Lost in the illusion

[Nowheretoday]

There was me, a few months ago, living my spiritual and boring life, work, exercise, hobbies and passions, nothing out of the ordinary except for being submerged in a sea of love and awareness as never experienced before, a very thin veil, feeling inspired, humbled and thankful for the very air I breath. I could be in awe by the wind blowing over the trees, a feeling of joy that made me cry at times. Meditation at morning and a thanks giving pray at night before bed, "Father I only ask you to give me the experiences that I need to evolve and the strength to lean from these experiences", that was all I was asking for, every night.

Well, I got what I wanted, the ongoing catalyst and experience that wakes me up at night, first thought in the morning, that clouds my meditation, anxiety, obsessive thinking and shaking hands.
"The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away."
So I followed the advice, I brought It all to myself, by choice, my will,  I just kept going deeper and deeper with an open heart, "I'll be okay" I told myself. A crushing blow on my biggest distortion, a finger into an open wound. To late to get out of it, I tried, now I must keep going until "That which is not needed falls away." I never intended it to go this way but it is what I wanted, there's a price to pay, the forging in fire. I regret nothing, never will, I'll accept, love and be thankful for these experiences.

The illusion, the work over the physical senses, this tool of learning, a free will, the lack of love, the fear. My spirituality is almost gone, I'm lost in the illusion.

[AnthroHeart]

I've never had the joyful experience that you had. Maybe I should pray for that.

[Nowheretoday]

In my experience the key is to be thankful and humble, be aware that the only reason we can experience the physical is because everything works together so we can be here. That's the love in the creation, the service of all its parts, know this, reflect on it, be thankful, the overwhelming joy follows.

[AnthroHeart]

I'm thankful, and then someone nags me and is offensive to me, always commanding me to do things.

[Nowheretoday]

Go outside, a walk in the woods, observe the colors, the flow of the river, the floating clouds, see the beauty of our Father's creation, it's all there for you, you get to see it. The joy follows.

[AnthroHeart]

I'd go outside to see if I can see the stars now, but I have to watch dinner.

Thanks for the advice though. I think I get it.

[Minyatur]

Go outside, a walk in the woods, observe the colors, the flow of the river, the floating clouds, see the beauty of our Father's creation, it's all there for you, you get to see it. The joy follows.

This ball that is drifting in space and time sure is a pretty one.

[Minyatur]

"The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away."

I think the part I bolded is an imporant one. That is how we move from the need of an experience to another, love/light must be perceived in what fate brings to us. Once one sees behind the shadows the true light and unity, then the experience is not needed and can fall away.

From you OP I am not quite sure what you struggle with, but there are many ways, paths and keys to be found by the one who seeks. The veiled experience hides the roots very far deep within as that it must then be sought by the conscious mind and be found in the unconscious.

[Nowheretoday]

I struggle with what we all struggle, our distortions.
My lesson to learn here I think is a balancing of love against light as well as the discipline of the will.

[Stranger]

That is remarkably short on salacious details.

[Enyiah]

It looks like you are equipped for the journey in illusion, you are already 'aware' that it is a distortion of Reality.  Most people don't even get so far in their awareness, I  know, my cognizance used to be parked over there :exclamation:

[Nowheretoday]

I don't think it matters if you are aware when dealing with distortions within the illusion, or does? Now I'm not sure, I mean we are still humans dealing with a shadow self, we will never be really free of a selfhood as long as we are here. I guess being aware just makes me carefree that in the end all is well.
Being aware does chance who I am but not by choice, it is really who I am. I try to always put my free will first over doing the right thing.

[streetpoet]

in my option, though we are free to do everything, there is a rule base on what we will choose to do. with our special knowledge, we choose different experience to retrieve. this is so-called free will. that's say even if we know everything is illusion, we should do something inside the illusion. Because without illusion, we have no way to improve our spirit. It must depends on some concrete catalyst.

[Minyatur]

I don't think it matters if you are aware when dealing with distortions within the illusion, or does? Now I'm not sure, I mean we are still humans dealing with a shadow self, we will never be really free of a selfhood as long as we are here. I guess being aware just makes me carefree that in the end all is well.
Being aware does chance who I am but not by choice, it is really who I am. I try to always put my free will first over doing the right thing.

One who is aware has greater potential to move on from his current distortions to work on other ones. Without being aware, one is unconscious to the reasons behind his own distortions and has very little power to distill the light/love from them and move toward the need to newer lessons.

The veiled experience is one of a kind because one forgets that he programmed himself to face the distortions he wanted to face. We see the branches, the leaves and the fruits of distortions, sometimes even the trunk. But the roots of these are buried and can only be found by the disciplined seeker. (talking about pre-incarnative distortions) In comparison, in higher density (without a veil) distortions are harder to work on because one perceives his own distortions as his identity. We all are ONE, but through each of us there is ONE who experiences distortions of Himself in infinite unique ways, creating identity among Itself.

I tend to see the earth experience as an ego killing practice or working. We learn to let go down here, to be better able to let go outside of here.

[Nowheretoday]

"One who is aware has greater potential to move on from his current distortions to work on other ones. Without being aware, one is unconscious to the reasons behind his own distortions and has very little power to distill the light/love from them and move toward the need to newer lessons."

That makes sense. What I was thinking was that since pain is the only thing that makes you learn the lessons it makes no difference whether you are aware or not.

"Nothing shall be overcome" even if you know what you're doing is wrong, because of being aware, you should always do what you want to do, not what is the right thing to do. Overcoming is like lying to yourself, the lessons are not learned that way.
Also I don't think we ever remove our distortions, we just learn to balance them. Not completely sure about this one, I haven't been around that long.

[Matt1]

How can you be lost in something that doesn't exist to begin with in the truest sense?

We have nothing to lose.

[Enyiah]

Distortion can be transcended by growing awareness.  Although in Reality we have nothing to lose, we are living in an illusion.  The more one develops his/her knowingness the more easily one can transcend the distortions gaining greater access to Reality.  The 3D experience affords us the opportunity to move through illusion in order to return to Awareness.  It is not an absolute that it must come necessarily through the catalyst of pain, it can also come through Teachings which embrace Truth. 
I believe we are much more Aware than we think....we're just not conscious enough to realize it, when in doubt, take refuge in what you do know and expand in/on that.

[Nowheretoday]

In this case I had to go through pain to get to the point of leaving behind what was not needed, today I was able to get away from the situation, much strength was needed to bring it to an end. I am certainly surprised on how quickly it all evolved, how quick I learned my lesson, was that due to awareness? I don't know. I'm still in emotional pain, I need time to heal now.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

May I ask what was not needed?

[Nowheretoday]

A toxic relationship.