02-01-2009, 01:43 AM
Gosh, where to begin..... this might be long. I apologize in advance for my ramblings 
At the moment, I write my story with reservation under the premise that my pre-incarnational decisions have created a difficult and nearly insurmountable series of catalysts. Yet I digress...
First my parents. My dad was a go-getter his whole life. He retired from 2 jobs (one of which was in the Navy). There was a time where we didn't spend much time together, but we more than made up for that. He passed away in '99, and we were best friends then. He spent many a days with his nose in a book, working on his law degree as he worked at the Pentagon, and he was also a great fastball softball pitcher in DC for the semi pro Navy league. He was offered a position by the Detroit Tigers back in the day, but he opted for home and family. I know he is 4D positive now. I also feel he tried to contact me with a few days of his death, but unsettling marital problems at that time kept me from being 'seperated from my body' by an unseen force above which I felt was trying to relay a message. I vaguely know what it is, as I was the one in the ER who had to pull the trauma nurse aside and tell her it was time to stop. He had no vitals for an hour, and mom persisted in 'one more time'. That day I understood my purpose. I was to be there for mom. I was also dealing with a spouse with HUGE anger and control issues, along with a shopping list of psychological imbalances. Topping this off with the knowledge that my present job was nearing its end.
My mom is still with us, and she is/has been STO in so many ways as long as I can remember. She has always shined, and even through my adolescent years, I had always felt an affinative bond. My folks were married nearly 50 years, and when Dad passed, my mom would not let me get further than an arm's length away. But I was ok with it. My personal sacrifices paled in comparison to the security and stability that another needed. Ever since dad passed, she has volunteered much of her days to help others, and it gives her purpose too.
My sis and her hubby both work at a hospital, and they are both STO also with a kid in college. They build their own homes from slab to shingle. My brother lost his wife to cancer 2 years ago and he has 3 kids. He was most thankful that I was around for support, along with my comical side to keep the mood up. He is/has been Christian his entire life and he is the rock. We were best friends from the early years, and we still are. He's like a best friend to all his kids/grandkids. He will be coming here in 2 weeks for a visit. He will like the fact that 'I found God' as I WAS athiest for nearly 2 decades. I hope to discuss TLOO with him as he may find comfort in Ra's word too, since he is still confused about what happens when we 'die'.
I'm the middle child. Although there were to be 4 children, the first was stillborn. In 1961 I was born, and although I was the largest of us 3 (almost 9 lbs), I was the easiest. I'm a Navy brat and was born in Morrocco Africa. As far as I can remember back, I was a medical baby. Before I was age 8 I started having kidney problems, inner ear problems, nosebleeds, stomach problems, anemia, and developed allergies to dust, smoke, and animals. I've given up those illnesses in exchange for a myriad of new and improved adulthood afflictions. Presently I contend with at least 2 heat strokes (and all the side effects that accompany it), scoliosis, a heart attack last year, and a lifelong affair with severe and chronic clinical depression. Along side them I nurture an abdominal surgery that is presently going haywire, which distracts me from the trick knee from time to time. Now, at age 47, I can account for nearly 35 different addresses. I can also recall attending about 10 different schools before I got my diploma. I've been penniless and jobless for 8 months now. I'm still caught in the '1 step forward, 3 steps back' doldrums which has followed me for decades, but I'm still determined to fulfill my destiny, as I'm nearly convinced by these events so far, that I am a Brother of Sorrow, or probably getting my fair share of that particular wisdom in this life. There is much sadness and heartache in this world, and sometimes I wish I could absorb it all so that others would not have to suffer. I've felt this way for years.
For decades I had always felt alienated through all the perpetual uprootings, but even at a young age I never felt that I fit in. I've always been more of a philosopher than a scholar. Never knowing a close bond with anyone outside my family group. I've been married and divorced twice, and still no children. The second marriage had taken a huge toll on my energy and well being, as I had become a subserviant to the vows instead of a soul mate. This lasted for 12 years, and I've always been told I have the patience of a saint. Ever since I was a teenager I've been fascinated with UFOs and metaphysics. I had a friend in high school who could OBE at the drop of a hat, and I still have been unable to. And throughout the years, I have had trouble in understanding why people act so 'alien'. To this day, I cannot understand why a planetary community could do this to their home, and I think 'Please don't allow your world to die like mine did'. In looking back on many events in my life, I now understand that I'm a Wanderer without a doubt. There had been times when I would look to the stars and feel a great desire to 'be back there again', and I'd always felt homesick for 'home' which I can now say, is Venus, so I feel a connection with Ra. I'm sure I migrated from 3rd density there to here early in one of the Grand Cycles. I also have very brief recall of my name of Ptah'Ruk (one evening I awoke and just remembered it, as if I had forgotten) and general feeling that I was also an incarnate in PreDynastic Egypt as an architect/Healer (which explains my fascination with Shamans and American Indian spirituality, not to mention that my understanding of physics was usually a foreknowledge without equation). I could see mechanical operations and energy potentials as a thought, instead of mathematical analysis or schematic. Some days, I think of Egypt, and I can actually hear the sounds of the many stoneworkers' chiseling, and the bustling of a developing society. In retrospect to this, I had always had a great fascination to Egypt and the culture. I was so excited to see pictures of the architecture of the inner pyramids. It was like looking at really old family photos lol. And even decades back, something has always told me that there is a chamber inside the Sphynx. And to find reference to it in the LOO blew my mind. Just recently I met a soul whom I briefly knew at that time, but she thinks I'm nuts lol. Especially when I told her what her name was and a few memories of her childhood then.
I've also come to understand that my destiny contains a big response and responsibility. My life could/should have ended at least 4 or 5 times so far (which includes my childhood days when I kept a Copperhead snake as a pet, in my pocket), and that time at DisneyLand where my restraining belt broke as soon as the Space Mountain ride started. I rode the entire rollercoaster ride with no safety belt, start to finish, and in retrospect I can now know that there is a greater purpose in my future. There was also a summer that compelled me to sell my .357 magnum. Every time I walked by that thing I heard a voice in my head saying 'grab it! It won't take but a second, and it'll be all over with'. The following weekend, I snapped out of a daze and just realized that I had swallowed about 35 Lorazepam.
Yet, I'm almost as confused now as I was back then. I had given up on religion by the time I was 18 since I had a great many questions about pre-biblical events which remained unanswered until I read The Ra Material, and I refused to believe that the Earth was only a few thousand years old.
I've always been somewhat of an inventor/McGyver kinda guy, and am presently nurturing a device/invention in my head that will produce free energy with no fuel required. I figure for less than $300 I can run my house on it and never pay a power bill again. The key, I realized, lies with magnetics and a few easily obtainable items. I also compose music which varies from classical/Ambient to Industrial techno. I now live alone in a cabin in the WV mountains where I feel safe and secure. All natural out here, and I am regrowing my roots to Mother Earth, and I usually have half a dozen deer grazing in my yard along with all the trees, birds, and scenery that goes soothingly with the sound of a babbling stream and a mountainous backdrop. I hear crows, hawks, and the occasional eagle outside my window, and have been visited by the local coyotes too. I've all but relinquished many material posessions, and have begun to devote time to the LOO and what likely lies at my Horizon.
It's good to know that I have found a place where I could possibly fit in, and even though I'm somewhat of a hermit (always have been), human interaction is a good thing
Blessings to you all, in the Light of the Infinite Creator
At the moment, I write my story with reservation under the premise that my pre-incarnational decisions have created a difficult and nearly insurmountable series of catalysts. Yet I digress...
First my parents. My dad was a go-getter his whole life. He retired from 2 jobs (one of which was in the Navy). There was a time where we didn't spend much time together, but we more than made up for that. He passed away in '99, and we were best friends then. He spent many a days with his nose in a book, working on his law degree as he worked at the Pentagon, and he was also a great fastball softball pitcher in DC for the semi pro Navy league. He was offered a position by the Detroit Tigers back in the day, but he opted for home and family. I know he is 4D positive now. I also feel he tried to contact me with a few days of his death, but unsettling marital problems at that time kept me from being 'seperated from my body' by an unseen force above which I felt was trying to relay a message. I vaguely know what it is, as I was the one in the ER who had to pull the trauma nurse aside and tell her it was time to stop. He had no vitals for an hour, and mom persisted in 'one more time'. That day I understood my purpose. I was to be there for mom. I was also dealing with a spouse with HUGE anger and control issues, along with a shopping list of psychological imbalances. Topping this off with the knowledge that my present job was nearing its end.
My mom is still with us, and she is/has been STO in so many ways as long as I can remember. She has always shined, and even through my adolescent years, I had always felt an affinative bond. My folks were married nearly 50 years, and when Dad passed, my mom would not let me get further than an arm's length away. But I was ok with it. My personal sacrifices paled in comparison to the security and stability that another needed. Ever since dad passed, she has volunteered much of her days to help others, and it gives her purpose too.
My sis and her hubby both work at a hospital, and they are both STO also with a kid in college. They build their own homes from slab to shingle. My brother lost his wife to cancer 2 years ago and he has 3 kids. He was most thankful that I was around for support, along with my comical side to keep the mood up. He is/has been Christian his entire life and he is the rock. We were best friends from the early years, and we still are. He's like a best friend to all his kids/grandkids. He will be coming here in 2 weeks for a visit. He will like the fact that 'I found God' as I WAS athiest for nearly 2 decades. I hope to discuss TLOO with him as he may find comfort in Ra's word too, since he is still confused about what happens when we 'die'.
I'm the middle child. Although there were to be 4 children, the first was stillborn. In 1961 I was born, and although I was the largest of us 3 (almost 9 lbs), I was the easiest. I'm a Navy brat and was born in Morrocco Africa. As far as I can remember back, I was a medical baby. Before I was age 8 I started having kidney problems, inner ear problems, nosebleeds, stomach problems, anemia, and developed allergies to dust, smoke, and animals. I've given up those illnesses in exchange for a myriad of new and improved adulthood afflictions. Presently I contend with at least 2 heat strokes (and all the side effects that accompany it), scoliosis, a heart attack last year, and a lifelong affair with severe and chronic clinical depression. Along side them I nurture an abdominal surgery that is presently going haywire, which distracts me from the trick knee from time to time. Now, at age 47, I can account for nearly 35 different addresses. I can also recall attending about 10 different schools before I got my diploma. I've been penniless and jobless for 8 months now. I'm still caught in the '1 step forward, 3 steps back' doldrums which has followed me for decades, but I'm still determined to fulfill my destiny, as I'm nearly convinced by these events so far, that I am a Brother of Sorrow, or probably getting my fair share of that particular wisdom in this life. There is much sadness and heartache in this world, and sometimes I wish I could absorb it all so that others would not have to suffer. I've felt this way for years.
For decades I had always felt alienated through all the perpetual uprootings, but even at a young age I never felt that I fit in. I've always been more of a philosopher than a scholar. Never knowing a close bond with anyone outside my family group. I've been married and divorced twice, and still no children. The second marriage had taken a huge toll on my energy and well being, as I had become a subserviant to the vows instead of a soul mate. This lasted for 12 years, and I've always been told I have the patience of a saint. Ever since I was a teenager I've been fascinated with UFOs and metaphysics. I had a friend in high school who could OBE at the drop of a hat, and I still have been unable to. And throughout the years, I have had trouble in understanding why people act so 'alien'. To this day, I cannot understand why a planetary community could do this to their home, and I think 'Please don't allow your world to die like mine did'. In looking back on many events in my life, I now understand that I'm a Wanderer without a doubt. There had been times when I would look to the stars and feel a great desire to 'be back there again', and I'd always felt homesick for 'home' which I can now say, is Venus, so I feel a connection with Ra. I'm sure I migrated from 3rd density there to here early in one of the Grand Cycles. I also have very brief recall of my name of Ptah'Ruk (one evening I awoke and just remembered it, as if I had forgotten) and general feeling that I was also an incarnate in PreDynastic Egypt as an architect/Healer (which explains my fascination with Shamans and American Indian spirituality, not to mention that my understanding of physics was usually a foreknowledge without equation). I could see mechanical operations and energy potentials as a thought, instead of mathematical analysis or schematic. Some days, I think of Egypt, and I can actually hear the sounds of the many stoneworkers' chiseling, and the bustling of a developing society. In retrospect to this, I had always had a great fascination to Egypt and the culture. I was so excited to see pictures of the architecture of the inner pyramids. It was like looking at really old family photos lol. And even decades back, something has always told me that there is a chamber inside the Sphynx. And to find reference to it in the LOO blew my mind. Just recently I met a soul whom I briefly knew at that time, but she thinks I'm nuts lol. Especially when I told her what her name was and a few memories of her childhood then.
I've also come to understand that my destiny contains a big response and responsibility. My life could/should have ended at least 4 or 5 times so far (which includes my childhood days when I kept a Copperhead snake as a pet, in my pocket), and that time at DisneyLand where my restraining belt broke as soon as the Space Mountain ride started. I rode the entire rollercoaster ride with no safety belt, start to finish, and in retrospect I can now know that there is a greater purpose in my future. There was also a summer that compelled me to sell my .357 magnum. Every time I walked by that thing I heard a voice in my head saying 'grab it! It won't take but a second, and it'll be all over with'. The following weekend, I snapped out of a daze and just realized that I had swallowed about 35 Lorazepam.
Yet, I'm almost as confused now as I was back then. I had given up on religion by the time I was 18 since I had a great many questions about pre-biblical events which remained unanswered until I read The Ra Material, and I refused to believe that the Earth was only a few thousand years old.
I've always been somewhat of an inventor/McGyver kinda guy, and am presently nurturing a device/invention in my head that will produce free energy with no fuel required. I figure for less than $300 I can run my house on it and never pay a power bill again. The key, I realized, lies with magnetics and a few easily obtainable items. I also compose music which varies from classical/Ambient to Industrial techno. I now live alone in a cabin in the WV mountains where I feel safe and secure. All natural out here, and I am regrowing my roots to Mother Earth, and I usually have half a dozen deer grazing in my yard along with all the trees, birds, and scenery that goes soothingly with the sound of a babbling stream and a mountainous backdrop. I hear crows, hawks, and the occasional eagle outside my window, and have been visited by the local coyotes too. I've all but relinquished many material posessions, and have begun to devote time to the LOO and what likely lies at my Horizon.
It's good to know that I have found a place where I could possibly fit in, and even though I'm somewhat of a hermit (always have been), human interaction is a good thing
Blessings to you all, in the Light of the Infinite Creator
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)
. I see this moment as a monolithic catalyst now that I look back. The view here is postcard perfect. I have exactly the surroundings I need to undo many of the knots I had bound myself into prior to my awakening. One day I can mingle back into civilization with a new found appreciation for all the challenges I hope to encounter. I'm still trying to figure out my chakras. My orange ray area has been surgically altered, so I guess that is my next project 
