Why do women like bad boys instead of nice guys?

[rinzler]

I know it's cliché. I've been thinking about this a while now and I can only explain it so far that because we live in an STS-environment where we are stilly mostly STS, women are attracted to men who display the greatest amount of self-service because they themselves are mostly STS. Like attracts like I guess.
In todays society this seems to be a big topic with extremes on either sides. What's your take on this? I've been curious about a perspective from people here.

Here is a very good article I found: https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-ad...ttraction/


It says that this is caused by hormones and such in the body. Isn't it cruel for a women to live like this? Her body and soul having two seperate desires. Being in conflict every day for the rest of her life? This seems like awful design by the logos or whoever made it that way.
Is it really a problem of the body or more a problem of the spiritual progress of the soul? Being a young immature soul I imagine most get drowned in by the desires of the flesh. Surely there most be women who are attracted to nice guys.

Perhaps this is punishment for eating the forbidden fruit and seducing Adam to do the same? I don't know... Just a metaphor but I read about the Cassiopeans mentioning something about humans chosing 3D STS because of the sexual attraction or something and that the Adam and Eve Story is a giant metaphor for that.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Bad boys have confidence, or at least what looka on the surface like confidence. Kinda like fake tits still look like big tits even though they're fake. "Nice guys" do not have confidence, reek of neediness and insecurity and generally just seem weak to them. The "niceness" is not true niceness.

[Signifyz]

"Nice guy" is epitome of blockage of lower three energy centers and simultaneous blind desperate desire to cling to fourth energy center from this unstable foundation. Women desire connection with their men and are unable to establish it if your energy flow is clogged in it's base. Intelligent and accurate work is required to clean your lower centers without rejecting the open heart. The key detail for such work is an ability to switch focus from fourth chakra to lower ones but also maintaining the progress made in it. If you have long history of desperate and painful holding of heart open, you'll have great temptation to discard it on your focus switch.

[Infinite]

It's due blockages in the three lower chakras. That answer of Q'uo explains:

It has well been said by philosophers that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What is beauty, indeed? And this is not an idle question. For there is a great deal of similarity between such questions or issues as beauty and the construction of the onion. If you will think about an onion that is cut in half, you will see that there is layer, upon layer, upon layer. All of those layers are onion, but each one is slightly different, and, used as an analogy to the human spirit, mind and body, each layer is of a different constitution entirely. There are different geometries and different constructions of thought and logic upon each layer of the human energy system, and, indeed, one may move through each of the chakras or energy centers of this energy body system and gaze at this onion-like, layered effect. The definition of beauty and the issue of beauty, then, is not the shallow and simple thing that it might seem upon the surface, for each entity is working primarily with one or more of the energy centers, but usually with one primarily. And this colors the way that the layers of self appear to the self, and an entity working primarily through red ray will be seeing different things than an entity working primarily through orange ray or through yellow ray and so forth.

So the question of what triggers the appreciation of beauty is a question that cannot be answered in a simple way. The one known as T1 asked the question from the standpoint of observing physical beauty, and so we shall first address the question from red ray, which is the root chakra and the seat of sexual desire and the desire to survive. Within this energy center, the definition of beauty is colored heavily by the reptilian and mammalian brains, which are instinctual and concerned with nurture and groups, respectively. Instinctually, the great ape is geared to reproduce as thickly as possible. This is a survival mechanism and is a very deep and dependably substantial part of both the constitution of men and of women within your species. The energies of the sexual triggers to beauty are different between men and women because the biological roles of men and women are different. The male of the species is geared towards procreating with as many women as possible who have the markers for fertility and ability to reproduce. This, as the one known as T1 surmised, is not simply the experience of this one entity but is an experience common to the male gender. Within the female, there is also a heavy coloration of biological bias when gazing at beauty through the filter or prism of red ray. The energy in this case has to do with the instinct of the woman to find attractive those qualities within the male of the species that would suggest that this entity would be a good provider, a virile person, and one who would remain faithful to and loyal to the family group over a long period of time. This biases the female of the species towards finding attractive even those males who may not be so physically attractive but yet have attractive personalities or qualities that would appeal to the instinct within the female that suggests to this entity that this particular male would be a good mate. Consequently, those who are male within the human species will predictably and steadily throughout the mature life of the individual revolve around the noticing and the appreciation of those females which seem to be of child-bearing age and of a healthy and attractive physical appearance. It is neither a positive nor a negative quality in terms of service to others and service to self. It is that which is in terms of the experience of the energy body of this particular physical vehicle and the way that it is set up to interact with the many other aspects of the energy system of the soul.

When gazed at through the energies of orange ray, beauty begins to take on more of a depth, both from males and from females. At this point, the energies of communication, personality characteristics, and like interests begin to add to or subtract from the beauty that is perceived by the physical eye. This energy of personal relationships and relationship with the self creates within the eye an esthetic that is primarily focused upon enjoying the self and feeling safe within the self and within the relationship with the other self. It becomes more and more subjective within the choice of any individual as to what the elements of beauty are. Within the red-ray approach to beauty, the culturally-determined points of attractiveness will more or less evenly spread throughout the population so that many, many entities can agree that such and such an entity is beautiful and such and such another entity is not. However, within the dynamics of a personal relationship, the coloration of orange ray begins to spread out the choices that entities make so that there begins to be more of an appreciation for emotional beauty, spiritual beauty, mental beauty and other types of beauty that are not easily seen within the physical skin.

And this is a point worth gazing at for a moment, for there is almost a feeling of being locked in a small room in terms of feeling nearly forced to notice physical beauty from the red-ray level. This is the quality of instinct that is so powerful within the human animal and so important to the survival of the physical mechanism in general. Were such instincts not native to the very bone and blood of the human species, the heart would forget to pound, the lungs would forget to breathe and the body would forget to breed children. This would not be appropriate for the survival of the species. Consequently, there is almost an element of being hounded by one’s body, especially for those within the male gender. And we would suggest, for those who feel limited by this compulsion to notice physical beauty, that it is without polarity and without fault to experience momentary attraction and the tendency to fantasize concerning beautiful women. Indeed, this is to a certain extent true for those of the female gender as well. There is, shall we say, a very active sex life for almost everyone upon your planet whether or not the entities involved are having sexual intercourse or even relationships at the physical level. For, metaphysically speaking, that which one fantasizes, one is accomplishing; that which is thought becomes that which is true. This is part of what this instrument would call the background clutter of an incarnation. It is an aspect of having a physical body that is nearly inescapable and, as we said, is a benign and perfectly acceptable function of the soul within incarnation.

Beauty from the yellow-ray energy becomes a far more subtle and rich-textured thing, for within the yellow-ray energy lie family and the mated relationship, and it is within the safety and intimacy of such continuing and prolonged relationships that those who become spiritually mature are able greatly to broaden and enhance their concept of beauty. The qualities of a mate, a mother, a father, a child, or a sibling can be imperfect in the extreme, and yet, over a period of time and the blessing of shared history—we correct this instrument—with the blessing of ever-lengthening shared history, the entities within the family group or within the mated relationship become so over-drawn with the patina of loving and being loved, that even the homeliest entity becomes perfectly itself and therefore beautiful because it is that person. And finally the leaden and heavy weight of physical opinion of beauty becomes that which can take off like the kite in the wind, soaring with the energy of the wind of love.

Source: https://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/i..._0628.aspx

[Nau7ik]

Thank you for providing the quote, Infinite! It’s a deeper and more elaborate explanation than what I was about to respond with. I was going to say that I believe it’s an attraction rooted in animalistic and base nature. Women might perceive that the so-called “bad boy” has the qualities of the archetypal “alpha male”; a male who can provide and protect, who is strong.

Now from what I’ve seen, these “bad boys” do not truly possess those qualities, which is why so many women get hurt emotionally by them.

There are more mature archetypes that the female will subconsciously be attracted to as she develops and evolves spiritually. (The anima and animus of psychology.) The man as well.

[Glow]

People who have wounds to heal are attracted karmicly to people who carry matching wounds.

Their wounds will reinjure each other’s wounds and give the opportunity for the person to learn their karmic lesson or accept the karma was inherited and forgive it and let it go.

I gotta tell you this nonsense about it being either sex doing this is a stumbling block(blockage) of your own or Inherited by society.

If you fall into the category that believes a certainsex is doing this for any other reason but to heal unconscious karma then a better question for you to ask would be why am I karmically attracted to women/men who are not into me and will not treat me as a valued partner?

Healed people(nice, loving, compassionate) are attracted to healed people.

If you are mostly healed but still attracted to people who do not want you or to be good to you the question is instead

Why do I not feel deserving of love and being chosen?

When you answer these questions and do the work to heal you will only want to partner with people who are interested in you and see your worth.

I wish you divine healing.

[flofrog]

Thank you Glow and Infinite, beautiful responses

[Diana]

Many people are still asleep and reacting to existence instead of making conscious polarized choices. In being asleep they are easily led by the media which promulgates such behaviors. Until individuals start thinking for themselves, and moving past "animal/herd" survival, there will be phenomena such as the alpha male and women wanting protection under him (a microcosm of the STS entity attracting someone to control).

[sillypumpkins]

i'd like to add that there is a difference between a truly nice, wholesome, kind, and compassionate guy and a "nice guy"

9/10 when a guy describes himself as a "nice guy," what he really means is "im nice to women only if i think i have a chance of having sex with them." and then when he gets rejected for being a dick, the misogyny then comes out. "nice guys" view women as sex objects basically

[888]

People develop attachment styles as adults (secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant - I recommend looking up the psychology behind this) based on their relationships with their parents as a kid, and their parents' relationships with each other. Many people come from households with some level of dysfunction, and they seek out partners who recreate those dynamics, because it feels familiar, even if it's painful.

This is difficult to circumvent even when one is conscious of it.

On a metaphysical level, that unconscious seeking out of people who reproduce old patterns is probably part of continuing to balance lessons that haven't been fully balanced, and a karmic cycle (that could potentially be stopped by forgiveness of self and other-self).

Also, if the 'bad boy' in question is a negatively polarized adept (rarer than one might think - most seemingly negative people are just confused and not consciously polarizing negatively), that individual would be consciously using the literally attractive (absorbing) force of negative energy to draw other-selves to them.

Additionally, BDSM dynamics are quite popular now (which are of a negative origin, though they don't necessarily have to be used negatively). Most women who partake in that lifestyle that I've interacted with gravitate towards the submissive role, which corresponds to deriving pleasure from pain, being controlled, and so on.

[Black Dragon]

To be completely honest and transparent, I've felt that way about this exact situation at times in my life. While there's aspects of it that still aren't 100% healed, I have to say, the perspective I have about it now days is basically what everyone here was so gracious to explain. This is confusions and stuff at play caused by the conditions of veiling and people's own baggage and karma, and no one gender is at fault. Other responders to this thread have went into the energy dynamics and some psychological aspects of the situation as well or better than I could have, but there's something I'd like to add; Lyssa Royal Holt's material always warns of the seductiveness and trap of polarity. It's not so much talking about STO and STS(which is the only polarity choice that truly matters). It's referring to what I've decided to call lesser polarity conflicts, you know; political left vs political right, masculine vs feminine, "religious" vs "secular" up down left right f*** it, you get the picture, it's NOISE. The key to getting past that bullshit is to learn to differentiate the "signal" from the "noise". I know it's easier said than done, because it's a process I'm still working on myself and I've got a hell of a lot of room for improvement.

[Ray711]

I think it's important to distinguish the different kinds of "niceness".

One is the people pleasing kind that at its root is not true STO, because it's based on a need to be liked by others, even if that entails being untrue to oneself or insincere towards others. This entails a high lack of self-confidence, as has been pointed out.

Then there's true pro-social STO behavior which is sincerely and freely given. A person like this may or may not have self-confidence.

In this particular situation that we're talking about I would also add the notion of the feminine man. Both Ra and Q'uo have stated that the sexual polarity of the body does not necessarily go hand in hand with the polarity of the personality. In fact, I remember a mystical experience of a man's, at a different forum, after using DMT, in which the spirits told him very explicitly: "You are female". He said that he had never really thought about the subject, but after the experience he sat down, processed it, and arrived to the conclusion that indeed, his personality was more female than male.

As others have stated above, at an instinctual level, women tend to seek out men who are self-confident. An unbalanced woman will settle for the bad boy kind of self-confidence, whereas a well balanced woman will see past that, and seek out a self-confident man of true pro-social STO behavior who has self-confidence. The other kinds, as a general rule, tend to have trouble attracting women. The people pleasing kind of niceness, the true STO but lacking in self-confidence, and the feminine (yet heterosexual) man, these three types tend to have more difficulties with women.

It's a tricky subject, because one would be tempted to claim if someone has trouble attracting women, that then this fact means that this person needs to improve in one way or another. This is a trap, because to do this is to give absolute power to the instinctual, and even worse, to use the lowest common denominator as the measure for one's sense of self-worth. If someone is only nice in the people pleasing sense and in the kind of niceness that goes away when he gets rejected, then this person would probably benefit from improving his self-confidence and reorienting himself, perhaps moving towards a more pro-social true STO kind of niceness. But in the case of the feminine man there's a problem, because on one hand it's understandable that women, being of the feminine polarity, wouldn't want a relationship with someone of their own polarity. On the other hand, the feminine man could be tempted to look at those aspects within himself that are feminine and positive, and arrive to the conclusion that his lack of success with women is due to those aspects, thus falling into repression and a negation of those gifts that he came into this incarnation with.

Each case is different, and as always, discrimination is the key. The mirrors that others offer might give valuable insight into those aspects of the self that one could work upon, or it just might happen that the best choice one can make is to cast out all opinions of other-selves and stand firm in what one believes is the right way to be for oneself.

[TheJoan]

Immature women like immature men.

[Aion]

Uh, cause we're badass, duh.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Immature women like immature men.

Yeah, but plenty of "nice guys" are immature as well. Except they're pussies about it.

[Cyanatta]

[Bosphorus1982]

They pretend they want fun that they see in bad guys anyway they merely attract their alikes.

[unity100]

That seems to be a phenomenon mainly in capitalist societies where greed, selfishness, individualism have replaced societal values.

In Japan and various other countries in Asia, such 'bad boys' as you describe would be seen as no good, worthless people. Aka 'dame mingen'.

[Ozziwtf]

I think you are mixing determined people with bad, or for some reason you look at determination as evil.

[Navaratna]

this topic really makes me sigh. i felt like ignoring it, but because there could be some younger guys reading this I want them to know not to fall for this
women back then, before there was real civility wanted a tough guy to make them feel safe. there were no consequences for a woman being forced in to marriage or whatever else. theres still plenty of places in the world like that. i can think of colombia and brazil as two examples of a place where the women are incredibly attractive because of their plumpness. I can also tell you that for a fact those countries they have some of the highest number of homicides in the entire world. what does that tell you about the men? they are hyperaggressive. I ask why...why do these women like these hyperaggressive ugly murdering men? because it makes them feel safe. the women think if they hang out with mr rage chieftan it means that she and her offspring will be safe from harm, and there is no way in hell they will hang out with poor dudes if they look nice. unless you're telling me its an ordinary sight seeing bombshell supermodel girls hanging out and marrying cashier clerk dishwashers. so instead of women getting forced all day involuntarily in some old backwards tribal jungle society, theyd have to choose the one guy that would fight off all the others. but he wouldnt hold back. so there you go, I think thats the answer. 'I WANT THAT PLUMP GIRL SO BAD ILL BULLDOZE THE 6 OTHER GUYS FOR HER' and then when the daughter is born, she looks like the mom. repeat that over 500 generations and you wind up with really nice looking girls but a society with a skewed male-female ratio. because father like son like grandfather. the passive ones likely got knocked out or didnt get laid. YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO SPEAK TO MY WOMEN!

so heres the thing, do you as a person filled with love and light want to be anything like those evil men? or do you want to gravitate towards people who are aware of the truth? being around men like that is a disaster waiting to happen. but its just instinct for a lot of women to want that. men and women, neither of them are perfect. theyre both responsible for setting bad examples. i just wonder how long those kinds of dudes would be willing to be violent, whether it was military men or just some jungle village dispute if it meant that the women just wouldnt hang out with them. at all. at the same time in any group meditation or new age place ive ever seen, the women outnumber the men. theyre amazed to see a male in a place like that. its up to an individual to have the patience in that kind of environment though. going to a circle means you are there to share your mental presence with people, not so you can have hookups, but at the same time it doesnt mean you're not allowed to be friends and wherever it goes from there is uncharted territory. theres no reason to get upset over people not being perfectly the way you want them to. youll never calm down.