08-01-2009, 07:43 AM
Someone told me that people take different paths to awakening. I wonder if anyone's path is similar to mine. So far it has been a long and miserable path, also a lonely one. To choose an incarnation like this one I'm living now seems beyond belief, especially to me even though I know I chose this. Awakening for me was necessary for my survival. The family that adopted me and raised me as a child was involved in a clandestine group, they were luciferians at night but then during the day they were doctors, clergy, police and everything else. My family, during the day, masqueraded as the picture-perfect protestant family, smiling and sterile and very private. Growing up was horrible. My sister and I would be taken at night to remote places where there would be rituals, chanting, sacrifice, rape, strange symbols, consumption of blood and the like. Many times I fantasized of dying or being killed. I hated my life. These night time events would be dissociated and during the day we would walk around with no conscious recollection of the night before due to memory dissociation. People online like Svali call this ritual abuse or trauma-based mind control where multiple personalities are intentionally created in children through torture. Then the individual personalities are given names or codes and are trained to perform specific tasks after being called out with special keywords or phrases, letters or numbers. It's very complicated and it was what was done to me. The deep sadness and anxiety over this followed me everywhere but I had no conscious explanation for why I felt that way. No recollection of child prostitution, military bases, german doctors, electric prods, having my spirit energy harvested, being tortured on acupuncture points and energy meridians with long electrified needles. Sometimes it would come back as somatic memory but otherwise nothing. Much of this torture took place in a clinical settings, not just ritualistic ones. It lasted throughout my childhood to about age 13. By the time it was all over I had probably been to a dozen or more air force bases across the US for this programming and for that the family that adopted me was paid who knows how much in cash and promises of increased status in the coming new world order.
If this sounds bizarre to anyone unfamiliar with mind control, I promise you it is real and more widespread than you imagine. In some places like Cheyenne Mountain during the 80's and 90's the military programming was being forced on children hundreds at a time.
During my twenties I was still amnesic and controlled, I functioned as an office worker during the day with terrible social anxiety and depression. Despite being medicated on five different psychiatric medications for my so called "chemical imbalance" just so I could function, I had several failed attempts to get away from my family and the people they had influence over from afar. Until finally I succeeded in '02. Very similar to what happened with Svali and Kathy Obrien and other survivors who managed to get out, I escaped and moved across the country, broke all ties with family and old friends, started a new career and began piecing together a new life for myself layered in privacy, never looking back.
Soon afterwards in '03 my amnesia started to disintegrate, and I was flooded by all the traumatic childhood memories that had previously been repressed. Functioning on a day to day level was extremely difficult, I was in and out of several mental hospitals and was at one time arrested after being triggered to physically assault the one person who was kind enough to give me safety during this time. That was one of several of their failed attempts to suck me back in, after struggling for financial footing in '06 I once again moved across the country and started a new family and career working in contruction, I began a search for new stability financially and psychologically, with a more complete memory of my childhood and more of an idea of how better to protect myself and my new family.
Then in '07, the memories kept coming. Except at that point my recollection had moved beyond this life in North America and had gone all the way back to my previous incarnation in WWII era Japan. Blown away by the level of detail of it all, by the novelty of it all, I began researching anything verifiable to see if my memory could actually have been valid. While I was open about the possibility of reincarnation I was not fully understanding or accepting of it. I decided I needed to find a spiritual path that acknowledged reincarnation as a reality. Then even more memories came, of the lifetime before that one where I previously knew my wife in Indonesia. And more memories, and more and more, lifetimes in cultures I didn't even know existed. Some of them very traumatic where I would be doubled over and crying for hours, such as somatic memories of being tied to a wooden cross and burned alive with fire and hay in a crude english trial one windy autumn morning in 1492 in a Village outside what's now called Leeds, England.
Thus began my search for information that might explain these concepts new to my 3rd density conscious mind, things like karma and spirit guides, reincarnation and the like, and thus began my spiritual awakening. I was madly in search of an explanation for everything I was remembering, which was my spiritual identity, the part of me that travels in and out of incarnations and resurfaces every time in the 'real' world, the spirit world in between lives that we all go back to. That's how I found Michael Newton's books, which I read furiously because so many of the minute details from his clients under hypnosis were very accurate to my own memory.
As if all this wasn't complicated enough, soon a different set of lifetimes began emerging, with a timeline completely contradictory to the timeline I had established before. As if I had two parts with different spiritual identities. Most of those lifetimes from the second set of memories were on other planets, in less dense realities, with different physical laws, etc. What began emerging then was a type of wanderer spirit identity, completely different and unique to the spirit identity from before the incarnated primarily on earth. At that time I began to realize, not only did I have multiple personalities from the childhood trauma, I had multiple spiritual identities occupying this one single body. Which is pretty much why I'm here now, looking for answers as to what is going on. Why as a wonderer I co-incarnated here, what is the experience of other wanderers and what is the explanation behind it all, the bigger picture. So far I've begun Wanderer's Handbook and I'm on book II of the Law of One series. Needless to say these are subjects I don't ever tell anyone about. It's a lonely and miserable spiritual path trying to figure out what it means to awaken and where to proceed from here. What makes it harder is working a full time job and supporting a family while all this is going on, doing house chores, performing car repairs, trying to fit a book or website in edgewise into my schedule is downright impossible. But I got such a good vibe from this website when I found it tonight, a feeling of calm and a clarity of mind. So here I am. Glad to be here, thanks for reading.
If this sounds bizarre to anyone unfamiliar with mind control, I promise you it is real and more widespread than you imagine. In some places like Cheyenne Mountain during the 80's and 90's the military programming was being forced on children hundreds at a time.
During my twenties I was still amnesic and controlled, I functioned as an office worker during the day with terrible social anxiety and depression. Despite being medicated on five different psychiatric medications for my so called "chemical imbalance" just so I could function, I had several failed attempts to get away from my family and the people they had influence over from afar. Until finally I succeeded in '02. Very similar to what happened with Svali and Kathy Obrien and other survivors who managed to get out, I escaped and moved across the country, broke all ties with family and old friends, started a new career and began piecing together a new life for myself layered in privacy, never looking back.
Soon afterwards in '03 my amnesia started to disintegrate, and I was flooded by all the traumatic childhood memories that had previously been repressed. Functioning on a day to day level was extremely difficult, I was in and out of several mental hospitals and was at one time arrested after being triggered to physically assault the one person who was kind enough to give me safety during this time. That was one of several of their failed attempts to suck me back in, after struggling for financial footing in '06 I once again moved across the country and started a new family and career working in contruction, I began a search for new stability financially and psychologically, with a more complete memory of my childhood and more of an idea of how better to protect myself and my new family.
Then in '07, the memories kept coming. Except at that point my recollection had moved beyond this life in North America and had gone all the way back to my previous incarnation in WWII era Japan. Blown away by the level of detail of it all, by the novelty of it all, I began researching anything verifiable to see if my memory could actually have been valid. While I was open about the possibility of reincarnation I was not fully understanding or accepting of it. I decided I needed to find a spiritual path that acknowledged reincarnation as a reality. Then even more memories came, of the lifetime before that one where I previously knew my wife in Indonesia. And more memories, and more and more, lifetimes in cultures I didn't even know existed. Some of them very traumatic where I would be doubled over and crying for hours, such as somatic memories of being tied to a wooden cross and burned alive with fire and hay in a crude english trial one windy autumn morning in 1492 in a Village outside what's now called Leeds, England.
Thus began my search for information that might explain these concepts new to my 3rd density conscious mind, things like karma and spirit guides, reincarnation and the like, and thus began my spiritual awakening. I was madly in search of an explanation for everything I was remembering, which was my spiritual identity, the part of me that travels in and out of incarnations and resurfaces every time in the 'real' world, the spirit world in between lives that we all go back to. That's how I found Michael Newton's books, which I read furiously because so many of the minute details from his clients under hypnosis were very accurate to my own memory.
As if all this wasn't complicated enough, soon a different set of lifetimes began emerging, with a timeline completely contradictory to the timeline I had established before. As if I had two parts with different spiritual identities. Most of those lifetimes from the second set of memories were on other planets, in less dense realities, with different physical laws, etc. What began emerging then was a type of wanderer spirit identity, completely different and unique to the spirit identity from before the incarnated primarily on earth. At that time I began to realize, not only did I have multiple personalities from the childhood trauma, I had multiple spiritual identities occupying this one single body. Which is pretty much why I'm here now, looking for answers as to what is going on. Why as a wonderer I co-incarnated here, what is the experience of other wanderers and what is the explanation behind it all, the bigger picture. So far I've begun Wanderer's Handbook and I'm on book II of the Law of One series. Needless to say these are subjects I don't ever tell anyone about. It's a lonely and miserable spiritual path trying to figure out what it means to awaken and where to proceed from here. What makes it harder is working a full time job and supporting a family while all this is going on, doing house chores, performing car repairs, trying to fit a book or website in edgewise into my schedule is downright impossible. But I got such a good vibe from this website when I found it tonight, a feeling of calm and a clarity of mind. So here I am. Glad to be here, thanks for reading.
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