03-25-2010, 08:23 AM
As it turns out not as much as I was worried about.
A week after I left the forum, I fell ill. A nasty flu that wouldn't go away, that kept me awake at night so I was kinda living in a mucus filled twilight zone for 3 weeks. The first week I had the flu trippy talkies. I don't know if you know it, but you're aware and awake, not very much out of it. You just keep starting conversations with figments of your imagination.
As some of you know my ex and me split up a few months ago. That was the official split up, we have kinda been living separate lives for much longer than a year now. We got stuck trying to separate. Since the lady involved doesn't have much luck finding a job. And in Holland there is a great social security system. But apparently women who lack resources but decide to leave their men are not supported unless I decide to, you know, punch her around a little bit. In which case they suddenly have some options. That's obviously not an option to me. But it's quite retarded that you get the choice to either pay the bills or slap someone around.
I was thinking about what to do about all this. I needed to fix somethings. First of all I decided I was going to need some relevant social skills. If all continues as planned I will be alone soon. At a work related party a colleague who was in country for a training talked to me by chance about work done by this guy who studies social interactions with a focus on human mating rituals. And I had 3 weeks of sniffles and coughs to check it out. I did. It's essentially the cosmopolitan for guys. It deals a lot with body language, posture, social status and something they call inner game which sometimes actually touches on the spiritual. The bottom line is if you improve the kind of guy you are any way you can. Then you'll improve the attraction others feel towards you. Practically it is simply an attitude aimed towards the values people tend to admire and enjoy. Playful, fun, self confident and both handing out status sparingly and never trying to get others to give you affirmations. The difference that made was quite big for me. I had to move through a phase of prejudice first. I was worried this was going to be a game of manipulation. But it's not. I was worried it was going to be mysogynic. But it isn't. They have a concept of the perfect 10, which is the perfect woman. She's not going to accept bullshit or excuses, she's not going to be deceived by clever ploys, she's not going to be impressed even if you're good, and she's looking for someone who actually sees her as a human being and who is himself.
In short, she's a woman, you're a guy, don't even think you're going to be able to manipulate her, she's a thousand times better at that game than you are. Don't think you'll figure her out. She's a thousand times better at figuring you out. The only way you stand a chance of getting next to her is to be totally yourself, cut the BS, drop all excuses and fix yourself. Oh and GET the hints she's giving you.
I've given the information to my ex. Who as a woman has gotten a lot out of it herself.
Here's the one of his guest speakers that made the biggest impression. They're not all of this caliber. And there was one or two that I disliked. But the quality of most surprised me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo6jUXEpECI
I also decided to improve the quality of my food intake. So I stopped drinking cola and snacks like potato chips and chocolate. I started with a fast to clean the system. I basically lost 10 kilos in a month, most of it due to the flu. Nothing I couldn't miss so I wasn't worried. And right after I stopped fasting my bio rhythm hit a peak.
I didn't know what hit me. I felt awesome. I work out in the gym with a bunch of colleagues. One guy is definitely the alpha, he's a head bigger than the rest, lifts heavier weights is confident he is a team leader in the office and makes a lot of kind hearted jokes on other people. In short He's a cool guy. That day I kept busting his balls, he kept laughing and joking back to me. I actually got him to blush with a more outrageous comment. And then I noticed there was a girl totally checking me out. Not just any girl but a cute one. And I noticed it two times more by different girls in the same 15 minutes! This was crazy. I was still in a joking mood when I went towards the showers. And on the way there another girl who just came in, purely on automatic I smiled at her and she totally blushed and looked down. I had to check in the mirror if someone had swapped me for someone else... Then I walk outside into the street. And the same happens again! (Ok this time I almost bumped into a light post, so I didn't finish that interaction as cool as I'd like but it's the idea that counts right?)
That has honestly never ever happened to me before.
I decided to follow this route to it's conclusion. That was a few weeks ago. I met a person online who lives in the next town. We've been flirting outrageously for the past few weeks. She's got her life in order. She plays a variety of musical instruments. Has intentions to be a therapist at some point. And in one of our verbal joust games she totally kicked my ass while I felt I was doing pretty good trying to kick hers.
I don't know what's going to happen. I decided to play a completely open game. I've told her and my ex about each other. I want no one to be surprised. And I want objections or issues to come up early rather than late.
And then by chance I meet a guy who is a faith healer. I didn't actually talk to him but he's very noticeable with his prayer beads and hippy looks. The thing that really gave his profession away though was the sign with a website on the back of his wheel chair.
I mention him to my ex, my ex checks out his website, decides to make an appointment. The guy turns out to be a really wonderful person and happens to know someone who could potentially influence her job hunting process in a good way. Meaning his son is the one in her job center assigning unemployed people to jobs!
Again, I don't know the future. But so far God is on our side. I think I've received a pretty clear signal of who I could be. And when I followed that mode I ended up liking that person, I also ended up opening doors subconsciously, So I appreciate the suggestion, and I will follow it.
This also means things haven't stopped shifting inside of me yet. I will probably continue shifting but at least now I know the direction and domain in which I'm changing and I know I'm not likely to bite anyones head of in the process. Which if you remember was my initial worry.
So there you have it, mystery solved.
I'm glad to spend time with you guys again. You were so kind when I left that it brought tears to my eyes. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good.
A week after I left the forum, I fell ill. A nasty flu that wouldn't go away, that kept me awake at night so I was kinda living in a mucus filled twilight zone for 3 weeks. The first week I had the flu trippy talkies. I don't know if you know it, but you're aware and awake, not very much out of it. You just keep starting conversations with figments of your imagination.
As some of you know my ex and me split up a few months ago. That was the official split up, we have kinda been living separate lives for much longer than a year now. We got stuck trying to separate. Since the lady involved doesn't have much luck finding a job. And in Holland there is a great social security system. But apparently women who lack resources but decide to leave their men are not supported unless I decide to, you know, punch her around a little bit. In which case they suddenly have some options. That's obviously not an option to me. But it's quite retarded that you get the choice to either pay the bills or slap someone around.
I was thinking about what to do about all this. I needed to fix somethings. First of all I decided I was going to need some relevant social skills. If all continues as planned I will be alone soon. At a work related party a colleague who was in country for a training talked to me by chance about work done by this guy who studies social interactions with a focus on human mating rituals. And I had 3 weeks of sniffles and coughs to check it out. I did. It's essentially the cosmopolitan for guys. It deals a lot with body language, posture, social status and something they call inner game which sometimes actually touches on the spiritual. The bottom line is if you improve the kind of guy you are any way you can. Then you'll improve the attraction others feel towards you. Practically it is simply an attitude aimed towards the values people tend to admire and enjoy. Playful, fun, self confident and both handing out status sparingly and never trying to get others to give you affirmations. The difference that made was quite big for me. I had to move through a phase of prejudice first. I was worried this was going to be a game of manipulation. But it's not. I was worried it was going to be mysogynic. But it isn't. They have a concept of the perfect 10, which is the perfect woman. She's not going to accept bullshit or excuses, she's not going to be deceived by clever ploys, she's not going to be impressed even if you're good, and she's looking for someone who actually sees her as a human being and who is himself.
In short, she's a woman, you're a guy, don't even think you're going to be able to manipulate her, she's a thousand times better at that game than you are. Don't think you'll figure her out. She's a thousand times better at figuring you out. The only way you stand a chance of getting next to her is to be totally yourself, cut the BS, drop all excuses and fix yourself. Oh and GET the hints she's giving you.
I've given the information to my ex. Who as a woman has gotten a lot out of it herself.
Here's the one of his guest speakers that made the biggest impression. They're not all of this caliber. And there was one or two that I disliked. But the quality of most surprised me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo6jUXEpECI
I also decided to improve the quality of my food intake. So I stopped drinking cola and snacks like potato chips and chocolate. I started with a fast to clean the system. I basically lost 10 kilos in a month, most of it due to the flu. Nothing I couldn't miss so I wasn't worried. And right after I stopped fasting my bio rhythm hit a peak.
I didn't know what hit me. I felt awesome. I work out in the gym with a bunch of colleagues. One guy is definitely the alpha, he's a head bigger than the rest, lifts heavier weights is confident he is a team leader in the office and makes a lot of kind hearted jokes on other people. In short He's a cool guy. That day I kept busting his balls, he kept laughing and joking back to me. I actually got him to blush with a more outrageous comment. And then I noticed there was a girl totally checking me out. Not just any girl but a cute one. And I noticed it two times more by different girls in the same 15 minutes! This was crazy. I was still in a joking mood when I went towards the showers. And on the way there another girl who just came in, purely on automatic I smiled at her and she totally blushed and looked down. I had to check in the mirror if someone had swapped me for someone else... Then I walk outside into the street. And the same happens again! (Ok this time I almost bumped into a light post, so I didn't finish that interaction as cool as I'd like but it's the idea that counts right?)
That has honestly never ever happened to me before.
I decided to follow this route to it's conclusion. That was a few weeks ago. I met a person online who lives in the next town. We've been flirting outrageously for the past few weeks. She's got her life in order. She plays a variety of musical instruments. Has intentions to be a therapist at some point. And in one of our verbal joust games she totally kicked my ass while I felt I was doing pretty good trying to kick hers.
I don't know what's going to happen. I decided to play a completely open game. I've told her and my ex about each other. I want no one to be surprised. And I want objections or issues to come up early rather than late.
And then by chance I meet a guy who is a faith healer. I didn't actually talk to him but he's very noticeable with his prayer beads and hippy looks. The thing that really gave his profession away though was the sign with a website on the back of his wheel chair.
I mention him to my ex, my ex checks out his website, decides to make an appointment. The guy turns out to be a really wonderful person and happens to know someone who could potentially influence her job hunting process in a good way. Meaning his son is the one in her job center assigning unemployed people to jobs!Again, I don't know the future. But so far God is on our side. I think I've received a pretty clear signal of who I could be. And when I followed that mode I ended up liking that person, I also ended up opening doors subconsciously, So I appreciate the suggestion, and I will follow it.
This also means things haven't stopped shifting inside of me yet. I will probably continue shifting but at least now I know the direction and domain in which I'm changing and I know I'm not likely to bite anyones head of in the process. Which if you remember was my initial worry.
So there you have it, mystery solved.
I'm glad to spend time with you guys again. You were so kind when I left that it brought tears to my eyes. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good.
We're all still here yapping away about infinity just like when you left.