. only attachment! where is my aversion! aversion to nothingness. aversion to a lack of pain or pleasure. the pain in me which i would have formerly described as severe is now a masochistic pleasure. but that cannot be the way to balance it. detach oneself? but i can only fathom ending the body incarnation to detach. detachment and acceptance, revolting last word there, experience a gag of revolt at the word acceptance. hatred and writhing roiling disgust in my stomach, deep lack of understanding, deep confusion, how does anyone do anything being so confused? this state is the only real state.

[sjel]

False. Look at how quickly I can change. Instantly a new person. I am the same fellow you have come to know. No i am not i am pain. I can't believe I have tried to maintain the same vein of inane shame. hopefully i will not respond with hatred, i seem to be attempting to hate myself to the fullest in order to understand what hatred is.

i do not understand hatred, therefore i must hate myself and know what it is to hate. is this not what Ra said regarding those desires which are not consonant with the Law of One? perform that which i desire to perform on others on myself. therefore i let no one see my hatred of them and instead reflect it inwardly into myself, shutting myself down into hatred itself. i must see the hatred in its confining glory, stifling beauty. hate

hate

[GentleWanderer]

______

[sjel]

While working on lower chakra blockages i found it very helpful to ask for protection and guidance from the higher light beings like AA Michael to protect againt the astral entities, to create a safe space in your aura and in your  house.

I'm gonna be honest here: how can I, being this unbalanced, possibly maintain a state steady enough to ask for protection from a higher being?

My relationship with my higher self is tenuous. Some nights I am feeling perfectly in step with divine timing, some nights are like the original post. In fact, my higher self seems often to be as unstable as I am. Changing mind mid-direction, emanating a strange feeling of uncertainty, strange because its supposed to be my higher self. (I think I am becoming too personally involved with the advice at those times.) this is not always, just sometimes. Usually, in fact, my higher self seems like a pretty wise guy.

[GentleReckoning]

There are a large number of energies that desire consciousness to full descend to the depths as it were for them to be processed as catalyst by the heart.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

To hate one's self is to relish in the pleasure of self-misery.  The pain it brings is a familiar comfort.

That chomps you to shreds inside a little more every day, until you wonder, 'what's left of me, now?'

Self destruction for the satisfaction of being broken, depression for the mental comfort of helplessness.  Pain for the pleasure.

Good thread.