Trouble with my romantic relationships

[turtledude23]

Romantic relationships make people happy, from what I've observed it brings the most happiness to us other than deep meditative states of mind. Before coming back to The Law of One I read stuff by the Dalai Lama, Swami Satchidananda, and Jon Peniel, all of whom were very wise and compassionate but their suggestions seemed to strict, I like the "liberalism" in Ra's teachings. With that being said: my former "virtual teachers" all said something along the lines of "don't bother trying to date or marry, happiness is inside you". I agree that happiness is inside me and perhaps it is possible to dig it all out of me through just meditation but Ra said our main source of catalyst is other selves and that two STO polarized people working together can polarize much quicker. In the past 2 months I have completely accepted and unconditionally loved two women, for the first time in my life, and both of them lost interest in me after a week. I don't know what to do. I feel lonely when I'm not in a romantic relationship but I'm also picky about potential partners and it's hard for me to meet new people. Should I keep looking for someone special or should I try to find happiness in solitude? Anyone have similar experiences to me?

edit: I don't know if this would fit better in "Life on Planet Earth" or not.

[Aaron]

Yeah, romantic relationships make people happy. But that happiness comes from a deeper sense of fulfillment that a relationship has the potential to offer. While not in a relationship, you may not have that deeper sense of fulfillment. When you enter into a relationship with another self, you're talking about matters of the yellow ray, two self-aware entities providing catalyst to eachother in the special way that only they can. If the situation is just right, and both people are seeking to open the heart, than this framework of yellow ray can really pave the way to full radiance of green ray energy!

I know this because of one person that I met while I lived in Minnesota, who I am extremely compatible with in yellow ray. The possibilities for an open and stable relationship leading to brilliant green ray exchange with this wonderful person were extremely apparent, almost jumping out at me. This hasn't come into actualization because I moved away not long after I met her, something that I'm personally dealing with, and trying to follow my inner guidance on.

It's true that everything is inside you, and the ability to offer catalyst to yourself is limitless. But we're so used to limiting ourselves that it's almost impossible at this point to polarize alone. We're never alone on this planet in regards to other human beings; but a relationship like you talk about offers a different kind of catalyst. I don't think you can offer that kind of catalyst to yourself. You need an other self! But why do you feel like you should look for someone special? If you're trying to find something that you think you don't have, you're taking away from your "happiness in solitude". You are all things, so your potential for the relationship that will offer you fulfillment is there. It's just not in manifestation right now. I say, don't try to find happiness in solitude, but REALIZE happiness together with your fellow human beings right now, without a romantic yellow ray relationship, UNTIL you are blessed with a person who is compatible with you in yellow ray and also seeking to open the heart. At that point, it will be like a dollop of delicious sour cream on the warm potatoes you were already enjoying! Basically, align the lower chakras and the other-self framework that is needed to open the heart chakra will fall into your lap, because you will be ready for it at that point.

You say you've completely accepted and unconditionally loved two women in the past two months. How is this different from unconditionally loving and accepting other people? Why do you think they didn't unconditionally love you? Were they not ready for unconditional love yet? Did they not want to enter into a relationship?

Good luck, my friend.

[turtledude23]

Thanks Aaron. I have found alot of happiness in the past 2 hours being alone. Its funny, all it took to get me out of my 2 days of feeling down was reading LOO. I can find love in written word and more and more in nature, guess I have no choice now but to be happy on my own.

Maybe they weren't ready for it, I don't want to sound arrogant but maybe on some level they knew that being in a romantic relationship with me would mean working on themselves more to reach "my level". The idea of a partner as, or more, developed as me is wonderful but recently I've been thinking about free will and destiny. If two soulmates are destined to be together then I assume the free will of the individuals would interfere with the timing of it, oh well, I'm glad this forum exists.

[Ali Quadir]

What does loving someone unconditionally mean to you? If it means they can do no wrong and all they do is fine with you, then I think I understand the nature of your troubles.

Unconditional love is not the same as being without criticism in a relationship. When you show someone unconditional love, this means the willingness to accept a person and treat them well.. But not the willingness to accept all behavior from that person. Anyone is going to look at their partner instinctively and evaluate what level he or she's working from. Are you kind but firm? If you are, you're a safe partner who will be good with the world, with kids and good with her. You'll be exiting and an adventure, the unknown is present. If you're kind but uncritical. You're not a safe partner, because your boundaries are not clearly defined. They seem nonexistent. You won't be good with kids and the world because they need those boundaries, also if she misbehaves you won't be able to contain her either. And as far as excitement adventure and really wild things are concerned. She'll likely have to introduce them to have them happen at all.

I know I instinctively seek in a relationship a person who is going to kick my ass real hard if I misbehave in a really bad way. It doesn't mean I will misbehave if she doesn't, it just means I won't respect her on that animalistic level which also is the level that defines sexual attraction. I have lost interest in partners who were "too easy". And I've stuck to the point of damaging myself with partners who were "too hard"... This is an instinctual response that evolved into our behavior. In prehistory the hard partners were most likely to save your hide and your kids hides. As a mammal you want to have the confidence that your partner is going to club that sabertooth to death while you're out, and not run off and leave the kid to fend for itself. This complicates how we can express unconditional love. We have to balance it with firmness.

So communicate your ability in that area. You don't have to be a caveman. We're better than that these days and I don't think any woman (worth dating) likes a primitive uncultured brute. Just demonstrate early on and with reminders that you're able to be this when needed so she instinctively knows she can rely on you, this will make her feel safe and deepen her attraction. Otherwise she will likely interpret your kindness and compassion as weakness.

This one girl I knew fell in love with her martial arts instructor. He was big, muscular, and in class screaming all the time, but kind to everyone who approached him. Nice guy truly. When she started dating him she discovered he was uncritical towards her, he treated her like a queen all the time.. Which was not what she had fallen in love with. She lost interest in about two weeks. This guy could kick ass in epic proportions. But he failed to demonstrate it to her inside their relationship. And even though she consciously knew he could literally kick ass, and he really really could, she ended up disrespecting him, she even called him weak. If he had screamed at her once like during class she would have been offended but also stuck around a lot longer. This isn't a weird girl. She was in university with dreams of becoming a Judge. She just responded naturally.

Maybe these women weren't ready for you, maybe you were not ready for them. I know this can sound weird and counter intuitive when you first hear about it. But unconditional love is instinctively mistaken for weakness unless you also express firmness.

[turtledude23]

You raise a good point about being firmer Ali. But I don't think I had the problem of being too soft, If I objected to something I'd make it known. Maybe they just expected more agression/dominance from the male stereotype society taught them to be attracted to, or the genetic component as you said. It could be because I was physically and socially not what they were looking for e.g. I'm skinny and don't conform to mainstream culture. Those things don't matter to me, to me the true personality of someone is what's most important in a relationship, I guess they didn't share my view. I don't know for sure if I'm a wanderer, it would make alot of sense if I was, assuming I was maybe the issue is that these women weren't wanderers or weren't too deeply interested in STO polarization. It's sad though, I feel like I could start a relationship with almost anyone if they really opened up to me and I'd try my best to make it work - meanwhile one partner left because she couldn't forgive my past and the other left because she didn't want to"settle down" and preferred kissing random strangers at parties, it makes me sad that she'd rather kiss someone who wants to use her than someone who really cares about her and accepts her. Maybe this is all to get me to focus more on meditation?

[Ali Quadir]

I very much doubt you are physically not enough for these women. I'm not an expert on how women see men of course, but in my experience they value different things than looks. And in spite of the stereotype, so do we men. Even if it's on the list of important things we look for. In the end we all want someone who makes us feel good and whom we admire. Looks help in that but we'd sooner sacrifice looks than the good feeling. Also it doesn't seem like you have much trouble attracting them. If they were truly put of by your looks then I think the relationship would end before it even starts because that's something you know upon first putting eyes on someone. (unless you're drunk at the time)

As a side note. The two examples of why they left that you gave indicate to me that you should be more critical of the women in your life. You can not have a unconditional relationship with all women. Because you clearly need someone who is steady and faithful. Which are in my opinion very fair demands to make.

You keep asking if maybe it'd be better for you to focus on your spiritual life. Maybe this is the issue? Do you believe a romantic life contradicts a spiritual life, or is in any way unbecoming or guilt inducing? I don't see any reason why you could not meditate or grow spiritually inside a relationship. To my mind this is your choice. I personally don't believe in renunciation.

[Chett]

I would say don't limit yourself. I have a relationship with a man that is most certainly 'on the dark side', I love him completely and (hehe) he loves me, way more unconditionally than any more standard relationship. All sorts of 'pairs' can be very valid and I think the close contact with the dark side actually makes me better able to develop my own positives.
Let life flow, don't push it so hard.

[turtledude23]

Thanks Ali, now that I think about it, many women have been attracted to my looks so I should be more confident, I shouldn't take rejection personally, maybe these women weren't right for me. I do believe its possible to have a spiritual life while in a relationship, in fact I think the two improve each other greatly, but what I meant by meditating more was maybe I should learn more how to find happiness inside me before I look for it outside me. Thanks again for your input, I appreciate it.

That's interesting Chett, do you mean your partner is consciously polarizing to STS, or does he just seek pleasure more than the average person? From what I understand people consciously on the STS path can actually be very friendly and entertaining to other people as long as it doesn't interfere with getting what they want. I agree about learning more about the dark side to learn more about the light side, but in so far as learning about your own dark side, I'm having trouble picturing an unconditionally loving relationship between two people polarizing in opposite directions. Could you give me more detail about this?

[artichoke]

To each his own but I don't think OP needs to consider homosexual relationships unless he was already inclined to do so. I just want to say that clearly.

Most women want to be dominated in the romantic sense, or at least they respond romantically to it more than to a nice equality of open-mindedness. I think it's the sexual aspect of pairing up, and much as society tries to change this (imho), it's genetic. If you want that sexual relationship, you might learn to give the thing that encourages that in women. And don't believe anyone who says that you just weren't their type. This is a learned behavior for many men who are very successful in having interesting experiences and relationships with women. (And I wouldn't be surprised if attractive behavior by women isn't equally a learned thing.)

I think you were leading with a behavior that can create a nice intellectual equal relationship, but now you're disappointed it did not produce a romantic relationship. To get a different result, play a different character to some extent. Have fun!

[turtledude23]

Thanks artichoke, I think you're right. I'm gonna give that a try, playing different characters.

[Ali Quadir]

Just to clarify that a bit, it's a subtle move. Instead of asking, be more direct... It really means that you say "Lets eat!" instead of "Shall we eat?". And if she suggests something else then say "Ok, lets do that first, but lets eat after because I'm hungry!" You're basically putting your own intent first unless she expresses other wishes. Which is good because most of the time we don't really care in what order we do things or what we do. Most people just like to enjoy the flow. And having to decide for someone else is an interruption and a bother. Being the decider makes you strong, and in this way you won't end up as a dictator.

Laugh with her, but more importantly laugh at her. In general it's better to mock her with a good nature than to serve her. Oh and never ever mention unconditional love Almost everyone wants it, but almost everyone is also scared by it.

[Meerie]

To add to the confusion and from a female perspective I would say just the opposite of the two last posters …
Ali’s suggestion behavior towards women does not appeal to me at all. I would also disagree with you playing different characters and experimenting.
Just relax and be yourself. If she is the one for you she will like you anyway. As simple as that.
There are already too many people running around being actors, masking their true self.

[Ali Quadir]

Can you specify, in a little more detail, why the behavior is not appealing Meerie? I'm not sure what part of my message you're responding too, and it is of interest to me.

[turtledude23]

Well I wouldn't be acting Meerie, I'd be doing what Ali said, I'd still be the same considerate person, but someone needs to come up with where to eat or such and if she doesn't have any ideas then I can propose one. I don't know about that "if she's the one for you part", that ignores free will, we both need to make an effort to satisfy each others unconscious biases for the relationship to work. If I was walking down the street in sweatpants and a 6 year old shirt with a beard i havent shaved in a year (I used to look like that) and my soulmate saw me I'm pretty sure her reaction wouldn't be "I feel so attracted to that homeless-looking person! I must go give him my phone number!".

[Ali Quadir]

My thoughts exactly.

Meerle, your basic message, that we should not stop being ourselves, I fully support that.. And I want that to be known most of all. Because it's very important. No one is worth giving up yourself for. And if you're not yourself in a relationship, it's not really your relationship anyway.

Women spend a lot of time in front of a mirror using various products most of which I don't even know the name of Think about it, this isn't much different.

If we act confident. Imagine we change just the body posture, not only will we actually feel more confident, people will respond to us and treat us in a way that strengthens our feeling of confidence. Now add directness and we strengthen the same feeling even more. It's not about acting some role or dominating anyone. It's about mastering life.

It seems to me, if a guy is more confident and direct he's more himself and shows more of himself. He'll be more relaxed more easy going, he'll bring out the best in people and is, hopefully, more fun to be around.

[turtledude23]

It seems to me, if a guy is more confident and direct he's more himself and shows more of himself. He'll be more relaxed more easy going, he'll bring out the best in people and is, hopefully, more fun to be around.

I agree. I also think females can do that too, but whether they do or not, for some reason males are more attractive to all people if they do that.

[Meerie]

Women spend a lot of time in front of a mirror using various products most of which I don't even know the name of Think about it, this isn't much different.

Generalization... I am not like that and most of me female freinds neither. On the contrary you should see some of the guys here, with plucked eyebrows and gelled hair and smelling like they just dropped a whole bottle of perfume over their body... I am sure they spend double my time in the bathroom
the times are changing and gender roles are, too.
Ali, why do you feel the need to mock her? At a first date? ??
In my experience guys who do that usually do it to deflect attention from themselves. From their own low-self- esteem. They laugh about someone else in order to feel superior to that person. Especially since many men deep down are afraid of females and their power, this is their way of dealing with them, by belittling them.
There is a thin line between mocking and being disrespectful, especially if you do not know that person well enough, like at the beginning of a relationship. Therefore I would not recommend that behavior when meeting someone new. Ali I also sense some kind of will to dominate, like you want to decide the direction of the date, like you want to decide for her as well.
The time of the patriarch is over.

[Meerie]

If I was walking down the street in sweatpants and a 6 year old shirt with a beard i havent shaved in a year (I used to look like that) and my soulmate saw me I'm pretty sure her reaction wouldn't be "I feel so attracted to that homeless-looking person! I must go give him my phone number!".

I agree, a minimum of personal hygiene will certainly help, Lol. However I believe your soulmate will recognize you even if you look like a homeless guy.

[@ndy]

I find this interesting, in some ways I partly agree with all of you.

I wonder if the behaviour Ali describes is the way people 'measure' each other? Wouldn't most of us prefer a relationship to be balanced? But how would we know if it was without playing little games with ourselves.

Perhaps the game Ali describes allows people to gauge the suitability of the other person to them selves?

[Ali Quadir]

Women spend a lot of time in front of a mirror using various products most of which I don't even know the name of Think about it, this isn't much different.

Generalization... I am not like that and most of me female freinds neither. On the contrary you should see some of the guys here, with plucked eyebrows and gelled hair and smelling like they just dropped a whole bottle of perfume over their body... I am sure they spend double my time in the bathroom

Well seems like emancipation is going well there.. You must be living in a unique area because in global spending on beauty products women still beat men a few times over.

Dropping a bottle of perfume over your body isn't a good thing though eaw

the times are changing and gender roles are, too.

True... But are genders changing?

Ali, why do you feel the need to mock her? At a first date? ??

When you go out with friends, are you formal? Or are you and your friends engaging in games and jokes? Me and my friends we're always fooling around calling each other names. I thought all friends were like that.

It's a good way to get to know someone. To draw them out. See what they are like. If they respond either by laughing or hitting you right back then you found a good potential mate. But also to show yourself as you will be if you become friends or lovers. What you see is really what you get.

The alternative is a 2 hour questionary over dinner. Or holding a strangers hand at the cinema. And you come home thinking well he must be a good match for me because he's got a good job, nice manners and good family background and judging from the place he took me good financial stability. While you should be thinking only: "That was so much fun!"

A good natured mocking is the best way to get to the actual people inside their formal shells. You suggested you want your men to be themselves.. Then the quickest ways to drop the formalities would be best, right?

I'm definately not going out there to make my date or anyone feel miserable Meerie. What is the point of that?

In my experience guys who do that usually do it to deflect attention from themselves. From their own low-self- esteem. They laugh about someone else in order to feel superior to that person. Especially since many men deep down are afraid of females and their power, this is their way of dealing with them, by belittling them.

You use the word belittle. Mocking isn't the same as belittling. Also it seems to me that high self esteem people actually mock each other more than low self esteem people. This isn't a sign of low self respect, it's a sign of a playful confident attitude.

What you're referring to, the belittling, is a totally different behavior. Perhaps next time someone belittles you you should ask yourself is this person maybe testing me? Seeing if I'm good dating material? In holland there's a saying "Teasing a girl is asking for a kiss"

Females and their power? Come now, that's just sexist! There is no inherent power in our gender. You're not powerful just because you're a man or a woman.

There is a thin line between mocking and being disrespectful, especially if you do not know that person well enough, like at the beginning of a relationship. Therefore I would not recommend that behavior when meeting someone new.

We're not speaking here about meeting someone random. We're meeting a potential mate for life. What are you going to do? Engage in a formal relationship, have a good talk. And always stay there? Or hang on that level for a while, hiding your agenda, and then suddenly breaking the contract by becoming someone else? Best to be yourself and clear about your intent from the get go.

Ali I also sense some kind of will to dominate, like you want to decide the direction of the date, like you want to decide for her as well.

Someone has to take responsibility for the date. We either sit there waiting for each other. Politely speaking about jobs waiting for the other to make a move. Or someone takes control. Now it's perfectly fine for a woman to take control. But if she isn't going to, and lets be honest most don't. Then the guy has to do it, or the date will simply not be fun, there is no third party. So as a guy, we should either take responsibility, or whine that women don't do that.

So yes I do want to decide the direction of the date. But that I want to decide for her as well, that bit you're imagining. You can see it as an optional program. An enjoyable default to deviate from whenever people feel like it. But since it's also considered to be an attractive trait, it's good to show that it's there.

To me it is preferable to show up with an answer to the question what shall we do? It doesn't mean that's what's going to happen. But at least you're taking responsibility. The woman should ideally do this too. It's about mastering life. Getting the most out of your experiences.

I believe in equality, but I also believe in masculinity. I do have a strong sense of male pride. But I encourage everyone to be proud. I used to encourage only women and looked down on my own gender. Then I figured out the battle of the sexes is just BS. There is no battle, we literally evolved to be each other's perfect counterpart. We stand side by side, not facing off. My dislike of my own gender only resulted in a kind of self castration. I could not imagine being attractive because I was a guy. So I did not act like a guy. And I was consequently not treated like one by women. I was either a friend or the relationship was very short.

[Meerie]

[Females and their power? Come now, that's just sexist! There is no inherent power in our gender. You're not powerful just because you're a man or a woman.

interesting... why do you think I am being sexist when I talk about female power? Right, there is no interent power in gender. However I do not see how women should not be powerful as well as men. And I have seen that men do feel threatened by it, believe me I have also seen men having difficulty accepting a woman as their boss. It seems it is still a delicate subject to some men.

Someone has to take responsibility for the date. We either sit there waiting for each other. Politely speaking about jobs waiting for the other to make a move. Or someone takes control. Now it's perfectly fine for a woman to take control. <- fine I am happy to hear that !

I believe in equality, but I also believe in masculinity. <- and in feminity too I hope


I do have a strong sense of male pride. <-- well I could reciprocate and call you sexist now - there is no inherent pride in gender.

But I encourage everyone to be proud. I used to encourage only women and looked down on my own gender. Then I figured out the battle of the sexes is just BS. There is no battle, we literally evolved to be each other's perfect counterpart. We stand side by side, not facing off. <-perfectly okay with that.

---

Actually I think genders are changing too, not only gender roles... I see more and more men who have boobs and wide hips and high voices and women with bodies like men and deep voices. It has been going on for some time now. I sometimes have trouble distinguishing men from women in the street.. and no, I do not have poor eyesight!
Here in Bavaria it may be not only the beer that contributes to mens boobs but I fear it could also be something else...
some scientist warn of the dangers of plastic bottles and the estrogen effects that plastic can have. Many of our foods are wrapped in plastic and thusly contaminated.

[Ali Quadir]

[Females and their power? Come now, that's just sexist! There is no inherent power in our gender. You're not powerful just because you're a man or a woman.

interesting... why do you think I am being sexist when I talk about female power? Right, there is no interent power in gender. However I do not see how women should not be powerful as well as men.

Neither do I.. But not because they're women. Just like a man is not powerful just because he is a man. An individual in a situation has power or not. And this comes from a deeper level of identity and from context. Feminity or masculinity is a color to the power but not it's source.

The true source of the specific power that the man fears in a woman that you mentioned, is in my opinion his own lack of respect for his own gender and his perception of her power over him. This is contextual power. And it's very real.

A friend of mine, female, told me this story of how when she goes out with 2 of her best friends they always try to see how far they can get guys to go. Bend over, show that ass, pose boy, now buy me a drink. And they literally have dancing monkeys at their table. Guys coming over standing in line to hand over their testicles. We could call it girl power, or we could call it castrated men syndrome. When I asked her what guy she'd get serious with she told me: the one who gives me the middle finger when I do this.

So my conclusion is men need a sexual revolution of their own.

And I have seen that men do feel threatened by it, believe me I have also seen men having difficulty accepting a woman as their boss. It seems it is still a delicate subject to some men.

I agree. Some men! It's also unfortunately still delicate for a man to earn less than his wife. Or even to not be the designated driver in the family car.

Women have emancipated, they found the ability to be all things that used to be male positions. Without becoming replacement men. I think this is good. But this leaves unemancipated men in a position where they lose their identity. This is not good. It would be good if they could be all things too, including things that used to be traditionally female. Without becoming replacement women. I want to see macho guy nurses. And american football type seamsters as much as I want to see female police officers and astronauts.

Can you not almost see the banner I am waving about ?

I believe in equality, but I also believe in masculinity. <- and in feminity too I hope

Well, I'm not a woman. I don't pretend to know what it's like to be female. And I don't think it would be right for me to dictate this. Imagine me telling you what being a woman is all about. But I do believe every woman should find out for themselves.

I do have a strong sense of male pride. <-- well I could reciprocate and call you sexist now - there is no inherent pride in gender.

Touche Experience the joy of being mildly oppositional.

Let me rephrase that. I'm comfortable as a man. I think guys can and should all be comfortable as men. And I believe the same for women though you have to figure out for yourselves what that means..

I use the term male pride as I use the term gay pride. There's no sense being proud of being a homosexual. Unless it's something you fought to become. And as far as I know, it's genetic. It's more an absence of shame.

Actually I think genders are changing too, not only gender roles... I see more and more men who have boobs and wide hips and high voices and women with bodies like men and deep voices. It has been going on for some time now. I sometimes have trouble distinguishing men from women in the street.. and no, I do not have poor eyesight!
Here in Bavaria it may be not only the beer that contributes to mens boobs but I fear it could also be something else...
some scientist warn of the dangers of plastic bottles and the estrogen effects that plastic can have. Many of our foods are wrapped in plastic and thusly contaminated.

Wow, scary.. It's not happening here. I only occasionally have trouble seeing the difference. With young men, or old women dressed and cut as men.

[Meerie]

Neither do I.. But not because they're women. Just like a man is not powerful just because he is a man. An individual in a situation has power or not. And this comes from a deeper level of identity and from context. Feminity or masculinity is a color to the power but not it's source.

Agreed

A friend of mine, female, told me this story of how when she goes out with 2 of her best friends they always try to see how far they can get guys to go. Bend over, show that a$$, pose boy, now buy me a drink. And they literally have dancing monkeys at their table. Guys coming over standing in line to hand over their testicles. We could call it girl power, or we could call it castrated men syndrome. When I asked her what guy she'd get serious with she told me: the one who gives me the middle finger when I do this.

help.. what kind of female friends do you have???

It would be good if they could be all things too, including things that used to be traditionally female. Without becoming replacement women. I want to see macho guy nurses. And american football type seamsters as much as I want to see female police officers and astronauts.

Can you not almost see the banner I am waving about ? .

yEs of course you are right! None of this should matter. It is the person not the gender that matters. However things are changing I am positive about that. And there are male nurses too… I am not sure about the macho part though . Being macho and a nurse seems to be conflicting. Unless he leaves the macho part at home and uses his “soft female skills” in his professional life LOL

Well, I'm not a woman. I don't pretend to know what it's like to be female.

Well I am sure one part of you knows, I guess you had many incarnations as a woman just like I had many as a man… In fact the one past-life regression I was having dealt with an existence as a man.

You know, I think the perfectly balanced man or woman is one who is at ease with both his male and female parts. For many men it involves getting past left-brain logic-only approaches to life, developing their intuitive right-brain skills. Soft skills, emotional intelligence for example.
For women it is often about learning to speak up, getting past the “I want to please everybody and be a pretty girl so everyone will love me”, standing up for themselves, developing elbows. Male characteristics.

[Ali Quadir]

help.. what kind of female friends do you have???

They're in charge. It's not as if they're models, (role or otherwise). Just regular girls. They're just confident and are used to guys doing what they want. So guys end up doing what they want.

You can imagine that when we first met we were constantly mocking each other and fighting for the control. It was awesome. It didn't work out long term, but on the short term it was great. And I learned a great deal about what it is to be a man because she was so obviously a woman.

yEs of course you are right! None of this should matter. It is the person not the gender that matters. However things are changing I am positive about that. And there are male nurses too… I am not sure about the macho part though . Being macho and a nurse seems to be conflicting. Unless he leaves the macho part at home and uses his “soft female skills” in his professional life LOL

I don't think like that. I think a male nurse has a lot to add as a man. Just like when females became police officers. At first we thought they would not be able to be as good as men. Then we figured out they brought a unique style and skill set to the game. Some police confrontations are best handled by women. Because they've got their own angle.

Well, I'm not a woman. I don't pretend to know what it's like to be female.

Well I am sure one part of you knows, I guess you had many incarnations as a woman just like I had many as a man… In fact the one past-life regression I was having dealt with an existence as a man.

I don't remember them, I do connect to some male lives. But even if I did I doubt I would be able to dictate being a woman, to a woman.

You know, I think the perfectly balanced man or woman is one who is at ease with both his male and female parts. For many men it involves getting past left-brain logic-only approaches to life, developing their intuitive right-brain skills. Soft skills, emotional intelligence for example.

I humbly suggest that perhaps those "soft skills" like emotional intelligence are masculine skills as much as they are female skills. The troubling factor here being that as a society we divided us up into roles. In my life I didn't have to learn the "female" skills. I had to learn the "male" skills. This is the case for most guys I know.

For women it is often about learning to speak up, getting past the “I want to please everybody and be a pretty girl so everyone will love me”, standing up for themselves, developing elbows. Male characteristics.

Same as for the male skills. I suggest that we're mistaking societies imprinting on females for feminity here.

You're right of course on the need to balance these out. It's known in psychology that those who show both the typical male characteristics and the female characteristics are happier and healthier on the whole. But I would see it more as men becoming complete men again and women becoming complete women again. We don't have clearly separated skill sets, just an opposing sexual polarity. And a different evolutionary focus.

[Meerie]

But even if I did I doubt I would be able to dictate being a woman, to a woman.

Well it is not necessary to dictate anything to anyone anyway… wow so many anys in one phrase…

I humbly suggest that perhaps those "soft skills" like emotional intelligence are masculine skills as much as they are female skills. The troubling factor here being that as a society we divided us up into roles. In my life I didn't have to learn the "female" skills. I had to learn the "male" skills. This is the case for most guys I know..

You are right, of course it does not mean that soft skills are a „woman only“ thing.. in fact I know some women who lack them entirely… and there are guys who are so soft that I sometimes think I probably have more testosterone LOL… I was just referring to the commonly associated “gender stereotypes”. It is easy to fall into that trap and get caught in generalizations, I realize that.

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By the way turtle23 how are you? Sorry to usurp your thread

[Namaste]

Hello turtledude.

I will offer a slightly different perspective, one influenced very much from Abraham, and say that the perfect partner for you is out there and it's up to you to allow yourself to find them.

By that, I mean knowing who you are - truly knowing who you are - , and seeing yourself as divine and deserving, without self perceived limitation or judgement. From that, you will resonate/vibrate at a very high level and attract the partner of equal high vibration.

If you judge yourself, and compare yourself to others, you will only attract and experience relationships that mirror that state of mind.

Always remember; the universe is a mirror. It reflects back your core beliefs, providing catalyst for change.

Take some time and go deep into your beliefs. Be truthful with yourself. Who do you expect to attract?

Take note of how you feel when doing this. If there is anxiousness or apprehension, your emotions are telling you that the thoughts are not in alignment with your higher self/path. Move your thoughts to those of the positive, see yourself with the perfect partner, feel and experience yourself with the perfect partner, and be grateful for the experience, as if it were right here, right now. Be specific; what kind if relationship is your perfect relationship?

Clarity yields much power for the conscious Creator in which you are.

Peace brother :¬)

[turtledude23]

That was awesome, thanks Namaste! I'll do it.