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+--- Thread: Already feels like a bit of home (/showthread.php?tid=19564)
Already feels like a bit of home - JoshB - 11-12-2021
Hi, I'm Josh.
First off, I'm really happy to have discovered this place and look forward to helping as best I can. We need to get ourselves connected as best we can so our sum becomes greater than our parts.
In 2010, I was "activated" after 500+ trips of mushrooms and countless numbers of hours of meditation, all without ever getting close to being aware of any of this. A psychonaut who was more psycho than naut. I was very curious about our existence and everything regarding multiverses and was drawn to Newtonian physics early on and Einsteinian/quantum physics in the last decade or so, but because of my abuse in childhood, the Creator could not possibly exist and I only viewed these things through the lens of physical sciences. An atheist or concerning myself with the religion of having no religion.
After many hours of meditation one night, I am sitting in the backyard with my pup and a feeling of sadness starts to come over me. This intensifies until it becomes an unbearable amount of sorrow and pain and agony, and I feel millions of people die. The only way I can liken this is to when in Star Wars, Obi-Wan is on the Millennium Falcon and he feels Alderan blow up and says something to the effect of, "I can hear the voices of a million souls cry out at once." (I butchered that I'm sure, but you get the gist) Well, didn't feel like a planet, but did feel like millions. This goes on for 15-20mins and I am rocking back and forth, tears streaming down my face, and I keep saying, "I can't handle this, please stop. I can't handle this, please stop."
Pain starts to subside, and as it does, it's replaced by the most beautiful feeling of bliss I have ever experienced. I also received a download of sorts. In an instant, I knew the Creator and what I always suspected deep down, but could no longer allow myself to believe out of self-preservation (aka total heart wall around the green ray) - that the Creator exists and was reaching out (this is what I think at this moment in time) to help nudge me onto the right path. I now take this to be the pain we experience before we shed our masters, and the result of this is an Earth that turns into a type of Heaven, relatively speaking - it gets a lot better and we have a lot of work to do to get it there.
I spent the next 6 months of my life on whatever cloud comes after Cloud-9. There wasn't a person on this planet who could touch my mood. I also had a particular "slogan" etched into my psyche: "Show them how to live" and simultaneously had my main purpose revealed. I am to get a bunch of us together and start an intentional community after this darkness of Winter has passed and we're a freer people again. (that's coming, but would require a whole other thread.) It's going to be a lot of fun, a lot of work we get to do because of each others' presence, and teaching the kiddos unlimited potential before they are taught limitations will allow for a type of development not yet seen. This is also to be modular so it can be replicated anywhere, and if we do it correctly and pass our tests, then it will.
That's the short version. Not even sure people would believe half the things that have happened to me since. Have definitely been doing work with polarization including 2 months' stint in a border jail in San Diego County in 2012 - belly of the beast kinda stuff and was tested the very first night. Passed and ended up being the pod counselor and it was rewarding, strangely enough - now I know I can handle myself and feel stronger because of the experience. Also saw a lot of negativity - felt it at times - strange to feel a room full of people who want to kill each other out of fear when you're trying to eat.
Spent months in suicidal ideation after that, nearly jumped off a bridge more than once. Again in 2012, ended up with no potassium left in my blood (docs never could explain how that would happen), prone on the kitchen floor cell phone in hand, and higher self says, "Well, here's your choice." - and I swear I could hear a smirk!! Spend 3 days in ICU after a type of heart attack (heart stops beating hard enough to effectively pump blood, so you get to feel the same lightheadedness and burning across your chest - fun times), but it stopped my suicidal ideation in its tracks. Tough love, but my higher self already knew the equal or greater reaction of these negative times, so I understand the smirk I felt - and besides, wasn't a real choice - hurt like hell - free will my ass! haha
Shortly after, I meet my wife (predestined kinda stuff), life becomes wonderful, finally become adjusted to our sick society, get all the material stuff, got into bitcoin 5 years ago, was able to retire, tried to go back to acting like nothing strange had happened to me (although I tell my wife about my awakening first week we were together and she gets it completely), and the Creator pulled me back in! (did kinda feel like that Scarface line, "Every time I try to get out....THEY PULL ME BACK IN!")
Become compelled to read all sorts of books over the last years - because it turns out I just coincidentally have a lot of free time to devote to this practice - and there's a hidden curriculum I've been walked through in a particular order so I tend to fully understand whatever the next concept is that catches my eye. While reading a book on how to treat cancer in dogs holistically, the vet introduces the reader to 'Emmanuel's Book - A Guide to Living Comfortably in the Cosmos' in which a channeler named Pat Rodegast channels what I now know to be a 4th dimensional entity who asks us to call him Emmanuel. He's very obviously 4D and has a completely loving, compassionate, and even a bit emotional air about him. He feels like the embodiment of Jesus or at least is of the same energy. I am drawn to and focus on these teachings for about a year. From the moment I picked up the book, "the path" was front and center in my life again and has been ever since.
From there, I am led to Ram Dass, and then to study his guru, Neem Karoli Baba - now considered a saint in India. He was also quite clearly a 4D entity who taught 4 things: Feed people, love everyone, tell the truth, and remember God. By this time I am meditating quite regularly and I have a nearly fluent conversation with my higher self almost all the time, now. It's like your long lost best friend you never knew you had who knows you better than your mother.
Really just became aware of the Law of One, but seem to be absorbing it at a pretty good pace. Emmanuel's Book helped a lot with preparation to get my mind thinking in these circles already. With Ra, seems to be less emotional, and more of a scientific/widsom approach, which I also appreciate. Looking forward to the teach/learn learn/teach of these concepts here.
Feel kinda of weird going on about myself, but hopefully this helps somehow to share it. That's enough permission to exercise the ego for one day (or month maybe).
The rest of my life is in dedication to us all, and psychology seems to be a forte, so please do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk - especially in the coming weeks. ^^^ obviously I can type a lot. =P
Josh
RE: Already feels like a bit of home - IndigoSalvia - 11-13-2021
Hello, Josh. I enjoyed reading the highlights of your journey thus far.
RE: Already feels like a bit of home - omcasey - 11-13-2021
Hello, Josh, that is quite a ride you've been on. Is all well in your world currently? Are you still in San Diego? ( we might be neighbors ).
RE: Already feels like a bit of home - hounsic - 11-13-2021
Hi Josh thanks for sharing so openly.
Welcome
RE: Already feels like a bit of home - JoshB - 11-13-2021
Ty for having me!
Omcasey, doing amazingly well these days. Yes, we're in Vista right on the border of Carlsbad, if familiar. That reminds me, need to do that pin thingy on the map. Will do that now.
Whereabouts are you?
RE: Already feels like a bit of home - Steppingfeet - 11-29-2021
Hello Josh,
"Not even sure people would believe half the things that have happened to me since." Every life is unique in its path, filled with all sorts of color and novelty, but some lives, especially among the spiritually inclined, are more packed full of seemingly bizarre or unusual experiences. Some enjoy the canoe ride, others the wild roller coaster of unexpected twists and turns. I think that this is a community who can appreciate the synchronicities and other phenomenal moments that can transpire.
But 500+ mushroom trips!? Good God. You put in some OT in the psychedelic journeying, whatever the ratio of escape/distraction/inebriation and self-exploration/healing/heart-opening. : )
I appreciated your awareness of the "total heart wall around the green ray" and how the dismantling of that wall to one degree or another allowed the Creator in, so to speak. In the Law of One text you'll see Ra describe the heart center and the unconditional love therein as the springboard and key to intelligent infinity, and the great protection. Not that intelligent infinity is impossible to access without the heart maximally activated, but I don't believe that infinity can be safely and fully integrated into and reconciled with the incarnate self operating from a closed or partially closed heart on the positive path. How awesome, love is.
That six months following the experience sounds wonderful. Others, too, report a heightened state of some duration that seems otherwise immune to, or at least unable to be impaired by, environmental negativity and lowered vibrations. But alas, significant tests and lessons yet awaited you, it seems. Judging by the learning you undertook in places that most would seek to avoid at all costs, like the prison cell, and the way you were able to grow from and synthesize that experience, it speaks to me of a preincarnational plan or other intelligent design that took you precisely to the places you needed to be, though I'm sorry for the pain in the great hardships and self-terminating episodes you underwent.
I'd be interested to know more about this: "I have a nearly fluent conversation with my higher self almost all the time, now. It's like your long lost best friend you never knew you had who knows you better than your mother." How do you experience this? Does the "voice" of the higher self show up as distinct within your cognition? What sort of counsel or guidance would you say that you receive?
And while I take any future visions spoken by others, however trustworthy the source and sincere the belief, with a grain of salt (as there are many pitfalls for speaker and listener in these cases), I'd be interested to know more about what you saw of the coming evolution for planet earth and its people. It is quite enticing, and, as you are probably discovering, it has some correspondence to the indications that Confederation sources share.
And no need to feel weird going on about yourself, this particular forum and your thread are your space to do so! Good however to be mindful of the proportions of ego, as it's called.
Thanks for sharing a few highlights from your journey, Josh, and welcome!