Dilemma

[BlatzAdict]

Here's the story.

I was talking to my first ex. I'm so thankful for what she's done to me. She was the first person to say I was an Indigo. we broke up and have been broken up ever since for the past i dunno 8 years. However I always come back to her to say thanks because she is the reason I started to learn about Indigos, and what sparked me to get back into spirituality in the long run. I still love her but I know she is married. I am happy for her marriage very much as this is the first husband she's had that is not abusive. She's been remarried twice and this is her third husband. She has 2 kids. 1 kid from each of the proceeding fathers. She is 30.

She's been with this current husband for 3 years. The current husband is claiming he's the complete antithesis of jealousy. As if he's above jealousy.
We haven't talked for years and now she is telling me she is trying to have an open relationship with her husband. Which hasn't been the first time.

Next she tells me she meets some guy at her work, and she's wondering about whether or not she wants to bring him into the relationship. All of a sudden I just felt like I knew this was going to end her marriage, her one stable marriage. Those two kids are going to be left without another father yet again. Neither of the guys are bi, but even then it doesn't matter, someone is bound to get jealous and someone is bound to overstep something somehow somewhere.

When I tell anyone something, they don't agree and say I don't know them. As if they are above the basic archetypes. I am sitting and watching the pieces fall into place, it always happens how I see things are going to happen. I understand the patterns, and yet I still cry seeing it. I know what is to happen, and they always think they are above that.

The same things are said with every relationship that is about to fail, we are better than that. It won't happen to us.

the first thing I told her was this is going to f*** up your marriage. Then she said you don't know us or Jason, you don't know how we work, we've been making it work for 3 years. This is who i am.

So far I don't know if I made the right choice to call her the next morning. All I've done is the same mistake I've always done, try to control others lives with what I know. At least that what it seems like. I called to say I couldn't continue being friends just to watch her kids suffer the consequences of her actions.

I don't know if I made the right choice. I just know I feel pain, partly from her actions, and also from the idea that I tried to control someone and their life again. What is wrong with me?

[Lorna]

there's nothing wrong with you, seeing patterns of behaviour and the likely consequences is a good thing, it's not always an easy thing though
you can withdraw from any relationship for awhile without ending it, give her the time to explore what she thinks she needs to and if it all goes pear shaped you can still be there to offer her a shoulder to cry on if she needs one. she sounds like a good friend

[solitary]

Here's the story.

What is wrong with me?

There's nothing wrong with you. You want to help someone to not take a step that will most likely end in much sadness and pain to several people.

It's a dilemma that a lot of us face. So where does helping, or service, end, and intrusion/interference begin? If she was about to fall in front of a train or off a cliff, you could reach out and pull her back, or at least try, because that's a physical action and an instinct to most people. If she was about to have an accident, she'd thank you; if she was trying to commit suicide, she might be very angry. Hard to say.

You can write down your choices, like try to stay a friend but let her make her own mistakes, and keep quiet; have a small group try to intervene (not a very good idea, usually); detach and let things play out and move on in your own life; lots of things you could do and not do.

So much of this stuff is personality-specific, there's no way of being certain what particular vibration (words, feelings, actions) would resonate with her enough to help her see things differently in a positive way. Good luck.

---

there's nothing wrong with you,

Sorry I took your words, didn't mean to. We pretty much agree, anyway, that there's nothing wrong with Blatz.

[BlatzAdict]

thanks guys

i might have come from 4d or 5 or 6... it hurts to know u can't infringe on free will. even when u know that person is going to hurt themselves or the people around them and u have to sit and watch and just bite your lip.


i don't know... are any alien cultures polyamorous?
ra was... i think, and they spent extra time in 5th density learning wisdom.

again i'm not sure of anything anymore.. other than thank you for responding. thank you thank you thank you.

[kycahi]

In a conversation, she told you what was going on, then you offered your opinion. That isn't so bad, IMO. Probably you will want to stay silent on the subject, even if she calls you, and not call her for a while.

You could have been more subtle saying, for example, "I hope you weighed the possible outcomes and consequences. I love those kids and don't want them hurt."

You also could have been a whole lot worse: "There you go, following your old pattern. Obviously you can't learn from past mistakes. You took him at his word, but I guarantee this won't work. You'll be sorry and I told you so. Etc." This is an "I'm better and smarter than you," separation scenario.

Sex is a big driver of experience. One party wants multiple partners, the other maybe not. By abstaining from the multiplicity, the first partner experiences a deprivation. By going for it, the first partner gets that experience plus the nearly inevitable complications. The latter case almost certainly drives the greater quantity of experiences, for all of the partners and for the children, so the One experiencing Itself arguably gets a bigger payoff.

I don't advocate that dangerous choice; I just mean to point out that, in the big scheme of things, either of them serves the One.

You are struggling inside with the approaching train wreck and also with wanting to do the right thing, not only for that dear family but also for your own improvement. I wish you well with this double anxiety.

[BlatzAdict]

I watched a little bit of Blue Valentine, I couldn't watch it through. It reminded me of so many parallels of my own life and my own struggles.
I had to skip scenes and ended up reading the synopsis instead.

thanks kycahi.. still reeling from my own little outburst.. i couldn't sleep and i ended up calling her in the morning and created what seemed like an argument. only to end up making her feel like i was trying to change her. like i did in the past.
originally i had the intention of saying that i don't wish to talk to her anymore as i don't want that in my life, people like that.. and the phone call ended
and then i thought running away isn't going to solve anything. so i called back again.. and i don't know
it's like theres a mess all over my brain and i can't do anything to pick it up. i have to leave it as it is.
and hope the next room isn't as messy.. the next room as in the next day.