Learning to Love Indifference

[Lighthead]

*Dang it. How do I hit backspace... Is it delete or backspace... Aarrgghh...*

[mjlabadia]

*Dang it. How do I hit backspace... Is it delete or backspace... Aarrgghh...*

Lighthead,......stop making me nervous! 

[Lighthead]

*Dang it. How do I hit backspace... Is it delete or backspace... Aarrgghh...*

Lighthead,......stop making me nervous! 

Dude, you are so *funny* and you don't even know it.

[VanAlioSaldo]

How's them apples? Not trying to mock. Just sharing what I've learned...

And just so you know.

I actually love your posts and your attitude.  I just knew coaxing you would get much better results and yes.  Yes they did.  This helps me beyond immensely.

[...]

I think I had a major...Experience spiritually speaking these past few days.  It shook me and caused some latent mental issues to surface (which off to therapy for that...), but just this past day alone it's like things are making more and more sense and I'm...  Coming out of whatever Hellish Pit I stumbled in to.

These quotes mixed with Light's response, then Indigo's answer.  And now going back and looking at the entirety of the answers provided.  I was literally blind.  Literally blind to the answer right in front of me because I'm sitting there trying to make sense of something that was happening to me while thinking nothing was happening.  This is why I said earlier to Isis, I'm about 95% sure I'm losing my mind.  I'm closer to about 5% sure now that I just experienced some kind of...Self Greeting or another type of awakening on the negative scale.

Either way, there was a point where I perceived human beings, and all 3D entities, as their own separate identities to souls.  With their own self-awareness.  This is a misperception.  The Human Shell may be aware and intelligent, but it is not self-aware, only capable of self-awareness.  I'm rereading my own posts, how did you guys not notice me losing my mind, I lost coherency at areas and went total extremist, since at the time I Literally Believed I was in Hell.  It was like there was a new perspective that just got pile-drived into my brain.  It was like moving from my current perspective in time/space to a darker place in time/space, just to give my space/time self some overview.  And it was closer to my perception of reality drastically and suddenly changing, my mind became stuck on horror and madness and insanity, the sorrow was more painful than saddening, the air felt sharp, the empty space all around me felt like it was charged with sinister intent to harm me until I was broken.  It felt like I was literally in hell, without being right there in the black.

And for that overview and all of these experiences, I basically got one thing out of it.

And with the system of suicide being utterly pointless locked into place (I'll just be back here doing it all over again eventually.)  I want to thank you all for still sticking around despite the thread getting pretty off topic.  I don't think I'll be on B4 as often since some odd things are happening in this forum alone it seems but I will just ask every member.  With the state of the forums at the level of activity they're at now, it's best not to So-what;Leave anyone here if you don't want to discourage new members to stay and nonmembers to join.  If they see some posters who just respond to someone's issues in that way, it'd push me away pretty fast from this place so I imagine I'm not the only one.  I wouldn't have come back if I didn't want to, and I was truly certain at the time of posting that, that I was going to just leave.  It's why I didn't set an avatar or a signature for this place, I'm used to just leaving most forums, because most of them devolve into 'hang outs' for the regular members who just troll everyone, the last forum I frequented had devolved into members who posted pictures similar to how Isis does, but trolling and insulting everyone to get them to leave.  Where as Isis is just hilarious~ I don't think it'd be fair to the B4 crew to disadvertise their forum by being...Not what is asked of us here.

So, food for thought guys, don't be sarcastic or mean in these topics of spiritual personal subjects, towards newer members until you're sure they're around to stay for a bit and can actually handle some criticism and crudeness from another person online, otherwise stick to the literal First Guideline of the forum.

As for what I learned all of this.  It was how to love indifference.

Indifference is the absence of Love, but it is in itself near the bottom of the scale of Love, it isn't the complete lack of Love, it is similar to Unconditional Love in that it reacts in ways that sometimes appear the same, but in intent everything is the exact opposite.
Indifference is also in itself a positive thing, for those who live very hard lives, indifference can be used in a neutral and even a positive sense, becoming indifferent to another's anger in order to to bridge one's self towards a better approach of handling them.
I saw it in myself and often hated it.  I thought Indifference meant you just stopped caring completely without any care for the outcome or the process.  Turns out that's Apathy.  Indifference is silencing emotions.  Love is providing emotions.  Apathy is ignoring emotions.

The Self-Orientations aren't all cruel in indifference, they may truly feel bad for what they must do, and the Other-Orientations aren't all Loving in Unconditional Love, some must use indifference to survive the madness they also give love towards.

I chose while in Hell to be of Service to All, regardless of Orientation.  Myself and All Others, the whole where I truly and realistically can.  Because having seen just that bright glimpse of darkness gives me the idea good enough as is.  The mental control, the emotional take over, the force over your action, the loss of free will and the realization of being controlled and being powerless were all I could achieve.

So, when I see someone like Mjlabadia tell me I seem more awake or aware, but then somehow more distant and gone...
I fell into a Hell Hole and climbed out, but the visit was...  Inspiring.  Along the way I want you to know, Mjlabadia, that your words won't fall short for me, and I may misunderstand them, and even be mad at them or annoyed or sad or anything at them...Because I am Human.  I am a Human, as a Soul I don't want to identify as not Human right now.  I feel this is a very powerful but uncertain time for me, and I feel like there has been much work leading up to this, huge obvious synchronicities that basically screamed in my face, "I AM THE UNIVERSE AND I APOLOGIZE"

So, Mjlabadia, please don't jeopardize your job or anything for someone like me.  I am not a saint.  I am a 'sperm donor' Father, I'm quiet and timid, docile and anxious, doubtful and uncertain.  When in doubt, I default to the mentality, All I Know Truly is I Know Nothing.  So when in uncertain territory I'm left with my own wits.  I have failed my entire life up to this point, failed school, failed friends, failed family, failed work, failed life.  I'm working back up into the C grade range for my life but please.  Please do not ever see me as a Saint or someone awake or knowledgeable.  I am Human.  I am no better or worse than you or anyone else here.

And I might be anything from schizo, to bipolar, to dementia, to simply randomly accessing the Gateway to Infinity, all perspectives are available, and I was looking for indifference.

...Also...So I cursed the Infinite Creator many times while there in Hell in my mind, believing the One itself to be cruel and curious of torture, finding that the Original Thought as it was expressed to us may not have been the One Original Thought, but the Original Thought tweaked from its premise.Ra literally says this is what the Creator does overall around the 70's+ sessions, they said the goal of the Creator is to re-experience itself.  Which makes me think we're all going through a One-and-Only existence all culminating up to the Whole, but along the way because Time is an illusion itself, allows for paradoxes, disconnections, and even straight up chaos in the manner of operations.  A 6D entity can control it's life partially and direct it's younger self towards it's current self.  If there were ever a being who first went through it all (The Infinite Creator?), I imagine they'd eventually realize how an infinite time-loop clause can exist at all. (You all know the plot device, a time traveling character that interacts with their self and creates an infinite loop, that if broken supposedly will screw things all up).  When in reality, it's not infinite, it had a beginning that only appears infinite because in the first incarnation within space/time where one meets their future self, they are interacting in a way that is still plausible.  Being in the present, but simultaneity being the way of the Universe, the present is all-present within a Moment, and if a Continuum is nested inside the Moment, then it's past, present, and future are all occurring at the same time, allowing a future self to come back to a past self from their present, which is also the present of their past-present self causing what appears to be an infinite loop where out of nowhere this thing happens that must happen, and it will happen to every single version of yourself.  When in actuality, you're future self can experience it either as from their past they did not meet themselves, or they did and are now continuing the loop from the higher end.  Either way, it's all allowable.

I'm pretty sure I went through some kind of...Cleansing, my thoughts and Will power haven't felt this buffed in a while.  I feel like I could meditate.  (I actually just got an amethyst 4" orb in today, totally gonna meditate with it and see if the golden rays of Amethyst don't help my energy body relax and ease up on its recent..Explosions of horror.)

So I now want to thank the Universe a bit, and apologize to my Guides and many others who I even tried to force away energetically thinking they were just also just apathetic beings doing what they Will.

And I wasn't struck down...I wasn't punished.  I was almost rewarded.

...That great big empty space is engineering genius!  It contains within it INFINITE POSSIBILITY!  See, and here you thought it was an empty meaningless space

P.S. I think I've messed up an already long post by somehow adding some large space at the bottom. Moderators I'm sorry.
 Clearly my "great engineering skills" at work.







 

  
 
  
 
 

 


   
  

    

   
  


 

*Dang it. How do I hit backspace... Is it delete or backspace... Aarrgghh...*

Why not Both?  -tries to press both at the same time-

eh!~Meep! -disappears-

tl;dr
READ THE POST

[Minyatur]

Glad you are feeling better!

I don't know if this is relevant to you but one of the first way I saw the One Infinite Creator is that everything that exists through time will become what lets itself be. As in if this was untrue for one existence, then nothingness would prevail because free will would not be met.

So from this why do humans suffer? Because with time they will think it was worth it and shouldn't have been any other way. That is one of my fondamental understandings of the One and free will.

Indifference could be compared to having balanced but very low in intensity chakras. I am like that. not very emotional, never very sorrowful and never very happy either. Does not mean I don't care.


About suicide, I'm not so sure I understand why everybody says it is utterly pointless. Sure encouraging someone to not walk that path is great but the experience is still an experience and I do think it's close to being disrespectful for those that went through said experience. I do think other than hurting themselves very deeply, they also do gain something in the long run. If the purpose of existence is to know ourselves, I wouldn't dare tell a soul that went through that experience that it was pointless. It taught the soul something about itself for sure.

Not necessarily directed to you, most say something similar which probably is purposeful toward the one in struggle but I wouldn't call that understanding of those that didn't win their struggle.

Cheers mate,

[Aion]

I am glad to see you came back, it seems you've had some very profound experiences. I have experienced utter hell, so I know what it's like. To be fair, when I was in that state, I had similar things said to me as I said, so I can understand why that was maybe not the right thing to say. Of course, I already apologized (although I won't again because I do honestly believe that maybe it was something you need to bring out this deep negativity), I have learned to be more cautious of my words.

Welcome to the Human Game, it gets a bit crazy here....

[mjlabadia]

  Joe!! 
   I have just read your introduction post entitled "Tired Philosopher". I wish I had read it earlier. So much for us all to share, say, and balance together.
  
   I tried to think of something "profound" to say as a welcome, but when I consciously "tried", everything sounded so hollow, histrionic, and cliche. 

  So please allow me to use this thread to say this, in all earnestness:

  My Dear "quiet and timid", "docile and anxious", "doubtful and uncertain",.........friend.

  Behold,...........your Brothers and Sisters in suffering,......metaphysically naked before you,.......with all of OUR distortions,......with all of OUR doubts and uncertainties,...............with all of OUR failures,............and rejoice!

  For at times, in periods of confusion and self doubt, we too mistook our GENTLENESS for "timidity".

  For at times, we too are FROZEN by cruelties unfolding before us, .....to us,...... and even by us,.......and we too mistake our CONFUSED INACTION to something so foreign to our ever-present but veiled life "meme",.......and we call it "docility".

 For at times, we too mistake our FEAR of JUDGEMENT, FEAR of HUMILIATION, FEAR of REJECTION over our imagined or Other-Self assigned inadequacies, and call it "anxiety".

 And,.....at times,.......we too mistake our crushing, microscopic, SELF PERFECTIONISM,...........our honorable (but often difficult in execution) DESIRE to TO  DO THE RIGHT THING,..(BUT SOMETIMES ILL EQUIPPED TO),......we too mistake it,.......and call it "doubtfulness and uncertainty".

 And Joe,......Oh..... The Scars! The lashing out and / or our stumbling under the crushing weight and pain of it all?..................Your Brothers and Sisters here,.......we too at times, punish ourselves endlessly,.......by calling it "failing at life". 

 So my dear friend,...... along with all of us Non PHARISEE / DOWNTRODDEN / TAX COLLECTORS / PROSTITUTES / BEGGARS / THIEVES / self described "failures at life",..........(The preferred company of at least one very enlightened and awakened entity in 3D history!)......................I ask you to accept my my "quiet and timid"....."docile and anxious"......"doubtful and uncertain"......HAND IN WELCOME.

 And to please allow me,.....you,......us,........we,...... Brothers and Sisters here on Bring4th,....to balance my/your/our....... "failure of friends" / "failure of work" / "FAILURE OF LIFE".........

 ....with acceptance, with patience, with seeking, with striving for the light, and the many mistakes we may make on the way.

                                                                                            Jamie

  P.S.-Joe, while proof reading this thread it appears a little gushy and cheesy to me. 
  BUT,...I'm leaving it as written the first time,.....because it honestly was a huge "stream of consciousness" outburst from my heart. 
  Please forgive any sent of Cheddar.    
 
  

 

  
 

[VanAlioSaldo]

I had an ex who loved cheesy. I can appreciate it.

You may also benefit from knowing I'm.glad you said those things as they answered a subconscious question of mine. Where to link beingness with aspects. So you've already helped me, you too should feel beneficial~

Tanner, thank you for the Pm, Light, thank you for being yourself and as you are.

You all really help me not feel so alone anymore.

Min:
At the time my understanding was that committing suicide would cause you to have to eventually relive and re-experience the exact same incarnation.with free will.variance differences.

Imagine for me in my mind, that i saw it as I off myself to escape, I'll just eventually find myself right back here doing it again, and again, and again, infinitely. Trapped in Hell, trapped in 3D.

Perhaps i had a Wanderer's Nervous Breakdown...

[Minyatur]

I didn't meant to imply anything harsh. It's just that even failure have purpose in one's growth in my view.

We are constantly failing in many other ways and we learn from our failures as we grow.

[VanAlioSaldo]

I can agree, but at the time I just wanted to leave, having that option seemingly no longer available didn't help my perception.

[Shawnna]

{snip}

Also, where's the place for the people who genuinely enjoy fighting for fun? For example, I know plenty of LARPers who are very in to mock-combat. I think there has to be a line drawn between actual malicious antagonism, violent intent and the use of martial arts (key word arts). Many people who are in to martial arts aren't interested in harming others, but many will gladly exchange blows with another martial artist for enjoyment. I think that violence isn't always so clearly defined as negative.

This really resonated with me.  My oldest son took up BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) many years ago and started watching MMA (mixed martial arts) on television.  He's always been my 'old soul' son; he's been able to grasp very abstract spiritual concepts since he was very young.  I've always felt he understood me better than me - that's how 'deep' spiritually he goes.



Suffice it to say that when he took up BJJ and watched MMA on TV, I wondered WTF I did wrong.  In general, I've been a pacifist for a long, long time.

Well.....   my son found a depth of Spirit in his chosen sport that has certainly opened my eyes.  He's a filmmaker at heart, and a film editor by trade, so his first project was a film about BJJ called "Walking to the Cage".  

His latest project is also focused on the deeply spiritual aspect of BJJ and a trailer can be viewed here:  

I've learned to always be open to what others find fulfills their unique and beautiful Spirit.  

[Infinite Unity]

I'm just going through a really rough patch with myself.

I can't seem to comprehend how Indifference and Unconditional Love are any different in action when viewed side by side, especially when dealing with indifference.

I see it as.  In indifference you may sometimes act the same way as if you were providing unconditional love.

Someone attacks, with indifference or love as a response, does one not basically allow ones self to be attacked?
But is it still the fault of the attacked for letting the attacker attack?

Or.  My biggest issue is just plain indifference.  I'm having a hard time loving its infinite ways of letting people do whatever they want to me...

That's just it, when analyzing indifference to Love you may only "see", two very similar seeming thoughts. However the difference is the FEELING/ energy of love. Love is a "force" energy that you feel, literally feel. Its not just a philosophical synopsis explaining action. The action witnessed of Love is a feeling. Real raw powerful energy. You can feel it, when your doing it.

Also love is not being comfortable, but it is as well. In my opinion it is best to accept the 'weight' that Earth life posits. Through struggle you grow. A lot of wanderers came here to put the 'spiritual weights' on. To really work it out. However a large miscalculation by a lot of wanderers, including myself, is the amount of energy it took to get here.

Another point I feel drawn to share of my own opinion. Is that third density in general is a sea of catalysts. So much so that it inundates the entity. In a sense, you can never expect catalyst to drop beneath a certain threshold. As you gain inertia, it becomes 'easier', however that 'weight' is always present. Operating the chakras in this dimension is no small task, and hint from me to you. Is that each chakra has an mental/emotional key. It almost like an compression of energy/thought configuration that 'activates' each. After you progressively find your balance with each chakra. You then focus on all the keys at once in all the chakras. This will then unveil the violet ray key.