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+--- Thread: Losing a loved one... (/showthread.php?tid=19806)
Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-11-2022
Hi everyone,
I realise this isn't a place to unload emotions, or maybe it is but that isn't my way of doing things.
But I could do with some advice...
My mother passed away late 2020, and I'm really struggling to cope ever since. Everything has lost its purpose, everything feels so meaningless and I feel so detached from everything and everyone. It's like the world is going on without me. I realise this is part of my spiritual path, that I am wanderer who chose enormous catalyst, that this is also the hardest catalyst I have ever gone through or had to process. The day she passed away there was an underlying sense of perfection about it, and my guides prepared me two days before hand as I kept having the repeated clear thought "you're fully equipped for what's about to happen next". At the time I was like "what the f**k, fully equipped for what?", Then I soon got to realise what they meant.
I'm letting go in life, I have placed my will in the hands of the creator, there's slight occasions where the cracks in the ego appear and I can see brightness in the future and feel good for all of a few seconds. But for the most part, I feel I have lost my best friend in my mom, someone I loved so deeply and had such a heartfelt connection with...
I know I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this, nor do I feel like it either, but it's my first big loss in life. How does one move on and find meaning again? How did you guys cope after losing a loved one? How does one express themselves when you feel those around you don't know what you're going through?
I would really appreciate your thoughts on this and it would help me a lot. My guides and my higher self have gone very quiet through all of this, and I think I get it, they don't need to give me guidance or spur me on with purpose as I just need to heal and rest in being for the time being. Your advice would really mean a lot though
p.s I know the soul and essence of who my mom was goes on, that she has not disappeared forever, this helps but the pain and anguish still remains nonetheless.
RE: Losing a loved one... - Diana - 03-12-2022
I have lost a close family member as well—many years ago. It is very hard, and there are times when that pain resurfaces no matter how much time has passed.
Acceptance is the only way through it from my perspective. I focus on my time here, and I miss the person immensely. Missing him and wishing he were here are two different things however. That he is gone is not mine to control or have any jurisdiction over—that was his choice and path. So I just miss him...and I accept that he is gone, and I feel the pain and accept that too. I won't pretend that I am perfect in this acceptance, because there have been times when I did fall into wishing he were still here so I could hang out with him. But in my heart I have accepted his exit from this reality where I remain.
I don't worry about whether or not I will see him again either, and I will try to explain this. "Nothing is lost" comes to mind. Our time together as children and young adults was and is real. It is difficult to explain, but because of that, there is no separation between him and me. Looking at it as though time is not linear helps, but the bottom line is to feel this. And that starts with, in my opinion, acceptance. And acceptance does not really manifest if we want to control the outcome.
RE: Losing a loved one... - flofrog - 03-12-2022
I am so sad for you aWanderer91.
I think the physical lack is so difficult in the little things we can't do anymore with them. In a weird way for both, I felt relief that somehow their end was not too too difficult in matters of pain or fear or sadness. They suffered but there was something int hat suffering that definitely carried them. The lack of their physical existence, for m could only be dimmed by the fact I kept talking to them and felt them close so often. Twenty years later after my mum passed away I could still at times scent her perfume in the entrance of myth home and no one in my family or friends would wear the perfume.
Also sending them love is always received I was told by the one psychic I once met.
I think you may find these little signs in some way or another. Edgar Cayce did mention that heavy mourning sorrow makes it harder for passed away entities to contact us, so perhaps know that in some future as pain eases, you may find way more signs than you do today ? Sending them gratitude, rethinking happy moments with them, laughers also helped me a lot.
I wish you well aWanderer,
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-12-2022
Thank you for your response Diana.
It's so tough to lose someone so close, and when you talk about the pain resurfacing no matter how much time has passed, that sucks but it gives me some wisdom as to what might be ahead.
I feel you're completely right on the acceptance part, I feel I have accepted it and then there's split seconds occasionally where I still think she's here, then I remember. So I think that shows I haven't quite accepted it yet. But that's a huge contrast to when it first happened and I would walk around and feel I was seeing her in supermarkets, when really it was just a lady with similar hair etc or I would see the same car that she drove and think it was her for a moment too.
"I feel the pain and I accept that too" has been really helpful and inspiring for me already, so thanks so much for this. I'm feeling and accepting pain as I write this
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-12-2022
Thank you so much for your response, flofrog. It means a lot. It was very soothing to read.
I do send her love all the time and I still talk to her. I also gave praise, thanksgiving and sent her all the love and light that I could for a while after she first passed, that she would have a smooth transition and be able to heal from this lifetime with as much ease as possible. And now these things have become natural and things I just do when I feel like it, which is quite regularly.
It's interesting what you say about heavy mourning, I've intuitively felt like I could be blocking contact etc, so I shall keep this in mind and hopefully once things have evened out I'll be able to receive a sign or something. That would be so heartwarming and moving to receive a sign of some sort.
Much love and light to you flofrog and thank you again
RE: Losing a loved one... - MonadicSpectrum - 03-12-2022
Thanks for sharing your experiences, aWanderer91. It's never easy transitioning to a new way of being when those we love leave us physically.
I've found it helpful to view the experience of losing a loved one as an opportunity to develop faith that we will one day meet again, hope that they have moved onto better experiences, and love for the memories we created together in this life. It's also helpful for learning to access memories and find that those we care about will always be contained within us. There is also space that is created in our lives during this transition that is able to be filled with new people and new joyful experiences that one can look forward to.
I find this Ra quote helpful for understanding that emotional pain is not the only option for processing this catalyst although it is perhaps the most common on this planet. But it's always easier said than done, but I would just encourage you not to give up in transmuting the experience into joy and appreciation.
Quote:We observed your interest in the catalyst of pain. This experience is most common among your entities. The pain may be of the physical complex. More often it is of the mental and emotional complex. In some few cases the pain is spiritual in complex-nature. This creates a potential for learning. The lessons to be learned vary. Almost always these lessons include patience, tolerance, and the ability for the light touch.
Very often the catalyst for emotional pain, whether it be the death of the physical complex of one other-self which is loved or some other seeming loss, will simply result in the opposite, in a bitterness, an impatience, a souring. This is catalyst which has gone awry. In these cases, then, there will be additional catalyst provided to offer the unmanifested self further opportunities for discovering the self as all-sufficient Creator containing all that there is and full of joy.
https://www.lawofone.info/s/34#6
I also enjoy this song about the importance of holding on to memories of those we've lost and how they can live on within us:
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-13-2022
Thank you for your response Monadicspectrum, I always appreciate your outlook on things
I really love your idea of developing faith that I will see my mother again, this I have been working on and although I'm still experiencing a few blockages with this faith, it is invisibly there and growing.
"Transmuting the experience into joy and appreciation" is an inspiring quote too, this I haven't pondered too much or attempted, but it gives me something to contemplate and work on from here. I think this is what my mother would want, after all.
And I really enjoyed the song, it touched the heart and I could relate to the message
thank you so much, my friend.
RE: Losing a loved one... - Loki - 03-23-2022
(03-13-2022, 02:57 PM)aWanderer91 Wrote: Thank you for your response Monadicspectrum, I always appreciate your outlook on things
I really love your idea of developing faith that I will see my mother again, this I have been working on and although I'm still experiencing a few blockages with this faith, it is invisibly there and growing.
"Transmuting the experience into joy and appreciation" is an inspiring quote too, this I haven't pondered too much or attempted, but it gives me something to contemplate and work on from here. I think this is what my mother would want, after all.
And I really enjoyed the song, it touched the heart and I could relate to the message
I think this is the lesson you need to learn by looking deep in self, and your mother helped you one last time in this incarnation with your lesson.
You are here in this forum. You know the Ra Material. You know this life is a blink of an eye in a endless existence. You know you've been in various relations with your mother in so many incarnations before and you will be in various relations with your mother in many more incarnations. You know all this and still hurt. You need to find the bias that does not let you heal, knowing that your mother is free from any pain she ever had and she accomplished her goals on this tough illusion.
My mother also died and because of covid I could not even attend her funeral. The day she died my heart felt lighter than any day before that when I knew she was suffering and I knew, for her, there was no turning back. I knew my father cannot take properly care of her and covid complicated any help further.
I hope you find a way to learn your lesson and you must understand that letting her go from this physical reality does not mean anything at spiritual level, where we will always be together because we are one.
Letting her go is your step forwards in your spiritual evolution, a step you must take before you can go any further.
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-23-2022
Thank you Loki, such wise words you've spoken there and I appreciate your perspective.
I'll think about what you've said more over the coming days, I know I need to move forward and to do that I need to find the heart of this catalyst and find it's meaning. You have given me some pointers.
Ultimately, I can't help but feel time is the healer here, I have let her go in the sense that I've blessed her on and I am glad that she's out of pain and no longer struggling in the physical. But it's hard to bless myself on, I feel I have no right to be here, it's very odd. I think it comes down to the fact that me and my mother had a difficult relationship at times, although a part of me genuinely believes we worked out our lessons (karma) together, I'm still finding it hard to find my own self worth and purpose for being alive.
Maybe it's my guilt for the difficult times me and my mother went through, it's lack of self love and self compassion and not knowing how my mother feels now.
As I write this post back I can sense the confusion in what I'm trying to say, but this thread and the responses from you guys is helping a lot. I'm sure I'll find my way through this
RE: Losing a loved one... - Loki - 03-23-2022
One christian orthodox monk ones said: Keep your head in hell and do not despair.
You are here because you wanted to be. Your life is what it is, because you wanted it to be like this. This is the fate you have chosen for yourself in order to progress the most.
Never forget that the darkenss you see is the darkness you asked for.
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-23-2022
Once again, very wise words Loki
thank you.It's my will and faith that carries me through and not a day goes by where I don't tell myself that this is what I chose, I wanted this, from the other side of the veil I knew this is how I wanted things to be and I believed I could do it.
So here I am, allowing all experience to happen before me as much as possible and riding the waves.
RE: Losing a loved one... - unity100 - 03-23-2022
Losing someone from this physical reality is difficult.
But, remember that 4d vibrations are strengthening, and those who have 'gone away' may be as close to you as yourself.
So, both let go, and let those who have 'gone', 'come' near you when they want to.
Don't force yourself to forget. Nothing is ever lost. Spiritual and emotional links to loved ones stay strong.
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-23-2022
Beautiful words unity100, thank you for your offering, it's much appreciated
RE: Losing a loved one... - sillypumpkins - 03-23-2022
Keanu Reeves was once asked what he thinks happens after we die, and he responded "I know that the ones who love us, will miss us." I always liked that.
It seems like you're feeling a lot of emotions. My advice.... feel all of it with an open heart.... but more importantly, do what you will
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 03-23-2022
Lovely words there sillypumpkins, it has to be felt with an open heart otherwise we just end up so bogged down with everything that's repressed.
I can only do my best and thank you
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 04-04-2022
(03-12-2022, 01:22 PM)flofrog Wrote: I am so sad for you aWanderer91.
I think the physical lack is so difficult in the little things we can't do anymore with them. In a weird way for both, I felt relief that somehow their end was not too too difficult in matters of pain or fear or sadness. They suffered but there was something int hat suffering that definitely carried them. The lack of their physical existence, for m could only be dimmed by the fact I kept talking to them and felt them close so often. Twenty years later after my mum passed away I could still at times scent her perfume in the entrance of myth home and no one in my family or friends would wear the perfume.
Also sending them love is always received I was told by the one psychic I once met.
I think you may find these little signs in some way or another. Edgar Cayce did mention that heavy mourning sorrow makes it harder for passed away entities to contact us, so perhaps know that in some future as pain eases, you may find way more signs than you do today ? Sending them gratitude, rethinking happy moments with them, laughers also helped me a lot.
I wish you well aWanderer,
I eased up on the intense ego pain, allowing emotions to flow through while opening my heart up to the true pain, as I intuitively felt that this was needed after hearing what you said about Edgar Cayce's words...
And I had quite an intense lovely dream with my mom a few days ago, where she spoke to me about being ok and being in the light body now. Everyone who knew her and loved her was there, and it was like a celebration of some sorts. Very weird in the sense that everyone there knew she was back with us but just for a short while. And she looked beautiful, youngish again and wearing a beautiful dress. I could put this all down to my imagination but the dream was real and earthly, it wasn't literally perfect but imperfectly perfect.
I just wanted to say thank you to flofrog and to everyone else who gave me some reassuring and heartwarming advice.
Much love and light to you all <3
RE: Losing a loved one... - Dtris - 04-18-2022
(04-04-2022, 08:29 PM)aWanderer91 Wrote:(03-12-2022, 01:22 PM)flofrog Wrote: I am so sad for you aWanderer91.
I think the physical lack is so difficult in the little things we can't do anymore with them. In a weird way for both, I felt relief that somehow their end was not too too difficult in matters of pain or fear or sadness. They suffered but there was something int hat suffering that definitely carried them. The lack of their physical existence, for m could only be dimmed by the fact I kept talking to them and felt them close so often. Twenty years later after my mum passed away I could still at times scent her perfume in the entrance of myth home and no one in my family or friends would wear the perfume.
Also sending them love is always received I was told by the one psychic I once met.
I think you may find these little signs in some way or another. Edgar Cayce did mention that heavy mourning sorrow makes it harder for passed away entities to contact us, so perhaps know that in some future as pain eases, you may find way more signs than you do today ? Sending them gratitude, rethinking happy moments with them, laughers also helped me a lot.
I wish you well aWanderer,
I eased up on the intense ego pain, allowing emotions to flow through while opening my heart up to the true pain, as I intuitively felt that this was needed after hearing what you said about Edgar Cayce's words...
And I had quite an intense lovely dream with my mom a few days ago, where she spoke to me about being ok and being in the light body now. Everyone who knew her and loved her was there, and it was like a celebration of some sorts. Very weird in the sense that everyone there knew she was back with us but just for a short while. And she looked beautiful, youngish again and wearing a beautiful dress. I could put this all down to my imagination but the dream was real and earthly, it wasn't literally perfect but imperfectly perfect.
She mentioned about me being a wanderer as well, and said it in a way where she was giving me a clue about being one and that she kind of knows now I'm not crazy for all of my talk about wanderers and the law of one while she was still alive aha.
I just wanted to say thank you to flofrog and to everyone else who gave me some reassuring and heartwarming advice, I may never of had this dream without it.
Much love and light to you all <3
Seems like you are starting to feel better since your originally posted this thread. But I would like to share my experience and maybe it can help you or someone else.
I lost my mother a year ago on Friday. It has been very difficult. What has helped me is that during each of my daily meditations I told her that I loved her and that I miss her. I would let myself remember the good times, and the bad. Relive her final moments and my earliest memories. This carried over to other loved ones I had lost in recent years. I will speak to her if I feel like it, and sometimes I get impressions, or know she is around.
I believe this has greatly helped me to accept her passing and have a healthy but not overwhelming episode of grief. Most important is to allow yourself to fully feel whatever it is you feel during your meditation, no matter how irrational or silly. Let yourself be sad, stricken, angry, grateful, whatever it is and just allow that emotion to run its course and move thru you.
You have my condolences, and I wish you well.
RE: Losing a loved one... - aWanderer91 - 04-18-2022
Thank you so much for your sharing and advice Dtris, it's much appreciated.
Ah well I have my good days and my bad days, some days I'm able to look to the future, enjoy the present a little more as I realise she's not gone forever and I'll have much opportunity to speak with her or see her again if this is what we both want. Then on other days I feel every "negative" emotion going, I can really relate to the mixed emotions you've experienced.
Talking to her does really help, it's nice that we can do this and I'm glad to hear you've found ways to cope and that you still feel your mom's presence. Just allowing ourselves to feel whatever is necessary is a pleasant reminder, it's easy to get caught up with trying to control things when really this is the time to be gentle.
This was a really valuable offering you've given and my condolences go out to you too, I feel a deep resonance with your message.