Dealing with Worthlessness Catalyst

[Plenum]

something got triggered about a week ago. Maybe less. It was after the San Francisco won the World Series (baseball), making it 3 Championships in a five year span. The other team, the Royals, were the underdogs, and played remarkably well to get to the final series. And they pushed it all the way to Game 7, as a decider. But they lost in the end.

It made me upset that San Francisco could get all the accolades all the time. It just didn't seem fair to hog everything like that. Of course, in the end, we are talking about a game, which is subject to chance and variation, and people don't get awards just for participating. The notion of 'fairness' doesn't really apply here. But that was my emotional reaction to the loss (as an aside, the Royals aren't even my team!). It was just a proxy to represent a concept being played out in physical form.

That was ok. I got over the anger and upset at the time, although I didn't really resolve it at a deep level. I didn't spend time on it, or feel that deep sense of 'integration' when a catalyst is released.

- -

Then last night, I went to the Riverside and saw a Chopin biopic. After I left the theatre, I felt a strong sense of Worthlessness. In that, here was an individual who left a great legacy, who inspires people, whose music people try to learn and play from an early age, and who invented a new musical and emotional vocabulary for the piano, and was a person who had Influence and Importance. He lived a life worth living. It left value for so many people. I just felt worthless in comparison. Who would attend my funeral? Who would care about anything that I did in this life? There is no lasting legacy.

of course, that is just the catalyst speaking, which is calling for a Reinterpretation of expectations. Not everyone is a great composer, not everyone is going to be a channel of reknown. Not everyone planned for a life in the limelight, not everyone came here to change society at a deep level. Not everyone is bound for fame and wide influence.

So there is some sort of deep attachment; on my part, for wanting some aspect of that Influence, and the 'worthlessness' feeling is triggered when I can't/don't get that Influence.

There is some sort of understanding/expectation/misunderstanding of 'Worth' that leads to it's counterpart of 'Worthlessness' when the situation is not consonant with the lived experience.

And I should note; worthlessness is a different emotional shading than 'unworthiness'.

*edit for typo

[Billy]

I often ask myself "what contribution have I made? What have I done to help the world?". I feel you man.

[Stranger]

of course, that is just the catalyst speaking, which is calling for a Reinterpretation of expectations. Not everyone is a great composer, not everyone is going to be a channel of reknown. Not everyone planned for a life in the limelight, not everyone came here to change society at a deep level. Not everyone is bound for fame and wide influence.

Plenum, I just want to let you know that I deeply and gratefully appreciate your presence on these forums, and that your insightful selection of transcripts and commentary has made a very real impact on my life.

[Unbound]

Perhaps the challenge is actually dealing with the idea that you have worth.

[Matt1]

Every entity although one at heart is a unique being, with a unique incarnational experience. Some may seem to shine brighter than others in the material world but we are still connected to the same internal source. You may never learn to master the piano or scale the highest mountain but you will do something that nobody else can do. That is my friend to give a prefect unique experience to the creator, making you and us of infinite equal worth.

[Bluebell]

To me kindness is the best legacy. I've struggled, been mean, selfish, scared in life. I'm still selfish & scared. I feel worse than worthless because of every harmful thing I've done but this world freaks me out. I just want to survive this horror show & be forgot.

[michael430]

[deleted]

[Plenum]

Perhaps the challenge is actually dealing with the idea that you have worth.

yes, I think so too. Through the structuring of the concept of 'worth', it sets up it's opposite, that of 'lack of worth'.

- -

To me kindness is the best legacy. I've struggled, been mean, selfish, scared in life. I'm still selfish & scared. I feel worse than worthless because of every harmful thing I've done but this world freaks me out. I just want to survive this horror show & be forgot.

An act of kindness can leave a fond memory for a lifetime. I didn't have the happiest or the smoothest of childhoods, and yet, I can still recall one particular maths teacher who showed patience and understanding. That was a beacon which helped me survive many difficult days.

- -

Plenum, I just want to let you know that I deeply and gratefully appreciate your presence on these forums, and that your insightful selection of transcripts and commentary has made a very real impact on my life.

thanks Stranger.

and cheers Matt and Folk-love!

[third-density-being]

Hello Dear Plenum,

- -

Then last night, I went to the Riverside and saw a Chopin biopic. After I left the theatre, I felt a strong sense of Worthlessness. In that, here was an individual who left a great legacy, who inspires people, whose music people try to learn and play from an early age, and who invented a new musical and emotional vocabulary for the piano, and was a person who had Influence and Importance. He lived a life worth living. It left value for so many people. I just felt worthless in comparison. Who would attend my funeral? Who would care about anything that I did in this life? There is no lasting legacy.

of course, that is just the catalyst speaking, which is calling for a Reinterpretation of expectations. Not everyone is a great composer, not everyone is going to be a channel of reknown. Not everyone planned for a life in the limelight, not everyone came here to change society at a deep level. Not everyone is bound for fame and wide influence.

So there is some sort of deep attachment; on my part, for wanting some aspect of that Influence, and the 'worthlessness' feeling is triggered when I can't/don't get that Influence.

There is some sort of understanding/expectation/misunderstanding of 'Worth' that leads to it's counterpart of 'Worthlessness' when the situation is not consonant with the lived experience.

And I should note; worthlessness is a different emotional shading than 'unworthiness'.

*edit for typo

Very interesting an Open post. I'm often amazed with your Openness in what You Share here, Plenum. I usually hide from Other-Selves what's within me. I make "public" only my Mind content. As I would like to do now.

---

As I've interpreted your Words through the prism of Knowledge I'm working with right now:

In bolded parts You've named/labeled your Feelings, and They've entered your "Mind Sphere". In bolded and blue colored parts, You've made basic connections and simultaneously You've detached the Value from your Self - it was transferred on an outside phenomenon. Of course all this is only a symbolic expression of processes, that have already happened within You - maybe even very long time ago.

Bolded and red colored part is further symbolical codification of delegated "Worth" - part of Self that was placed outside of "Self" - and therefore neglected, Self-refused. I think it is a Great opportunity to examine why "things" that hides behind those symbols are so important to You, and what They are able do provide, when acquired - and what They are "taking away", when never met. To identify the part of Self that was projected outward.

Bolded and green colored part is exactly what I am writing about. You've traced those Feelings and Symbols to it's base. I believe, that there's also deeper base. Since We're operating with symbols, there are surely "base of a base", and so on. But it is about Journey within Self, to Meet the Creator, as We All in fact are One (in both meanings - as "One, that was just mentioned - Creator, and "One" as "One with All there was, is, and will be").

Bolded and underline part - as I understand it, it is a differentiation of understanding of an immanent Quality of Self. "Worthlessness" is s mode of perceiving Self within given context; unworthiness is same, but with added "relation with an outer element' - or to be more precise - with an element, that is understood as an outer phenomenon.
I think that integration of that would be based on understanding, that in its core, it's Self approaching Self.

---

It doesn't of course mean to accept Everything as it goes. But I think that Our Feelings are Great Guide Points of "Areas" We should Focus on/upon. They are showing Us in the most intimate way, where to look for Self within this Reality.


Take Good Care, Dear Plenum

[Bluebell]

To me kindness is the best legacy. I've struggled, been mean, selfish, scared in life. I'm still selfish & scared. I feel worse than worthless because of every harmful thing I've done but this world freaks me out. I just want to survive this horror show & be forgot.

An act of kindness can leave a fond memory for a lifetime. I didn't have the happiest or the smoothest of childhoods, and yet, I can still recall one particular maths teacher who showed patience and understanding. That was a beacon which helped me survive many difficult days.

Yes. I'm sure u have left many of those, can leave even more. Even I probably have. Chopin wasn't any better. Just another other self, other u. He probably had his own problems anyway.

[AnthroHeart]

I tend to feel lack of worth at times when I am not fulfilling my purpose for being here. It's not that often though. Despite all the depression and other issues I have, I try at least to have self worth. But I've been moved to tears before.

[manniz]

Plenum, I appreciate you for your honesty and simplicity. I have always been very interested in how society functions, who gets to be famous, who influences what, and in my overall analysis, simplicity and honesty are what I deep down admire the most. Some guy, who was left alone by society, yet kept his principles and honor. Someone, who suffered a lot, yet could not share their pain. Artists, who had grand imagination, but no one paid attention to their artwork. Infact, what happens in their own minds is a unique concept of this infinite creation. What happens, when you are alone, and you have got imagination, but no eyes and ears to share it with. That makes me think of creation in a way that I cannot even begin to describe. So, in that sense, I have loved your posts, because they are always honest. Simplicity and honor are a unique world on their own, even though our present world does not recognize them.

You should plan for a tragic life next time, and you bet you will create lots of unique artwork.

---

It may be a bit romantic, but when no one was listening to you, no one knew your mind's art, your mind's pain, there was hopefully the One consciousness that witnessed your creativity. Fruity idea, but maybe true in its own infinite way.

[third-density-being]

With all my fascination with technicality of this Knowledge, I did not translated my Words into more life-able form. This is something at which I'm absolute beginner.

---

With all those Values, Virtues and Merits of Other-Selves, please realize, that Their Greatest Achievements were Created within the same Pool of Endless Creativity accessible to You as well - within Present Moment, where there was no distraction, no doubt, no fear - there were instead certainty of Self and what One wanted to Express. Those Beings were reaching Their Upmost, thanks to reaching into/within Them-Selves without comparison.

Some of Them were Pioneers in Their fields. You on the other hand are finding (your) Self in far more dense and saturated with Consciousnesses Environment/Reality. It takes a way prompt/semi-effortless distinctiveness, but instead it gives You far more diversified and rich palette of tools to Express and to Experienced Self.

---

In any case, the essence of what I want to tell You, is that You have exactly the same, Endless Source of Creativity and Vitality - your Self

To my best Understanding at this time, I can point Present Moment as a "Fountain of Self". There's literally nothing else accept Present Moment.

All Our "now", "later", "than", "tomorrow", "yesterday", billions years in the future" - all that is a Perception of Our current, fragmented and strongly partial access to Self.

---

It is not proper, but for imagination's sake I'll compare Us to a Hands, that while being part of a Human Being, they are unable to comprehend what "Human Being" is. They don't even have a "concept" of Human Being form of Consciousness.

---

We, in Our perception, are "moving through time". But this is not Our Quality - it is a Quality of Our Perception. When Our Focus will be at exact "point", at which actual Beingness resides, We will have an access to inexhaustible source of Self.
To bring compartmentalized Focus into One point. As We are in Present, Focus may "escape" only through/at Our Perception of "time" itself. Otherwise it would be caught/constricted within Present. But Our Concepts of Perception, as "tomorrow" or "next week" are dragging Our Focus away from natural point of Focus - Present Moment.

Focus of Consciousness also "escapes" into Self, to Explore and gain Experience/Knowledge. In act of Creation however, it impoverish Our ability, to fully Express Self within physical reality.

I think that Present is a Gateway to Self in All, possible interpretations of those words.

---

There's also very important issue, of evaluating Creation of Self. What are the criteria? Whatever they might be, placing them in/out(to) Other-Selves is taking the Power of Valid Evaluation from Self.

Please keep in mind, that You have less than 10% of feedback of what real impact You and Your Life have/has on Other-Selves and Human Beings as a Species. Sometimes We're only a "crowd" in Other's Life’s, and as such We are influencing Them. Even in such position We are capable of challenging Beliefs of Other-Selves, and enforce them or put in doubt.

When You are Creating, your Creativity, which will be invested in your Creation, will influence more People, in far more time span, that You EVER could. It may not bring reward as You expecting it to be, but You will influence many Consciousnesses - in some sense They'll Accept part of your Self, and You Both (or Many in same Present) will become One - You in what We understand as "now", and They, in what We understand as "future".

---

I have listened to your "Magician" and as I was listening, I thought to my-Self, that the title of it is a "Path of a Magician". You have Presented me with something, that took my Present Moment and I willingly let You Lead me through it. I was your Creation for couple of minutes. That was very pleasant Feeling, accompanied by Ideas and Their visualizations (automatic/effortless visualization of Ideas, as naturally emerge from/are born within One's Mind).

Reward may not have an expected form, but You have an Influence on Other-Selves. Through All of your Creation, within Every, single Day. Most of your Creation in such view, would never be included in Our category/understanding/label of "Creation". But You do exist in Highly Symbolic Reality. Each event in physical plane of existence possess unimaginable counterpart-events in other realities. Only example alone with transfer of medium I'm unable to name/label (flow of Consciousness???) through your "Magician" alone, will be never properly/fully understood by Us, with Our limited, three-dimensional fabric of comprehension, in oppositeness-based reality. Incalculable, immeasurably vast Influence, base on principles, We will never be able to Understand while living life of a Creature in this three-dimensional Creaturehood.

---

As usually, I was unable to keep it short.


All I have Best in me for You

[BlueHeaven11]

I read somewhere ( don't ask me where, cos I've read that much over the years that I often can't Re-member )
that each of us contributes in our own unique way to what is unfolding on our planet, the example given was that of an elderly woman living a very ordinary mundane life, she just did the ordinary every day stuff like shopping, gardening, cleaning etc., however, ...... what wasn't observed by anyone who knew her, was that she planted 'Light' with every step she took, she herself had no conscious knowledge that she was doing anything other than having a very 'normal' life.

I reckon that we humans are the 'boots on the ground' without which none of this ascension process could take place. The Light energy has to be grounded through a human vehicle ..... like the example above, therefore no being is 'more' or 'less' than any other, it's just that some of it is done behind the scenes and not in the glare of public attention.

[mjlabadia]

Hi Plen,
I am a neophyte, so I don't have the background to give any metaphysical analysis or advice,.......but I can give you a measurement from my own personal yardstick.

I've seen you provide insightful, intuitive guidance to almost every newcomer to Bring 4th, at least since I've been a member.

I've been witness to your delicate and loving handling of some pretty controversial/confrontational/heated discussions. (Hidden Hand, Do You Guys Really Believe This Stuff, etc.)

I've been witness to your delicate and loving handling of some pretty controversial/confrontational/heated MEMBERS! (Won't go there.)

I perceive you are one of the administrators of what may be the most spiritually influential forum humanity has ever seen. There are few in my opinion that have affected so many people, in such a wholly positive way.
Alcoholics Anon, to name another. (The traditions of A.A. VERY close to the Law of One.)

If you ask ANY member of this forum, past or present, "Who is Plenum 4th?" I believe they can still remember an instance when you affected their life,...directly or just via a post they've read.

In my short time here, and in my distorted opinion,...I make the following statement with love;

Other than Carla, Don, Jim,....and Ra themselves,....I believe YOU have had the most impact and have affected the most lives in a positive way.
You are the ship that keeps us afloat on this stormy ocean of spiritual/opinion/belief complex.
On a voyage that doesn't really have a destination port, but is really all about the journey.

There are few grand nirvanae for most us, no explosive enlightenment,....just slow and often stumbling steps out of the shadows,....into the light.

It takes a pretty special person to deplete the batteries of their spiritual flashlight, aiding others who are still trying to escape the darkness.

You are the one that has taken on that honor/duty!!

[third-density-being]

Hello Mjlabadia,

(...)
I perceive you are one of the administrators of what may be the most spiritually influential forum humanity has ever seen. There are few in my opinion that have affected so many people, in such a wholly positive way.
Alcoholics Anon, to name another. (The traditions of A.A. VERY close to the Law of One.)

If you ask ANY member of this forum, past or present, "Who is Plenum 4th?" I believe they can still remember an instance when you affected their life,...directly or just via a post they've read.

In my short time here, and in my distorted opinion,...I make the following statement with love;

Other than Carla, Don, Jim,....and Ra themselves,....I believe YOU have had the most impact and have affected the most lives in a positive way.
You are the ship that keeps us afloat on this stormy ocean of spiritual/opinion/belief complex.
On a voyage that doesn't really have a destination port, but is really all about the journey.
(...)

I could not verbalize it better than that. I Share this Point of View.

[Nuria Luz]

I aslo deal with this worthlessness catalyst. It is very, very though. When it hits me the first difficult thing it is realize that it is only a state of mind, not me. Then I breath deeply I get something funny to read or wach (Monty Python's Life of Brian has help me a few times). When it last for a few days, I repeat the above many times!

Lots of love/light mate!

also, if everyboby were to be Chopins and Mozarts the world would be an unbearable chaos.

[Plenum]

thanks for the feedback guys. It's appreciated. It's perspectives that I can process, to form a more 'accurate' picture of myself.

much love,

Plenum

- -

oh, and it's also a good discussion on the wider topic on this 'theme'. (y)

[kycahi]

I believe that Wanderers are stuck with things like this to keep them humble. Let's face it, lots of times we KNOW that we know more than most people, so without this "curse" we would be insufferable. Just accept it as a good idea and dismiss it from your worry list.

:idea: Better yet, discard such list.

[Nicholas]

Hi Plenum,

To me, you are the heartbeat of this forum Plenum and at times I have quietly gasped at your consistent relevance when making a post.

Like the heart that provides the oxygen for all parts to become active you have this knack of involving everyone to contribute here, at one time or another.

Whether the term is 'group mind' or 'mass consciousness' you seem to clue into it and bring it to everyone's attention.

Or like a water pump that brings much needed oxygen into an otherwise stagnating pond environment, your community driven essence is vital.

Like Matt said, your unique expression of the infinite is immeasurable.

Huuugs!

[Horuseus]

In that, here was an individual who left a great legacy, who inspires people, whose music people try to learn and play from an early age, and who invented a new musical and emotional vocabulary for the piano, and was a person who had Influence and Importance. He lived a life worth living. It left value for so many people. I just felt worthless in comparison. Who would attend my funeral? Who would care about anything that I did in this life? There is no lasting legacy.

There's a belief here that not many are consciously registering. That being, the belief in outward action somehow gaining importance over work that is done behind the scenes in consciousness. If anything, I would say the latter is of more importance when considering higher context, though appreciation and acknowledgement of the outer role shouldn't go amiss. Obviously beliefs are choices, so it's imperative to ask oneself why they would choose to buy into a belief they do not prefer.

Took a hiatus from the boards for a while (actually more so I've been moving towards other areas in my development) and it's funny how the Catalyst stuff seems alien after a while. There's considerable emphasis on a collective belief in imbalance here which is causing repetitive experiences.

[isis]

He lived a life worth living. It left value for so many people. I just felt worthless in comparison. Who would attend my funeral? Who would care about anything that I did in this life? There is no lasting legacy.

u're the best b4th thread-maker that has ever been & ever will be!

[anagogy]

And I should note; worthlessness is a different emotional shading than 'unworthiness'.

I agree.

Worthlessness is orange ray blockage.

Unworthiness is indigo ray blockage.

At least, from my perspective, that is how I perceive them.

[Quan]

Lovely honesty. Or more like Love your work is more fitting. with the following statement "feel that deep sense of 'integration' when a catalyst is released." Has that come yet? Brings to mind common quote seek and you will find or is it seek and thou shall find.. It is excellent catalyst to have to refocus and transcend, keep in check on that duality of being humble but being all that too.

something got triggered about a week ago. Maybe less. It was after the San Francisco won the World Series (baseball), making it 3 Championships in a five year span. The other team, the Royals, were the underdogs, and played remarkably well to get to the final series. And they pushed it all the way to Game 7, as a decider. But they lost in the end.

It made me upset that San Francisco could get all the accolades all the time. It just didn't seem fair to hog everything like that. Of course, in the end, we are talking about a game, which is subject to chance and variation, and people don't get awards just for participating. The notion of 'fairness' doesn't really apply here. But that was my emotional reaction to the loss (as an aside, the Royals aren't even my team!). It was just a proxy to represent a concept being played out in physical form.

That was ok. I got over the anger and upset at the time, although I didn't really resolve it at a deep level. I didn't spend time on it, or feel that deep sense of 'integration' when a catalyst is released.

- -

Then last night, I went to the Riverside and saw a Chopin biopic. After I left the theatre, I felt a strong sense of Worthlessness. In that, here was an individual who left a great legacy, who inspires people, whose music people try to learn and play from an early age, and who invented a new musical and emotional vocabulary for the piano, and was a person who had Influence and Importance. He lived a life worth living. It left value for so many people. I just felt worthless in comparison. Who would attend my funeral? Who would care about anything that I did in this life? There is no lasting legacy.

of course, that is just the catalyst speaking, which is calling for a Reinterpretation of expectations. Not everyone is a great composer, not everyone is going to be a channel of reknown. Not everyone planned for a life in the limelight, not everyone came here to change society at a deep level. Not everyone is bound for fame and wide influence.

So there is some sort of deep attachment; on my part, for wanting some aspect of that Influence, and the 'worthlessness' feeling is triggered when I can't/don't get that Influence.

There is some sort of understanding/expectation/misunderstanding of 'Worth' that leads to it's counterpart of 'Worthlessness' when the situation is not consonant with the lived experience.

And I should note; worthlessness is a different emotional shading than 'unworthiness'.

*edit for typo

[AnthroHeart]

I believe that Wanderers are stuck with things like this to keep them humble. Let's face it, lots of times we KNOW that we know more than most people, so without this "curse" we would be insufferable. Just accept it as a good idea and dismiss it from your worry list.

:idea: Better yet, discard such list.

Fortunately now I feel worthy. I'm not sure if it's infinite worth of Creator. I don't know if you can feel infinitely worthy.

Yesterday I scooted my mom's dog away from my dog's food bowl while he was trying to eat. I felt bad after that I let it get to me. I told myself that he wanted to hog the other dog's food, and it got to me. If one is centered and worthy, things like this wouldn't get to them, would they?

---

And I should note; worthlessness is a different emotional shading than 'unworthiness'.

I agree.

Worthlessness is orange ray blockage.

Unworthiness is indigo ray blockage.

At least, from my perspective, that is how I perceive them.

The only 2 times I felt unworthy were when I felt an unconditional love in my heart, and when I was hugging a guy that looked like Jesus. Both made me cry. But worthlessness, I don't tend to feel.