closet masochist

[Brittany]

First of all, I would like to state up front that the topic I want to discuss is considered a bit (okay, maybe a lot) taboo by many people. I do not think anything in this post will be explicitly sexual but I do feel that sexual energies are a contributing factor in the issue, so I sincerely hope I don’t offend anyone.

That being said, I’d like to talk about pain.

From an early age I’ve had fascination with physical pain. In my teenage years it developed into full fledged masochism. I’m sure there were a lot of emotional contributors when it came to the behavior I displayed, such as cutting myself...the discussion of those can go on forever. However, I feel that a part of this behavior remained rooted in the base element of physical gratification. Pain felt, still feels, good to me on certain levels. Not every type of pain causes an opposite pleasure, but at times the need to feel it has caused a nearly insatiable craving.

Needless to say, this is nowhere more obvious than in my sex life. In attempt to avoid graphic details, I will simply say that pain and sex at the same time is fine with me. In fact, it is more than fine. I don’t need it to enjoy sex, and have had many sweet, purely peaceful exchanges that were greatly satisfying, but at times I just need that element of roughness.

Up until recently I’d simply thought this was a random quirk that didn’t mean much. Some people like dressing up in animal costumes or using props in the bedroom. I like pain. It’s all a matter of personal preference. However, today I was going through book II of the Ra Material and session 31 caught my particular interest. It was discussing orange ray sex, and how some gain pleasure out of displaying power or being forced to submit, and it all seemed to be described in a sense that made it sound very unhealthy.

Outside of physical pain, I do find myself craving the opportunity to submit in controlled circumstances (largely through role play). I am a perfectionist, and don’t like to let a single detail slip out of place. I work at a job that requires me to manage my own actions and take the initiative. I am usually the one who handles the cumbersome details of family life such as financial obligations and simple things like making sure there is food in the fridge and none of it is rotting. So many times I am simply forced to take the lead, and it feels so good to just let go of all that every once in a while and be put into a state of complete submission. Often I have wanted to enter an even deeper state of submission, being completely out of control of the situation, but my husband refuses because he doesn’t want to end up harming me (which I respect). I don’t enjoy being humiliated and have no desire for this type of relationship to exist outside of these circumstances, but being dominated in such an aggressive fashion can be such a release. My husband, on the other hand, often feels like he has no control over anything in his life and it makes him feel good to try to be the dominant personality, even in a fictitious situation.

For a while I felt like this was a healthy thing. Yet reading about all these orange ray blockages, I’m wondering if I have this inner need to be possessed. I often find myself fantasizing about being in a slave’s position, and I’m wondering if I simply don’t want to face my responsibilities. Is this just an escape attempt or a healthy outlet? Am I helping to clear my chakras or only making them more knotted up? I try to keep myself balanced, but I would say that orange ray is the hardest chakra to work through for me.

My guides have told me that my physical enjoyment of pain is somewhat of a defense mechanism. My empathy causes me to take in the pain of others like it was my own, so what better way to adapt to that overload of stimuli than to learn to enjoy it? I am unsure as to what level it in its physical sense is rooted in with my enjoyment of being dominated. There have been times that I have felt so satisfied from being being beaten that it seemed like I’d entered an altered state of consciousness. I would like to say that I do not try to put myself in dangerous situations that could do me serious bodily harm. I do not even cut myself anymore, but is there anything wrong with getting this crazy rush from feeling a sharp pain that you know you can truly call your own? From knowing that for once everyone isn’t counting on you to make it all okay?

I feel this lifestyle quirk would be a very hard one to get rid of if I decide it is unhealthy in my quest to serve others. I feel like the efforts involved could only increase the difficulties I am experiencing for a good while, so in your opinion, is it worth giving up? Do you think this behavior could do serious spiritual damage or could it simply be a way my soul has chosen to express itself?

Once again, I apologize if this topic makes anyone uneasy. I’ve gotten a lot of strange looks when I talk about this type of stuff, even from people on my wavelength. Still, any serious input would be appreciated.

-Lynn

[Turtle]

I completely understand how you feel, since I have a similar thing going on with me, except not with physical pain. For me it's a balancing act of being warm with people, and being cold hearted...and knowing when is the proper place for each. I believe that given your description of how you control your urge (not suppress, I mean control), it seems like you have a more healthy way of expressing this desire. Only you can judge if your desire is "right" for you, but you're definitely "on the right track" by keeping out of sight of those who might find it disturbing.

Feel your whole self, and all of it's desires. Seek to balance your methods for fulfillment of desire with clarity, as you already seem to be doing....of course this is only my opinion, but I hope it helps.

Godspeed!

[ayadew]

Hello Lynn. I have absolutely no conscious experience of that you outline, but I feel the difficulty both in being this and in the action of writing it to us.
You have my full supporting intention in whatever you wish to do.

[Lavazza]

Hi Lynn,

I also do not share your circumstances in specific, but it rings very close to home in vibration with my own, so to speak "battle" with what I believe is an overly energetic sex drive (orange ray activation?). I am also constantly wondering about the larger nature of this, and I am still undecided. On the one hand, I believe it is very important to express who you are most truthfully as often as possible because to do anything less is a disservice to yourself and ultimately a disservice to others (by not expressing honesty). On the other hand, the fact that you (and I) have gotten to the point with our respective circumstances that we can look upon them and evaluate it as possibly harmful may be indication enough that some sort of action should take place. ("If you think there is a problem, there is a problem" sort of thinking). I guess one place to start in this evaluation is asking the question "Who is harmed?" You, someone else, nobody?

At the present time I have consciously worked with myself over the course of some months and come to a place where I have consciously taken steps to not express my sexuality at all opportunities but instead only some. (not to go in to great detail, I just wanted to add that these expressions are private and not involving otherselves) Sexual desire being what it is, I have met these steps with mixed results and mixed success. Certainly with mixed feelings... Possibly because I am not 100% certain that restriction of the self is appropriate in the first place. As is stated by another spiritual guru, "Action and Belief are one in the same. You will act on your beliefs, and your actions will reflect your beliefs". I am still very much in the trenches with this catalyst. I cannot aid you but indirectly, and offer you my full understanding, support and of course love.

By the way, I also took some pause at reading the Ra quote in book 2. Personally, I feel this information was aimed more towards such individuals who do not simply role play dominance/submission, but actually play it out in real life scenarios by committing rape, or molesting children, or other such activities. As Dr. Ruth said decades ago, any activity two loving people chose to explore in the privacy of their own home is in no way shape or form wrong [from a societal perspective].

[peelstreetguy]

I agree with Lavazza's post. I have a rather high Libido myself and have wondered if it is a problem. The thought has crossed my mind that sexual activity could be a mechanism we use to alleviate a build-up of energy that is "stuck" in red or orange ray. If that is the case, then we should be able to change this by un-blocking the chakra(s) in question.
I don't know if I'm right about this, but it is food for thought. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. The answer lies within you.

[Aaron]

At least you've acknowledged that something is there that needs to be dealt with! That is the huge first step, becoming aware of "it". I don't really have any specific experience in this area, so I can't give you any direct or situational advice. I can observe that subs tend to enter the trancelike state or altered state of consciousness when submitting, so you aren't alone here. It seems like you feel guilt about having this "quirk" about you. The only advice I can offer you is that in order to proceed peacefully, you have to make peace with all of yourself first. Find your whole self, then love and accept it all... It will change if necessary, in part or in whole.

[pksmith]

As Aaron said, I think the most important step is acceptance.
You are beautiful in all your aspects. You don't seem to be harming anybody, and it sounds like this isn't a crutch for you, but rather one of the many ways that you express who you are. Who knows if this is an indicator of orange ray blockage or imbalance? And if it is, wouldn't the best way to deal with it be to acknowledge it, give it space, and embrace it? As an active seeker of the one, you surely spend plenty of time in the higher chakras.... maybe the lower ones need to express themselves as well. Also consider this: could the act of submission be an acknowlegement of the power of surrender? Forgiveness, surrender, acceptance, etc. seem to be central to Ra's message.

I'm a musician, so I best understand things through musical analogy. I can't stick to one type of music. I was trained as a classical guitarist. Sometimes I play grinding crunchy metal. Other days I play powerful groovy riffs. I often dabble in etherial washy clouds of harmonious spacy sound. Today I practiced some Bach. These different kinds of music all evoke different colors and feelings for me, correspending to different energetic points in my body. What I'm saying is, I don't do all of this at once. While it is certainly possible to create music that hits all the chakras in a balanced way, that's not always what I need. Some days my music may sound really red-ray.. some days blue-ray. I don't know if I play music to express myself or to heal myself... I suspect it's both. Some people listen to "Pure moods" and feels that it heals them. Lots of people go do death metal shows and punch eachother's brains out in mosh pits, not because they are violent, but because it heals them.

When you CHOOSE to be dominated and hurt, you are engaging in a creative act. It's a way for you to express what you need to express. And perhaps it's also a release valve. Perhaps it's what you need to do in order to heal and balance yourself in that moment. Only you can know whether or not it serves you.

we're all just riding up and down on the multicolored breath of the cosmos. We fluctuate from day to day. But my bet is if you were to take away time completely and look at any being- what you would see would be a beautiful radiant rainbow- perfectly in balance and harmony, but also perfectly unique. We're already balanced, we're just exploring our nuances.

It was helpful for me to respond to your post in order to hash through my thoughts about energy and what chakra balancing actually means, so feel free to take or leave anything I've written.

Peace and love to you all!
Phil

[Brittany]

Hi! Thanks for all the imput. Pksmith, your post was very helpful. Often times I find myself thinking that all signs of lower ray activity needs to be shut off in order to activate higher ray, when in fact the complete opposite is the truth. As soon as I notice an issue is coming from a lower ray it distresses me and I perceive it as an error, forgetting that without these things I could not operate in this density.

The music analogy was especially helpful. Some days I am happy being completely devoted to spiritual work, other days that primal red ray animal needs to express itself in its own fashion. I do not play music but I can relate in the sense that sometimes all I want to listen to is nature music and some days I'm banging it out to heavy metal, screaming and jumping around because it is a way to release the anger and hurt I accumulate through the day without behaving negatively toward anyone else. A lot of these shifts can be seen in my art and writing. Some of my pictures and stories are very dark- the reflect the shadow self that has just as much right to be expressed as the rest of me.

I suppose in the end the most important factor is that I continue to evaluate my own actions, making sure this sort of activity does not enter into anything harmful. As long as I realize what I am doing and why, I suppose I am offering the highest service of knowing my Self and just Being. Thanks, everyone, for helping me to see that.

[colorado]

Hi ahktu

I can understand what you are going through. Although I can't relate directly to your submissive desires, I can relate to your feelings of being unsure about your desires and what they mean. I have my own desires (they are harmless to others and myself as far as I can tell) that I am trying to better understand. Although I accepted my desires around 8 years ago, I am still trying to understand them. Are they a sign that something is wrong? Should I be spending time and energy trying to "fix" these desires? Is worrying about them an appropriate response? Should I just let myself be myself?

All of these questions seem to be what you are going through as well. So far, I have decided that I will continue with my spiritual growth as if my desires are not a problem (I'm not even sure they are "fixable", or needing to be "fixed" for that matter). This seems to me to be the most balanced option at this point in my life. If anything crops up in the process, I will be more than happy to deal with it. This is what my suggestion is for you. Do not over worry yourself with your desires. Be yourself, and try to be happy with who you are. Continue with your development and if you have any inspiration regarding these desires that you think is important, examine it. Just remember, you are perfect and you are loved.

[kylissa]

Ahktu, hi. When reading your post I kept getting the message "MENTAL DISCIPLINE" repeating in my head. I did a LOO search for 'mental discipline' and found a passage that might be helpful. I personally have been working on self discipline for the past 10 years or so, I kind of got addicted to being a bit of an ascetic.. vegan, straightedge, later turned into quite a hermit.. all this after being a bit too indulgent throughout my life. I realize that this was all part of balancing my experiences here on Earth. The sweet spot seems to come after you've experienced both extremes. So my advice, in response to "I feel this lifestyle quirk would be a very hard one to get rid of if I decide it is unhealthy in my quest to serve others. I feel like the efforts involved could only increase the difficulties I am experiencing for a good while, so in your opinion, is it worth giving up?" is YES it is worth giving up, by practicing mental discipline, if these are thoughts that would be very hard to get rid of.

Anyways, here is Ra on Mental Discipline:

To begin to master the concept of mental disciplines it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought a being has, has in its turn an antithesis. The disciplines of the mind involve, first of all, identifying both those things of which you approve and those things of which you disapprove within yourself, and then balancing each and every positive and negative charge with its equal. The mind contains all things. Therefore, you must discover this completeness within yourself.

The second mental discipline is acceptance of the completeness within your consciousness. It is not for a being of polarity in the physical consciousness to pick and choose among attributes, thus building the roles that cause blockages and confusions in the already distorted mind complex. Each acceptance smoothes part of the many distortions that the faculty you call judgment engenders.

The third discipline of the mind is a repetition of the first but with the gaze outward toward the fellow entities that it meets. In each entity there exists completeness. Thus, the ability to understand each balance is necessary. When you view patience, you are responsible for mirroring in your mental understandings, patience/impatience. When you view impatience, it is necessary for your mental configuration of understanding to be impatience/patience. We use this as a simple example. Most configurations of mind have many facets, and understanding of either self polarities, or what you would call other-self polarities, can and must be understood as subtle work.

The next step is the acceptance of the other-self polarities, which mirrors the second step. These are the first four steps of learning mental disciplines. The fifth step involves observing the geographical and geometrical relationships and ratios of the mind, the other mind, the mass mind, and the infinite mind.

[ayadew]

Thanks kylissa.. very useful quote

[Questioner]

Hi Ahktu. Thank you for keeping your discussion from including explicit material.

I can't stand pain. I try to avoid it in my own life and to help others to not have to suffer it. Therefore I cannot relate to the masochism content of your experiences.

I also cannot comprehend the contradiction between the masochism descriptions and the theory that they have something to do with empathy. That seems to me to be a dead end theory, but I believe you have a better one already.

at times the need to feel it has caused a nearly insatiable craving.... it seemed like I’d entered an altered state of consciousness

That sounds very much like the core definition of an addiction: behavior that is clearly harmful to self and others, yet is compulsively repeated in an effort to find control over or relief from certain emotional states.

I don’t need it to enjoy sex

From these descriptions is does indeed sound like you've accurately identified the fundamental issue as one of power, rather than of pain.

At work and then again at home, you must take a position of power and control because others abdicate reasonable responsibility. You go from being out of control - forced to be the boss - to being out of control - forced to be the servant.

Another adult at home should be able to clean the fridge and restock appropriate food on at least a weekly basis. This is a reasonable expectation for any housemate who is a teenager or older.

At work, you are also in a position of dominant control that seems to be uncomfortable for you.

You are forced to take the lead as the dominant role. Therefore, to try to relieve the stress of this imbalance, you then seek to be forced to take the submissive role.

Interesting that you married someone else who also feels that a life is outside the control of the one living that life.

What do you think could be a healthier balance of orange ray energy? This chakra is not only about control in terms of hierarchy, but also about creativity, joy, and love. Do you like living in your service-to-self hierarchy, at both home and work, in which you either dominate or are dominated? Would you prefer to live a nonhierarchical life in which those who are equipped to lead do so, as a shared joy rather than an imposed demand?

Do you think this behavior could do serious spiritual damage

Yes.

any serious input would be appreciated

As you see from the variety of responses, you came to the right place.

[Monica]

First of all, I would like to state up front that the topic I want to discuss is considered a bit (okay, maybe a lot) taboo by many people. I do not think anything in this post will be explicitly sexual but I do feel that sexual energies are a contributing factor in the issue, so I sincerely hope I don’t offend anyone.

You have done a fantastic job of tastefully broaching a subject that could be very delicate. And, you've integrated it with the Law of One principles. I can see that you put a lot of thought into your choice of wording. Well done!

From an early age I’ve had fascination with physical pain.

I'm rather squeamish about pain myself, so I'm probably not the right person to offer any opinions, but, for what it's worth, right off the top of my head I would suggest that you probably had a past life experience in which pain was an overwhelming part of your life. Fascinations/obsessions early in life are often the result of unresolved past life issues.

For example, I had memories of being in a dungeon in a past life, and for awhile I became somewhat obsessed with those memories. Once I worked thru them, the obsession, and even interest, completely faded.

From a psychological standpoint, sometimes obsession with pain is associated with having had pain inflicted by a parent or some other caregiver...so pain and love sort of get wired up together. Is it possible that you might have suffered some sort of abuse as a child that you aren't aware of? Or maybe in a past life...just a thought to consider.

If so, then it would seem to me that, rather than being concerned about the current fascination, perhaps if you approach it from the angle of getting to the root of what caused it in the first place, you might get some clarity about it, and it might even resolve itself, as the root issue gets resolved.

today I was going through book II of the Ra Material and session 31 caught my particular interest. It was discussing orange ray sex, and how some gain pleasure out of displaying power or being forced to submit, and it all seemed to be described in a sense that made it sound very unhealthy.

Perhaps it is. But so is yelling at our kids, and I've certainly done that plenty of times! I think it's important to remember to forgive yourself, even if you do decide that it's unhealthy. You can forgive yourself and love yourself while at the same time acknowledging that something might be a blockage or imbalance (ie. 'unhealthy') and seeking healing in that area. We all have blockages and 'unhealthy' imbalances!

You can embrace and love yourself at the same time even while acknowledging that there's an area you want to heal.

Having said that, we do know that the dynamic of domination/submission is the very hallmark of STS energy. So I would venture to say, in answer to your request for feedback, that it would appear to be something in need of balancing and healing, since you have clearly chosen the STO path.

And now I am in the delicate position of trying to be tactful here: I do not intend any judgement when I say it's an STS dynamic. None of us is 100% STO. We all have our issues we are working on! I did something a couple of days ago, in a moment of anger, that was STS. I wasn't happy about it and realized that I was in need of healing in that area. It was resolved and forgiven, but my point is that, in our efforts to be non-judgemental, we don't have to dance around what might be obvious: That harming or dominating anyone, or being harmed/being dominated, are inherently STS. It doesn't matter if the harm/domination is done to another self or to self, since we are all one!

We can acknowledge this while at the same time forgiving ourselves and withholding judgement, since we all have that little speck of STS in us. We can help one another to heal and balance those energies.

You might look at it this way: What if your husband was beating up one of your children? Would you consider that healthy?

Of course not! You'd consider that STS, right? You wouldn't even hesitate to consider it STS and highly unacceptable, right?

Why, then, would it be any different if he's beating YOU up?

Don't you deserve the same treatment as your children or anyone else?

What I'm getting at here is: If you wouldn't allow a loved one to be harmed, why would you allow yourself to be harmed? Perhaps you might ask youself how you can love yourself more, so that you won't want to harm yourself. You don't naturally want to harm those you love, right? So if you want to harm yourself, even if momentarily, then could that be an indication that you don't have much love for yourself?

The good news is that, just the fact that you are questioning this aspect of your life, could be an indication that you are beginning to love yourself more, so maybe a behavior that was acceptable before might be less comfortable as your self-love grows to a healthy level.

Here's another way to look at it: Regarding Ra's words about some using sex to control others and that being an expression of blockage or even STS energy exchange: If you did experience that, perhaps in a past life, and you now are questioning whether it's healthy, that in itself could indicate a moving out of that particular pattern. In other words, just the fact that you are now questioning whether it's healthy or not, could be an indication that the issue is starting to get resolved and healed!

I am a perfectionist, and don’t like to let a single detail slip out of place.

Now this part I can relate to!

In my case, I ended up falling flat on my behind before I realized that I wasn't in control...no matter what. The more I tried to control everything, the more messed up it got. For me, letting go and going with the flow have been major themes in my life!

It's really strange, in a way...it's actually a lot more fun to not control everything! What helped me the most was reading the Q'uo transcripts...one in particular (sorry, don't remember which session) said something to the effect of, when we make a decision to trust, they will align the forces needed to accommodate our free will.

Powerful stuff! Just knowing that this principle is at work, has helped me to let go of details and trust more in the River of Life.

My husband, on the other hand, often feels like he has no control over anything in his life and it makes him feel good to try to be the dominant personality, even in a fictitious situation.

Well at least you're compatible! Sounds like you're very complementary and helping each other work thru these issues.

On the other hand, are you really healing the imbalances by indulging them, or are you reinforcing the imbalances in each other?

Here's a suggestion: What would happen if you tried some reverse psychology? What if you declined to play that role for him, or he for you? What if, instead of relying on each other to reinforce that dynamic, you sought balance within yourself, instead of being balanced by an other-self?

How to do that? Well, you might consider: Instead of putting yourself in the position of being controlled or harmed by an other-self (even if it is your husband, who would stop short of seriously harming you), is there another way to relinquish control for awhile? Could you satisfy the need to relinquish control by simply taking a day off...setting more time aside for yourself...relax, take a bubble bath, get a massage, designate certain days of the week as days in which your husband or some other family member did the cooking, shopping and cleaning...have a Mom's Day Out, go to the beach and soak up some sun, whatever gets you out of your normal environment and responsibilities.

By getting temporary relief by this dominance & submission role-playing, could you actually be avoiding what's really needed, which might be to just take more time for yourself in which you get some relief from being in the position of control and responsibility? Everyone needs a break from their lives now and then...even if it's just going to a movie. Maybe, if you did that, you wouldn't feel as strong an urge to escape in that way.

I often find myself fantasizing about being in a slave’s position, and I’m wondering if I simply don’t want to face my responsibilities.

Hmmm....with so much emphasis in the Law of One being on free will, I'm not sure how that fits in...but then I guess you'd be exercising your free will to relinquish your free will...?

I do remember in one of the Q'uo sessions they said that fantasy was generally a healthy, harmless way of indulging our desires. We can work thru a lot that way. So, fantasizing about whatever is certainly preferable to actually doing it!

But, if we find ourselves fantasizing about something that, if acted upon, would be STS in nature, then it might behoove us to ask what is at the root of that fantasy.

Is this just an escape attempt or a healthy outlet? Am I helping to clear my chakras or only making them more knotted up?

That's a very insightful question! Here's a suggestion: Are these activities producing good fruit in your life?

If so, I'd say they are helping you unblock your chakras.

If not, then maybe they're reinforcing any blockages you might have.

My empathy causes me to take in the pain of others like it was my own, so what better way to adapt to that overload of stimuli than to learn to enjoy it?

Here are some questions to consider:

Why do you feel you must take on the pain of others? What does that accomplish?

Do you think it's ok to inflict pain on another? If not, then you might ask yourself: If we are all one, then if you wouldn't want to inflict pain on another person, then why would you want to inflict pain on yourself? Is the pain really so enjoyable, or have you somehow 'learned to enjoy it' because you felt you had to, in order to be of service? If you could be of service without pain, would that be satisfying to you? In other words, is it actually the pain itself that is attractive to you, or its association of being of service?

(Just some ideas!)

There have been times that I have felt so satisfied from being being beaten that it seemed like I’d entered an altered state of consciousness.

Could it be that this altered state of consciousness is what's appealing, rather than the pain itself? If so, have you considered trying some other way to achieve an altered state of consciousness? Some other way that would essentially allow you to relinquish control, yet not be painful?

What I'm getting at here, is: Is it really the pain that is appealing, or something associated with it?

is there anything wrong with getting this crazy rush from feeling a sharp pain that you know you can truly call your own? From knowing that for once everyone isn’t counting on you to make it all okay?

Well, I generally avoid saying anything is 'wrong' so that's something you'll have to decide for yourself. Although, a general guideline that I personally adhere to is: if it inflicts pain on someone or infringes on their free will, I would consider that STS, and I consider an STS action to be 'wrong' for an STO entity, but entirely 'right' for an STS entity. Your situation is a bit trickier since you are utilizing your own free will to initiate the pain. So, since it's you doing it to yourself, or inviting someone to do it to you, does that make it any less STS (or any less 'wrong') ? Since we are all One, does that little detail (whether the victim is you or an other self) matter?

As I mentioned, I have an aversion to pain so I might be a bit biased here...but I'm trying to offer some suggestions that might help you clarify exactly what it is about the experience that you find appealing...and then maybe you can accomplish that objective in some other way that doesn't involve inflicting pain on anyone.

You provided a clue here by saying "From knowing that for once everyone isn’t counting on you to make it all okay?" This seems to indicate that what you might really be yearning for is for some guidance in your life. I think maybe the Christians are onto something when they say to 'surrender your life to Jesus.' I would modify that to say 'surrender to a Higher Power...or to your Higher Self' but the idea of surrendering actually has its merits! Since we truly aren't alone, but do have a support system, then why should we feel we must take on all the responsibility for every little detail? What's the worst that could happen? Some food will spoil in your frig? is that so bad?

What has helped me to relinquish some of that control was to realize that, even if the worst happened (and, in my case, it did! or at least what I thought was the worst at the time!), it's not the end of the world!

My conclusion is that a health balance is in exercising our free will while, at the same time, surrendering to the guidance of that Higher Power...It seems rather paradoxical, but Ra did say that they came to show us the resolution of paradox, eh?

From knowing that for once everyone isn’t counting on you to make it all okay?

There are other ways to get some relief from your burdens. They may be more difficult...role playing in the bedroom can be done in an hour at the end of a long day. Whereas, truly addressing the root issue - which may be that you simply need some time off - requires a bit more dedication and determination. I would assume that an hour of role-playing is very intense...maybe because you don't have much time to devote to it. You had a long, hard week...you need relief and you need it now, right? In order to relieve the stress in a less intense way, you'll need more than an hour. You might need a couple of hours at the movie theatre, or even - gasp! - a whole day off!

Sometimes the solution is very simple and obvious. I suspect that part of why this particular form of release is appealing is because you either aren't willing or haven't yet figured out a way to get the same sort of release in a less dramatic way...by simply taking a day off once a week, and letting someone else take over for you. A common objection to doing that is FEAR...fear that things won't get done 'right.' A possible antidote to that is to face the worst possible consequence (like maybe some food spoiling or a bill getting paid late) and accept it as a small price to pay for healing.

I feel this lifestyle quirk would be a very hard one to get rid of if I decide it is unhealthy in my quest to serve others. I feel like the efforts involved could only increase the difficulties I am experiencing for a good while, so in your opinion, is it worth giving up?

Well, I've never tried heroin so I can't really tell a heroin addict whether it's worth giving up or not. Who am I to tell him that when I've never experienced it? All I can do is tell him about the dangers of heroin.

Then again, I can also tell him about the joys of healthy highs that don't involve endangering his life.

You've stated that your life isn't in danger, since you and your husband stop short of that. The only other suggestion I could add is to pointedly ask your guidance system whether your polarity is in danger...ie. are these activities increasing or decreasing your polarity?

Do you think this behavior could do serious spiritual damage or could it simply be a way my soul has chosen to express itself?

Choosing to wear a red dress instead of bluejeans is 'simply a way to express oneself.' Choosing to harm or be harmed, in my opinion, is more than mere expression and is something that affects polarity.

Once again, I apologize if this topic makes anyone uneasy. I’ve gotten a lot of strange looks when I talk about this type of stuff, even from people on my wavelength. Still, any serious input would be appreciated.

No apologies needed! But I appreciate your conscientious concern! We are here to help one another. I have offered some suggestions, and maybe even some pointed opinions, and I don't intend any judgement towards you whatsoever! I offer these only as suggestions to consider. Please discard whatever doesn't resonate!

[ayadew]

Monica you're so helpful!! Thank you for being you

[Monica]

Monica you're so helpful!! Thank you for being you

Thanks for your kind words!

[fairyfarmgirl]

ahktu, have you considered that you may have a cord to a non-physical being that is using you in order to feed off of your husband and you through the orange chakra. This is common especially with dangerous and pain oriented sexual games. It is also a hallmark of the Annuki interference. The orange chakra is the first to be tapped and the energy created is then symphoned off... and then the red chakra is tapped and fed upon--- this is what creates the compulsion to seek more pain in order to quell the anxiety over lack of power or having power.

fairyfarmgirl

[Questioner]

...you may have a cord to a non-physical being that is using you in order to feed off of your husband and you through the orange chakra. This is common especially with dangerous and pain oriented sexual games. It is also a hallmark of the Annuki interference. The orange chakra is the first to be tapped and the energy created is then symphoned off... and then the red chakra is tapped and fed upon--- this is what creates the compulsion to seek more pain in order to quell the anxiety over lack of power or having power.

Thank you for introducing a whole new perspective to the discussion. I'd really like to see us discuss how "cording" occurs and how we can become free of it. This is something I don't know that much about, but I feel it is important for me to learn about.

[Monica]

I'd really like to see us discuss how "cording" occurs and how we can become free of it. This is something I don't know that much about, but I feel it is important for me to learn about.

Me too!

[fairyfarmgirl]

Good Greetings all:

  chakras and subtle bodies.jpg (Size: 41.06 KB / Downloads: 5)
This is what I know and am very familiar with concerning cording and decording and restoring Subtle Body and Auric Integrity.

Energy cords exist on all levels of being... physical, emotional, mental, etheric--- between the physical and non-physical. This is the first way that information is shared energetically. It is a cord.

  Aura2.jpg (Size: 25.01 KB / Downloads: 10)
The subtle body is the electro-magnetic field that surrounds the physical vehicle or body. This includes the aura which is the part that surrounds the physical body. The chakras are energy centers within the body.

As an individual goes through the day, interactions with the environment : physical and non-physical can cause the electro-magnetic to become out of balance leaving "holes" in some parts and compressing it in other parts. Negative influences come from the absorbtion of negative emotional states or the interference of non-physical beings.

Energy cords are energy conduits from one energy source to another. Cording refers to the energy that one focuses on another or in another's direction. Cords of energy attach to the chakras and are experienced as an energy drain or an infusion of energy that contains directives at the point of contact.

The cording can also be very positive like that between a parent and child and/or lover/mates and/or friends etc. or it can be negative... such as the siphoning off of life energy or the taping into orange ray or red ray or yellow ray energies and then the transference of the feeders preferences... such as the sudden need to cut oneself ritualistically or to cause harm or to suddenly become suicidal. This type of cording occurs when the individual being corded to has an issue that causes a weakness in the auric field and the energy at the time is a frequency match with that which wishes to cord and/or the individual is tricked into thinking the visitor is a friend instead of a foe and/or it is a cord that is between individuals with Karmic ties which do not dissolve even after death due to forgiveness issues etc. Any time there is an extreme emotion with an individual and/or place a cord from the emotional individual is sent out and cords to the place (ie structure, tree, land etc.) and/or the person involved with the emotional charge.

A cord to the Orange ray or chakra will circulate the directives and then be circulated into the Yellow ray or chakra where it mixes with all the energies of the body. This is one way that compulsions or abhorrent behaviors develop as the orange and yellow chakra are linked to the body and its preferences and responses to the world and interactions. Orange ray cording can override the conscious mind. This is common in STS rituals. It is a form of enslavement. Oftentimes the individual is unaware of what is happening either due to being overwhelmed with fear, negativity or survival issues or they are drugged and otherwise incapacitated. Also power issues can drive this type of cording where an individual has been taught through life experiences to seek such scenarios by imprinting or implants.

The book the "Celestine Prophesy" illustrates cording between people quite well. When negative cording occurs between people it is usually due to a misunderstanding concerning the generation of energy. The corder believes that they need the other person in order to survive, be happy, etc and the cordee feels sympathy or pity for the corder.

At any level of cording physical and/or non-physical on some level of beingness there is an agreement to participate in the exchange. As with all agreements sometimes they are created with untruths.

The first step to decording is to clear the aura around the body. This restores the integrity of the electro-magnetic field effectively releasing any negative influences.

Decording of the aura and chakras and restoration of the integrity of the energy field begins with making a choice. Then proclaim with conviction that choice. The greeting: "I hail you in the name of the One, True, Infinite Creator.... I bathe you in Light and Love is one way to begin restoring the integrity of the energy field. This begins to create boundaries with that which is siphoning off energy from the individual and/or group. It is challenging to do when the energy field is out of balance. The truths that one believes begin to no longer be the truth. One begins to question one's behavior... and a feeling of distrust begins to develop. This is the time to begin asking for help from STO beings and Human Angels. Simply ask aloud. I call and invoke the Guardians, Helpers, Guides, Angels, Archangels and my Higher Self to assist me in restoring the integrity of my energy field. I call upon you to go and do your perfect and good work in clearing me of all negative influences leaving on that which serves the Highest Good for mySelf and the All that is aligned with Service to Others. This is your team of non-physical beings assigned to you at birth. They are ever present to assist you. Due to Freewill--- they will not interfer with your "choices" unless asked or unless directed by the Creator.

Then, enlist the Earth to assist you. Begin with a Fluorite crystal. Any color will do. Pick the one that resonates with you. Place it on your 6th Chakra or the Violet Ray. Hold for 30-60 seconds while you breathe in and out deeply and naturally. Sometimes imagining that you are a hot air balloon becoming untethered assists in this process. For those that are sensitive to energy, you may feel a popping or a letting go or an unplugging feeling. You may feel vulnerable. This is a good time to call the team in to assist you. Ask them to fill these holes with Love and Light and patch the holes so that your energy field is restored to integrity. They will do this and as you seek more positive interactions you will then begin to fill these holes with Joy, Love and Light. An infusion of these energies is the way to strengthen the energy field and deprogram and proclivities that may have become habitual that no longer serve you.

Yarrow flower essence is also an Earth based helper. Take 2-7 drops under the tongue before beginning decording and afterwords. Yarrow balances and strengthens the aura. It also is used to shield and create boundaries. Yarrow when combined with Rock Rose, Rose and/or Oak flower essences creates a healing environment energetically for the individual. It is a very effective combination. This combination also is very helpful when doing personal work or facing challenging situations.

The essential oils of Frankincense, Myrrh, Rose, Hyssop, and/or Sandalwood *or* The Eden oil. are very effective for restoring integrity to the subtle bodies, aura, and physical body. To use choose 3 that resonate with you. It is best to use only 3 essential oils at a time or One blend at a time No more than that. Essential oils are extremely potent! It is imperative to only use high quality essential oils that are steam distilled! Some Essential Oil Brands that I have personally used are: Aura Cacia, Young Living, Now Foods and Angel Gate Creations (The Eden Oil only for the strengthening of the aura. Follow the process outlined by Angel Gate Creations).

To use the Essential oils the oil must be diluted.

1 Drop of essential oil to 1 tablespoon of carrier oil (apricot, olive, coconut,soybean, safflower,and in a pinch corn oil).

Note: For the Root Chakra the base of the spine is usually the spot in which to place a drop of diluted oil.

Dilute all pure essential oils in a carrier oil except oil blends which are already diluted!


Frankinsense and Myhrr and Rose Essential oil: Place on the third eye, on the temples of the forehead, the bones behind the ears on the head, the back of the head where the spine meets the head and on the Heart Chakra.

Sandalwood oil: On the 3 lower chakras, Heart Chakra and Third Eye.

Hyssop: Use very sparingly and combined with 1 or 3 of the following Essential oils: Sandalwood, Rose, Frankinsence and/or Myrrh. Place one drop diluted on the 3 lower chakras, the Heart and the 3rd Eye.

Eden Oil: Follow Process as outlined by Angel Gate Creations

The Essential oils work to open the HEART and Mind and at the same time the oils will raise your vibration so you are no longer a "match" for that which has corded to you. This effectively decordes you rapidly. Remember it is by the choices you make whether or not you remain unmatched for that which seeks to cord to you. What this means is one must change the emotional/physical/mental habits one has in order for true healing to occur. Any helper is just that--- helping you in your making a choice and working toward personal sovientry. Then the oils will continue on to strengthen your aura and Restore Subtle Body integrity. The oils will also work on clearing out negative energies stored within your cellular memories, mind complex and/or within your energy systems (I call these clingons).

EFT is also effective in decording an individual. To learn more about this click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5fCKRWzOeM

With any of these methods which are only methods that I am very familiar with be prepared to embark on a personal work and healing journey. Consider it an adventure.

Love--

fairyfarmgirl

[Questioner]

Fairyfarmgirl, thank you so much for this information! I already knew some about the individual topics. I hadn't seen them combined in such a clear and unified way before. It hadn't occurred to me to use EFT along with spiritual choice affirmation, as shown on the video.

I feel that the combination of ideas you offer are very powerful tools. My intuition sings out "thank you!" for pointing a path to some deep healing that needs to happen in my life.

The Law of One material has helped me identify a fundamental life issue theme for me. I am learning how to protect my own integrity from being broken into. This comes from those who would intrude into my energy, and take it away to try to fill their own spiritual holes. (They should have turned directly to the One Creator to supply their needs, rather than taking from me!) I believe 2010 will be a year of major healing in this area for me. I believe this forum will be a major center of learning and sharing the ideas and practices involved in this healing.

This is an adventure I'm eager to explore.

I had wanted to experiment with crystals and flower essences. I didn't know where to start. Now I have some specific starting points.

I'm not sure I understand the term "directives." Do you mean that through the cord, there is a feeling of compulsion to behave in a way that's not loving & kind to one's own self?

Is an "implant" a residue of a cord that remains even after the cord is removed?

Is there ever a time that cording is positive and helpful, for example if one person is sick or desperate and another chooses in love to send out helpful energy through a cord? Or is cording always something negative or destructive?

While I wait for your answers I can start right now with the decision, prayer/invocation and EFT without having to buy anything. I'll add flourite and some flower essences to my shopping list.

"Any helper is just that--- helping you in your making a choice and working toward personal sovientry." This is a very powerful concept for me to appreciate today.

Thanks again!

[fairyfarmgirl]

Fairyfarmgirl, thank you so much for this information! I already knew some about the individual topics. I hadn't seen them combined in such a clear and unified way before. It hadn't occurred to me to use EFT along with spiritual choice affirmation, as shown on the video.

I feel that the combination of ideas you offer are very powerful tools. My intuition sings out "thank you!" for pointing a path to some deep healing that needs to happen in my life.


This is an adventure I'm eager to explore.

I had wanted to experiment with crystals and flower essences. I didn't know where to start. Now I have some specific starting points.

I'm not sure I understand the term "directives." Do you mean that through the cord, there is a feeling of compulsion to behave in a way that's not loving & kind to one's own self?

Is an "implant" a residue of a cord that remains even after the cord is removed?

Is there ever a time that cording is positive and helpful, for example if one person is sick or desperate and another chooses in love to send out helpful energy through a cord? Or is cording always something negative or destructive?

While I wait for your answers I can start right now with the decision, prayer/invocation and EFT without having to buy anything. I'll add flourite and some flower essences to my shopping list.

"Any helper is just that--- helping you in your making a choice and working toward personal sovientry." This is a very powerful concept for me to appreciate today.

Thanks again!

Good Greetings Questioner and All:


A Directive is just that an energetic pulse that comes through the cord into the chakra that overrides your innate programming temporarily. The chakra then circulates that energy pulse containing the directive (such as seek pain, inflict pain, drink, be destructive towards self etc.) Think of a parasite that attaches itself to a host. The parasite overrides the program of the host thereby allowing the parasite to feed. It either feeds until full and then takes its leave or it feeds until the host dies. Directives usually involve non-physical entities or negative Remote Viewing. These are negative STS infestation issues.

An implant can occur through a cord. Some implants are biological in nature. They serve to block a chakra thus tying off the other chakras so that feeding can occur. This is a hallmark of non-physical cording to a negative STS. It is rare and only in the instances where the cordee is already in a very weakened state. When I have encountered this is the work that I have done in the past... the implant looks like an engorged giant tick.

Positive Cording that is done with Love and equal sharing as between a healty relationship between a child and a parent, friends, lovers/mates. It is the first way an energetic connection is made-- cording and bonding can mean the same thing for this. Cording between a child age 0-7 and their mother/primary caregiver (can mean a male parent) is essential for child survival. Sometimes Cords remain long into adulthood and are of very positive nature. Cords of Love are Cords to keep. For Love is something to share. This is how family bonds are maintained... friendships are maintained even if you only see your friend every 20 years or even never again... the bond of Love the Positive cord is present. Positive cords allow you to share the energy of Love with another. This is the reason for the ability to cord in the first place and its pure use. During the 2 milleniums of darkness the tool of energetic cording was put to use to harm instead of help and enhance and bond in a positive way. Love is always positive. It can not not be the other. LOVE

Love--

fairyfarmgirl

[Brittany]

Warning: LONG RESPONSE!

Wow, I wasn’t expecting this post to become so involved!

A lot has happened for me spiritually in the past couple of weeks, and I find my perspectives ever changing. I’m up to book IV in the Ra Material, and every page I read opens up something in my brain. I’ve been taking in a lot on new information on all fronts as well as devoting more time to meditation and contemplation of the spiritual aspects of my life, and I feel some of the knot I’ve expressed in this post is slowly coming undone.

It seems like every day I start out with one knot or another. As soon as I get to work I feel agitated and hassled and irritable. It’s pretty much always been this way, but the difference is now I’m starting to learn WHAT, exactly, is forming that knot. I am able to observe my reactions and begin tracing the threads back to the core knot. I go from “Nobody here appreciates what I do.” to “Why does that bother me? Isn’t true service doing something without expecting anything in return?” then I realize… “I don’t truly appreciate myself. I’m not giving myself the credit I deserve and then I’m misdirecting my dissatisfaction onto the people around me.” Then, finally: “What might I do to resolve this issue?”

Another example is: “Everyone who comes through my line is an idiot.” This one is harder for me because quite a few of the people I have to deal with throughout the day DO behave in a discourteous manner. Basically I try to reverse the process here and think: “What could be making them act that way? Are they having a bad day? Are they insecure? Did someone treat them rudely as well?” then I start thinking “Is there any way I could be of service to this person?” I give the person a big smile and ask them how they’re doing and thank them for coming by. This usually causes their attitude to change quite dramatically. If they absolutely insist on behaving in a negative way I remind myself that I am not responsible for their actions and do not need to become connected to their negativity unless I choose to…that I have done my part and that in itself is service.

I have also tried to give myself some “time off.” My job isn’t exactly one where I can simply pick the days I want off, or call in, unless I’m ready to produce a doctor’s note. I don’t have many vacation days so I’ve had to come up with a new form of relaxation, accepting the fact that I can go to work and relax on the same day and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve set up a sacred space in my apartment and have made a daily routine of cleaning it and filling it with things that make me happy. When I get home I take a relaxing shower, play some music, then (at least in theory) I try to spend some time in my space, praying, meditating or just contemplating who I am and how awesome it is for me that I get to be here.

Going to Carla’s meditations has also helped a lot. I’ve always been a pretty solitary person and suddenly having a group of friends I can share with is amazing. It is also a great experience for my husband, and we have grown closer undertaking this spiritual work together.

I know this all seems off topic, but in my heart I find it is of utmost importance. Now that I am both actively trying to untangle all these knots that are coming into my line of sight and attempting to give myself the space and credit I need in order to be able to function sanely, I feel as if some of these urges are starting to smooth out into healthier expressions. I seem to have found a new, truer method of “surrender”, allowing myself simply to be, and I’m at least beginning to realize that I don’t have to be dominated in order to surrender to all the love that is available out there. By no means do I think I’m “cured” at this point, nor do I think this behavior needs to be stomped out of existence. I’m simply trying to get to the root of what it is and alter/transform it as needed.

Fairyfarmgirl, this cording theory is very interesting. I’ve had a lot of blatant negative encounters and have been quite proud of myself for learning to fend them off so well, but it seems like the ones who have decided to offer their own special breed of service could have been hitting me on a much subtler level that I wasn’t even aware of. So many things have clicked into place from the positing of this theory that it would simply take too long to write about it all here, but it makes a lot of sense. Thank you for making me aware of this possibility. It has certainly opened my eyes to a lot of new concepts. I think I might make a separate post about these thoughts.

Anyway, thank you SO MUCH, everyone, for all your opinions. I have been able to look at the situation from all angles with your help instead of just the things going around in my head, and I feel like this has helped me move just a bit farther along the path, a bit closer to unraveling that big knot. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself better, and surprisingly, instead of downing myself, realizing possible errors has helped me grow closer to that which I am.

LOVE AND HUGGLES!

[Questioner]

I know this all seems off topic

Actually, everything you wrote up to that point... and after it... seems perfectly right on target to me! I am delighted and thrilled to learn of new perspectives opening up for you. That is so cool!

I don’t have to be dominated in order to surrender to all the love that is available out there.

What a discovery! How does it feel to meditate on that new concept?

[Unbound]

We seek within.

[Patrick]

...I will simply say that pain and sex at the same time is fine with me. In fact, it is more than fine...

IMHO this is perfectly normal.

[Brittany]

I wasn't expecting to see this old thread again. I'm now experiencing a vivid conversation between the self that wrote this thread and who I have become since then. Quite enlightening.

[Plenum]

it's interesting looking back on the past and seeing how far we've come.

I sometimes have difficulty tuning into the words and thoughts I wrote just a couple of months ago. The frequency seems to be so 'off', relative to where you are currently.

then again, there are some favourite posts of mine that seem to come from a deeper source, and have a lyrical poetical truth to it that makes me wonder how that ever passed through me lol.