Loving Difficult People

[AnthroHeart]

My mom is hard to live with. She says God Dammit a lot. And the F-word. She throws them around. She also talks about wanting to kill herself at times. That makes me not want to be alive too. She commands me, expecting me to follow her every whim. She'll wake me out of my bed and tell me to do things for her.

How do you guys/gals love people like these? I feel a little hypocritical because I'm not nice to her because of how difficult she is to live with.

I'd rather not let these things get to me. It's the only thing that makes life difficult to live. I am edgy around her. And she lives with me. So I don't charge her rent.

Am I somehow blocked/unharvestable because of how I don't accept everything she throws at me?

She even threatened to give my dogs away when I'm not there.

[xise]

I've found the best way to deal with difficult people is to love myself completely. Trust myself completely. Then I feel better and I'm better able to put up with them and sometimes even radiate love because I'm overflowing with it, and when they are being unreasonable and controlling and I stand up for myself, I don't feel bad. Because I love myself and understand that if there's a serious lack of love from others I'm around, the only way I'm gonna feel love is to love, understand, and protect myself if I so desire. And trust myself that I've already made the choice so I know I'm not gonna become some crazy negative entity by showing myself some much needed love.

You can accept a murderer, but that didn't mean you roll over when they try to murder you because also love yourself. The same applies to any situation where you are being mistreated.

Good luck bro. Family stuff is hard.

P.s. In my opinion, anytime you feel bad about yourself for any reason, or feel bad about what you want to do, you are not loving yourself. You are engaging in self judgement. We're all spiritually mature enough to no longer need the old paradigm of the carrot and stick approach the behavior - this is good or bad, right or wrong. Anything you do is acceptable. You've already made the choice. The vast majority here have chosen the positive polarity and you will find you will have a natural inclination to love and serve others once the blockages involving the lower three rays are addressed.

[AnthroHeart]

I have dreams where I'm murdered and I don't seem to mind it. Not sure if that means I don't love myself. Not sure how I'd react in real life, but I'd probably tell them just to shoot me rather than giving into fear and begging for my life. I'm not sure if I'd love the murderer more than I love my mom.

[xise]

I have dreams where I'm murdered and I don't seem to mind it. Not sure if that means I don't love myself. Not sure how I'd react in real life, but I'd probably tell them just to shoot me rather than giving into fear and begging for my life. I'm not sure if I'd love the murderer more than I love my mom.

You have trouble saying no to your mother. From personal experience I also had trouble saying no to my parents because I felt bad to do so. I think it applies to you.

Also, you've worried in the recent past that you would be harvested negative. I think you're clearly positive, but if you truly accepted yourself you wouldn't care if you were negative man. I don't care if I polarize negative. But I love so much, I don't think I will be. My journey is to discover myself.


If I am a spirit that enjoys controlling others and only loving the self, I'm 110% cool with that. I accept myself unconditionally. But I know myself. I love spreading the love. But I don't feel bad about my actions, regardless of their polarity. I just try to learn from my actions and learn how to discover more of my true self.

[Phoenix]

Well, the element of loving someone to the point of martyrdom might be something to think about.

Dreams of death are perhaps the archetype of death. Something in you wants to die but you are not letting it?

[AnthroHeart]

You have trouble saying no to your mother. From personal experience I also had trouble saying no to my parents because I felt bad to do so. I think it applies to you.

Also, you've worried in the recent past that you would be harvested negative. I think you're clearly positive, but if you truly accepted yourself you wouldn't care if you were negative man. I don't care if I polarize negative. But I love so much, I don't think I will be. My journey is to discover myself.


If I am a spirit that enjoys controlling others and only loving the self, I'm 110% cool with that. I accept myself unconditionally. But I know myself. I love spreading the love. But I don't feel bad about my actions, regardless of their polarity. I just try to learn from my actions and learn how to discover more of my true self.

Yeah, I have trouble saying no to her because sometimes she gives me no option. She says clean out the dishwasher or I'm not making dinner. And it goes on like that. She never cleans it out herself, always asks me to.

I should be happy with whatever way I polarize. I think I'm going positive, but if it's negative, I don't want to be caught by surprise. Still, I don't think I've achieved a 95% STS to be harvestable negative. It was just a fear that negative beings or my own thoughts were feeding me.

I'd like to be able to say no to my mom, but sometimes she gives me no choice. It's not blackmale, but something different. It's not guilt either. She just says that she won't do something unless I serve her in some way. There have been times where I'll say no, and she usually just gets very upset in those cases. She once threatened to give my food to the dogs because I wouldn't do something for her.

[xise]

That's a difficult situation GW. It sucks when the other person starts making threats.

But I couldn't help but notice both of your examples involve her controlling your food. Perhaps you can become more independent by making your own food or by eating out on occasion when you want to say no?

[AnthroHeart]

I do tend to eat out when I go out. The restaurants are so far out for me to just go to one. Plus sometimes I need her to feed me when my bank account is at $0. I let her keep her ferrets, and I didn't complain to her when she got my dog neutered against my will. But she still gripes about things. Kind of like I'm doing. She's rarely happy. I think that's why she loves ferrets so much. They bring her happiness. Like my younger dog brings me happiness. The older one tends to be grumpy.

There are other examples of how she's controlling, but I can't think of any at the moment.

[reeay]

It's easy to have negative reactions to our parents when they are demanding and seemingly cruel or distant. In some ways your mother expects a certain pattern of behavior to occur when she demands you to do things. You might react by dragging your feet or getting annoyed. Maybe she takes that as a distorted show of love and affection. I dunno. We do things like be difficult bc we want to experience love from others, even when we know our actions may push people away. We are such bizarre creatures.

What if you surprise her by doing things that she asks of you in a loving way? I found that when working with difficult people, they tend to expect me to behave in a predictable way to their nagging or critiquing or drama-queenness. When I respond w/ love they become rather confused then surprised lol. Totally throws them off and they usually dunno how to react to it bc they never experienced people responding to their demandingness with love. Throw your mom a bit off guard... she might resist it at first but she might learn that using demands and emotional threats isn't working or isn't necessary anymore. Usually when people are 'stuck' in their habitual way of relating to people (like be demanding or constantly giving threats and guilt trips or whatnot), it's very difficult to break from it.

How may you serve your mother with love?

[Phoenix]

What I use for STS'ers is that even if I am unable to personally love them. The One Infinite Creator loves them unconditionally. It simply allows in your mind the possibility.

[AnthroHeart]

It saddens me that she beats herself up. If she misplaces a receipt from the store, she'll smack her head with her fists till she has a headache, and then complain about the headache. What gets to me is that she doesn't value her life, often making idle threats about ending her life. And she'll slam stuff down too. That makes me jump sometimes because it's so sudden.

I'd love to serve my mom with love, but she doesn't appreciate it. She tells me I did it wrong.

[xise]

My parents are similar. You can't make someone else happy, only yourself.

The funny thing is, once you start making yourself happy, you begin to naturally radiate love as a positive entity, and those around you take notice and sometimes change much more than any amount of discussion could have caused.

At least, this is what I've experienced with my parents. Living by example works wonders - making yourself happy, and then radiating the resulting love and happiness outward for all to share is amazing.

[isis]

About a week ago, you shared that you sent your mom the LOO link. Did it bring forth any change?

[darklight]

I have dreams where I'm murdered and I don't seem to mind it. Not sure if that means I don't love myself. Not sure how I'd react in real life, but I'd probably tell them just to shoot me rather than giving into fear and begging for my life. I'm not sure if I'd love the murderer more than I love my mom.

You have trouble saying no to your mother. From personal experience I also had trouble saying no to my parents because I felt bad to do so. I think it applies to you.

Also, you've worried in the recent past that you would be harvested negative. I think you're clearly positive, but if you truly accepted yourself you wouldn't care if you were negative man. I don't care if I polarize negative. But I love so much, I don't think I will be. My journey is to discover myself.


If I am a spirit that enjoys controlling others and only loving the self, I'm 110% cool with that. I accept myself unconditionally. But I know myself. I love spreading the love. But I don't feel bad about my actions, regardless of their polarity. I just try to learn from my actions and learn how to discover more of my true self.

The distortion lies in the fact that those who seek to serve the self are seen by the Law of One as precisely the same as those who seek to serve others, for are all not one? To serve yourself and to serve other is a dual method of saying the same thing, if you can understand the essence of the Law of One.

[AnthroHeart]

About a week ago, you shared that you sent your mom the LOO link. Did it bring forth any change?

No, it didn't make a change. I don't think she really read it. Or if she did she was probably confused right away.

[Steppingfeet]

It's easy to have negative reactions to our parents when they are demanding and seemingly cruel or distant. In some ways your mother expects a certain pattern of behavior to occur when she demands you to do things. You might react by dragging your feet or getting annoyed. Maybe she takes that as a distorted show of love and affection. I dunno. We do things like be difficult bc we want to experience love from others, even when we know our actions may push people away. We are such bizarre creatures.

What if you surprise her by doing things that she asks of you in a loving way? I found that when working with difficult people, they tend to expect me to behave in a predictable way to their nagging or critiquing or drama-queenness. When I respond w/ love they become rather confused then surprised lol. Totally throws them off and they usually dunno how to react to it bc they never experienced people responding to their demandingness with love. Throw your mom a bit off guard... she might resist it at first but she might learn that using demands and emotional threats isn't working or isn't necessary anymore. Usually when people are 'stuck' in their habitual way of relating to people (like be demanding or constantly giving threats and guilt trips or whatnot), it's very difficult to break from it.

How may you serve your mother with love?

Of all the great replies to your question, GW, I take fire most from Reeay's response.

What she describes is not the obvious road to many people facing challenging catalyst from another. Generally speaking, our first response to poor treatment and misunderstanding from another is to defend, or push back, or blame, or create friction -- leading ultimately to some form of separation (if the gears of honest-loving communication with an eye toward reconciliation are not put into motion).

It takes an act of will and creativity to even see this road as a possibility, and a lot of internal work to be able to walk it, much less. In my own life my first instinct has not always been to find this road, but to react in knee-jerk ways.

However I find that orienting yourself to the question, "How may I serve her?", and, as reeay said, responding with love (especially when it's unexpected) is one of the best ways to clarify the situation, and to find the high road, tough though it may be to walk. It is a humbling road.

And in seeking that path, I think it helpful to realize that the outer actions of your mom, and your own, are pointing to deeper dynamics between you two. Dynamics that are not being clearly communicated, but that are emerging in these disharmonies between you.

Just my two cents. I'm perpetually under the veil of confusion so please ignore if not helpful.

With love/light,
GLB

PS: Thank you reeay for formulating your thoughts that way. I needed to read that today.

[AnthroHeart]

My mom wants to go to a home-selling presentation or something like that. She made reservations without asking me. It's downtown and I don't like driving there because all the streets are one-way and it's difficult to find your way back home.
They'll provide lunch, but I'm not looking forward to the 3 hour lecture beforehand. She drags me to things like these, but I have to drive her because she doesn't drive.

---

My parents are similar. You can't make someone else happy, only yourself.

It's hard to make myself happy, because of life circumstances. Even when things are going well, I tend to be bored. Or at work doing things I'd rather not do.