Sexual addiction! and Male-Female energy roles/energies

[Matt1]

I still have an issue with that distortion i guess. I believe i have mostly accepted it but still need to find balance in it. I started off watching cartoon videos as a teenager then progressed towards more fetish/BDSM style material. I understand the roots of my distortion as the lack of a loving relasonship and that porn creates a never ending desire of orange ray distortions. I tried to overcome this many time and with some success i was able to repress it for a time being but i would always end up going back, saying to my self i will just try and try again to overcome it. I guess i just accept it now but i think balance is mostly in order, however its difficult to balance such a distortion without access to a loving relasonship, i have never been in one before. I had thought about going to see a prostitute to experience some of my desire but i haven't gone through with such an experience nor do i wish to, as i understand that its not really the direct answer to the issue. Having lost a lot of weight and become more outgoing i would have thought a relasonship would have been easier but nothing has happened so far, i tried a dating website only to be rejected but countless profiles, half of them are probably fake but hey ho, what can one do but accept, learn and grow towards balance?

[upensmoke]

Everything in moderatation the key is balance when it comes to addiction. there is an imbalance if you addicted to something.

as a person who recovered from drug addiction from a personal point it all comes down to acceptance. I use to distort how Ra says something along the lines that you shouldn't suppress your desires as an excuse to indulge in my addiction, but what i learned was that my indulgence of my addiction was in its own way me suppressing myself. I thought that i shouldn't resist the urge to snort this and spend my money on that, but i eventually discovered with myself that my urge to do that was born from my desire to suppress my sobriety.

long story short some of the urges you feel that you shouldn't suppress dealing with sex or addiction or whatever, my be an urge to suppress something else that your not aware of.

[rva_jeremy]

That's why I said my method is sideways, or a back door. It works. There is no resistance or acceptance. There is only changing focus. And the more you do it, the less power the unwanted behavior has over you.

I figure I can forgive myself later if I need to. Perhaps forgiving and accepting should come first. I don't know. But I do know how improbable that can be. So I don't let that stop me from consciously taking the reigns. Otherwise, it could be like psychotherapy which can go on for years and years trying to accept, unearth, forgive. In lieu of that, action can work at least on a certain level. Then things have a tendency to balance themselves out anyway.

For the record I completely agree with you, and I did not intend any of my statements to contradict what you're saying in any way. In fact I have used that approach--direct the mind elsewhere--to just the effect you describe! I do it on a daily basis when I'm wrestling with a work problem, and often return to find the problem has transformed into something much more tractable.

I figure we all share our understandings with original poster and he/she can sort through it and figure out what resonates. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[rva_jeremy]

Everything in moderatation the key is balance when it comes to addiction. there is an imbalance if you addicted to something.

as a person who recovered from drug addiction from a personal point it all comes down to acceptance.  I use to distort how Ra says something along the lines that you shouldn't suppress your desires as an excuse to indulge in my addiction, but what i learned was that my indulgence of my addiction was in its own way me suppressing myself. I thought that i shouldn't resist the urge to snort this and spend my money on that, but i eventually discovered with myself that my urge to do that was born from my desire to suppress my sobriety.

long story short some of the urges you feel that you shouldn't suppress dealing with sex or addiction or whatever, my be an urge to suppress something else that your not aware of.

This is short, to the point, and so resonant.  Desire is a very, very strange creature--A Fool's Phenomenology spends a great deal of effort trying to frame it correctly because it dissolves into the mystery of the self entirely.  The transformation of desire is, in my opinion, at the heart of many of our struggles with mental patterns.  I had to desire sobriety, I had to desire a different relationship with the female, I had to desire a different mentality towards food, I had to desire meditation.  Whence does this desire come?

That's why I said that we don't recognize the significance of our experiences until much later; because when you're inside the old desire, it's impossible to see that you'd ever not desire it.  You feel trapped, and it's pat to say it's just old programming and patterns. The you that IS that programming, the you that IS that pattern of thought, can't possibly imagine any other desire, and the only thing worse than the desire is the self-abnegation and pit of despair inherent in pretending your desire is not your desire.  Only once you let that part of you that has the desire die, a seeming sacrifice at the time, can you adopt a new identity that is fully distinct in its desires. The new self can understand itself as a quantum leap--one that is in a new quantum, but can understand how the old quantum made the new possible.

This passage from Tyman's book is really prescient on this point:

I ask again: who am I? Everything I know myself to be, ostensibly affirmative, is in reality but a system of resistances.  For just such a thing is the ego.  It is a structure of defense against the overpowering effects of all manner of external and internal stimulus.  To be made organismically available this must be deflected and organized in a systematically cogent manner.

If I release this resistance, do I not then lose myself?  But if I do not, do I not condemn myself to be that product of external forces, however obliquely processed, which inevitably will wear down and, being able to resist no more, will die?  Death is indeed the wages of resistance.

So there it seems is my option: either to die or to die.  But wait.  What of the self I do not know myself to be?  What of the self that lurks behind and is concealed by its own system of resistances?  What if this self first becomes genuinely available in the release of the very resistances in which it is so deeply invested?  This way, the way of releasement, then becomes verily the door to greater life.

Let us make this our principle.  To have life one must lay it down.  That is the way of sacrifice.  Only after the fact does it become transparent that honest sacrifice earnestly made has actually lost nothing of importance: that in fact the essence has only become more purely itself by yielding up what is adventitious.  To one gazing upon the prospect of sacrifice beforehand it seems that the very self rides the whirlwind.  Can I release?  Dare I release?  Only in the last fading of the echo of "I" already released does the answer come.  But then again it is really no answer at all.  For the answer is simply the release of the question.

[Jade]

I still have an issue with that distortion i guess. I believe i have mostly accepted it but still need to find balance in it. I started off watching cartoon videos as a teenager then progressed towards more fetish/BDSM style material. I understand the roots of my distortion as the lack of a loving relasonship and that porn creates a never ending desire of orange ray distortions. I tried to overcome this many time and with some success i was able to repress it for a time being but i would always end up going back, saying to my self i will just try and try again to overcome it. I guess i just accept it now but i think balance is mostly in order, however its difficult to balance such a distortion without access to a loving relasonship, i have never been in one before. I had thought about going to see a prostitute to experience some of my desire but i haven't gone through with such an experience nor do i wish to, as i understand that its not really the direct answer to the issue. Having lost a lot of weight and become more outgoing i would have thought a relasonship would have been easier but nothing has happened so far, i tried a dating website only to be rejected but countless profiles, half of them are probably fake but hey ho, what can one do but accept, learn and grow towards balance?

Hi Matt, thanks for sharing your experiences openly. I know a few men who, like you, haven't been with a women yet and deal with it well, but there are many others who are very vindictive and angry towards women for this situation. I think it has a lot to do with an overcorrection against women having basically been available for the taking for many, many centuries. This is what men were taught and this is not the case anymore, but porn usually reinforces archaic gender stereotypes, which exacerbates the issue of course.

For example, I'd guess most people are aware of the "Gamergate" issues - a woman, as part of a youtube series, made a video about gender tropes in video games (most men's primary form of media training), and how the typical scenario is that men must do x, y, z, and then they will get the girl (the final/ultimate reward). And so that when in real life, men follow the steps "Get a good job, be thin, be charismastic" and they DON'T get the girl, they get resentful, because somewhere they were told that if they jump through these hoops, they will get the girl. (usually unnamed or, "Princess" in many, many games) Anyway, the girl who made this video got/still gets so many rape/death threats because of her keen exposure of sexism in video games.

Men and women have a lot of repressed anger towards each other, as genders, which I think is one thing that can be healed. The gender dichotomy rift needs to be closed and we need to stop pointing fingers. I'm not talking about anyone here, I'm just musing in general - porn is a symptom. And porn addiction is a real thing that creates a pleasure-release feedback loop that is hard to break without completely giving it up, and that takes increasing stimuli to work - ie more fetishized sex.

Since everyone is being so honest, my experience with porn (I'm sure I've shared before) is minimal and I was never addicted, but when I would consume it is was one of two extremes, either lesbians having a completely feminine experience, or, group sex. I understand how weird it is because I never would want to participate actually in either of these situations, but I think most of it can be traced to orange ray issues, as Ra describes, a blockage being the desire to be controlled or to control a partner.

The first energy transfer is red ray. It is a random transfer having to do only with your reproductive system.


The orange- and the yellow-ray attempts to have sexual intercourse create, firstly, a blockage if only one entity vibrates in this area, thus causing the entity vibrating sexually in this area to have a never-ending appetite for this activity. What these vibratory levels are seeking is green-ray activity. There is the possibility of orange- or yellow-ray energy transfer; this being polarizing towards the negative: one being seen as object rather than other-self; the other seeing itself as plunderer or master of the situation.

In third* ray there are two possibilities. Firstly, if both vibrate in third* ray there will be a mutually strengthening energy transfer, the negative or female, as you call it, drawing the energy from the roots of the beingness up through the energy centers, thus being physically revitalized; the positive, or male polarity, as it is deemed in your illusion, finding in this energy transfer an inspiration which satisfies and feeds the spirit portion of the body/mind/spirit complex, thus both being polarized and releasing the excess of that which each has in abundance by nature of intelligent energy, that is, negative/intuitive, positive/physical energies as you may call them; this energy transfer being blocked only if one or both entities have fear of possession, of being possessed, of desiring possession or desiring being possessed.

* This should be fourth or green. Don and Ra corrected the error in session 32.


The other green-ray possibility is that of one entity offering green-ray energy, the other not offering energy of the universal love energy, this resulting in a blockage of energy for the one not green ray thus increasing frustration or appetite; the green-ray being polarizing slightly towards service to others.

Ra says the blockages are symptoms of a desire for green-ray transfer, which is the holy grail. Ra has so much information about sexual energy transfers and blockages that it's probably good to delve into it in the mindset of thinking of the energy transfers that are taking place between one and the one it is watching/using.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I was expecting milfy gangbangs from you Jade xD

I think the issue with men towards women is two-fold.  Those who have been with a girl they love grow cold and resentful in 'loneliness' (speaking from experience), you start thinking, I'm not good enough, Why do I need to be better?!  What am I doing wrong!?  Why does no one find me attractive?  Why is attraction of the body all that seems to matter to girls I talk to?

And after a while it calms down or gets worse.  Mine calmed down.  A friend of mine who's a 23 year old virgin has become so angry with women he went celibate and stopped caring about his health or life,

Believe it or not, some guys aren't 100% unless they're with someone, even if they're entire lives.  If they get divorced or their wife dies or something, it damages them deep, like literally losing a part of yourself, and the responses vary greatly, some men even go gay in sexual frustration because there's a huge part that desires to please and be pleased that isn't being fulfilled despite extended efforts to do so.

Video games are social constructs trying to sell to a market ripe with guys unfamiliar to females (not abundant but enough).  Actually, I play as a female in most games.  Mostly because I'm 'pervy' (Prefer: Like how God made the female form.) And prefer running around to a female voice and a female player model.  My skyrim game right now in another thread has me as such.  I like playing the female character. From Halo: Reach to Mass Effect..

Maybe that means I feel like a girl on the inside, I like to think I'm closer to pansexual or trans but I like being a guy.  I also like my mind and accept my preferences.  I like sexual stuff, as even a topic of conversation.  In reflection...many call this being a pervert...

The current odd tropes in my porn escapade are those heavy interracial pornos where guys give their wife to a bigger sized 'black bull' to please her in their place (inadequacy in bed) but they get ready racist about it (black men rule you tier stuff).  Sissy hypnotic stuff (or basically 30 images of feminine guys in hot lingerie who look like girls all flashing in front of you in like...6 second), never thought I'd come to enjoy that until I found out I relate to the feeling from when I was younger.  Initially I REALLY rejected that area until my friends made me reconsider, even then I feel wrong spiritually speaking but chose to accept and try it.  Its not bad, but a lot of it is heavy on racism, degradation, and sexism.  The there's tentacle porn in hentai, which gets into rapey areas and anatomically disturbing content.  I prefer the consensual stuff.  But noticed its one step down from gangbangs and bdsm.

Of it all, I don't really enjoy it much.  Its just easier to find than kindly sexually erotic hentai or emotional sexually satisfied porn.  Its why I think I'll.always retain a squirting fetish, thats one porno genre where you can literally see the orgasm in progress. Which is the really hot part to me.

-cough-
Mind you I'm being pretty open...  If this is disturbing to anyone please tell me to shut up. Just being honest...

To adf to this all, the blockages involved are in order are Yellow Ray, Red Ray, Orange Ray.

I'd never 'cuckold' my wife or gf, that's what sex toys are for, but its a clue that I have doubts in my own sexual ability stemming from a lackof self belief due to failed relationships in the past that I need to balance)

I'd never crossdress (even if skirts look amazing and comfy) though I can't say I would never try same sex stuff again, but at this time when I have a girlfriend, I'd rather not bother with it.  Its a red ray block.of ssexuality. I have never tried to make sense how being penetrated as a kid might psychologically create a portion of myself who identified as female.
I honestly like it though.  Most of my friends are girls.  I get feminine concepts and yearn for less masculine interactions.  I for a while in high school felt more woman than man but never told anyone.  I dont identify as a transexual, but some might argue I should.  I'm content just being who I was born as.  Besides... ... ...  Girls are increasingly mean sometimes D:

Then the tentacle stuff I think is an outlet of combining the pleasure of sexual art with bondage intermixed with being overpowered (in good and bad ways) That leads to an orange ray block of desiring to possess and sexually have control over a girl.  Though I've always been repulsed by rape.  Not into that, but I wonder if that's any difference even if its 'consensual rape play' and such (I lost my girl virginity to a real weird girl lol)

Pay attention to the porn you watch, try to link.it to a blockage when you notice certain genres you return to often.

[Jade]

I hope no one gets disturbed (though that is probably inevitable); I strongly believe open conversations like this are necessary. One may say this is not the place, but in the context of blockages and sexual energy exchanges, I think it very much is. Everything is so repressed, but there's no secret that these types of pornography exist and are consumed. Exploring the whys of our sexual distortions can be a big step to balancing ourselves in general. Removing the stigma and mystery around sexual interactions is very important I believe.

[tamaryn]

There is so much catalyst available to process past the peak orgasm state,

Often I cringe and laugh at how much work I just put into this creative act. Especially with porn

I still love to raise my vibration with ejaculation, and if i can 'clean' my physical guilt projections and move into the heart-understanding of the screen-porn I feel very satisfied with the work.

[tamaryn]

I honestly like it though.  Most of my friends are girls.  I get feminine concepts and yearn for less masculine interactions.  I for a while in high school felt more woman than man but never told anyone.  I dont identify as a transexual, but some might argue I should.  I'm content just being who I was born as.  Besides... ... ...  Girls are increasingly mean sometimes D:

Interesting TPP, I've always interested myself with the idea that many Females are masculine souls (Radiant, Positive, Creative, Penetrating, Understanding) and Males are actually Femenine souls (Receptive, Introspective, Negative, Knowledge based).

Our string of soul lives creates a preference of soul energy toward the Feminine or the Masculine, but we are all from the same ocean of spirit which is the unification of both energies, male and female.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Agreed to both of you.

I honestly assumed I was a feminine preferencing soul. Would explain many things to me

[BlatzAdict]

pushing something away is a surefire sign of having it come back to you in full force or possibly twice at the level of catalyst from when you sent it off in the first place




since we are similar i will share with you that there is an underlying issue causing us to run away and do these things.


[b]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pl2L2fx...l=TealSwan
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[b]Love and Light [/b]




[b]
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[Matt1]

Is it less distorted to simply use your imagination rather than physically watch a video of the action?

[Jade]

I personally think so, Matt. I mean, if you incorporate those that you see on the video into giving them a service, then I think it's less distorted. But still, if you are watching someone else's creation, you have no idea their intentions they are trying to feed you, or if any of the actors were exploited in any way (they likely were or have been at a previous time as the industry is quite shady in general).

I also think that you're less likely to overstimulate yourself and desire more fetishized sex than if you are constantly stimulating your visual senses with increasingly more graphic depictions. It may be hard at first to make the shift if you're used to porn... maybe too hard. Probably why it's such a hard addiction to get over, because really, it's the pornography that makes the masturbatory act especially addictive.

[AnthroHeart]

The porn I watch I would never do. It's just a fetish.