I have grasped the nature of some of the lessons I have come to this incarnation to learn.
I conjecture that in past lives I was working in some sort of monastic context. I think this because I am drawn very naturally to moral disciplines and activities such as meditation, and much more than these I am drawn to solitude and silence. I have a great attraction to the image of myself as a "holy man."
A fact related to all of these is that I have impossibly high standards of spiritual purity for myself and others. These standards lead me to be continually disgusted with myself and everybody I know, because nobody meets them. I have come to recognize that these standards, while well-meaning, are useless and a problem. What I really need to do is to accept myself and others as we are.
I will give an example. Every night I go out and buy something sweet to eat. Every night I criticize myself for doing this, but I do it anyway. When I rationally evaluate the pros/cons for this activity, here is what I see. The pro is that it is pleasurable. The con is that it costs money. I have enough money to support this habit. Health does not even enter into the equation, because I have a high enough metabolism that no amount of eating of any kind of food produces a noticeable effect on my body. Since rationally there is no reason not to do this, why do I criticize myself for doing it?
I have come to the conclusion that the only reason I don't want to do this is because it conflicts with the image which I would like to place on myself of being a "holy man." I think of my desire for sweet foods as a flaw in myself to be overcome. What I fail to understand is that the real aspect of this problem is very small and trivial, and the bulk of the problem is fabricated by my false ideals of spiritual purity. If I had my priorities straight I would do nothing to address this problem; there are much bigger problems that I need to spend my time addressing.
This means that while I do in fact have karma to work through with this habit, it is not the karma that I thought it was. It is not my honor/duty to learn not to want sweet things. It is my honor/duty to learn to accept myself as I am, and stop trying to superimpose fabricated moral implications on my bodily functions.
What things have you come to this incarnation to learn?
I conjecture that in past lives I was working in some sort of monastic context. I think this because I am drawn very naturally to moral disciplines and activities such as meditation, and much more than these I am drawn to solitude and silence. I have a great attraction to the image of myself as a "holy man."
A fact related to all of these is that I have impossibly high standards of spiritual purity for myself and others. These standards lead me to be continually disgusted with myself and everybody I know, because nobody meets them. I have come to recognize that these standards, while well-meaning, are useless and a problem. What I really need to do is to accept myself and others as we are.
I will give an example. Every night I go out and buy something sweet to eat. Every night I criticize myself for doing this, but I do it anyway. When I rationally evaluate the pros/cons for this activity, here is what I see. The pro is that it is pleasurable. The con is that it costs money. I have enough money to support this habit. Health does not even enter into the equation, because I have a high enough metabolism that no amount of eating of any kind of food produces a noticeable effect on my body. Since rationally there is no reason not to do this, why do I criticize myself for doing it?
I have come to the conclusion that the only reason I don't want to do this is because it conflicts with the image which I would like to place on myself of being a "holy man." I think of my desire for sweet foods as a flaw in myself to be overcome. What I fail to understand is that the real aspect of this problem is very small and trivial, and the bulk of the problem is fabricated by my false ideals of spiritual purity. If I had my priorities straight I would do nothing to address this problem; there are much bigger problems that I need to spend my time addressing.
This means that while I do in fact have karma to work through with this habit, it is not the karma that I thought it was. It is not my honor/duty to learn not to want sweet things. It is my honor/duty to learn to accept myself as I am, and stop trying to superimpose fabricated moral implications on my bodily functions.
What things have you come to this incarnation to learn?